Impressive.

This was beautiful. It's going into my favs. Right. Now.

I love your stories, and I look forward to them. But it was a puzzle to me why I always put off reading them, squirrelled them away for another time. I have no patience. I eat all the M&Ms from the bag at once, ok? :P So, why on earth was I doing that?

It's the melancholy and the regret in your fics. M&L are always sacrificing something, giving up a great deal to be with each other, and there are always consequence to being together. Everything is so fleeting, and nothing is ever given to them. In Bargain, Marie gives up herself to be with Logan and to make him whole. In the Remy fic, it all happens at the wrong time and place--the timing, their irreversible actions, her ghostlike appearance at the end--is always, always wrong. Even in Surveillance, it turns out to be a dream, a hope, what Logan never actually pushed for. And even when they *do* get together in your fics, it's with overtones of regret and maybe even some shame. It's forgiveness without forgetting, surrender only to a greater struggle, joy limned with pain.

I felt all that here, as she gave up all she'd been working for to come be with Logan, as she broke down and had his forgiveness wash over her so she could just come home. Does she have to start all over again? Will his forgiveness, will *he* be enough to take away the misery of those lost years? And does nothing from those years count?

And it reminded me of the Bargain when Rogue says that she was made to love him--I just hoped it would end up being the kind of love they both wanted. I just hoped that, after all she'd given up to unite Logan and Wolverine, that Rogue would end up being enough.

Do you know what I mean? Your fics are tremulous and full of equal parts yearning and regret. GOOD. But it makes me ache, and I can't feel this way all the time. I saved this fic until tonight, and now I'm glad I did. I don't think I'll reread it often, but I think I'll remember it for a long time.

This was a more complicated inner life than I usually see in your fic--it was never clear whether she'd be Marie or Rogue or which was even right for her. She changed her mind so many times. But that was the point and all part of her problem - her abandonment by her mother, her smallness on the road, her inability to resist Jean, her inability to resist Logan, and the slow, painstaking slog it was to make any part of her matter. Never entirely sure where she *wants* to work to fit in. That discontent with herself was what held her back.

I understood less of Logan here, but I think Marie did, too. But again, that was part of what tripped her up, part of the irony, part of the point. His surprising worthiness, steadiness, against her rootlessness. Again, I hope it ends up being enough--for both of them.

And though this is getting incredibly long (Jesus!), I'd be remiss if I didn't mention with burning envy (:)) your writing style. It's particular and evocative and emotional with so little. Man. This is what I'm trying for but never quite hitting. I'm gonna have to take notes, if you don't mind.

My favorite bits:
"More time passed, and a new scent worked its way into the fabric. Mothballs. At the mansion, she could walk around without the coat. Sometimes even without a scarf, or gloves if she was being particularly brave. And she was. Rogue was."

I just liked the flow of that para, the symbolism, how simply you cut to the heart of meaning without losing beauty.

And...
"It wasn’t what she expected. It wasn’t quick, or hard, or anonymous. He didn’t leave, afterwards. He might have made her cry, but the tears came as her body shuddered with joy, not abandonment. He had cried, too, as he moved over her, long slow strokes dragging out the pleasure, the fulfilment. “Marie, Marie, Marie,” he said, her name a metronome.

Puzzled, she reviewed his memories. A frazzled waitress, out back of a no-star diner. Nought to 200 in less than a minute, easy expertise on both sides. Or the fight groupie, Laughlin City, the night before she arrived. He’d pounded the woman for hours, draining away the aggression of the cage into a willing body. Too willing. He’d felt bad about some of the stuff they’d done, but regret had no place in a one night stand."

I don't need every detail to know exactly how it was. Poor Logan. Especially liked the metronome calling of her name, pounding out - Marie. Maybe she was afraid he knew her better than herself, too? She was certainly afraid that he didn't know Marie. Maybe she was already afraid she didn't know him at all?

Enough wallowing in feverish regret. Enough fb. :) Great story. Hehe - was that obvious?

I'm going to go read foof now. *flaps this feeling away*

Author's Response: Sorry its taken me so long to get to this, Gamma. I deselected something at some stage and these reviews came as a surprise! And your reviews are always a wonderful surprise. You read with such insight, such an analytical mind. More so than I write with, I believe. Thus, when you see overtones of regret, I am genuinely surprised. Melancholy, definitely, but regret? Hmm. Not so much for me. The central theme here, and in many of my other fics, is personal growth. And I tend to make my characters jump through hoops before they get to a more realised state: nothing worthwhile is ever easy, basically. So Marie's achievement, in this, is to survive and become stronger after all of harsh blows she has had in her life. She BECOMES who she is, not just in one moment, the way she initially thought, but over 10 years. She learns who Marie is, who Rogue is, who she wants that person to be. Which person to be. And then, and only then, can she be free to love, or be an appropriate mate for Logan. He is too complex for someone who hasn't won their own personal battles. The other theme, specific to this piece, is how what we think we know isn't always what actually is. Marie is deceived into thinking she knows Logan, when really, she doesn't. He isn't a static individual, or the sum total of a moment in time. Like her, he's a work in progress. So, I actually see this as an almost upbeat piece. Its about growth, and two souls that need to grow before they can really be together. Re my writing style, I'm glad you like. Sometimes, its just the way I write, but this time, I worked a bit harder, wanted it to be a bit special. And I am probably prouder of this piece than anything else I've ever written as a result. I was trying for a more poetic feel, and I think I managed it. Maybe next time I'll try for foof! Now there's an ambitious goal ... Thanks for taking the time to review in such marvellous depth. You remain the one and only Feedback Goddess. This is the first time I have actively tried to give Marie a strong inner life, to explore the twistings and turnings of who she was and how she became that person. Usually, I find Logan more interesting, but this time, it was Marie's story.

I may be biased...but I loved this. It's such great work.