More than Myself By Anne Sexton

Not that it was beautiful,
but that, in the end, there was
a certain sense of order there,
something worth learning
in that narrow diary of my mind,
in the common places of the asylum
where the cracked mirror
or my own selfish death
out stared me...
I tapped my own head;
it was glass, an inverted bowl.
It’s small thing
to rage inside your own bowl.
At first it was private.
Then it was more than myself.



************************


The ingredients were ready. Neatly lined up in a row and just wanting for their service. Mayonnaise, mustard, pickles, ham, turkey, olives, peppers: the perfect midnight snack just needing to be put together.

Even with it being just him in the room it was still a tight squeeze to get around the kitchen. And, of course, there wasn’t any bread in the bread box. It was amazing how there never was. It was a concept the school couldn’t quite get a grasp on. After some riffling through cabinets he finally found three loaves stuffed none too neatly in the oven. He grabbed one. Two or three sandwiches should hold him over til breakfast.

The assembly was moving along nicely when he got the tickling sensation in the back of his head that always was a precursor to telepathy.

~”Colossus, we have a visitor.”~

With a loud sigh he dropped the knife back into the mustard jar. He hurried down the center corridor that lead towards the large oak entry doors of the mansion. Suddenly it occurred to him that the Professor called him Colossus instead of Peter. That meant that something had made Xavier nervous.

To be safe he pushed the steel plating over his body as he reached for the doorknob. When the door opened his jaw dropped nearly about the same time as his hand curled into a white knuckled fist. If his face hadn’t been covered in iron-grey metal it would have surely been beat red with anger.

Standing under the front porch was a slender, young girl, dwarfed under his towering height. She looked completely harmless and innocent drowned in a large green cloak swallowing her entire body. Evidently she hadn’t expected him to be there because her deep, emerald green eyes went wide under the hood. She began to panic and the long length of her cloak got caught under her feet as she tried to stumble quickly back, away from him.

“Please! Please don’t hit me!” She begged him, raising her gloved hands in peace. “Ah...ah need Xavier’s help.”

“You--” he sneered.

“Please. If ya’ll don’t help me ah’m as good as dead.”


****************

The girl at the door was now sitting in the corner, still shrouded in her green cloak. She was surrounded by people, all a good four feet minimum away from her. And all glaring at her with sharp, hard eyes.

Kitty was the last into the large, comfortably decorated living room. “Rogue,” she hissed at the girl then took a seat by the Professor. “She’s Brotherhood. What’s she doing here?”

“It’s probably a trick,” Nightcrawler chimed in from his standing place by the fireplace. “She’s just suppose to keep us distract while they attack.”

“No,” Charles declared. “I’ve scanned the entire estate. She’s alone.”

He moved his wheel chair slowly closer to her, narrowing his eyes. “What is it you want?”

The girl in front of him was shaking so bad the tea they provided her was spilling all over the side of her cup, soaking into her gloves. But even though she was apparently a jumble of nerves she still lifted her head, letting the hood covering her face fall back enough that she could meet his eyes. “Ya tha telepath. You tell me, Xavier.”

“Professor Xavier,” he corrected her cooly, leaning forward in his chair. “And I’m sure you know full well that I can not read your mind. You have too many dramatically different thought patterns, they’re creating a wall I can not penetrate.”

“Yeah,” she snorted, pulling her hood completely down to reveal a piling mass of auburn hair streak with a bold white stripe. “Try livin’ in here.”

Finally annoyed by the wet mess all over her hands she abandoned her tea on a near by side table before going on. “But Danver’s tha only one givin’ me hell. Ah neva intended tha transfer ta be permanent. She’s drivin’ me crazy. Ya haveta help me, Xavier.”

“You have a lot of nerve,” Kitty suddenly yells. “Coming here asking for our help after all you’ve done.”

“Shush,” Xavier gently scolds her before turning back to Rogue. “Continue.”

At the younger girl’s outburst she seemed to sink back into her chair, but continued talking to Xavier just the same. “Mah powers are outta control. Both mine and hers.”

She tried to still the shaking in her voice and swiped away the beading sweat on her brow. “Tha slightest touch triggers tha transfers now. Sometimes mah flyin’ cuts out mid air---” She swallowed, pushing a white stripe behind her ear. “It’s gettin’ so that ah don’t even know which thoughts an’ memories are mine and which are hers.”

“An apt punishment for your crimes,” Nightcrawler interjected.

That was all it took for the shaking girl in front of them to completely break down. Her large sobs seemed to rock her body in between her constant tremors, making her twitch chaotically in her chair. “Ah tried to make Mystique understand, that–that somethin’ wasn’t right. Ah knew it when ah touched her. But she wouldn’t listen. She said we could work it out, we could handle it. And...and ah love her like a mother, but ah knew she was wrong. Please, Xavier. Ya mah last hope.”

Kitty huffed, crossing her arms over her chest and mumbled an, “oh, please.”

Xavier opened his mouth to reprimand her again but Rogue beat him to it. “Listen. Ah’m not askin’ for ya sympathy. Ah ain’t sayin’ that ah ain’t done wrong. Ah ain’t even sayin’ that ah don’t deserve this. But ah’m askin’ for ya help anyways.”

The professor watched the girl as she tried to settle back down again. Evidently the flare in anger had caused some sort of sharp pain in her head because she had screwed her eyes shut.

“Are we being fair to Rogue here?” he asked, wheeling his chair around to face his students.

“Is there any reason we should be?” Countered Kurt, moving to Kitty’s side.

The elder man nodded. He could easily read the anger, the fear, and all the negative emotions pouring off everyone in the room towards the girl in the corner. “I understand and accept all of yours’ dislike of Rogue. But I would like to examine her in private, if you please.”

They all stood up, not willing to disobey the professor and began leaving the room. Not without shooting warning glances at Rogue, however, before they left.

Scott waited until the rest were out before going up to his mentor. His jaw was clenched tightly shut and his hands were shoved deep into his pockets. “I’m not comfortable leaving you alone with her, Professor. I don’t think it’s very wise.”

He was extremely proud of Scott. The amount of vibes of hatred for the girl came off him much stronger than the anxiety of the younger members of the team. Yet he remained silent and patient during in the meeting, always the model of a true leader.

But then he turned his sight to the cringing girl, hidden under think layers and replied to him, “I doubt we have anything to fear from her.”



************************

The racing wind bit and stung into his face as he tore down the road. It’d been three weeks since he fled Xavier’s in a frantic need to get out. Get out of the civilized confines and back to his self.

He was pretty fucking disappointed that his ‘self’ seemed to always be a shit hole bar, any fight he could get into, and as much whiskey as he could scare out of dumb ass bar keeps.

But the more time he spent at the mansion, the more he stayed for longer stretches, and the more ‘anti-social’ he was becoming. His nerves were down to about ten minutes of standing somebody else before he snapped. The only exception being if he was beating the shit out of them. Even then, it was usually only twenty before he just wanted them dead so he could be alone again. He wasn’t even fucking people anymore. Getting off wasn’t worth having to put up with whatever chick was clinging to him.

He didn’t even know why he was going back. If he was a better man he might admit that he preferred spending time with the geeks then his usual crowd. Or lack there of. But he wasn’t a better man. He was no where damn close to being a better man. He was barely a man at all.

That was the thing about being at Xavier’s. It constantly reminded him of that. Xavier was a man. Summers was a man. Next to them he was a beast, an animal— a monster. A caged animal they managed to wrestle a monkey suit on and call good enough. Told him who he could and couldn’t fight. Who he could and couldn’t kill, because he was too much of an animal to be both judge and executioner. They knew what was justice and what was right; all he knew was how to kill.


******************************************



It was now well into the morning, 1:15 to be exact when Xavier came out of the living room into the hallway to find his team waiting anxiously for him.

He cleared his throat before declaring, “I have question Rogue in great detail.” He paused, giving them all a warning eye before going on. “And I am convinced of both her need and her sincerity. Therefore, I have decided to admit her both in the school and the X-Men, as a probationary member.”

A vast amount of groans and angery ‘what’s shot up from the crowd at his announcement. Scott, unable to hold his tongue anymore, stepped forward on behalf of his teams. “As leader of the team, Professor, I think I’m entitled to have some say in who is on it and who isn’t. How the hell are we suppose to fight beside someone it’s not safe to trust?”

“Scott, I think-----”

Xavier was stopped by a loud crash of glass shattering from the living. Scott ran past him to look in only to catch white boots flying out the broken window.

“Everyone outside!” He yelled, leading the way to the front lawn. What they found was a fuming Rogue, now no longer in her green cloak but clad in a black body stocking, facing off with an equally rancorous Storm.

“Come on, honey. Ya think ya such tough shit? Go ahead, punch me again!” Rogue egged the goddess on.

“You little bitch,” Storm sneered and soon the air pressure around them began to drop dramatically. The white haired beauty’s eyes glazed over with a pristine white fog and the electricity in the air began to tingling.

Colossus quickly ran forward and grabbed Storm’s arm. “Please stop, Storm.”

“What?!” She rounded on him. “After she broke into our home? She could have killed the Professor!”

“She didn’t break in,” Colossus solemnly answered.

Xavier rolled up behind him, Scott and the other members not too far behind. “She is my guest, Storm. And as long as she is under *my* roof, she has my protection.”

Storm stared dumbfounded at him. Then she looked back to Rogue who was now standing back, with her arms to her side. She huffed, still is completely shock as she turned back to Xavier. “Are you kidding?! How can you say that, after all she’s done! Who she is!”

“You didn’t hear. Rogue’s repented and has been forgiven,” Kitty sarcastically stated, rolling her eyes. “Behold. The newest member of the X-Men.”

“How could you?! Is this true?” She demanded angrily, not to Xavier, but to Scott.

Before Scott could reply, Rogue’s curt southern voice floated through the distance. “Ah don’t know what ya problem is, whitey. I ain’t eva done anythin’ to you!”

Storm’s head wiped around and she glared long and hard at the girl. Rogue didn’t back down, although she kept a good distance away from her and the mansion.

“Professor, if she stays then I go,” Storm announced to him, still staring at Rogue.

“We’ll *all* go,” Nightcrawler seconded.

Xavier moved his chair forward, shaking his head, so that he was between Storm and Rogue. “Oh, so now we pick and choose who we help, do we? Some are worthy and others not?” Xavier started, eyeing his students. “Wasn’t it you Ororo who told me once that Wolverine wasn’t an X-Man because of his ‘sterling’ character, but instead his potential for good? And that, to deny him– as much as we abhor his violent nature— would thereby deny the X-Men’s reason for being, which is to help him achieve his potential?”

“But Logan is---” Storm started, but Xavier interrupted her.

“The same argument holds true for Rogue, does it not? With us, she has a chance at a better life. If we are to deny her then she is condemned from the start and that I will never do to any mutant.”

The X-Men starred down at the ground, fully chastised by their mentor, although some not really ashamed. Colossus stepped forward first. He nodded to Xavier. “I trust you, Professor. If you think its safe to let her in, then I’ll consent. Come on guys,” he addressed the others, “We’ve all done some pretty bad things to get by, haven’t we? If the Professor says she’s okay, then we should all give her a chance.”

“Fine,” Kitty snorted from beside him. “She can come in. But I will *never* like her. Ever.”

“Ja,” Kurt nodded, turning back towards the mansion. “You win, Professor.”

They all head inside, leaving Xavier, Scott, and Rogue in an awkward triangle outside. Xavier waited, purely to judge Scott’s intent since he was apparently not going to go in. The emotions inside him were sharp and angry, but Charles decided he could trust him. So he turned to head back inside himself, leaving the two former enemies alone.

Rogue watched Xavier leave, her anxiety quickly building the farther he got. When he was gone, she looked to Scott, prepping for whatever he was planning to throw at her. But he remained silent. A silent and immobile statue whose eyes were fixed to her every twitch and fidget.

It didn’t take long before she could no longer stand his glare. She could feel the judgement coming through the red visor and boring into her. Just to give her something to do she set about looking for her coat, which she was sure was somewhere in these bushes were she landed. It took her a minute or two to find it and when she turned around he was still there. Not moving at all.

“What?” She finally asked, breathless from her throat suddenly constricting on her.

He stepped forward and she stepped back. They continued that dance until she could no longer back up since her back was firmly up against one of the trees.

He finally stopped as she held the bundle of her cloak in front of her, adding something between them. “If this is a set up----” he started.

“It’s not---”

“If this is a set up,” he interrupted her, more sternly, the muscle in his jaw jumping again. “If you hurt one single hair on one single head in this entire school, I swear to God I will blast a hole so big in you Mystique will be able to use you as a holla-hoop. Do you understand me?”

She nodded once, her fingers digging into the fabric of her coat to steady her hands.

“Make sure you do.” He added then finally turned around, going back into the mansion, leaving her out in the lawn on her own.

Something about the winding road that led to Xavier’s School: it never took as long to drive up it as it looked like it should. That had to be one of Xavier’s little mental tricks or something, so you felt welcomed or some bullshit. So you didn’t get to enjoy the gut wrenching feeling of dreading doom is more like it.

The large sandstone mansion was bathed in the early morning light, making it a dusty rose color. The stop at the last town at done his irritability no good. He still felt like he hadn’t slept in three days even though he got just about as good as sleep last night as he’s ever gotten.

He stopped the bike just outside of the garage. There were already a few kids running around on the front yard. He swore about the ‘damn eager go getters’ under his breath before stalking to the door. Before he went in he stopped, put off by something. His head corked to the side in confusion. Taking three steps back off the porch, his eyes settled on the large cardboard taped over one of the front windows. One eyebrow shot up at the sight. That was definitely not a baseball sized hole.

Shaking his head, he went into the mansion. He didn’t get very far into the entry way before Scott came heading towards him.

“Hey One-Eye, that stick still keeping your ass company?”

“Logan.” The other man shortly greeted and kept walking past and straight out the door.

“Okay...” Logan mumbled. “Weird thing number two. Something is definitely up around here.”

He barely got his heavily duffel bag adjusted on his shoulder before he felt Xavier trying to push his way into his brain. He fought the telepath, severely hating his favorite form of communication. But, as always, Xavier was too strong for him.

~”Wolverine.”~

~”Wheels.”~

~”Get yourself settled then come to my office. Please.”~
He shook his head, beginning the long trek up the grand stairs. ~”You gonna tell me what the hell is up with Summers?”~

~”I will tell you what I intend to tell you once you’re in my office. I know how much you hate to converse like this.”~

Then suddenly the professor’s pressure on his head was gone. He rolled his neck, letting the vertebra pop soundly back into alignment.


*********************


Logan stepped into the lavishly furnish office, slightly surprised that no one but Xavier was in there. Usually these were ‘team meeting’ or at least the ever vigil Ororo by his side. But now it was just Xavier, sitting behind his desk, scribbling away at something.

“Logan. Don’t just stand there, please. Have a seat.”

He shut the door and reluctantly moved into the room. He didn’t want to sit down. He preferred to get whatever responsibility speech the old man had prepared for him out of the way and just get out.

“Sit.” Xavier repeated again. Logan rolled his eyes and plopped down onto one of the leather chairs surrounding his desk.

“Thank you,” Xavier smiled slightly and pushed away the papers in front of him into a neat stack on the side. “Now. We’ve undergone a little bit of a change since you’ve left.”

“I figured.”

“Yes, well. You have amazing intuition, Wolverine. We have obtained a new member---”

“A what?”

“A new member. She is in need of quite a bit of help and guidance, but I think with the right approach she’ll be a valuable---”

“Cut the crap, Xavier. Who is it?” He ran through all the people he thought would piss Scott off but for the life of him couldn’t come up with someone Xavier would let on the team.

Charles seemed to ignore him and went on, “She’s having an extremely difficult time right now and the point of this institute is to provide help for any mutant who----”

“Stuff it, old man, and just tell me who you’ve signed up.”

Xavier took and deep breath. “Rogue.”

Logan’s dark blue eyes searched his for a minute, evidently the name hadn’t completely soaked into him. “Rogue?.... Wait. That little Brotherhood bitch? Mystique’s kid?”

At Xavier’s silence Logan shook his head. “You’re fucking with me, right? You know how many times that little whore drained me nearly fucking dry?! And then what she did to Carol--”

“Yes. I am familiar with her crimes, Wolverine. And as I recall you brought an extensive rap sheet of your own with you when you came here.”

A snarl spread onto Logan’s face. “Fuck you, wheels. I’ve done everything you’ve asked me to, trained your little troops here, saved---”

“Yes,” Xavier’s hand came up, stopping him again. “You are a valuable and important member to this team to which we all respect and trust. Now, that being said, I expect Rogue has the same possibility for greatness.”

“Fine,” Logan stood up from his chair. “Like I give a shit who you let on your team. I’ll even train your little Switching Suzie. But don’t expect me to trust her to guard my back.”

“I’ve never expected that from you at all. But listen, Logan. I don’t want you to train her right now.”

One eyebrow raised, Logan eased back down into his chair. “Ah, I get it. You don’t trust her either, eh?”

“No, that’s not it at all,” Xavier turned to look out the window to the kids running around outside before turning back to Logan. “She is simply in no condition for that kind of physical activity right now.”

“What? Mystique beat the shit out of her or something? That why she came running here?” Logan guessed.

“No. No, its nothing physical. Well, her mental issues are encroaching on her physical abilities. At any rate, it doesn’t matter. I just don’t want anyone to push her until I’ve had time to work with her.”

Logan laughed, slouching down into his chair. “Good luck getting no one to ‘push’ her. I don’t know if you’ve guessed or not, but I doubt very many people around here are going to be happy to see her.”

Xavier sighed, “Yes, I’m already aware of the animosity she has facing her. But everyone has been warned to act appropriately--”

“Well, don’t worry about me, wheels. I’ll be more than happy to stay the hell away from her.”
“Actually,” Xavier started, laying his hands on top of the desk. “That’s exactly what I wanted to talk to you about. And the opposite of what I want you to do.”

“Excuse me?”

“I want you to stay close to her. Spend lots of time with her.”

“Fuck no! I don’t think---”

Xavier cleared his throat, making it clear he was annoyed about Logan’s interrupting him. “She is faced with a difficult time period right now. I believe you found you were meet with quite a bit of discomfort from the general population when you first came here.”

“What the hell does that have----”

“Therefore,” Xavier said loudly, an evident warning in his voice. “Therefore, you are the best equipped to help her through the transition. Since, it seems quite evident to me, the two of you have a great deal in common. Hopefully, she will be able to relate to you and thus not feel so ostracized. You will be like her ambassador to the school and the team.”

“You’re out of your damn mind, old man. I---”

“No. I can assure you I’m trying very hard to stay out of your mind and in my own. You are, however, projecting very loudly.”

Logan jumped to his feet, launching the chair away from him. “I am not some god damn babysitter.”

“No. You are a troubled man, who has been increasing more at peace since he’s been here and who has done a lot of good. And can do a lot of good for an extremely troubled young lady.”

“This is bullshit!” Logan roared.

“Be that as it may,” Xavier looked down away from him and began reaching for the papers he had previously stacked away. “I don’t believe our new resident has come down to eat. And, if I’m not mistaken, you have not been able to eat yet today either. Perhaps then, when you go to the kitchen, you could bring her something up when your done.”

Logan stared in shock, eyebrows tightly knit together, at Xavier who had evidently dismissed him and was now concentrating on his paper work. He had a thousand words coursing through his brain to yell at the telepath behind the desk. And it was a good thing he could probably sense them because Logan was too pissed to be able to say them.

“Good day, Logan. I’ll see you later,” Xavier spoke without so much as looking up.

Logan growled, but turned and stomped towards the door. When he grabbed the handle to jerk it open a thought suddenly occurred to him. “So who threw her through the window?”

“Storm.” He answered, again without looking up.



*******************


From his little meeting with Xavier he went straight to the kitchen. He piled as much food on his plate as he thought his metal enhanced arms could carry. And he carried it right into the one of the lounge TV rooms.

It only took one little snarl and the three tween brats that had been watching some reality show went running out, leaving him and the TV appropriately alone. He took his time eating his ‘brunch’ and watched the news. He wasn’t really interested or listening to anything they had to say. The weather was always different here than what they broadcasted anyways. But it ate up an hour of time. Then the hockey game started.

It was a great match between two *horrible* teams. It had to have been the first time he’d ever seen both teams scored at least seven points in any hockey game. And then he watched the thirty minute post-game show where they discussed how it was possible to score that many goals in one hockey game. Eventually the experts managed to come to the conclusion that maybe, just maybe, neither team was very good.

Finally, that done, his joints were getting stiff from sitting so long and he relinquished his control of the TV room. As soon as he stepped into the hall he was face with a rather disappointed looking Charles Xavier.

“Chuck,” he greeted him. Then belched.

“Aren’t you forgetting something, Wolverine?”

“Oh. Yeah. Excuse me.”

“Not that.” Xavier started to move away from him, but spoke to him over his shoulder. “You will go to the kitchen. Ms. Kline has already prepared a meal for her. You will take it up to her. And you will spend as much time with her as she can humanly stand you.”

Logan knew one thing, you never asked Xavier ‘or what?’, not someone who can have complete control over you. He usually knew just how to make you regret it.


**********************************


He rasped his knuckles against the door hard, making it vibrate under his fist. Still, no sound came from inside the room. If he wasn’t officially annoyed before this was definitely doing it. Not being a man of patience he moved to bust the door open, only to find it was already unlocked.

The room was bathed in relative darkness. All the late afternoon light from the open window was shining directly onto the large bed. The empty large bed.

“Well if it ain’t mah favorite beast-man,” the familiar deep southern drawl floated over to him from somewhere to his left.

He turned his head to find the girl curled up in a armchair beside the desk. She was wearing grey ‘X-Men’ issued sweats that had to be at least three sizes too big for her. There was a smile- no, smirk- on her face, but he couldn’t help but notice how faint and weak it looked. She hadn’t even lifted her head off of her arms that were folded on top of her knees.

“You’re forgettin’ Creed,” He growled as he shut the door.

“Naw, Wolverine. Ah like ya a helleva lot betta than Creed.”

“I brought you food,” he grunted, nearly throwing it down on the desk near her.

“Ah don’t think ah can eat it.”

“The hell you can’t. You’re going to eat ever damn bite.” As he moved closer he could tell both her arms were shaking. He discreetly sniffed the air around her. She didn’t smell afraid, just like honey and roses. Then he notice the movement in her feet too, and he seriously doubted she was tapping them.

He pulled out the desk chair and moved it farther back, away from her, before he sat down. “What the hell is the matter with you? You’re twitchin’ like a fucking Chihuahua.”

She rubbed a gloved hand over her eyes, scrubbing her face hard. “It’s Carol. Ah don’t have control over mah own damned body. Now its ‘our’ body. And I want it back, before she kills us both.”

He leaned back into his chair, crossing his hand behind his head. “Good. It’s your own damn fault.”

“Ya,” she snorted sarcastically. “Didya eva do anythin’ you didn’t want ta do? But ya did it jus’ because you were asked? — You were expected to?”

“I’m here ain’t I?”

Another exhausted smirk crawled onto the ashen face of a girl looking much older than her age. “Ya. And its ya own damn fault.”

The next day Rogue felt like she had a firm enough grip over herself to manage going down a flight of stairs. Or two. And with the help of a small green skinned boy she managed to find Xavier’s office for their first ‘session’. When he didn’t show immediately she considering going and finding him. But then she quickly decided it wouldn’t be in her best interest to go running around the place on her own. So she just sat. And waited. And hated every minute that crawled past. Finally after fifteen minutes he came in, greeted her with a smile and said they needed to get right down to work.

After that the session became a painful blur for her. He pulled Carol’s persona forward then pushed her back then did it again and again. Supposedly he was trying to separate them but his mental raids were completely random. He’d tug on a bit he felt sure was Carol, unaware of the large chunk of Rogue intertwined with it. Then he’d try to force it back into the dark, forgotten recesses only to be fought by the resistance of both strong willed women trying their damnest to still exist.

An half an hour later and after Rogue’s incessant begging for him to stop he did. The tremors racking through her body were worse than before and her white bangs were plastered to her glistening forehead. He told her to try and remain clam and patient, that this was a unique and very delicate situation. She snapped at him that he should have tried to be a little delicate then. He apologized and said that was enough for today. They’d try again tomorrow and wouldn’t give up until they’ve succeeded. She told him she guessed that what didn’t kill her would make her stronger. She just hoped he wouldn’t end up killing her. He said he hoped so too.


That was a little over twenty minutes ago. Xavier let her sit in his office until she had calmed down enough and leave on her own accord. She was now moving along the long center corridor, keeping as close to the wall as she could to both reduce the chance of contact with the many people running through and incase her legs randomly decided to give out on her. She took one step into the kitchen then came to a dead halt in the doorway.

Peter looked over the open refrigerator door, surprise dancing across his face at her sudden presence too.

“You can come in, you know. You do live here,” he told her, pulling out a soda can and shutting the door.

She slowly stepped in, keeping a skeptic eye on him. It didn’t take her long to discover how utterly defenseless she was against Colossus. His steel plating protected him from her skin and he was probably just as strong if not stronger than her. So she didn’t move to the fridge until he sat down on one of the bar stools on the other side of the island.

“There’s some leftover pizza in there I think,” He said, although his tone was evident he was forcing the words out.

“Thanks.” She responded awkwardly and looked at the choices spread in front of her. The thing was packed. It was pretty easy to find the box, she took it out and set it on the island. She opened the lid and her stomach did a sudden flip, forcing her to close it quickly.

“What? Not up to the caliber the Brotherhood provides?”

“What?” She looked up to his face to be meet with hooded eyes staring at her over his can. “No. No. It’s jus’ its Pepperoni and ham. An’ ahm a vegetarian...or...or Carol’s a vegetarian. Ah....ah don’t really know.”

Suddenly the girl in front of him got very pale and her last few words were shaky and quiet at best. He put his can down and stood up, moving over to her. She jumped back. He pretended to not notice her reaction and just opened the fridge door.

“I think....there’s some ...yep. Right here.” He reached deep in the back and pulled out a white container. “Fried rice. It’s got carrots and celery and stuff chopped up in it.”

Her head moved up from the container to his face. Her green eyes were sparkling slightly and a quick, fleeting smile pop up. “Thank ya, Colossus.”

“Peter,” he corrected her with a shrug. “Colossus is my---”

“Kick bad guys’ ass name?” She guessed reaching for the white container.

The big Russian smiled and nodded. “Yeah. I was going to say codename. But that’s a good way to put it too.” He turned behind him and pulled a fork out of a drawer and handed it to her. “And you’re...”

“Rogue.”

“Well, yeah. I mean what’s your real name? Not your--” He stopped himself from repeating her words like he was going to and cut it down to just, “ your kick ass name.”

She stared down into the cold rice as she stirred it. “Rogue’s the only name ah got.”

“Oh. Okay.” He mumbled because he didn’t really know what to say. He sat down on his stool again and picked up his soda. He watched her as she moved almost painfully slow, moving a near empty fork to her mouth, and then still longer to swallow. Looking at her now it was hard to see the same girl who use to fly suicide right into him and send them both through a brick wall.

“So...” He started, trying to fight off the awkward silence that stretched between them when Kitty suddenly came running into the room. She managed to screech to a halt before she hit the island, drawing two pairs of startled eyes to her.

“Peter!” She slap the top of the island, narrow her eyes at him.

“..What?”

She sighed loudly, casting a long, cold, telling look over to Rogue before turning back to him. “What are you doing?”

He looked back and forth from one girl to the other. Kitty was deep brown eyes were boring into him and Rogue was staring down into her rice again, although she kept clicking her tongue on her teeth. Just as he opened his mouth to apologize to his girlfriend her full attention turned to Rogue.

“Did you ask if you could have that before you just took it?” Kitty’s hand went to her hip.

Rogue cocked an eyebrow at her before lifting her head completely. “Why? Is’t yours?”

“No. But did you bother to think if it was before you just took what you wanted?!” she snapped back.

“Kitty, I gave---” Peter tried to explained but was quickly silenced by her.

“This isn’t the Brotherhood,” the small girl went on. “We have *rules* here. But those are sort of like laws, so...I guess I can see how you’d have a problem understanding that.”

Rogue’s jaw dropped as she stared down at the little pixie of a girl. “Oh, honey, ya are writtin’ a check that tiny lil’ ass of yours can’t cash.”

Kitty’s eyes went wide. “Are you *threatening* me?! Peter, did you hear that?!”

“Yeah,” he groaned and jumped off his stool, separating the two girls. He wrapped his arms around her waist and started moving her towards the door. “Come on, let’s just get out of here.”

“That’s right!” She yelled to Rogue from behind his arm. “You aren’t worth it. You aren’t a X-Man! It’s only a matter of time before Professor turns your over to the authorities!”

Rogue watched the big guy maneuver her out of the room. When they left she shook her head and dug out another fork full of rice. “An’ ah thought ah was crazy.”


***************************


He strolled into the Danger Room and walked right into a Sentinel simulation. What was left of it anyway. There was one hunk of metal already down and steaming on the ground and currently Scott was blasting several knew holes in the remaining one. It soon exploded, making the whole room feel like it was shaking and then it collided to the ground, shaking it again.

“Computer, end simulation,” Cyclops declared and quickly everything faded away around them. Without turning around he said over his shoulder, “It’s against safety protocol to walk into the Danger Room mid-simulation, Logan. I’ve told you that before.”

“Aw, you know me, Scooter. Protocol is an awfully big word.” Logan shrugged walking further into the room.

Scott turned around, evidently not entertained. “Then get a dictionary and look it up.”

Logan snorted, “Yeah. I’ll get right on that. I wanted to see if Cyclops was the Greek god of dick-heads too.”

“Don’t you have a terrorist to watch?”

“Fuck Xavier. I ain’t keeping an eye on his damn security threat all day long. If he was that damn worried he shouldn’t have let her in.”

Scott crossed his arms over his chest, his eyebrows clenching together. “*You’re* why she in. Because you turned out ‘so well’. What? You don’t think she’s has the ability to change and become a beacon for good?”

“Hell no. If I’m the damn prototype.”

“Can’t argue with that. Is there something you want, Wolverine?”

With a smirk, the claws jumped out from their hiding place. “Yeah. I thought we could play.”

Scott sighed loudly and walked the long way around him. “Sorry. But I have a class to teach at two. Guess you’ll just have to use the drone me you programmed.”

“Oh? Saw that didya? Couldn’t help but look under dick-head, huh?”

“I was just a little surprised. I could have sworn I programmed you under asshole,” and with that Scott was gone.

Wolverine’s lips curled into a lopsided smirk. He loved when Scott came down to his level. “Computer, begin asshole simulation.”


***************************


He stalked out of the locker room and rubbed the towel over his head a couple of times before just dropping it on the floor outside of the door. It was a relatively short session for him, but the Wolverine simulation drove him fucking nuts. He never wanted to hear someone say ‘bub’ again for as long as he lived.

“Ah, Logan. Did you enjoy your workout?” Charles said as he came around the corner.

“Sure, Chuckie. Time of my life.”

“Good,” Xavier nodded, smiling wide. “I’m glad to hear that. I’m actually glad I ran into you. It seems are new resident is outside on the back patio.”

Logan shook his head, buttoning up the remaining buttons on his flannel shirt. “That so? Good. She’s pale as hell, sun’ll do her some good.”

Xavier lifted his chin, although the smile went nowhere. “Sunlight does have wonderful health benefits. Except, if I’m not mistaken, she is by herself.”

“See there. Everyone’s not pushing her just like you asked. Great bunch of kids you got here, Chuck.”

The telepath’s lips pursed together. “They are. Although, I’m quite sure she’d enjoy some company.” He smiled again, adding, “While she is taking advantage of the health benefits of the sun.”

“Listen, Professor. I did what you asked last night. I sat there a total of five minutes before she told me to either put out or get out. And she didn’t look particularly interested in my putting out. So I suggest you get someone else to keep the little psychopath company.”

“It’s take time to develop trust, Logan. And, please, do not call her that to her face.” Xavier shook is head. Because really medically speaking that was what she was, which meant there was no way to know how she’d react to the term. “And you have a marvelous opportunity to build that trust a little more. Right now.”

“God damnit,” Wolverine swore, stomping past the wheel chair bound man.



*****************************


The back patio of the mansion faced out onto the various grass fields the kids used to play soccer, or football, or whatever sport was in at the time. And because it didn’t have a cover to it the sunlight beat down on it without any mercy, except for the few trees strategically planted for shade.

He didn’t see her. He contemplated for a second if that meant he was off the hook or not. Xavier couldn’t say he didn’t try, it wasn’t his fault if she took off somewhere else. But then a slightly sweet rose smell wafted to his nose. He swore under his breath and followed it. It led him directly to who he was afraid it would. The girl was sitting on the ground behind a bench, behind a tree. Not enjoy the health benefits of the sun in the least.

“You hidin’?” He asked walking up to her.

She was scribbling on a piece of pad of paper. It was close to her chest so he couldn’t see what. “If ah was hidin’ do ya think ya’d have actually found me?” She sassed back, still working away at whatever was in her lap.

“Oh, I dunno,” He groaned as he sat down on the bench beside her. It was at least three feet too low for him. “I’m pretty good at finding things.”

From his position he could get a glimpse at the paper. She wasn’t writing, but sketching. It wasn’t an image, though, nothing he could recognize. Just jagged, random lines moving all over the paper. ‘Psychopath’ he mental repeated to himself.

“Ya know,” she started, cocking her head at an angle as she studied her work. “Ah feel like ah know ya pretty good, Wolverine.”

He snorted, pulling a cigar out of his inside-shirt pocket.

She smiled and turned her head to look up to him. She gave her temple a tap. “Hell, ah’ve thought ah was you before. Long time ago,” she shrugged when he lifted an eyebrow at her. “So ah gotta say, sugah. Ah’ve neva figured you much of the welcome wagon type.”

“Then I guess you don’t know me as good as you thought,” he lit his cigar and took a long drag from it, enjoying the comforting thick smoking filling his lungs.

The girl below him sighed, her voice lost all its playfulness, “What are ya doin’ here, Logan?”

His eyes narrowed at his name and she tapped her head again in response. Without anymore explanation she went back to her sketch. He waited, watching her. For what he didn’t know. But she just kept drawing, stopping only to occasionally move her blowing, wild hair when it got in her face.

The silence stretched on and he settled for just trying to enjoy it and his cigar. Technically he was still doing what Xavier wanted him to. Every now and then the kids playing in the distance would flare up and he could hear them screaming at each other or whatever. But then the silence would come back and it would be just the wind blowing gently in his face.

“Why don’t ya tell ‘em?” Rogue suddenly asked.

He blew a long breath of smoke before looking down at her. “What?”

“Ya know,” she shrugged, drawing another violent long line. “That ya can speak ova thirty different languages, can write Haiku, have a geographical map of Europe in ya head, all that kinda stuff.”

“Because,” he grunted, very uncomfortable about her in-depth knowledge into him. Stuff he didn’t willingly share with anyone. Stuff she sucked out of him.

“Because ya don’t want ‘em ta think ya smart,” she surely stated. Then she added large sweeping circles onto the paper.

He nearly choked on her words and the smoke in his lungs. “Excuse me?!”

“Ya don’t want ‘em ta think ya smart, then they’d have higher expectations for ya.” She went on, turning her head slightly towards him so he could see a third of her face. “Because, really, ya not that smart. Ya’ve jus’ lived for so damn many years ya’ve had time ta pick up a few things.”

“You gotta point or you just trying to see how much you can insult me before I claw you?” he growled out, clenching his cigar tightly in his teeth.

She leaned back against the bench, resting her head against the seat a few inches away from his leg. “Mah point is that’s what Mystique was tryin’ ta do— Make me smart. But, really, she was jus’ addin’ a few more years each time.”

“So it was all mommy’s fault?” he huffed.

“No. One mama was a dumb ass hick an’ tha otha a criminal mastermind. Ah jus’ got caught in the middle.”

“Well, for what its worth,” he finally looked down at her. “I think you take after your birth mother.”

She actually laughed, which was something he didn’t expect. It was light and smooth, almost nothing like her normally deep, gravelly voice. She sat up, still giggling. “Yeah. Yeah, me too.” He couldn’t help the grin that crept up on him at the sound of her laughter.

“Seriously, though,” She said, continuing her drawing. “What tha hell are ya doin’?”

Logan took the cigar out of his mouth and flick away some ashes then rolled it between his fingers. “Maybe I just like your company, darlin’.”

She snorted, looking up at him quickly then back at her work. “Try again.”

“Alright, you got me,” He replied, tucking his cigar back in the corner of his mouth. “I hate your damn life sucking guts. Whatca drawing?” His tone was even and light and she didn’t seem phased by his admission or sudden change of topic at all.

“Itsa airplane.”

“Why an airplane?”

“Because. Carol likes airplanes. An’ ah like ta draw, makes all the tension go away for a while.” That’s when he notice she wasn’t twitching. Her small gloved hand was still and smooth as it dragged the pencil along the page. Then she turned her head up and flash him a mesmerizing bright smile that made him dizzy.

“Ah have a *lot* of pictures of airplanes,” she admitted, dimples showing on her cheeks from her grin.

He was suddenly very uncomfortable. Uncomfortable with where he was sitting, how he was sitting, and who he was sitting with. Before he knew it he had thrown his cigar on the ground and smashed it under his boot, just to give his body something to do.

“If you ask me it doesn’t look much like an airplane,” he growled in a rough voice.

Again, she didn’t react to his insult, just kept doing what she was doing. “Itsa damn good thing ah ain’t askin’ ya then, isn’t it?”

Silence again crept up between them. For him it was almost painful. She, on the other hand, was too engrossed in her drawing that, even he had to admit, was slowly turning into an airplane. Instead of watching her he looked on to the kids playing far away from them. They were playing basketball on one of the two courts by the garage. He could hear them yelling for passes and cheering at points but not much else from the distance.

“Okay ah give,” Rogue suddenly dropped her pencil loudly onto the pad and snapped her head around to face him. “What in tha *hell* are ya doing?!”

“What?” He asked, thoroughly confused since he wasn’t doing anything.

“Sittin’ there!”

“I can’t sit? You ain’t been here long enough to be territorial, darlin’.”

“Ah don’t give a rat’s ass where ya sit, ah’m jus’ wonderin’ why its gotta be by me?”

He shrugged, leaning his back against the tree, mentally sending Xavier as much hate mail as he could come up with. But he kept his tone nonchalant with her, “Gotta be somewhere.”

She quickly rose to her feet, tucking her pad under her arm. “Whateva, ahm goin’ ta my room. And ah swear ta God if ya follow me ah will suck ya dry.”

Logan watched her stomp back in through the back door. Once she was out of his sight he released the claws, taking a deep breath in the relief that flooded through him. He swore to himself that Xavier was going to pay for this. He wasn’t sure what yet, but it was going to be very expensive.

Chapter Four: Tag Team


The very next day she was in the same situation she was in the same time yesterday. Sitting in Xavier’s office. Waiting. Except for she spent most of the down time cursing her right arm for its continuous, rebellious jerks. Until another minute went by, then she’d curse Xavier.

More later than sooner he came in, stopping just inside of the doorway. Behind him was a very sullen looking Storm.

“Rogue,” he greeted.

Rogue glanced a quick warning look at the other woman, who was completely blocking the door way, before responding to him. “Ya late, Xavier. Again.”

“Professor Xavier,” he corrected her. “And, yes, I know. I’m terribly sorry. And I’m sorry, more over, that I am going to have to cancel this session. There is a pressing matter I must see to.”

She jumped to her feet, her face flush with anger. Storm took a few steps forward at her sudden hostility but Rogue could see nothing past Xavier. “Ya don’t think mah sanity is a ‘pressing matter’!?” she yelled.

“No, my dear. That is ridiculous,” Xavier tried to calm her. “We will simply reschedule for some time later in the day. Is that all right?”

Rogue rolled her eyes, crossing her arms over her chest. “Fine. Whateva.”

“Good. Good. We’ll meet late this afternoon.”

“Professor,” Scott appeared in the door. Storm took a step to the side. He nodded a greeting to her and he fell right into place beside her. “We have to go now.”

“Of course. Rogue, I will see you later.” He turned around and moved to towards the door. Storm stepped into the office, clearly out of his way, while Scott stepped into the hall to let him pass. Then he immediately left, following the professor.

The room became quiet and extremely cold. The two woman made no attempt to hide their hateful glares at each other. It was only a matter of seconds before Storm’s hand curled into a fist.

Rogue saw the action and leaned on her hip. “Ya gonna punch me again?” She challenged the goddess.

“No,” came her short response.

“Ya’d like ta, though. But ya don’t wanna make big daddy mad at ya,” Rogue smirked, moving her traitorous arm behind her to keep it hidden from the other woman.

“Do not talk about Xavier like that,” Storm snapped, narrowing her eyes at her.

“Sorry,” she shrugged, evidently not sorry not at all. “Jus’ callin’ ‘em like ah see ‘em.”

The taller woman stepped forward, her teeth clenched tightly together. Rogue made no attempt to back down from her though, but instead kept her ground. Finally Storm stopped when there was just a chair standing between them.

“You are the basest form of life,” She started with a sneer. “Carol Danvers is three times the woman you are. And more of an X-Man that you will ever be.”

“She ain’t here, though, sugah. Is she?”

From the look in Storm’s deep brown eyes Rogue was sure she was going to go flying into the desk. But just as she was bracing herself Storm suddenly just turned around, stomping out of the room. When the door slammed shut behind her Rogue finally fell back to lean against the desk.

She took a deep breath while the muscles in her thighs jumped and constricted on their own. At least the worst of it had waited until her new teammate had left the room. Collapsing of the floor was a horribly way to loose a stand off. And the Rogue never lost a stand off.

Storm’s words had peaked Carol’s interest. They all but fueled the persona, giving her a burst of strength to try and take control. To make things worse she both agreed and disagreed with Storm. It wasn’t hard to tell which thought was hers, but both were felt intensely in her head, which made for one hell of a headache.

She rubbed her jerking arm; sometimes that helped to soothe and clam down the muscles. To get some resemblance of control back she tried to concentrate on things she knew she liked. Things she knew were her and not coming from someone else. It was hard to find memories, feelings like that anymore. But there was one shred she held on tightly to. Carol was allergic to strawberries. She fucking loved strawberries. So she sat for a few more minutes, rubbing her arm and her leg thinking ‘strawberries, strawberries, strawberries...’



When she came out of Xavier’s office the hallway was amazingly empty. Not completely empty, it seemed like it never was. But there was just a few kids walking, carrying books, talking to their friends. She wondered how anyone ever got use to this. People around all the time. Lots of people, no matter what time of day it was.

“Excuse me,” a tiny voice said behind her. She turned around to find a big girl who was probably eleven or twelve but looked like she had to be short for her age. Although, she didn’t really know what the usual twelve year olds looked like. The girl’s face was all flush and she was tugging on bottom of her shirt either from nervousness or just because she was upset. And she had the biggest brown eyes Rogue had ever seen. “Can you help me?”

Rogue was a little startled but kneeled down to the girl’s height, careful to stay away, out of arms reach from her. “Sure, sweetheart, what’s wrong?”

“A couple of the older kids took my diary and put it up on a shelf in Professor Summers’ class room. I tried to stand on a chair, but I still couldn’t reach,” she explained in a hushed tone, looking around her as she spoke.

“Oh, sure,” Rogue stood to her feet. “Jus’ show me where---”

“It’s okay, Amy,” the sudden German accent startled her and she wiped around to the blue demon coming up from behind her. “I’ll help you.”

“Thanks, Kurt,” the young girl beamed at him. He took her small hand into his blue one and shot Rogue a deadly glare before leading the small girl down the hall.

Rogue stood in shock, watching them walk away from her. She turned her head, looking around her, as if she was looking for someone else to declare how rude that was. But the people moving about around her just kept going about their business, completely unaware of anything that happened.

“What tha *hell*!” She vented out loud.




********************************



He had learned his lesson the last time. Instead of going straight for barreling the door down he gave the knob a twist and sure enough it was unlocked.

First thing that took him by surprise was that the room was in complete darkness. It was well into the evening but Xavier told him she’d just left him from their session. So he found it hard to believe she had already gotten into bed.

It took some feeling along the wall but he finally found the switch and filled the room with light. The girl groaned, at least a curled up lump under a blanket at the foot of the bed groaned. It made him a little bit happy. At least this brilliant plan of Xavier’s was annoying the both of them.

“I’m getting a little sick of bringing you food,” he said as he shut the door and stalked further into the room.
“Then stop.”

He sat the plate down on the desk and then the bottle of water he had tucked under his arm. The Professor’s new idea was not to let her have any sugar. He told him that he wasn’t the Wolverine catering service to which Xavier replied he was tonight. Made him wonder when Xavier had gotten such an attitude.

Logan decided to figure out how to deal with him later and tried to concentrate on the problem at hand. Walking up to the foot of the bed he grabbed the edge of the blanket and pulled hard. The girl screeched at the sudden air and jumped to her knees.

“Give it back, ya giant ass!” She yelled reaching out, but he held it behind him, a long way from her grasping hands.

She was still wearing her gloves, which surprised him. Who was she worried about touching under a blanket alone in her room? But he figured it was working in his favor since she was clawing at his arm, trying to pull it closer. He wonder why she just didn’t get off the bed, instead of stretching as far as she could. Getting no where.

“Ahm freezing!” She whined with a little whimper on the end as she made another valiant attempt at the blanket.

He looked at her skeptically. The long white bangs that framed her face were stuck flat against her and there was a long glistening sheen down the side of her neck. “How could you be freezing? You’re sweating.”

“Because ah am!” She yelled just as a hard jerk sent her falling back on the bed, flat on her butt.

His gut wrenched at the sight in front of him. Tremors started racking through her body with force, damp hair hanging over her back and shoulders. But she was trying to sit back up, fighting against the harsh movements of her body. Her face was a picture of sheer pain and determination. Strength showed through her dark green eyes, even as her body betrayed her.

When she made it into a sitting position, sitting Indian style on the very corner of her bed, he willing offered up the stolen blanket. She quickly snatched it out of his hand and wrapped it around her body.

“Is it always that bad?” He asked, slightly mesmerized.

“No,” she said through the chattering of her teeth and added sarcastically, “Jus’ afta Xavier helps.”

He nodded, sitting down on the arm chair by the window. He understood the feeling, he was familiar with Xavier’s mental help. Time stretched on as he stared out the window, watching the cloud move slowly along, covering the stars. She sat on the bed, soon her tremors lessened, and she was basically just shaking from her abnormal cold. They sat for a while like that, unmindful of the other’s presence. Two people alone in the same room.

Eventually the calm night bored him and he turned to look at her again. She was tucking a dangling white strand back behind her ear as she stared at the wall in front of her.

“So, I heard you pissed the hell out of ‘Ro,” he brought up just because it was the big topic downstairs.

Confused green eyes looked back at him. “Who?”

“Storm,” he explained. “White hair. Goddess. Knocked you through a window the other day.”

“Oh,” Rogue relaxed. “Yeah. She can blow me.”

She cracked a small smile at him and he couldn’t help but laugh heartily at her joke. It was so bad, and no one ever made jokes about Ororo around the mansion. It was disrespectful.

Rogue shrugged, stretching her legs out in front of her. “Somethin’ about how much Carol’s better than me or whateva.”

“Carol is a damn fine woman,” he seconded, his voice suddenly very stern. “And a good friend of mine.”

“You do that with all ya friends?” At her words his eyes narrowed, anger showing through them from her uninvited invasion into his personal life.

“Sorry,” she quickly apologized, wrapping the blanket tighter around her. “I’m not quite up to suppressing memories right now.”

He wanted to be furious with her, but damn if she just wasn’t looking completely pathetic. He settled for a ‘humpf’ and turned back to look out the window.

“Ya know,” she started, forcing his attention back to her. “Ah don’t know why everybody here is ridin’ mah ass about her. Mystique thought she was gonna *kill* me. Those damn goody-goodies gonna say they wouldn’t do tha same thing? Besides, ah hear she’s doing jus’ fuckin’ fine now. Got more powers than before an’ everythin’.”

He wasn’t sure if she was talking to him or just in general because she was speaking towards the wall. “Yeah. Except she doesn’t have a clue who she is anymore.”

“Well, fuck!” The girl yelled, her head turned around to face him. “Tell her ‘welcome to god damn club mutant’. Ah’ll buy her a damn drink.”

She had a point. He didn’t have a damn clue who the hell he was either. The Wolverine. A cold tag around his neck with a bunch of numbers. Random flashes of dark memories. That was it, all he had to base who he was after. Now that he thought about it he found it hard to still feel bad for Carol. Xavier had restored most of her memories after she came out of the coma. She just didn’t remember living them. She said they were distance, that they had no feeling for her. But now that he thought about it. She still had more than he did.

“Actually,” he stood up and walked over to the desk. He grabbed a now cold roll off the plate and took a large bite out of it. “I hear she’s developed quite a drinking problem.”

“Really?....Huh.” Rogue stood up too, slowly, then grabbed some of the carrots off the plate. “Guess ah jus’ have that effect on people.”

“Haven’t had a beer since you got here,” he admitted, although he wasn’t sure why.

“Well, shit.” She dropped the remaining carrots back on the plate and wiped her hand on her jeans. “Let’s go. Ya drive, ah’ll buy.”



*****************************


They left right after she found her long green cloak. She had never been in the garage before and was carefully studying the stream lined cars neatly lined up. He tapped her shoulder and handed her a helmet. She looked down at it, her mouth dropping into a frown. She said she didn’t think she had enough control over her legs for a motorcycle. He could tell she was disappointed. He was a little let down himself, for some reason he was eager to get her on his bike. So instead he hot wired one of Scott’s precious mustangs, which made her giggle, so everything seemed alright.

They drove in silence. Occasionally he looked down to her lap, where she was her hands clenched together, obviously trying to steady them. Then he’d drive faster.

When they got there, she immediately headed to the bar. It pissed him off a little bit because he never sat at the bar, but his usual booth in the back was occupied. Which pissed him off too. In a moment of generosity he decided to drop. If she was paying she could pick where they sat.

“Molsons,” he grunted to the bartender as they sat down.

Rogue pulled her hood down, smiling at the elder man behind the bar. “Ah’ll have a Budlight.”

“I’m gonna need to see some I.D., cupcake.”

She rolled her eyes, but pulled a small square card out of her back pocket and laid it down on the bar. He gave her a skeptic look when he picked up. After mulling over it for a while he looked up.

“Nice hair,” he said, and slid it back to her. Then he turned around, evidently off to get their beers.

Rogue reached for it but Logan’s hand came down over it with a hard slap. She looked up surprised to find he was already looking at her. He picked it up and studied it himself.

“You ain’t twenty-four,” he huffed, tossing it back to her.

“Ah ain’t Erika Lane Thompson either. What’s ya point?”

He shook his head, a slight smirk on his lips. Scott would flip, that’s all he could think. Their beers were put down in front of them. The bartender barely had the caps off before the two of them were eagerly reaching for them.

She had taken a rather petite sip of hers when a loud, deep gulp caught her by surprise. She watched in fascination as his neck constricted, his Adam’s apple bobbing, once, twice, three times and then the bottle was completely empty.

“‘Nother,” he waved the empty bottle at the barkeep before setting down on the bar top.

“Shit, sugah. Ah not gonna havta knock ova a liquor store ta pay for this am ah?”

He laughed once as his new beer was placed in front of him. “If that’s want you wanna do we’re wasting our time here. You might as well just steal the liquor.”

“Ya ain’t gonna tell me how that would be against the X-Men code of conduct?”

“Not if you share.”

It was her turn to laugh, although it came at an inopportune moment because she nearly choked on the beer still moving down her throat. She wiped the bit that came out of her nose on her glove with a coyness he hadn’t thought was possible.

“Alright,” she said, turning sideways on her stool to face him. “Let’s hear it. What’s it really like? Bein’ an X-Man?”

“Summers would tell you it is an inspiring ability to do good in the world and improve the lives of others. That it’s the best feeling in the world,” he answered into his beer.

“‘Kay, so what’s it really?”

He smiled and downed the rest of the bottle. “It’s okay,” he answered with a shrug.

“Logan----”

He turned his head when she choked out his name. Her body was rigid and still, which she wasn’t usually. Something was seriously not right, but for the life of him he couldn’t place it. He quietly said her name but got no response. She still had a vacant look on her face; she didn’t even blink. That’s when he placed it. Sudden bursts of blues and greys would cloud over her normally deep, clear emerald eyes.

He began to panic, unsure of what to do. He should have thought before he took her out of the mansion. They were at least twenty minutes away from anyone that could help her. What worried him was she wasn’t breathing either. Nothing was functioning except for the chaotic play of colors in her eyes. He just kept saying her name over again, trying to snap her out of whatever comatose state she was it, lost as to what else he could do.

Just as he was sure he’d be taking a body back to Xavier she snapped out of whatever stupor she was in. She woke up with a loud, long gasp as she tried to pull air into her lungs. Logan had to move quickly, placing a hand on her back to keep her from falling off the stool.

“Hey, she okay?” The bartender yelled from the other end of the bar.

“Asthma,” Logan quickly explained. “She’s fine.”

Rogue slumped down onto the bar top, her hand clenching at her chest as she continued to pant. He kept his hand on her back, unsure if she was done or not or if she was going to go into severe tremors after that.

“You alright?” he asked when her breathing regulated a little bit.

She shook her head, reaching for her beer. He watched and waited as she gulped the half-filled bottle down. When it was empty he called out to the bartender to bring them both another one before she had it sat down. He didn’t really know about her but he definitely needed it. Then he added a couple of shots to his order.

“What the hell was that?” Logan demanded after the bartender was once again out of hearing range. Then he threw back a shot.

“Carol,” she answered between breaths, rubbing her forehead. “Let’s jus’ say she wanted a private conversation between tha two of us.”

“Fuck,” he swore, taking out two more shots. “No more power plays until we get back, you got that?”

She snorted, grabbing her new beer. “Ah’ll do mah best.”

He continued to watch her out of the corner of his eye, though, just to be on the safe side. The fingers on her right hand would randomly move, tapping on the bar, but that seemed to be about it. Besides his side line vigil they both just mainly concentrated on their drinks. He lit a cigar and the soothing smoke did much more good for his nerves then the five shots he ended up downing. When she finished her second beer he asked if she wanted another one. She said no, she was done for the night. He was slightly surprised by that and she must have been able to tell. She explained that she was having a hard enough time walking, how stupid would she be to add a drunk stumble to it? Besides, with Carol’s persona in her she was evidently predisposed for alcohol abuse. He knew she was trying to make a joke. It just wasn’t funny that time. His face let her know he thought as much and it drastically reduced her mood.

“Good guys suck,” she huffed, trying to peel at the label of her empty bottle.

He flicked the ashes of his cigar onto a nearby ashtray. “No, darlin’. Good whores suck.”

Her eyes went wide by his crass words, which both surprised him and elated him. She didn’t know him as well as she liked to think she did.

“What ah meant is everybody’s been real asses to me since ah got here. Hell, even Toad’s got a better disposition.”

Whether it was because her mood had darken or the topic she was delving into her shakes had spread up her arm and into her legs. All the extra movements made him nervous. If somebody was dancing about all the time he made it harder to read them, to anticipate their actions. He tried to keep reminding his self that she couldn’t help it, she wasn’t trying anything. But it did little good and he was suddenly ready to leave.

“Come on,” he said, pushing to his feet.

She looked up at him, surprised. “We leavin’?”

“Yeah,” he grunted and turned around. Walking right into some six-foot trucker.

“Watch it, shortie,” stale breath flooded his senses just before the man shoved him. He could feel his hackles rising on the back of his neck and just as he opened his mouth to say something the girl was up and by his side.

He looked quickly to her, briefly wondering what the hell she thought she was doing before giving the big buzz cut in front of him his attention. “Back off, bub,” he growled, low and deep.

As soon as the warning left his lips two other neanderthals appeared on either side of buzz cut. The man nodded and his two companions with a grin. “Or you’re gonna do what?”

“Or we’re gonna knock ya back, ass wipe,” a thick southern drawl beside him snapped back. Four sets of eyes fell onto her. Logan had to attempt, he was just as surprised as the drunkards.

“That’s your posse?” The man laughed, followed shortly by the other two. “A girl? Just stay out of this, kitten, we wouldn’t want you to get hurt.”

‘Oh shit’ Logan said to himself and sure enough Rogue’s eyes started to dramatically darken. He quickly pushed her behind him, breaking her sight of the man. Xavier said she wasn’t up to physical activity, which meant now he had to figure out a way to keep her from beating the shit out of this guy.

“Just go get another drink,” he snarled at the man. “And get the fuck out of our way.”

“I think you need taught some manners, shortie---” The man reached for the front of his shirt. Logan let him get a grab before his hands shot up, locking around his arms. He lifted the guy to his feet and with a roar slammed him down on the nearest table. Bottles flew everywhere but the table held up so he raise his fist to a deliver a blow to buzz cut’s face. Something stopped his arm and looked up, snarling at one of the man’s sidekicks grabbing him.

He wasn’t there long before he heard another roar, then there was a flash of green before the guy was launched half way across the bar. ‘So much for no physical activity’ he thought to himself then landed the punch in buzz cut’s face. The impact sent the man tumbling off the table where he collided with a chair before falling to the floor.

Logan turned around just as the third guy took a swing at Rogue. She gracefully bobbed under it before coming back up, slamming an uppercut into the man’s gut. He bent over, clenching his stomach, spit flying out of his mouth. Then she grabbed the back of his shirt and with another near Amazonian scream hurtled him. The bartender jumped out of the way as he went flying over the bar top and colliding with the glass shelving along the wall behind it.

It was nice not being on the receiving end of it, Logan had to admit. And a lot more fun to watch. Too much fun.

“Behind ya!” She screamed but it was too late. Sharp burning pain flared into his lower back and he went down. He groaned was nausea whipped over him, fully his anger even more. His hand shot to the source of the pain to find the handle of a knife sticking out of his back.

“Son of a bitch,” he swore as he jerked it out. No one else could have possibly heard the words though, he barely did, through all the pounding of wood snapping and the ringing out of glass shattering.

The wound quickly mended and he rubbed the stop for a second before getting to his feet. He was meet with the sight of everyone in the bar cowering against the walls. Everyone except buzz cut who was now dangling in the air by his neck, Rogue’s glove hand tightly clenched around his throat.

“Drop him, Rogue,” he yelled out. Everyone in the bar’s head moved around to him with a mixture of shock and awe. She however, only tightening her grip on the whimpering man’s neck.

“Now,” he said growled, walking over to her. “It’s time to go, darlin’.”

Clear green eyes searched his, and it was all he could do not to back down from the intensity of them. Suddenly a smile spread onto her face and she turned her head to look back at the man. Blood and snot were dripping out of his nose, oozing down onto his split lip.
Then she did exactly what he asked her to and dropped him. The man hit the floor of the bar with an echoing boom. She look a few steps backing, watching him as he rolled and moaned on the floor.

Satisfied she patted Logan’s shoulder then said she’d be right back and ran off towards the bar.

Logan bent down and grabbed the from of the man’s shirt, easily lifting him back to his feet. Buzz cut barely got another whimper out before Logan had him slammed against one of the wood support beams, his hard metal clad body pressing him into it.

“This yours?” he snarled, pointing the knife at the guy’s neck. The other man started openly crying, shaking his head and muttering in coherent babble.

At the bar Rogue jumped up on the top, crossing her legs and leaning so she could see behind it. Kneeling on the floor was the shaking bartender just a few feet from an unconscious man. She smiled wide at him and pulled a wad of cash out of her pocket.

She flipped a couple of bills and laid back on the bar so she could lay them on the hidden shelf under it. “Sorry,” she said sweetly then jumped back down. He breathed a sigh of relief when she was gone only to have her face popped back over ledge.

“On second thought---” She added a few more bills with the others then smiled at him again and then disappeared.

Logan slammed the guy back into the pillar again, but still no actually words came out of the stammering man’s mouth. The sweet scent of fear clogged his senses and Wolverine bathed in it. He pulled the knife back and roared again as he stabbed it. The man screamed as the knife embed in the wood above his head.

“Ya ready?”

“Yeah,” he grunted and pushed off buzz cut. Who promptly feel to a heap of the floor.

Rogue led the way out and as soon as they were in the cool night air he released the claws, finally in relief from the pain of them pushing against his knuckles. The girl turned around at the sound of the sliding metal.

She took a tentative step towards him and the look in her eyes startled him. She was breathing deeply, as if she was drinking in his presence and then he realized he was doing the same thing. Before he knew it she was close, her chest barely grazing against his. Her breath gently caressing his chin.

His hands came up, wrapping around her upper arms to keeping her from getting any closer. It was a reflex and he had a terrifying feeling that it had nothing to do with her skin. Her hair wiped and blew around them, surrounding him in sweet rose, completely flooded the smell of buzz cut’s fear out of his nose. It should have calmed him, but his eyes feel to slightly parted mouth, framed with lush moist lips and he was nothing close to calm. He forced himself to look back up to her eyes. They were shining bright in the dark, perfect clear emerald orbs.

“You’re not shaking,” he observed, confused as to how his voice got so breathless.

“Ah’m not?” She seemed authentically surprised, though her eyes still bored into his. He shook his head. Because his mouth was suddenly too dry for words and his heart was pounding against his chest.

“Ah’m not...” she said again, stepping back from him, looking down at her hands.

“Maybe ahm— ” Her words were cut off as his mouth crashed down onto hers. His hands went up to the side of her face, keeping her in place as he assaulted her lips. He was lost in their velvet softness and the feeling of her hair falling over his claws, caressing the skin between his fingers. It took a second but she finally started kissing him back, matching his pressure.

He moaned as he bit her bottom lip, tugging gently on it. And then there was only pain. Burning white pain that coursed through his body before there was nothing.

She was mad at him. Maybe mad wasn’t the right word for it. She was furious at him. He got the distinct impression that if it wouldn’t mean her direct departure from Xavier’s she would have liked to rip the adamantium right off his bones.

When he came to the car was jerking to right, then snapping back to the left, swerving all over the thankfully deserted road. He could smell the anger and tension pouring off her as he slowly eased into reality. And then he made one of the biggest mistakes of his life. He opened his eyes.

It only took her a mere second to register his conciseness. If it was possible her face got even more flushed. She began swatting and beating his arm, swearing at him at how he ruins everything or some crazed talk like that. He took the beating, just because she had drained too much of his energy for him to do much else.

Either the tremors were back or she was just shaking with fury but one unstable hand on the wheel and the other pounding on him did not make for a comforting driving situation. And she drove like that the whole way back. He thought he actually screamed once as they neared way too close to the trees on the side of the road, only to be wiped back across the street.

It took four times as long to get back to Xavier’s but he was whole so he wasn’t complaining. As soon as the car came to a stop she jumped out and slammed her door shut. It rocked and teetered from her super human strength but never actually fell over. He watched as she stomped off towards the door, muttering in a thick twang he had no hope of deciphering. Except for he was pretty sure there was an ‘ass’ in there.

He stayed in the car for a little while, just enjoying the dark (she had turned off the lights on her way out). He couldn’t help but grin at the thought that it was their third kiss. Twice when she was with the Brotherhood and now tonight. And it was easily the best one yet.



*************************


“Well you slept in late,” Scott pointed out as Logan came dragging his feet into the kitchen. He grunted at the other man. What he need was coffee and now.

Scott continued taking groceries out of the bags and stocking them away but he kept watching Logan out of the corner of his eye. The other man was practically shuffling his feet across the kitchen floor. His big paws of hands fumbled pathetically with the coffee marker. It was all Scott could do not to laugh when growling at it evidently wasn’t going to make it work.

“Late night?” He guessed.

Seven hours of sleep and he was still no where near up to words so Logan gave him another nondescript grunt in response. He dragged his heavy metal body to the island and plopped it down onto a stool. The coffee was disgusting and everything was sore; he finally managed a word, “Fuck.”

“Logan, we need to talk,” Scott said as he shut the pantry door.

Logan cocked an eyebrow at him, looking up from his cup. Only woman and Summers said ‘we need to talk’. Scott followed it with a loud sigh as he moved closer to him and Logan wondered if he was going to give him some commitment speech.

“I know she’s very attractive,” Scott started off, with another sigh. “And I’m sure her background holds some kind of alluring quality for you. But--”

“What the hell are you talking about, Scooter?”

Scott sighed, again, and it was all Logan could do to keep the claws in. “You know what I’m talking about. Rogue.”

“And? What about her?” He took a big gulp of his coffee, thinking it was missing something important. Like scotch.

“About you starting a physical relationship with her,” Scott’s teacher voice kicked in. “It’s not a good idea, Logan. Forget for a second we can’t be sure where her loyalties lie. But what about her? She’s new here, no one talks to her. You’re taking advantage of her loneliness. She probably thinks you really care for her, when you’re just doing Xavier a favor. If you keep it up and she finds out— she’s going to be crushed.”

Logan snorted and scratched his muttonchops. “First off, mind your own damn business. Secondly, I don’t think you know how she thinks very well. Third, I ain’t doin’ shit ‘physically’ with her so relax.”

“She called Kitty ‘bub’ this morning.” Logan choked on his coffee, sending it flying across the counter top. “That’s what I thought. You touched her. More than willingly, I’ll bet.”

The rest of his coffee was quickly emptied down his throat. Scott grabbed a rag out of a drawer and threw it to him. The Fearless Leader crossed his arms over his chest and leaned back against the counter, obviously waiting.

“Fine. I kissed her, happy?” He went about cleaning up the spilt coffee, merely in the interest of not having to look at Scott’s face. “We went out last night. This prick picked a fight and we were beating the shit out of ‘em– all very innocent. Then the bastard went a stabbed me and it was a whole different fight, place got trashed. Anyway,” he shrugged, throwing the soiled rag back at him. “We left. It was dark, adrenalin was pumping, she was there, I was there, the claws were out, she wasn’t shaking. Nothin' happened, her skin drained the crap out of me so it didn’t get very far.”

Scott seemed to relax, putting the rag in the sink. “So that was it? Just post-fight adrenalin?”

“Her eyes–“ Logan started then seemed to catch himself. He coughed and fiddled with the empty cup in his hands.

Scott narrowed his eyes at him, stepping closer. “What about her eyes?”

“Nothing. Nothing,” Logan quickly dismissed him, waving his hand and jumping to his feet. Even with his back turned he could feel Summers’ eyes boring into him and he swore at his loose mouth, or brain, which ever was responsible for the slip. He busied himself with refilling his cup and the glaze was still there. Finally his patience snapped and he rounded on him, “What?!”

“You like her,” Scott stated.

“Screw you, One-eyed.”

“That’s not a no. Holy shit, you actually like her.” He shook his head, a small smile played across his lips then quickly dropped. “The Professor is not going to like this. He’s not going to like that you got in a bar fight with her, but he’s *really* not going to like this.”

“You gonna *tattle* on me?” Logan huffed in disbelief.

“No.” He sighed again. “No, of course not. But he’s a telepath, Logan. And you tend to project.”

“Well I’m not going to. Because I don’t like her. She’s just a good fight,” Logan said but it sounded like complete shit even to him.

Scott nodded, although Logan wanted to knock that smirk off his face. For added annoyance Scott patted his shoulder as he walked past him and out of the kitchen.


*************************


“What’s *she* doing here?” Kitty screeched as her and Peter walked out onto the lawn.

“Xavier,” Storm answered. “He wants her to sit in during training, since she’s part of the team. But she’s not allowed to participate.”

“Good,” Kurt rolled his eyes. “So the Brotherhood can know all our tactics?”

“She’s not Brotherhood anymore,” Peter pointed out, but quickly sank back down when Kitty, Storm, and Kurt glared at him.

“Just ignore her,” Storm commanded and they walked further out on the lawn.

Scott and Logan joined them a few minutes later and they began tactic training. Today they were suppose to work on hiding, one of Logan’s favorite things. It was basically a big game of hide and seek. Everyone ran off into the woods surrounding the mansion and tried to cover their tracks as best as possible, while finding an appropriate place to hide. They’d take turns on being ‘it’ and once you were found you had to help them find the others.

It was a game Logan always won, both finding and hiding. They already knew he would before they began but they were suppose to learn from it, in theory anyway. Practice makes perfect and all that. Storm actually got close this time, being able to fly above the tree tops helped a lot. But she still wasn’t able to find the Wolverine.

Rogue couldn’t really see much of the action. Occasionally one of them would walk in or out of the forest, evidently if it was their turn to be it or something. None of them called out to her or even spoke to her so she tried to just ignore them too. She had brought her paper out because Xavier told her she couldn’t participate. But all the sitting around wasn’t doing her control any good.

She never felt better than she had last night, after the fight. She felt whole, in control, and purely herself. Until Wolverine went and ruined it. His kissing was amazing, true; her skin felt like it was on fire. But he made her feel too good, awoke her skin too much and it evidently had to have more of him. Then the shaking was back, Carol was furious with her, and she wasn’t the least bit tipsy. He just ruins everything. And she was damn tired of just sitting here.



After Kitty wondered around for forty-five minutes and still hadn’t found anybody Scott called it for the day. They all came out of the woods, a collective unit seeping out through the dense tree-line. Slowly they started separating, Scott going to check on a fence he saw down while waiting for Kitty to find him, everyone else headed back towards the mansion.

Kitty, Peter, and Kurt went on about what they wanted to do tonight, maybe go see a movie or just stay in? Storm had pulled Logan a little farther back from the younger members. She asked him if he planned on meditating today. He said he didn’t know, probably though. She said he was welcomed to come to her room, she had a fountain and jasmine set up in her mediation space. He was welcome to use it. Maybe they could mediate together?

A distant screamed pulled them all out of their conversations. Their heads turned up towards the noise. A green blur was hurtling down from the sky, arms and legs flaying, her terrified screaming cutting through the wind.


“Logan!” Scott yelled from the trees, like Logan needed clarification as to who it was falling at record speeds towards the ground. He took off towards where she was coming down. But he wasn’t doing to make it, Logan knew, he was too damn far away, the metal in him making his body too slow.

Scott, however, was much closer and broke out into a dead run, quickly closing the distance. He barely got there in time but was able to open his arms just as she collided with his body. Scott was able to catch her but her speed sent them both crashing to the ground.

They landed in a tangle of limbs, neither moving. The X-Man rushed to their assistance only to be stopped by Rogue screaming again. A bright red laser shot from between the two bodies, scorching a line in the grass before taking out two trees in the distance.

“Rogue!” Logan yelled as they came up to him.

She came flying off Scott’s body, sliding on her butt and hands far away, her eyes clenched tightly shut. “NO! No don’t touch me!!” He stopped dead in his tracks at her ear piercing scream.

“Scott!” Storm yelled, kneeling down beside her friend. She pulled his head into her lap, but he didn’t respond. He was unconscious, his skin as cold as ice. “You did this!” The goddess screamed, “You attacked him!”

“No, no I didn’t—“ Rogue choked out, tears flowing from under eyes lids as she scooted further back away from them.

“You bitch!” Kitty snarled, “Take out the leader first, huh?! That’s what Mystique sent you for!” She launched herself towards Rogue only to stopped by Logan’s big body.

“Hey! HEY!” he yelled louder when he obviously wasn’t getting her attention. “Knock it off! It was an accident.”

“The hell is was, she did it on purpose!”

“Stop it!” He yelled, gently pushing her towards Colossus. “It was an accident and this isn’t get Scott help, is it??”

“Come on, Kurt, help me move him,” Peter’s timid voice cut through the tension. They carefully lifted him and went back into the house, a fuming Kitty reluctantly behind them.

Storm stood slowly to her feet. She looked up at Logan, her voice strained as she said, “I want her out of here.”

“‘Ro, you can’t think she’d fall out of the sky on----”

“I don’t care if it was on purpose!” She snapped. “I want her out.” She turned and left, closing any possibility of discussion.

Logan didn’t give a second thought to the anger goddess’s words and instead turned back around to the crying girl on the ground. He took a few slow steps towards her.

“Alright, darlin’, I’m right in front of you,” He said softly, “Jus’ keep your eyes shut tight, okay?”

She nodded, screwing her eyelids tighter shut. “Logan, it hurts–“

“I know,” he said, although he didn’t really. He moved to her side and slowly slid an arm around her back and under her knees so she’d know what he was doing. He was half afraid she’d jump back in terror at his touch but she just tried to get her eyes closed tighter, as if it was possible, and let him lift her into his arms.

He moved through the mansion as fast as he could, not wanting any to drawl any attention to them. It was hard to carry her with the tremors going through her body, but he tried to keep a secure grip. He just hoped one of them didn’t force her to open her eyes and he’d have to repair a wall. Or a few kids behind it. The stairs were the most difficult. She must have known, because she wrapped her arms around his neck, trying in vain to steady herself against his mass.

Her room was too far away, he was afraid he was going to drop her any minute as it was. Instead he kicked open his own door and carefully set her on the bed. His heart constricted in his chest as she started shivering on top of the tremors.

“You cold?” He asked, not caring about the quiver in his voice.

She nodded and he moved to the closet, snatching one of the extra blankets down from the top shelf. He wrapped it around her for her, because her arms were already wound tightly around her body.

“Ahm sorry, Ahm so sorry—“ She started to stammer out.

“Hey,” he kneeled down in front of her, rubbing her hands through the blanket. “You didn’t do anythin’ wrong. It was an accident.”

“Ah jus’— ah was bored an’ ah missed bein’ in tha air. And then it jus’ stopped. Bottom jus’ dropped out from under me...oh god. Ah didn’t mean to, ahm so sorry–“

“Shhhh, it’s okay. I know. I'm sure he'll be fine. Besides, Summers’ll probably thank you for letting him save your life. He likes doing that kinda stuff.” The joke didn’t help, her tears kept flowing around the outer curve of her cheek bone and on to the blanket.

“I’m goin’ to be right back, okay?” She didn’t say anything for a minute and he could smell her fear hitch up. “I promise,” he added and she eventually nodded.

Logan moved as fast as he could, down the two doors from his. When he came back he made sure to announce his presence, since he was sure part of her fear was for revenge from his team members.

“Here, this should help.” He said and slid one of Scott’s extra pair of red-lens glasses onto her face. He checked each side to make sure they fit. The ends were too long and stuck out past her ears, emerging out of the tangled brown locks, but the sides of the lens were flush against her face. “Okay, darlin’. Try opening your eyes now.”

Her gloved hand came out from under the blanket to touch the glasses and he figured that meant she’d opened her eyes, although he couldn’t see them.

“Better?” He asked, sitting down on the bed beside her.

“Yeah.”

They sat in silence. Her eyebrows would knit together, forming wrinkles on her forehead and he could tell it was from pain. He just wasn’t sure if it was her eyes or her head. The urge to stop her tremors by just holding her tight to him was nearly impossible to fight. Especially since it was something he wasn’t use to. But he figured the last thing she probably wanted right now was to be touched again.

The realization made him feel like a real ass for last night, something he was sure she’d agree with. As much as he didn’t want to admit it he was pretty damn proud of himself for it. The Wolverine takes what he wants, and he wanted her. The possibility of deadly skin had done little to frighten him away.

But then again, that wasn’t entirely true. He kissed her because he thought she had control, which, now that he thought about it, was completely stupid. She had very little of it.

“I’m sorry,” he hated that word. “For last night.”

She lifted her head and the absence of those clear sparkles jewels tore at him “Tha kiss or tha fight?”

“Neither, really,” he admitted when her tone seemed a little playful. “Jus’ that I ‘ruin everything’.”

She gave a light, little laugh. “Yeah, ya should really knock that off.”

He mentally breathed a sigh of relief. She wasn’t mad at him. Well, not anymore. And he wanted to kiss her again, but she was still shaking and continuously pushing the glasses back up the bridge of her nose. Scott’s glasses. That thought really killed his mood.

“Scooter givin’ you any trouble up there?”

“Who?” He touched a finger to the glasses. “Oh. No. No. He’s fine. Nice guy.”

He groaned. Why is it that everyone thought that?

“Logan?”

Her weak voice startled him and his hand shot to press against her back, afraid there was going to be a repeat experience of the incident in the bar. But her breathing stayed fairly regular so he let himself breath too.

“Ah don’t know where am suppose to go.”

He narrowed his eyes at her, confused. “Go?”

“Ah can’t stay here.”

“The hell you can’t,” He snapped. “You’re not going anywhere.”

"The others—"

“Will get over it.” he finished for her. Unable to resist it any more he wrapped an arm around her shoulders. She flinched but he made no move to pull away. After a second he pulled her to him, leaning her against his side and she immediately laid her head on his shoulder. A big jerk would go through her body and he’d tighten his grip. Soon they lessened and she fell asleep.

He watched her most of the night. She didn’t twitch when she was asleep. But she tossed and turned, rolling all over the bed until she collided with him or his arm stopping her from falling off the other side. She made him nervous a few times. Scott’s glasses would slip down in her movements and he wouldn’t know til there was a tiny red shine on her cheeks. But eventually they made it through the night without anyone getting a hole blown in their foot or anything like that. He even got a few hours sleep, which was another little miracle all in its self.

Still once the sun forced its way into his room in the morning his was up. He immediately closed the heavy curtains, not wanting the encroaching light to wake the sleeping girl. Then he took a quick shower and got dressed. When he came out of the bathroom he couldn’t help to notice how dull her skin looked. There was a faint glint of perspiration on her upper lip and her forehead and he figured she must be getting a fever now. That maybe cold at night and hot in the morning was normal for her. Well, since her issue. So he got a cool washcloth from the bathroom and laid it over her forehead before leaving the room and quietly closing the door behind him.


He tried to go through as many of his normal morning routines as he could. First he went and got breakfast; ‘Ro refused to speak to him. To work off the rapidly building aggression he got in a danger room workout. It made him feel immensely better, the way pointless violence always did. Afterwards he checked on Scott who was up and already heading out of the med lab. He went there with the abnormal intent to shake the man’s hand, which felt like he was all but admitting that Scott was a better man than him. But the bastard wouldn’t stop giving him that wide mouth, toothy smile and he was right back to wanting to claw the twerp.

Before he knew it he was back in the kitchen, putting toast and eggs on a plate. He tried to keep telling himself that Xavier was going to ride him to do it anyway, so he might as well cut out the middle man. But he also had to ignore Summers’ words and stupid ass smile, the way his gut reacted to her, and how mentally sick he was considering that the life ending prospect of Rogue’s kiss made it infinitely more exciting than any one else’s. He swore loudly; he had a lot to ignore.

When he got back to his room his knuckles hovered over the door. ‘What the hell am I doing?’ he thought to himself. It was his room, the fuck he needed permission to enter it. Besides, there was no point in waking her up.

She stepped out of the bathroom just as he stepped into the room. They both jumped in surprise and she laughed it of, he mentally swore at himself.

“I brought you some breakfast,” he mumbled through as he sat the plate down on a night stand. Unlike all the other times she smiled at him and flopped onto the bed. She gave him a cheerful thanks as she pulled the plate into her lap. To say he was confused was putting it lightly. Her skin still had a faint greyness to it and her right arm still twitched, but she seemed completely unaffected by it. He sniffed the air, trying to place what game she was playing at. It ended up being an incredibly bad idea. She smelled like a delicate rose wrapped in cigar smoke and him. And that was a lot harder to ignore than Scott’s smile.

He cleared his throat, moving to the other side of the room to distance himself. “Scott’s up. He’s fine.”

“Yeah, ah know.”

He cocked an eyebrow at her. She wasn’t even wearing gloves, so when the hell did she leave the room?

She point to her face and then picked up the glasses that were draped over the headboard of the bed. “No more laser eyes. Ah usually loose tha powers when they come to.”

He nodded, guess that made since. Two people couldn’t use to same mutation at the same time. Suddenly it slapped him in the face what she was doing. She put almost ever bit of food in her mouth, chewing it slowly, then swallowing with a grim face for a second. She was forcing it. He saw something he wasn’t suppose to see last night, a weak and vulnerable Rogue. And she wasn’t having any of it. She was trying to prove to him she was strong. Fuck, now he had to ignore that too, because if he wasn’t falling before—

Then his traitorous hands went a step further and found her gloves. He moved to the window and sat down in his smoking chair, just running his calloused fingers over the smooth material.

“Ah use ta be able ta control it.” Her voice reached out to him. Logan looked up just as she crawled across the bed so she could lay down on her stomach, facing him. He swallowed and looked back down to the gloves. They were definitely safer.

“Ah’d only take as much as ah wanted,” Rogue went on. “From who ah wanted. An’ then Carol— ah think its Carol tryin’ ta punish me. Or maybe its God, who knows. Som’ eye for an eye thing...Who was that guy with the laws that---”

“Code of Hammurabi,” he supplied her.

“Right! Good ol’ Hammurabi givin’ it to me. See now, maybe ya are jus’ smart. Anyway. My eye for an’ eye is she don’t feel her emotions anymore; that’s what ya said. So now ah can’t feel anyone’s touch anymore.” She shrugged, picking at the comforter. “Sounds fair ah guess.”

“Yeah, because everything else this week has been a real barrel of fun for you,” he said sarcastically, forcing himself to stop being such a pansy and look at her face. She gave him a half smile and he was meet those sparkling dark emerald eyes and he wondered what the hell was he wasting his time looking at cotton for.

“What? Runnin’ away from home for tha second time?” She laughed a little bit. “Except this time ah guess ah ran somewhere where ah was fear and hated instead of away from. More of a challenge an’ all that. Hell, sugah, ahm havin’ a blast.”

He shook his head, grinning. “You’re a piece of work, darlin’.”

She pushed up a little bit, her grin turning into a coy smirk. “What ya meant ta say is ahm a tall glass a water. With a bendy straw.”

Logan laughed, unconsciously tucking her gloves into his jean pocket. “That too.”

“Naw, ah don’t mind it here. Ah kinda like all the kids runnin’ around tha place,” he snorted and she shot him a playful glare. “Ah do. Ah miss tha fun.”

“The Brotherhood doesn’t have fun?”

“Let’s jus’ say their idea of fun ain’t exactly what they teach ya in play school. An’ Mystique is always so serious— its nicer here. Ah don’t even give a rat ass’s if the otha X-Men don’t like me. Ah wasn’t exactly Avalanche or Toads favorite either.”

“I bet Creed liked you just fine,” he growled out.

“Creed’s a disgusting bastard. And was all ova Mystique. She liked to....,” She shut her eyes, waving him off. “Okay, that’s the end of this conversation.”

“Agreed.”

“But its comfortable here,” she went on, petting her naked hand over the bunched up comforter. “Its nice. Ah could do without Xavier rippin’ me apart from tha inside, but if it gets mah control back—“ she shrugged.

He didn’t have the heart to tell her it hadn’t gotten him his past back yet. And that, sure, Carol got her memories back but not really. She seemed hopeful and he didn’t want to take that away. Hell, maybe Xavier could help her. Although, Scott still had to wear the glasses...

“I’m sure he’ll have you touchin’ people in no time,” he said gruffly.



**********


It was just sheer dumb luck that she saw the same girl across the hall as she wondered lost around the school. She stopped herself from yelling out ‘hey you’ and tried to rack her brain for the girl’s name. But try as she might all she could remember about the incident was how much the blue demon–-Nightcrawler–- pissed her off. Then Scott bailed her out and shared the girl’s name, then went quiet again. He really was a nice guy.
“Amy,” Rogue called out, walking closer to the girl.

The friend she was with looked up startled at her then whispered something to Amy before taking off.

“Yeah?” The short girl had a trailing smile from laughter on her face.

“Ah was wonderin’ if ya could help me?” Rogue asked.

“Did Mary Griven take your diary too?”

Rogue laughed, the kid was completely serious. And she could see in those big brown eyes looking up worried for her. “No. No, she didn’t. Ah jus’ need ta find Sco– Mr. Summers’ room.”

“Sure. It’s this way.”

Rogue told herself not to be a blubbering idiot but it was hard when the little girl so effortless took her gloved hand with her small one. People parted out of their way as Amy dragged her down the hall. Secretly she hoped it was because of Amy, but reality and several voices chiming in her head made her doubt it.

They stopped and the girl pointed. “Its that one.”

“Thanks,” Rogue nodded and started towards the indicated door.

“Wait!” Amy yelled and she turned around. “Kurt says you’re dangerous... are you?”

Rogue walked back and kneeled down in front of her. “Yeah, sweetheart, ah am. But not to you.” Amy smiled at her and Rogue returned it before standing to her feet and making her way to the classroom.

The door was closed and she looked in through the glass. He was in there, sitting at the desk, writing away. She knocked and a muffled ‘come in’ floated through the wood.

“Hi.”

He looked up from the paper work on his desk and his face seemed to drop along with the red pen in his hand. “Hello.”

“Ah jus’—“ She walked up and stopped just short of the desk. “Ah jus’ wanted to say ah was sorry. For, ya know, tha whole coma thing.”

He sighed, “A few hours in med lab doesn’t necessarily constitute a coma.”

“Still,” she shrugged. “Ahm sorry. An’ ah wanted ta say thank you. For savin’ mah life.”
“You’re welcome, Rogue.”

She didn’t know what to make of his short answer. But she figured he wasn’t swearing at her so she shouldn’t complain. Reaching behind her she pulled out his glasses and carefully laid them on the desk in front of him.

He starred at them for a second, before slowly reaching out to grab them.

“Ah had to barrow ‘em last night,” She quickly explained noting his confused face. “Ah didn’t go in ya room or anything’— Logan jus’ gave ‘em to me.”

“It’s fine,” he said with a small smile.

“Well,” she looked around her before turned back to the door. “Ah have to meet Xavier, so ah’d betta go.”

He nodded, pulling out a drawer of his desk and putting the glasses in it.

She stopped as she grabbed the handle. “Ahm sorry.” She said again. “An’ thank you.”

“It was my pleasure.”

Rogue smiled as Logan’s words from last night floated through her head. She gave him a nod and turned and left, shutting the door carefully behind her.


*****************************



Xavier began their session with a fifteen minute lecture on how reckless it was to attempt flight in her condition. She could have killed herself and Scott. She was lucky everyone was able to walk away. She had to have known the dangers of something like that, that was why she was here. And so on and on until she stopped listening all together.

“Alright,” Xavier sighed from behind his desk. Evidently he had exhausted his lecturing. “Let’s put that behind us and begin today’s session. Shall we?”

She scooted her chair closer. “Shall away, Xavier.”

“Professor Xavier,” he reminded her again. “Just close your eyes, my dear, and try to relax.”

“Right.” She said sarcastically but closed her eyes anyway. Except for she grabbed the edge of his desk to brace herself.

The raids began. Screaming surrounded her and it was impossible to separate the screams of her in her head, of Carol, of all the other persona’s who got trap in a grab, and the actually screaming of her body that came from all of them. Then she couldn’t even hear that. She was nothing inside of her own head. She just as unimportant as the rest of them, mentally running from his approaching hand. Her and Carol wrestling, pushing the other towards him. He’d snatch at whatever he could, taking half of each of them. She’d scream as part of her soul was taken away, ripped from her, and she no longer cared if Carol existed or not.

He’d return both chucks of them, haphazardly trying to put the two women back together, unsure of what pieces went where. They managed to all band together to squeak out a pained, “Stop.”

“Stay with me, Rogue,” Xavier’s voice was strained as well. “Concentrate.”

More fighting began, each persona fighting for its life as the raids went on. Rogue tried to reach her body again, get enough control over it to tell him to stop now, that she couldn’t take anymore. But she wasn’t strong enough, wasn’t whole enough.



Logan was just walking through the halls after coming back in from smoking a cigar. The talk with ‘Ro hadn’t gone as well as he had expected. Which aggravated him because he had thought she was the best friend he had here. And now she wasn’t going to speak two words to him.

He heard the screams well before he reached Xavier’s office. He stopped at the door, shaking his head. The old bastard was putting her through hell, it sounded like. Then he heard her pleading ‘stop’. But the screams went on.

“What the hell-“ he snarled, pushing through the door.

Xavier was behind his desk, eyes clenched tightly shut. But Rogue was on the edge of her chair, fingers actually dug deep into the wood of the desk. Her screams were primal and filled with more fear than when she had been falling to her death and they tore right through him. Before he could yell at Xavier to stop she suddenly went silent. Logan’s body went stiff and she tumbled out of her chair and fell still to the floor.

He galvanized into act, closing the six feet between them. He threw the chair across the room and out of his way as he kneeled down beside her. Her eyes were gently closed and there was a long trickle of blood leaking from her nose down her cheek. He laid a trembling hand in her hair, keeping the crimson line from dripping onto a pristine white stripe.

“I don’t mean to tell you how to do your job, Chuck. But I think you should try something else,” Logan snarled at the professor as he watched Rogue’s face. She had a breathing mask covering most of it; the iron lungs pushing air in and out of the nonfunctional body. “Whatever you’re doing in there— it ain’t working.”

They had only been sitting in the med lab for about twenty minutes but time seemed to stretch on and on as she didn’t so much twitch an eyelid.

The older man shook his head, wheeling away from her bedside. “I’ve been trying to separate Ms. Danver’s persona from her own. But I’m beginning to think that’s not possible. Not without causing irreparable damage.”

“No shit,” Logan grunted. He tried to pull his chair closer but his knees were already pressed against the side support of the bed. “I’ll tell you what you’re gonna do next.”

Shocked by his statement, Xavier narrow his eyes at him.

“You’re gonna stay the hell out of her head,” Logan commanded. “You putting her through that shit everyday....its amazing she has any damn brain function at all.”

Xavier sighed, nodding his head. “Yes, yes, of course. She needs an appropriate time off.” He pressed the open button on the door but Logan yelled out to him again.

“Why didn’t you stop?” Wolverine was starring down into the girl’s face when he growled the low, threatening words at him.

“Because I couldn’t be sure it was her,” Xavier explained with a weighted heart. “It could have been Carol or whoever else she has absorbed into her psyche. But, Wolverine, this romance you intend—“

“Good bye, Chuck.” Logan stopped him.

“I mean it, Logan. She needs to concentrate on healing. It can only be detrimental to her recovery if you—“

“Hey,” Logan snapped, finally dragging his face away from hers to glare at him. “He who sends her to the med lab does not get to decided what’s good for her health, eh?”

Xavier swallowed his comment and decided to retreat instead. Time stretched on well into the evening. Logan alternated from standing and walking around her bed to sitting beside her. The room was in silence except for the constant beeping of the machines around them. There was nothing more that he wanted to do besides claw them to pieces. But he restrained himself, seeing how she was attached to them so they had to be doing something important.

Another hour went by before the med lab door slid open. His chin was resting on the side of the bed, by her arm and he was too tired to lift it to see who it was. But he could hear the clacking of sandals and the strong scent of jasmine invaded the room.

“Hey, ‘Ro.”

“Logan,” she greeted, laying a light hand on his back. “I could stay with her for a little while. If you wanted to take a break.”

He lifted his head to see if there was any mal-intent in her face but she wasn’t looking at Rogue. She was watching him, her face soft and comforting, back to being the friend he thought she was.

“Nah,” he shook his head, returning his glaze to Rogue. “I’m fine. Thanks though.”

“At least let me bring you something to eat,” she pleaded.

“No thanks. I’ll leave in a bit,” he said although he made no move to act on it.

Ororo lingered as well, hovering just behind him. Reluctantly she pulled her eyes from his face down his eye line to Rogue. “Is she going to be alright?”

Logan sighed, running a hand through his hair making it stick up more wildly around his head. He fell back with a thud against the back of his chair. “I dunno. She did this once before. But it wasn’t this bad. And it’s too risky for Xavier to go in and check. His god damn mental explorations stuck her here in the first place.”

“I seriously doubt the professor would----“

“I don’t care if it was on purpose,” he interrupted her, a tired smirk on his face.

“Touché.” She smiled at her own words being thrown back at her. It quickly fled her face as she glanced nervously down at her feet before facing him again. “I’m sorry, Logan, for not believing in you.” His eyebrows knitted together in confusion so she went on, “I mean it. You believed in her and I should have believed in you. I guess I just let my prejudices get away with me. I am truly sorry, my friend.”

“It’s okay, ‘Ro. I never told you I believed in her and I never expected you to like her. She’s rebellious, crass, she’s----“

Storm’s twinkling laughter stopped him. “She’s your female counterpart. ‘God thought about you, and so I am here.’— it’s poetry.”

“It’s a bit much. I’m sure there’s plenty of twisted assholes out there just like us. Xavier told me to keep her company, that’s all I’m doing.”

She crossed her arms over her chest, shaking her head. “And lying to yourself.”

“Yeah, that too,” he agreed, looking back down to the comatose face.

“Alright, I’m leaving for a minute,” he sighed and slowly pushed to his feet. “I need to get a shower anyway.”

“And a cigar,” she guessed following him out of the room.

“Especially a damn cigar,” he agreed looking back to the occupant lying torpid on the bed in the center of the room.


So he went immediately outside to smoke a cigar, puffing away until he had the entire Cuban burned out. He took his time in the shower, however. The hot water burned and trailed down his skin. Then he released the patiently waiting claws, the pain from their exit through with the sheering heat of the water combined with such intensity it immediately cleared his head of anything else.

As he got dressed he felt more like himself and ready to go back down to the lower levels. When the doors to the med lab slid open everything was how he left it. Her chest was still slowly rising and falling and the machine beside her was still keeping its constant pattern of beeps.

He stopped near the foot of her bed and lightly laid his hand over her sheet covered thigh. “Come on, Rogue. Wake the hell up already,” he gently commanded her. But she remained static under the blurry translucent masked and he sighed moving to his chair.

Logan sat, sagging all the way back. A few more minutes stretched by and he deliberated getting Xavier and try for a peek inside or just going outside for a quick smoke to sooth his rapidly tensing nerves. After another ten minutes he decided a cigar was in order. Xavier could go screw around with somebody else’s head for a while, though.

But just as he stood to his feet Rogue’s whole body jerked and he was suddenly meet with wide, crystal clear green eyes. “Hey, hey.” He laid a heavy hand on her stomach to hold her down. “Calm down.”

Her naked hands shot up, scratching at the side of the mask wrapped around her face. “Get this damn thing offa me!” Her muffle voice came through the plastic.

“Alright, darlin’, just relax.” She let her hands fall to the side of her head at his words. Once her hands were out of the way Logan reached around and unhooked the clasp on the side of the mask. He carefully lifted it away from her and over her head, sliding it down her hair before throwing it carelessly over the machine.

She took a deep breath. “Strawberries.”

“What?”

“Ah like strawberries,” she said more to herself. She blinked a couple of times before her eyes focused on him leaning over her, one of his eyebrows raised to his forehead.

“You alright?”

“Fine. Let me up,” She pushed on his cover chest and he backed away a little bit so she could sit up. “How long have ah been down here?”

“‘Bout six hours. Another power play?” He guessed.

She sighed rubbing her forehead as she swung her legs around the side of the bed. They adjusted until he was standing between her legs, careful to stay far enough back from any exposed skin. “Not exactly,” a tiny groan escaped her as she rubbed the heel of both her palms over her temples. “More like an anarchy induced battle royale.”

“Which is exactly why you’re not seeing Xavier for a while,” he informed her, trying but falling to keep the growl out of his voice.

She looked up to him, startled. “What? And who tha fuck do ya think you are?! Ah have ta—“

“I’m going to help you,” he cut her off.

“You?” she said in disbelief.

He crossed his arms over his chest, narrowing his dark blue eyes at her. “Yes, me. Don’t look at me like that.”

Rogue laughed, and put her hands behind her back then leaned back on them. “Ah was in ya room an awful long time an’ ah didn’t see any damn certificate for Dr. Wolverine.”

“I keep it at my beach house.” She grinned at his answer but he kept her from arguing saying, “As I see it all Xavier’s way has gotten you is two black outs and a bloody nose.”

Her grin didn’t fade as she kept her eyes on his face. Logan found himself not nearly as uncomfortable under her constant glaze as he thought he’d be and found himself matching her instead.

“Come here,” she finally said, sitting up off her hands.

A breathless “what?” escaped him as he actually took a step back, not trusting the sudden little glint in her eyes.

“I wanna give ya a kiss on that spiky little head of yours.” She grabbed the front of his shirt, pulling him back the distance he retreated. He grinned himself but put his hands on her shoulder where she was covered by her shirt to keep from being pulled any closer.

“I haven’t helped you yet,” he pointed out. “But I gotta slightly different idea for a thank you kiss.”

She laughed letting go one of her grips to tuck some loose white strands behind her ear. “Don’t ya eva learn ya lesson?” she asked.

He relaxed his arms and leaned in, a sly smirk on his face. He whispered in a deep, vibrating voice, “You said it yourself, darlin’, I’m not that smart. Takes me *years* to pick something up.”

“Damn,” she huffed, suddenly out of breath. “If that hadn’t come outta that evil muttonchoped mouth of ya’s, ah’d almost say it was romantic.”

He groaned, overly dramatic and fake. “Please don’t.”

“Logan, they had chicken sandwiches or hamburgers so I brought—“ Logan and Rogue’s heads turned to the new voice just as Storm looked up. A slow creeping blush spread across her face as she notice them. To cover it she cleared her throat and stuttered out a “hello” to Rogue.

“What is it with ya people an’ food?” Rogue asked, successfully breaking the triangle of tension.

“It’s a rare disease we suffer from.” He opened his hand out to Ororo, but made no move to leave his position and step closer to her. “Thanks, ‘Ro.”

She nodded and made up the distance, handing him the plate. She watched was he sat it out the bed beside Rogue’s leg then cleared her throat again, looking up to the other girl. “So, how are you feeling, Rogue?”

“....Fine...” Rogue answered slightly reluctant and scared.

“I’m glad to hear it,” Ororo managed an uncomfortable smile and nod. “So, um,” she turned to Logan, “I’ll see you two later. Goodnight.”

Rogue watched her leave, completely unmindful of Logan bent over her leg as he took a giant bite out of the hamburger, keeping the blood and juices dripping on the plate. “Is she gonna kill me?” She asked seriously when she was sure she was gone.

Logan straightened up, wiping the back of his hand over his mouth as he looked at the door. He shrugged and faced Rogue again. “She might. You should probably try to make sure you don’t step on any of her plants. Just to be on the safe side.”

“Right,” she snorted, grimacing at the rest of the hamburger as she pulled a tomato out of the dripping mess and ate it. “Like tha hell ahm goin’ anywhere near her damn plants. Can ah go now?”

“Sure. We’ll start on my way tomorrow morning.”

“Whateva ya say, sugah.” She laid a hand on the back of his hair to pull his head down, making good for the kiss she promised earlier. He let her, until a certain point. When he was level with her face he moved in, swooping in and seizing her lips with his. She ‘mmpf’ against his mouth in surprise but he pulled away before she could push him.

His head fell heavy to her chest as he tried to regain his breath and settle his heart from his healing factor having to kick into over drive. He grinned to himself, despite the overall pain still ebbing through his body. Because her hand was still resting in his hair and her chest was heaving nearly was badly as his.

“Ya know,” her warm breath coasted in pants gently past his ear. “Ah didn’t have that problem with Xavier.”



**********************


Logan unrolled the mats in the grass beside the wildflower garden. It was a little cool outside for him to be wearing his wife-beater but he always wore it when he worked out. Along with the bare feet which were now wet from the grass. He smelled her coming, even through the flowers near by, honey and roses. She must have been barefoot too because he didn’t hear her.

“Mornin’.” He turned around to see her walking up. Sure enough she was barefoot; the rest of her was covered in a form fitting black leotard with an X-Man sweatshirt zipped up over it. A sweatshirt she cut completely up to just under her chest, he noted. “How you feelin’?”

“Grumpy,” she sneered at him as she pulled her hair up into a ponytail. “Ya know, if ya didn’t want me to squash tha hell outta Storm’s plants ya shouldn’t have brought me out here at ass crack in tha mornin’.”

“It’s quiet.”

“It’s sick.”

He grinned and sat down on one of the mats, folding his legs over each other. “Just park your ass in the grass, darlin’.”

She huffed and plopped down not particularly delicately on the mat across from his. He waited for a second, looking expectantly at her. She cocked an eyebrow up at him. He sighed and maneuvered her legs for her so that she mirrored him.

“It’s called the lotus position,” he informed her, laying his hands lightly in his lap.

“‘Course it is,” she sassed as she did the same with her hands. “Alright, kimosabie, whatca got for me?”

He shot her a warning glance but she seemed very unimpressed. “We’re gonna meditate. You breathe---”

“How is breathin’ gonna get rid of Carol?” She asked skeptically, interrupting him.

“We’re not getting rid of Carol,” he said in an exasperated grunt. “She’s not real. She’s just a figment of your imagination.”

“A figment of mah imagination that’s tryin’ ta kill me,” she elaborated.

“Yep,” he nodded. “That just happens to be something I’m familiar with.”

“And ta stop it ya---”

“Meditate,” he finished for her with a stern nod. “Inner peace. Great shit.”

She huffed and stretched her legs out. “What is God’s great name makes ya think this is gonna work?”

He growled and moved her legs back. She rolled her eyes at him but kept the position he up her in. “Because you weren’t shaking at the bar,” he explained.

“Right. Until ya ruined it.”

“Well, I’m fixin’ it. You weren’t shaking because you were---”

“Drunk,” she supplied for him.

“At peace,” he offered a different terminology.

“So why can’t ah jus’ keep a hip flask like any good southern girl?”

“Because if you’re gonna be on my team you have to be sober.”

“Ya----”

Logan pointed a finger in her face, stopping her. “Are always sober,” he finished. “Now just shut up and listen to me.”

“Alright, ah’ll play, jus’ because ya so cute.” The corner of her mouth twisted up in a small, coy smile.

He matched it with a smirk of his own. “Right back at you, darlin’, only reason why I’m helping. Okay, close your eyes and clear your mind.” He tried to follow his own instructions but her snort made him open his eyes back up to glare at her.

“If ah could do that---”

“Zip it,” he barked. She bit her bottom lip, obeying him.

Logan closed his eyes again, opening one quickly to make sure she was following his lead. “You have to go to an altered state of consciousness. Forget Carol, forget all the voices. Focus your mind on one thing, your breathing.”

He breathed a deep breath in, and then slowly released it. It took a couple of times of repeating it before she joined in, copying him. Their breathing fell into perfect sync after a few cycles and he began to think she had it so he let himself began mediating. But it didn’t last.

“Ya not gonna feel me up while mah eyes are closed, are ya, sugah?” She broke the cycle, her voice obviously trying to suppress a giggle.

“No,” he said gruffly, keeping his eyes closed as well. “Stop screwing around.”

“Ahm sorry,” she shook her head wildly, refocusing herself. “Okay. Breathing. In, out, got in. Go on.”

He opened his eyes to make sure hers were closed and she was still in the position. Sure enough, she had straighten her back like his, waiting patiently with her eyes closed.

“Just let your mind dissolve and free it of all thought,” he went on, closing his own eyes and taking another deep breath, this time she immediately followed suit. “Let your mind fade away. There’s only your body, your breathing, your surroundings and my voice.”

She took an extra deep breathe and then exhaled it and he fought the proud grin from coming to his face. “Center yourself,” he went on. “Connect yourself to everything around you. You are one with you, one with your environment.”

He stopped to breath with her. “Good. Leave your mind, leave your body. Deep breath. Good, relax, connect with the wind, breath it in and make it part of you.”

Slowly he let his voice float away. Their breathing quickly became synchronized. As they went on, keeping the constant cycle Logan began concentrating on his own mediation. But instead of connecting with the wind as he had instructed her he focused on her breathing and centered himself on it. They became unaware of the time that past around them, unaware of anything except for the even mellowing breathing.

That was until Logan’s enhanced hearing picked up an alarm clock going off in one of the room floors above them. He figured thirty minutes must have passed, that'd make it six o'clock. Reluctantly he opened his eyes to find Rogue completely unaffected. Her eyelashes were laid softly against her cheeks and her face was the picture of serene as she went on mediating, even though he wasn’t breathing along with her.

He smiled and gently laid a hand on her ankle to get her attention. Her eyes fluttered open at his touch. “How do you feel?” He asked.

She moved her hands behind her and laid back on them, stretching her legs out beside him. She looked up her body and smiled back at him. “Better, actually.”

“See. And no jerking. Or bloody nose,” he boasted. “We’ll meet every morning and I bet you the twitching stops.”

“Mornin’?! Why can’t we do this durin’ tha day like a normal person?” She pouted.

“I told you, because it’s quiet. You aren’t disciplined enough to do it with all the daily noise.”

Suddenly her smile altogether changed and that little glint sparked up in her eyes. She moved onto her knees and crawled over to him so that her hands were on either side of his hips. “Wanna test mah control?”

He looked into her eager face and sighed. His hands grabbed her upper arms and pushed her gently out of his face. “I’d love to, darlin’, but I think I should tell you something first.”

She narrowed her eyes in confusion at him. And he swore at himself as disappoint danced across her face before she could mask it.

“Listen, Rogue. You should know Xavier asked me... TOLD me,” he corrected himself, running a hand through his hair. “Told me to stay with you. When you first came.”

She blinked a few times but her mask was still up so he just went on. “But that’s not why I’m doing this, any of this. I kissed you that night. And last night. Not because of anything he said or anything. He’s even a little mad about it. Which, I don’t give a shit about, but I just want you to know that I’m doing this because I want to----”

“Logan!” She stopped his rambling with a gloved hand over his mouth. “Sugah, shut up.”

His eyes went wide and she smiled reassuring at him. “Ah know exactly what he told ya. Ah know exactly how ya feel; ah know everything.” She taped a finger to her temple. “Ya kissed me. Twice. If ah didn’t know ya pretty well before, Wolverine, ah think ah got a good picture now.”

He took her hand in both his and gently lowered it away from his mouth. “So you’re not mad? Crushed? Just think I’m trying to get you to feel like you fit in?”

She shook her head. “It’s not what ya think ya doin’, so it ain’t what ah think ya doin’.”

“Good. Now, ‘bout your control,” He tugged on her imprisoned arm, pulling her towards him. She squeaked and had to quickly brace herself so her face didn’t collide with his chest. She lifted her face to be met with a mischievous, wolfish smirk only a few inched away from her face. All the air quickly rushed out of her lungs as he leaned down and she braced herself for his touch and hopefully not his energy.

A loud deep cough sounded right beside them just as their lips were about to touch. They turned their heads at the same time, a similar threatening glare on their faces.

“Sorry,” Peter mumbled. “Uh...Logan, Scott says he wants to see you.”

Logan growled, flashing canines at the boy. “Fuck off, Tin-man. Tell him he’ll see me when I want him to.”

Peter took a step back from him, nervously rubbing a hand up and down his arm. “He said I was suppose to tell you it was really important and to not take no for an answer...”

“Son of a bitch!” Logan swore and untangled himself from Rogue. He got to his feet and stomped away from them, claws shooting out of his knuckles before he even reached the mansion.

“Oh. Hey, Scott,” Rogue said from the open refrigerator door when she saw him popping his head into the kitchen. Her voice seemed to startle him so she smiled as she carried a large jug of orange juice to the counter top.

“Hey,” he greeted and decided to come in. Rogue was stretching for one of the top cabinets and he moved to her side to get one of the bigger glasses down for her.

“Thanks,” she said as he handed it to her. “How’s ya arm from yestaday?”

He laughed under his breath and rubbed the mentioned limb. “Fine. He didn’t hit me that hard.”

She shook her head as she poured her glass. “He shouldn’t have hit ya at all. Ya probably saved him from me drainin’ more of his life away.”

“I don’t think he sees it that way,” he said grinning as he took the jug from her and put it back in the fridge. “How is the meditating going? Is it actually helping?”

“Hmm,” she sputtered into her orange juice. Rogue smiled and set the glass down. “Look.” She held out her hand flat in the air. “Ah wouldn’t let me shoot an apple offa ya head with a semi-automated rifle, but it ain’t bad.”

“No, it’s great. Ororo has tried to get me into it for years, so there has to be something to it. I just can’t sit that long,” Scott admitted.

“At five o’clock in tha mornin’ ah ain’t real sure ahm meditatin’ so much as sleepin’ sittin’ up right,” Rogue smirked then took a sip of her juice.

“I’m actually really glad I ran into you. I can’t find Logan anywhere.”

“He an’ Storm went with Xavier somewhere.”

“Shit,” Scott swore and lightly hit the counter with his fist. “And Peter, Kurt, and Kitty took some of the kids to the science museum in the city.”

Rogue cocked an eyebrow at him. Mainly because in all the memories he gave her there wasn’t one curse word. “Somethin’ ah can help ya with?”

He stopped the tapping he was doing with his fingers and looked up at her. Scott studied her for a long time. “I don’t know... you’re still not supposed to do any physical activity.” She crossed her arms over her chest and pursed her lips at him. “But, it’s technically against protocol to go on a mission solo without group consent. And it *is* just a pick up, so I doubt anything ‘physical’ is going to happen---”

“Oh come on, Scott!” She practically whined. “Ah’ve been stuck in here for a week straight! Ah’ll stay by tha damn plane if ya want.”

“Actually, it’s a jet,” he corrected her with a shrug.

“What tha hell eva.”

“Alright,” he grinned and tapped the counter again. “You can come. But you’ll have to wear one of the training suits.”

“Sugah, ah’ll wear ah tutu if ya want,” her glass bounced as she threw it in the sink. “Let’s go.”



***********************************



“That was--” Rogue started as they walked down the platform off the jet.

“Pretty cool, right?” Scott nodded as he zipped up the side of his gloves.

“Pathetic,” she finished and they frowned each other. “None of tha fun of flyin’ with all the excitement of sittin’ an’ starrin’ off inta space for an hour.”

“Well it’s the closest those of us without the power of flight can get to the real thing.”

She looked around them at the empty suburban neighborhood. They had just landed a plane in the middle of these people’s cove and no one so much as came outside. They were just outside of Atlanta and she was looking forward to meeting and talking to people, feel a little bit a home. But no one wanted to say ‘hi’ let alone acknowledge there was life on this planet.

“He’s name is Cole Stockson,” Scott said and began walking towards one of the identical white houses. He walked with quick, long strides that she had to jog to keep up with. “Mr. Cole can breathe under water.”

“Well that ain’t bad, why’s he leavin’ home?”

“He has long gills on the sides of his neck,” Scott answered looking over his shoulder to her. “Evidently he’s been havin’ some problems at school. Violence, the usual. His Parents contacted Xavier so he can go somewhere safe.”

“So he doesn’t want ta go?” She guessed as they got to the front step.

“We’ll see,” Scott sighed and pressed the door bell.


Not only did ‘Mr. Cole’ not want to go, he took off running into the park behind the house when his parents introduced them to him. They all screamed for him, but the kid was fast and disappeared into the trees before any of them could even move. Scott told her she could look around the property but not to stray too far. And to remember she wasn’t allowed to strain herself. Right before he took off running into the dense tree cover.

She was furious with him, not because of the invalid comments but because he had left her with the kid’s parents who were looking at her like they were waiting for her to give them something. She tried to piece together a speech of how great Xavier’s was and how much learning was valued at the school and all that crap from information the Scott in her head had. But eventually she told them she was going to go help him look. Because trying to figure out what she was supposed to tell these people was definitely straining herself.

The woods were cute, that was all she thought. The trees were pretty much evenly spaced and plenty of sunlight shined through, a prefect man-made wilderness. It was nothing like the heavy, dense marsh land she grew up in.

She alternated between yelling for Scott and Cole, but didn’t hear either one of them. Or anything else moving through the trees either. It would be so much easier if she could just fly over head. Then she’d see both of them. But she learned her lesson the last time. Even though, she was feeling good, she could probably... No. No, Scott said not to and she was trying to be one of the good guys. Which meant following the rules. And wondering around aimlessly for a brat. On foot.

“Cole!” She screamed for the hundredth time into the air. “Come on, sugah! Let’s jus’ go back ta tha house!”

“Rogue?”

Her heart stopped and she whipped around to the familiar deep voice. Behind her was an old lady with a cane. But she knew that voice and it certainly didn’t belong to that old lady.

“What are ya doin’ here?” She said breathlessly.

“My daughter...” The old woman opened her arms and they slowly morphed into long thin blue ones as they reached closer to her. Rogue took a step back as the face of her foster mother replaced the pale, wrinkled one.

“Its true, then,” Mystique sneered looking up and down her. “You went to the X-Men.”

“Ah had ta,” Rogue tried to push the slight tremble out of her voice.

“You had to betray your family? I gave you a home when no one wanted you! I loved you like the daughter your parents wouldn’t! I raised you, gave you every I had!---”

“Ah know!” Rogue shook her head, trying to push back the rush of emotions from all the occupants in her head. “Ah wasn’t tryin’ ta hurt ya. Ah needed help. Ah needed somethin’ ya couldn’t give me. And ahm betta now! Look, ahm not shakin’.” She swallowed and held her hands out.

“Good,” Mystique rushed forward, taking her hands. “Then you can come back home. Destiny and I are lost without you, my child. The others will understand. You belong with your family.”

Rogue pulled her hands away and took a few more steps back. “Ahm so sorry, Mystique. Ah can’t...”

“What?!”

“Ah owe ‘em mah life. They took me in even afta everthin’ an’--”

“I took you in!” Mystique yelled. “I took you in! And how do you repay me? By abandoning me? Betraying mutant kind?!”

“Ahm not betrayin’ mutant kind!” Rogue yelled back. “They hava school for mutants. They give hundreds of lost kids a home an’ a normal life---”

“Normal?!” Mystique snapped. “You want to be *normal*? You aren’t supposed to be normal, Rogue! You’re the greatest weapon mutant kind has! You want to be normal,” she huffed, “I made you unstoppable!”

Rogue’s face went pale. She let her eyelids fall closed and swallowed down the lump in her throat. “Made me...”

“Unstoppable!” Mystique finished with a sneer. “You were nothing, always careful of your skin. I showed you what you’re capable of!”

“Ya...ya...” Rogue shook her head, unable to get the words out as she kept going backwards until a tree stopped her.

“Rogue!” Scott’s voice floated in through the trees. “Rogue, where are you? Rogue!”

“You’d better go, darling,” Mystique hissed in her face. “Your *family* is looking for you.” Mystique arms shot out and grabbed her slamming her back against the tree. Rogue cried out when her head hit it and tried to sink down but Mystique held her up. “I hope third time is a charm for you, my daughter. But just remember every time you fly for them and fight for them, *I* gave you those abilities. I made you what you are.”

“Rogue!” Scott’s voice was louder.
Mystique turned her head at his yelling to listen where he was coming from. She released her grip and quickly ran off, becoming a small school girl with blond ponytails as she disappeared into the trees.

Rogue slid down the tree, barely feeling the rough bark dig into the uniform. Her butt landed on one of the protruding roots and she began to topple over but a hand reached out and grabbed her arm.

“Rogue?” Scott kneeled down beside her, carefully moving her dangling hair away so he could see her face. “Rogue, are you alright? What’s wrong?”

Her face was vacant and he looked behind him where she stared off but saw nothing. He turned back to her and begged in a strained voice, “Rogue, talk to me.”

Finally something sparked in her head eyes and he breathed a mental sigh of relief when it felt she was actually looking at him and not through him. He slowly pulled her to her feet, keeping his eyes on her face.

“Ahm fine,” she said quietly.

“Are you sure?---”

“Yeah,” she nodded and stepped out of his hands. “Didya find Cole?”

He watched her for a second. “Yeah. He talked to his parents and they decided they were going to try to move first. Try to stay together as a family.” His eyebrows pinched together as her face all of a sudden fell again. “Are you sure you’re alright?”

She shook her head and turned around and started walking back.


********************************



For the second time today he was running all over the mansion. He made sure to first change out of his uniform so the students wouldn’t get scared, but after that he went straight to try and find him. Again. He finally found him in the garage, all the way at the other side of the mansion.

“Logan, man I’ve been looking all over for you,” Scott huffed slightly out of breath.

Logan looked up from behind his bike, cocking an eyebrow at him, then digging back into his tool box. “That’s real sweet, Scooter; but I ain’t braiding your hair. Ask Kitty, I think they just got back.”

“No, you ass.” Scott mentally counted to ten. “I think you need to go check on Rogue.”

Logan’s wench clattered loudly as it was dropped. He stood to his feet, glaring at Scott. “And why is that?”

“We went on a pick-up today---”

“You took Rogue?” Logan asked surprised.

“Yes, I took Rogue. No one else was here,” Scott answered. “Anyway, I went---”

“I thought she wasn’t allowed on missions?”

“Would you shut up and let me talk, you big Neanderthal,” Scott snapped.

“Why?” Logan huffed. “So you can tell me you don’t trust her and she isn’t ‘X-Man material’? Fuck you, One-Eye.”

“No, Rogue is fine. The only one I’m not sure about is you.”

“Then what the hell is this about?”

Scott rubbed his forehead. “That’s what I’m trying to tell you! Something’s wrong---”

“What?”

“God damnit, if you’d just let me finish---”

“I ain’t got all day, Scooter, what the hell is wrong?”

Scott roared, fighting to keep his hand off his visor. He counted to ten again, shaking his head. “Okay. The kid took off and Rogue and I separated to try and find him. I don’t know what, but something happened because when I found her she---”

“She what? Is she hurt?” Logan stalked over to him. “Fuck, Scott, what the hell are you wasting time for if she’s hurt!?”

“She’s not hurt!” Scott yelled, pushing him back. “Damn it, just shut up! I don’t know what’s wrong with her; she’s just upset or something. She went straight to her room. It was weird, she was real distant the whole ride home, didn’t say two words to me---”

“Well who the hell can blame her, move,” Logan growled and shoved him out of the way, stomping out of the garage.


******************************


He tried the knob first again this time but it refused to turn. Sighing, he knocked on the door a couple of times. “Rogue, it’s me, open the door.”

A muffled ‘no’ came through the wood to him that he even he could barely hear. “I wasn’t askin’. Open the damn door.”

Now the ‘fuck ya’ he heard pretty clearly. He grabbed the knob and shook it more forcefully but it still wouldn’t give. “Don’t make me fuckin’ break this door down, I’m the one that has to fix them!”

But still he didn’t hear any moment towards him on the other side. He swore again. “Last chance, darlin’.” Nothing. A ringing ‘snikt’ echoed through the hall as the claws shot out of his right hand. The adamantum slide into the wood like butter as he cut around the door knob. Once the door popped open he pulled the claws back home and pushed the door the rest of the way.

“Now, wouldn’t it have been easier---” he stopped when he saw her. She was wrapped up in a blanket and lifted her head as he came in. Her face was bright red and tear stained from the tears still flowing down in.

“Get out,” she choked out as she wiped one glove hand across her face.

“Sorry, darlin’” he signed and pushed the near by armoire in front of the door to keep it closed. “I can’t do that.”

He kicked his boots off before crawling onto the bed and leaning back against the headboard. “Come here,” he reached his hand out for her.

She looked down at it and rubbed her face again. Then she swore and crawled over to him, curling up between his legs and laid her head on his chest. Logan pulled the blanket tighter around her before wrapping his arms around her.

“I gotta say, as far as first missions go that one was pretty easy,” he said into her hair looking down at the top of her head. He sighed and laid his chin on her head. “What happened, Rogue?” She didn’t say anything for a long time so he just rubbed his hand over her blanket covered arm and tried to wait patiently.

“Mystique was there,” she finally whispered, her voice rough and scratchy. Three words and a million thoughts ran through his head. First and foremost his was pissed at Scott; he never mentioned anything about Mystique. Then he had to keep himself from saying ‘that bitch’ or something because she was Rogue’s foster mother and Rogue loved her. So he bit his lip and waited for her to explain more.

“She did it on purpose.”

It came out with another sob and he tightened his grip on her. “Did what on purpose?”

“Carol. She wanted it ta be permanent...” Rogue buried her face into his chest and it quickly became wet. He ‘shushed her as best he could and he moved his hand, rubbing it up and down her back.

“God!” She suddenly pulled back to look at his face. “Ah thought she loved me! Ah was justa weapon for her. ‘Tha perfect weapon against humanity’ or some shit like that. She didn’t give a shit what it did ta me, as long as ah was ‘unstoppable’!”

“Baby,” his voice stuck in his throat and he quickly wiped her cheeks with his thumbs before her mutation could drain him.

Flooded green eyes searched his before they narrowed. “Is that why ahm here? Why they put up with me? Is it, Logan? Ya’ll jus’ want tha perfect weapon for you?”

“No,” he took her face in his hands, her hair between their skins. “Fuck, no, darlin’. I know how you feel....I know...”

When he couldn’t make his mouth come up with the right words to tell her so he pulled her to him, pressing his lips to hers. For the first time she kissed him back immediately, her hands clutching his shirt, desperately moving her lips on his. Pain seized his brain but he could taste the salt of her tears on her lips and he wanted more, more of her. With his thumb he pulled her chin down, pushing his tongue into her mouth, tasting her. She pulled back, ripping her mouth from his, and he slumped limply down against the headboard.

“Logan--” Her voice quivered as she ran her hand through is hair. His eyes were closed and she began to panic. “Logan, sugah--”

“I’m fine,” he groaned even though his eyes remained closed. He stilled her patting hand on his chest with by taking it in his. “I’m fine, just give me a second.”

She nodded frantically, wiping the fresh tears off her face with her free hand. She closed her own eyes and let all the feelings he gave her rush over her. The nightmares, the pain, the anger, they all sunk deep into her. She forced her eyes back open to find him watching her.

“Tha bastards,” she growled. “Suddenly ahm okay with bein’ tha perfect weapon against humanity. For what they did ta ya, ah’d be glad---”

He stopped her from finishing by lightly kissing her again. “And I’m glad they made me the perfect weapon against mutants. ‘Cuz I know a blue bitch that would look good on the end of my claws.”

She smiled despite herself and moved back to curl against his chest. “Ah guess tha X-Men make a good middle ground.”

He wrapped his arms back around her and hugged her tightly to him. “Darlin’, I don’t give a shit if you fight for the team. If you don’t want-”

“No,” she looked up, clear emeralds meeting him. “Ah wanna fight.”