Spell check, grammar check, or get a beta - you packed a lot of punch into a tiny space, which is good. The barrage of typos, punctuation errors, etc. is incredibly distracting. You've got a good start - don't stop!

Author's Response: Thanks for the review. I do have to agree that alot of my early stuff is full os mistakes. I have the stories in my head but my skill in grammar is often lacking, i now have a beta and I hope these first storie do not put you off reading the new ones.

short and sweet. like it. but you might want to spell check and grammar check. I saw several errors in this.