Wow. This got much darker, didn't it? I see what you mean about exploring Logan/Wolverine more fully. I think it's clear that he's trying very hard to keep Wolverine at bay and below the surface. But Xavier needs Wolverine, and Logan sometimes needs to let him out. It's interesting to see how much Wolverine is like the ID - completely and utterly selfish, about power and assertion and control. In some ways, I think Wolverine has more control over himself than Logan does - he just chooses to exert that control in different, purely selfish ways.

I'm not sure what Logan's defining characteristic is, except that he seems to be constantly under the pressure of fighting, of holding everything in. He seems incredibly unstable to me in this fic. It's clear he loves Marie, but he's wearily resigned to what Wolverine does and makes him do - EXCEPT for this rape. But at the same time, he knows his weakness, too. And his love. I think, for right now, his world is dominated by fear - of himself. I hope he can get through it. I hope Marie can.

Xavier seems to have pushed Logan to this. I'm thinking that Wolverine might have been easier to handle before Xavier needed him so much. And I can't really forgive Xavier for the way he handled their departure in Chapter 3. Wolverine could really have injure someone. He nearly did. He later does. He's using him and Marie, without regard to the consequences. He's not evil so much as someone who benefits from evil.

I was glad to see that Marie had Logan's # in chapter 4. She's got sass and charm and brains, and I love it! My favorite was the moment when she takes over the steering wheel and notes with satisfaction that that was *exactly* right. And she seems able to read him and stand up to him - good. But she's constantly on egg shells around Logan. Even before the rape, everything was about him. She was always accommodating him. I even know why. But that's got to be breaking her, too. It's not just about him. It's about THEM. The two of them. Her, too. I hope she gets the support she needs. I hope being strong isn't being just strong enough to survive him.

My God, you deliver on the angst-y darkness! *lol* Excellent characterization. Am waiting, nervously, anxiously for what happens next.

Author's Response: Thanks Gamma, The whole of chapter 5 was about the 'animal' within him, that he is intelligent, knows what he's doing but he shields his weaker half (Logan) from seeing it. It's like a split personality, he *had* to conform to the 'rules' around the mansion and Wolverine *knew* that. But now he's away from there permanently he can breathe again. I've known several bi-polar people and I've really been giving Logan some thought on those lines. I mean in his history he's been shot, murdered, tortured, abused, spat on, betrayed, had the people he loved killed in front of him. He's *not* stable, I mean sure his mind shields him from some of it but Wolverine remembers EVERYTHING. So when Wolverine gets involved he really is a killer, he cares only about himself and what pleases him. But now Marie has cast her lot in with him, she's strong, she's had to be. I mean she got a dose of Eric, all his memories, all the abuse he suffered, his life wasn't easy. She knows what suffering means, she has first hand evidence in her head. Yet as Logan said, 'Remembering it an seein it for real are different worlds.' (I think it was that) She's got some words to say, some rules to put down herself, it's a partnership and for Logan it's a risk. He could end up killing her, or getting her killed but Wolverine *knows* her too, he knows she's strong enough to take it. It's just how to get to that strength, he's had to suffer to get it, how she'll get it is another question entirely. I'm really glad your enjoying it, things about Logans character remind me of John Rambo in First Blood. All he wants is to be left alone, to get a drink an pass through. He's damaged yes but he knows he is and he avoids people because of it. Logan ignores everyone but Marie because she's deadlier than he is she just doesn't know it yet. Wolverine will hone her and she won't be used by anyone, not even by him. It's just the journey of how she gets there and if she survives it. Thanks for following me along this dark road, now you know why its called 'I never wanted this for you...' Thing is it could be the best thing to ever happen to her now she's seen the other side of Xavier, it is a war just a covert one, seen through the eye of the soldier.

Much darker than I normally read, but in spite of a few run-on sentences, this is really well done! Gripping, scary, intense - I rarely give a 10 rating, but you just got one.

Author's Response: Thanks Wolf, I love reading your fic, the detail you manage to get into every scene is amazing. I'm glad you like it, it's the more brutal side of things I think, the harsh reality against the fluff of what we hope would happen. Hopefully I'll be adding more to it today, thanks for reading and commenting.

Wow. Your stories are usually a bit darker than I can manage at one go, but I have to say that I really enjoyed this one. A completely different take on L&M, one that used their mutations in a completely new way.

"Because one day your going to have to put me down permanently an' before that happens I wanted you to have a few good memories of me before you found out the truth about me. About what I really am underneath all this.... humanity."

Poor Logan. But he doesn't want pity. And as much as I think that it doesn't have to be that way for him, I think that's the way it is. It's the world they live in, and I don't think Logan's the kind of man who shuts his eyes to that. So if Rogue wants to be close to him, wants to live with him, she has to accept that, too.

"But that wasn't how she saw it, it wasn't how she felt, how she needed him. Seeing the truth of what he did didn't make her hate him, it made her love him. He did what needed to be done but the price was one that Logan didn't need to pay alone. "

No, I think your Rogue knows exactly what is at stake here, and she's becoming like Logan, too. The price isn't more than she's willing to pay.

And I love how easy Logan's acceptance of it is. He's not tortured. He's not regretful. He's not jaded or spiteful. This is how it is. And if he's lucky enough to get help, then he knows how to accept what's valuable in life, too.

A hard lesson, one I don't want to have to learn myself. But a powerful story, I think. Much enjoyed it. Thanks.

Author's Response: Glad you enjoyed it, I was going for what felt like 'the truth' between them. I've been reading more of the comic book Logan and I'm finding a depth in there I've missed before. Hopefully it'll be coming out more in the fic I'm writing. He's a grown up, seen a lot of death and knows the value of someone he can rely on. Marie is just learning her way and Xaiver is not a nice man, Logan will teach her what it means to be what they are. Think I should carry this on Gamma? Thanks for the feedback anyhoo, it means a lot to me, thanks.

Author's Response: Glad you enjoyed it, I was going for what felt like 'the truth' between them. I've been reading more of the comic book Logan and I'm finding a depth in there I've missed before. Hopefully it'll be coming out more in the fic I'm writing. He's a grown up, seen a lot of death and knows the value of someone he can rely on. Marie is just learning her way and Xaiver is not a nice man, Logan will teach her what it means to be what they are. Think I should carry this on Gamma? Thanks for the feedback anyhoo, it means a lot to me, thanks.