The Wolverine & Rogue Fanfiction Archive
Barely Legal Since 2000
A dedication! My first !! Wheeeee :D
I got so excited I jumped up and down in my seat!! Thanks :) *blush*
Then I couldn't help but laugh when I read this line, whether intentional or not... "felt the thick stifling heat of a Mississippi August itching its way up over her skin and biting at her nerves." lol!
I have no idea how many introspective paragraphs you hacked away at ;) but the ones you left hung together well, especially the first 6 as the memories triggered were linked to the moment by their associations to the weather, the breeze, and the wish for a hammock.
Though this line in par.6 "not the horny drunkard who’d fingered her on the couch" make me twitch / feel sorry for Logan because it made him seem such a lech! Like she hadn't wanted it, even though she had!
Par7 followed on well and I was totally intrigued by the last line "Now though she’d gotten her fill of experience and she longed to show the Wolverine what she’d learned."
However, it was short lived as the subsequent paragraph killed the intrigue, so I would have left it out ("The first time with Bobby.." along with the second paragraph after that ("He'd come to her like a crying child..") because it's s just a bit too much on the 'Logan is so great/sexy' front which she then touches on again in the following paragraph just before she looks up to find him there.
The scene of them together was very light, which was nice. Lots of fun bits like..
them talking about the weather, and
"he wondered what she would do if he just jumped her. Just a little." and
"he had just winked at her in broad daylight no less… was Logan a closet winker?"
I can't believe he's inviting her to his room when he's also trying to keep his hands off her! I hope they end up drunk again so he can be totally out of line, and I can't even begin to imagine what he's going to think up to surprise her.. a gift? a candle-lit dinner?
Looking forward to it myself.. ;)
"Shit what the hell am I going to surprise her with…..?"
too...many...jokes...head...exploding! actually my first thought was "a logan & wolverine manwich" LMAO!
Author's Response: you! Go straight to your room young lady and finish the next chapter of "the only one who can" immediately!!!! rnrnBy the by that prankster story was hysterical!!!!!!!!!!!! Jean having Rockin Robin stuck in her head, too funny! Not to mention the part where Logan gets blasted into the ground and hello kitty on his jacket! Holy cow it was just amazing...but seriously I'm going to have to hurt you....must....write....new ... chapter!!!!!!!!!! GO!
I've been struggling with reviewing this chapter because I like this story, and loved the last chapter, but this chapter by contrast was a really difficult read. It's so much thinking back that I really struggled through it.
I therefore thought about not reviewing it at all, for fear of being negative, after what you said in your last comment that my crit sometimes outweighs my praise, but then I just feel guilty about not saying anything. So here it is, Sorry! :( Please don't ban me from your stories!
I think you're a great writer, your attention to detail and descriptions are phenomenal, plus you come up with some great dialogue.
When you write out a scene I'm captivated, but in this chapter there is just one short scene (where he wakes her up from the nightmare) whilst the rest of the chapter is made up of thoughts in Logan's head. I couldn't help but drift off, particuarly since his thoughts kept jumping from one thing to another.
Think of it as watching theatre and one of the characters standing in the middle of the stage and delivering a huge long monologue, with nothing else happening. It's really difficult to maintain focus on what is being said with no other aids /stimuli to hold our attention.
I do hope you finish this story though, with some more dialogues and active scenes ;-)
Author's Response: Hey I always appreciate the feedback, any critique is a good one. I do know what your saying, but unlike a few of my other chapters that slipped through my radar with my editing skills are concerned, this one was just a pain. I mean I try to explain things thoroughly and sometimes I do, admittedly, get carried away but with this particular chapter I'm just trying to accurately explain things. I need the readers to understand there's a lot of ideas floating around in Logan and Rogue's head and that they are in two totally different area's of perception right now, as far as their thoughts of the other one are concerned. When you have a story where you're trying to make their in depth thoughts known to the reader you struggle (or I struggle) because I can't just throw it out in a conversation because the plot of the story calls for them to be in the dark about the others intentions and feelings. I'm trying really hard to stay away from lengthy wordy chapters because I myself prefer a mix with a lighter explanation and more of an action based plot- but I do really appreciate your words of wisdom, nice to know someone cares enough to write about what's really on their mind.
So far the story is pretty good. Like another review said, the intro was a bit wordy. You might want to get a beta reader to catch some small grammar mistakes (apostrophes where they don't belong, and such)
Otherwise, I'm interested to see where this ends up. =) I'll review when I'm done the other chapters.
Author's Response: Thanks for reading! Yeah I do need a beta pretty bad but I appreciate the input, hope you liked the other chapters!
"If she was trying to make him feel better she really sucked at it."
i don't know why this struck me quite as funny as it did, but i'll have you know i'm as sick as a dog right now and nursing a bowl of soup. when i read that line i happened to smile while simultaneously attemping to feed my self. it was tragic, really. the soup didn't make it past my lips and i ended up drooling lava, in form of the creme of chicken soup, down chin and all over my desk.
i hope you're happy. :P
Author's Response: Oh, I hope you feel better. I feel like my body is trying to destroy me from the inside out, I have a vicious cold- so I'm very sorry you aren't feeling well either. rnrnBut about he soup thing... lol- it's so funny you quoted that line too because I almost edited it last night, I didn't know it I liked how it sat in such a serious moment but then I kept it because I liked it too, I'm sorry about the mess but happy I made yeah laugh, thanks for reading!rnrn
Wow, that was hot and heavy and angsty, really great!
They really hurt each other so much in this one it was almost painful to read (that's a good thing!).. Logan effectively laughing at her for thinking she's what's keeping him there yet trying to get her to have sex with him anyway, and her telling him how she knows all his past actions and making him feel like shit 'cause he knows he's done sick twisted things that he can't even hide from her 'cause she's seen it all.
I can only assume he left after that, but dying to see why he's back and what's going to happen next..
Oh, and how Did he feel about Jean then if he claims she doesn't know what she's talking about yet she's got memories of him lusting after her, etc, and he said (in his thoughts) he killed her out of love. Is he trying to lie to Marie about Jean? I hope he has to explain everything to her.
Re the writing there were just a couple of things that jumped out at me..
1) when Marie resumes reminiscing she thinks "Speaking of things which were good about Logan, Logan tossed her head back a little and started thinking about their steamy encounter last year. She wondered if he ever thought it about it too…"
and then proceeds to remember the painful ending rather than good things, so that was odd. Also, you wrote Logan instead of Rogue ^^
2. The paragraph where Logan thinks about why Rogue stopped him:
"Logan sat regarding her for a moment, he admired that she would stop something he knew she wanted.. "
This paragraph really bugs me for some reason. At first I thought it was because you were spelling things out to us in his thoughts, but then I re-read and noticed that after this you also have various paragraphs were Rogue spells her thoughts out, so it can't have been that. I think it's because in His thoughts we're being told what Rogue did / why she did it, and he can't know, so that just feels wrong.
Author's Response: August Dawn my dear your reviews reflect your pen name perfectly. Let me explain, I find dawn to be one of most sedate and beautiful times of day, especially in the summer when almost every day is sunny and the light at that time is unusually golden, from my location. However, even though dawn is wonderful, it only lasts for so long, before the sun rises completely and the day continues. Now in August, the sun is scorching, I've had days where i live that have gone up to 98 degrees and usually the hottest and most unpleasant weather comes in August, and it is here that I find your reviews to mirror your pen name perfectly. See in the beginning of every review you always leave a tid bit of a nice information, something you liked and it's very pleasent to see just like the sun rising. Then at the end of the review you always slide in a little criticism and ironically enough it always rivals your compliments in length or comes out about equal. rnrnI love reading your reviews, you're one of the few people who actually properly reviews because so many people just write "that was good" or "keep it up" which doesn't provide and real substance for the author, but your reviews do. I don't mean for this comparison to shock you as insulting, I'm just appreciating the irony of your pen name and way the you review, I'm glad I've snagged such an insightful reader and thank you for your advice. rnrnrnOh before i forget! 1) Good catch, did write Logan instead of Rogue when I said she tossed her head back and was reminiscing but the flashback isn't over yet, so she wasn't just remembering a painful ending. I'm just trying to seize your previous advice about not making an 11 paragraph story filled with flashback information, I want the details to unfold naturally, it's important to the way I've formulated future chapters-sorta, I'm not sure how to explain it in a terse way without spoiling my to-be-plot. But there's a final installment of that flashback, things didn't just end that way between them and now he's back, I didn't think they'd be realistically on cordial terms if they had ended that way. rnrn2. The part about her stopping something, he knew she wanted, well he knows she wants it because he smells her arousal, and he can hear her heart beating unevenly and see he's affecting her. However, I wanted to clarify and I'm actually glad you brought this to my attention b.c I can be more careful about it in the future, sometimes when Logan is speculating about Marie's behavior he thinks he knows EXACTLY what she is doing and why and he's usually, for the sake of this story, going to be wrong. I want my Marie to be chuck full of surprises for good ol' Logan so there will be times when he gets the rug pulled out from under him and there will be times when he does have the right idea, but hey those are yet to come-thanks again for the review!
your Logan - Marie scene was good;
sexy, playful and hot.
I like a badly behaved drunk logan ;)
The 12 paragraphs of backstory were a little much though, it's rather tiring to read reams and reams of 'thoughts' rather than have the relevant information unfold during the story.
Author's Response: LOL this was a good review because I was scared the way I wrote it all out seemed to verbose but I appreciate you telling me that because I was thinking it but I was so happy after I edited it I didn't want to butcher it- I don't have very good editing skills, If I'd been in charge of editing the film from the Titanic it would have been a 30 minute movie- oh and thanks a bunch I was agonizing over my Logan Marie scene so your input really fueled me
This was wonderful. Is there going to be more?
Author's Response: I'm trying to do the polite thing since I love reviews and I just realized there was a way to respond to them...yeah sometimes I can be a little dense, anyway it seems sorta pointless to answer this because obviously I posted a 2 & 3 chapter...but I hope you're enjoying them!