~How come we can't talk the way we used to do
Nothing seems to be the same
Have we forgotten all the things we knew
Was it you or I who changed
We got to find the answer, let the secrets fly
Enough of telling stories and our well meaning lies~

When Logan came back from searching for his past I thought everything would be like it was before he left. I hoped it might even get better than before. It started out that way too, with hugs and smiles and a few questions about how things had been. Then Jean walked by and he turned all his attention to her. I pretended it was fine and went off with Bobby.

Then Stryker's men came and all hell broke loose. Bobby, St. John, and I managed to find each other and were on our way out when we ran into trouble. Logan saved us though, and I remember thinking that he must have been watching over me, protecting me like he promised. Then when we got to the escape exit he stayed behind. I panicked, I couldn't lose him. But he was reluctant to come with us and I had to remind him that we needed him, that I needed him, before he finally joined us.

In Scott's car I realized that maybe things wouldn't be the same, maybe Logan and I weren't meant for each other like I had let myself believe. Angry at how stupid I had been I gave him back the tags that had meant so much. I couldn't help but think about the look he gave me when I handed them to him. Was it hurt or thanks that I gave them back?

Once we arrived at Bobby's I was still angry, but now it wasn't aimed at me, it was at Logan. He had promised to protect me and then almost abandoned me. He was the reason I was hurting. So I gave in and kissed Bobby. Then I lost myself in thoughts of Logan as I kissed him again. Now it was my turn to do the hurting.

~Things don't seem to be the same no matter how I tried
There's no rhythm to the rain
Wind still whispers, through the leaves on high
But they no longer sing your name
We got to find the answer, let the secrets fly
Enough of telling stories and our well meaning lies
We got to try to build what we had in the past
Trying's half the battle if we lose it we can't last~

When I came back to the mansion after checking out Alkali Lake I felt like I was returning home. I let myself get lost in that fantasy when Marie came running right into my arms. I couldn't keep the smile from my face; it felt so good, so right. Then her boyfriend came in and I had to face reality. She wasn't mine, she couldn't be mine. So when Jean walked in I did all I could to convince myself she was who I wanted. She knew though, that smile she had as she left told me that she did. Scotty-boy's reaction told me that he, however, had no clue, so at least I could still have some fun there.

I couldn't believe she gave me back the tags. What was she trying to say? Had she seen too much of the Wolverine? Damn it! The entire ride to Bobby's house was hell, not to mention once we got there. And then she kissed him. Didn't she know I could hear everything they were saying upstairs? Even if I couldn't, Bobby's flushed face said it all.

So I shut myself off. I was back to Jean and this time I was serious. I laid it all out for her when we were in the forest, but she shot me down too. When Mystique came into my tent a part of me knew it was her, but I wanted so badly to believe that it was Jean. Those scars were just too real to ignore. I might have even let her stay with me if she hadn't been such a bitch and asked who I wanted. Seeing Marie above me was too much.

I could hardly look at Marie anymore. I had been so sure that she'd wanted me and now it seemed like there was nothing there. So I made it a point to put her in her place by calling her a kid and telling her she wasn't old enough to be an X-man. I'm not sure who I was trying to convince, her or myself.

I almost lost it when she got sucked out of the Blackbird. All my anger towards her just disappeared. I've never been so afraid in my life. I completely froze, and that's never happened to me before. I saw Jean give me a look of understanding, but I didn't want her to understand. I'd been rejected by the only woman who'd even owned a piece of me, and I didn't like it.

~I heard myself just say the things I could never say before
And listen to the rhythm of the rain
Wind just whispered through the leaves on high
And I thought I heard them sing your name
We got to find the answer, let the secrets fly
Enough of telling stories and our well meaning lies
We got to try to build what we had in the past
Trying's half the battle if we lose it we can't last~

Logan was doing a good job of making me mad. Not only was he making his interest in Jean totally obvious to anyone with eyes, but he was cutting me down every chance he got. I may look only seventeen, but I've got a mind older than he does. He should know that too, I told him how my skin would keep people in my head and he saw first-hand how Magneto had affected me up on the Statue of Liberty. I would be an X-man, if it was the last thing I did.

So I flew the Blackbird. It scared the shit out of me, but I did it. Maybe it wasn't the best flight it ever had, but it got to the team when they needed it. Storm had to practically peel me away from the cockpit because I was so terrified. But when I met Logan's eyes once he boarded the plane, I saw the truth. He did see who I was, and he was proud of what he saw. He was also terrified, because what I saw in those hazel eyes was unmistakable love.

~I heard myself just say the things I could never say before
And listen to the rhythm of the rain
Wind just whispered through the leaves on high
And I thought I heard them sing your name
And I thought I heard them sing your name~

I knew she had seen. When I got on that jet after telling Stryker my choice was to be with the X-men I didn't have total control over my emotions, and she looked at me with those big brown eyes and saw it all. I knew it, because she smiled. That smile was all I needed. Somewhere along the way we had lost each other, but we'd been found again.

---

The Way We Used To Be (by Jim Croce)

How come we can't talk the way we used to do
Nothing seems to be the same
Have we forgotten all the things we knew
Was it you or I who changed
We got to find the answer, let the secrets fly
Enough of telling stories and our well meaning lies

Things don't seem to be the same no matter how I tried
There's no rhythm to the rain
Wind still whispers, through the leaves on high
But they no longer sing your name
We got to find the answer, let the secrets fly
Enough of telling stories and our well meaning lies
We got to try to build what we had in the past
Trying's half the battle if we lose it we can't last

I heard myself just say the things I could never say before
And listen to the rhythm of the rain
Wind just whispered through the leaves on high
And I thought I heard them sing your name
We got to find the answer, let the secrets fly
Enough of telling stories and our well meaning lies
We got to try to build what we had in the past
Trying's half the battle if we lose it we can't last

I heard myself just say the things I could never say before
And listen to the rhythm of the rain
Wind just whispered through the leaves on high
And I thought I heard them sing your name
And I thought I heard them sing your name