'Keeping a diary is *invaluable*
it helps the mind clear unwanted feelings,
Aids expression and free's the subconcious.
Everyone should have one.....
I have *three*!'

*****************************************************

The page looked blankly at her, things were flying around her head making her eyes ache, she should be writing a term paper on the 'Rise of Christianity in the Late Roman Empire' but she just couldn't focus.

The main reason was the man who'd only forty-eight hours ago pulled her from a machine that was meant to kill her and destroy the world leaders at Ellis Island. Frustrated she threw her textbook away, leaving her the lawyers pad and her pen. Everyone else was out, they'd gotten the message to leave her alone for a while as she finally cleared her system of the personalities she'd absorbed.

Well one in reality....Logan.

Magneto had gone by the time she'd been brought back from the dead and this was the kicker, she didn't know who or what she should be feeling. No one could help her figure it out either seeing as they were all wrapped up in doing other things and besides she was the only person around who had the damn problem. Grabbing her notepad she got up and began to scribble, sitting with the pad on her knee she just let the words flow out of her. The confusion lessening as she wrote the words down, her mind clearing as she just settled into the thing. Not seeing what she was writing just letting it go out of her, only when she'd finished did she go back to the beginning and read it.

It was confusing at first, sensations mostly, she was describing the world around her in terms of scents, sounds and colours. It confused her until she put it into perspective, she was seeing the world through Logan's eyes, ears and mind. The confusion she'd felt was overstimulation of her senses, she was into her third page before things began to make sense. Even then the words weren't her own, they described the scene at the station, not from her point of view but Logan's. The handwriting was like her own but it had a cursive slant to it, a flourish that wasn't hers. She read on and found thoughts laid out in her handwriting to read. Her own thoughts in her own hand but Logan's in the half-hers / half-his.

'I don't want to go back, they're frightened of me, all of them, why is it so hard for them to understand it was an *accident* Logan didn't mean to hurt me. I shouldn't have been there in the first place but I couldn't sleep when I could hear him getting upset. No one was helping him, they just left him there, it wasn't his fault.'

Then directly following on from her own hand was Logan's thoughts 'I've gotta find her, they don't even know where the hell she went! Fuck they can't do *anything* and if this guy's as bad as they say he is.....Fuck this she left because of me I'm not gonna leave it to them to find her. They couldn't organise a piss up in the brewery, I'll find her, bring her back if she wants to go back. If not...well we'll wing it, I can sure as hell keep her safer than they can.'

Marie tried to concentrate on the thoughts she had in her head, trying to pin down Logan's presence in her mind. But he was like smoke, etherial, just when she thought she had a good grip on him he slid out of her grasp. Feeling her emotions rising again she wrote about her fear on the torch, the emotions she was going through as the pain ripped her soul apart to feed the machine. Her helplessness, the way she felt alone, that no one cared about her, that Logan had *promised* her and he'd been unable to help her because of his skeleton. Because of the things that had been done to him, the thing that made him so easy for Magneto to hurt. She didn't notice her handwriting changing as she wrote, her eyes coming up off the page as she finished the other side of the lined paper. Reading it back she found Logan's take on the scene a little different from her own.

'I know she's here, I can *smell* her, fuck where is she? Where have those bastards put her, if I have to rip the fucking thing apart to find her I will. One-Eye can go fuck himself as soon as I get her I'm gonna have some serious conversations with these so called 'X-men'. Seen better planning in a fucking kindergarten.'

The power of his words, even the way her hand had written them digging into the paper, almost through the thin surface. It was as if he was shouting at her through his words, the anger was pouring off the page at her and she bent her head to read the rest of what she'd written.

'FUCKER! WHY DON'T YOU JUST DIE! AARGGGHHHH! FUCK!!! Gotta get back up there, can't let go, kid needs me, Jesus kid please don't stop screamin', if you keep screamin' I know you're alive. Fuck come on get it into gear, your guts'll hold in just get up there!'

Tears were standing proud in her eyes as Marie read the page, she was remembering from her point of view, she'd seen Sabertooth throw Logan over the edge and she'd thought he'd died. Her scream had been long and loud and she was glad she'd done it because he'd heard her, used it to drive him back to get her. Blinking through the tears she focussed back on the page.

'WHOAH! USE YOUR FUCKIN' HANDS YOU DUMB BASTARD, GRAB HOLD, HANG ON, THERE SHE'S JUST THERE BELOW YOU, NOW DO IT NOW!' The description after was about pain, being pulled inside out, being torn open whilst stood still . The same feelings as the train, then freedom again his mind screaming out on the page as a roar. Then the words were back again and her tears were rolling free as she read them her hands shaking as she read the emotions that she was carrying inside her mind.

'No, not after all this, NO! FUCK NO!! MARIE, MARIE, Please you bastard after everythin' I've been through don't do this to me. I *PROMISED* her, I promised! She's still warm, maybe.....do it, we don't matter, she does, shit she'd be safe if it weren't for me. She's so soft, her skin....there's nothing happening....Jesus no...please no....Oh God please give me this one, I'd give up everything for this, please God give....' Then there was nothing but emotion written down, pleasure, hope, joy, pain but mingled with laughter, love and hope mingled with a willingness to fall into the blackness as long as she survived. One last sentence was at the end of the page and Marie made herself read it twice, 'For her anything....I *Promised* to keep her safe, I promised.'

Throwing down the pad her mind was filled with an urgency she had to see him, had to see how he was doing. Suddenly the emotions in her head were making sense, the anger the rage and the frustration she was feeling. Getting to the lift she pressed the button that went down, the slow shifting of the thing made her curse under her breath. A few swearwords she'd never used before slipped out as she waited for the door to open. When it did she almsot ran into Doctor Grey, she found herself looking at the redheaded doctor with a mingled hate and lust, her own feelings of inadequacy mingled with the lust from Logan. Pushing past Doctor Grey she went directly to the medical bay where Logan was. She'd seen him strapped in when they first brought her back, his injuries not lost to her eyes but she'd been torn in two back then. She needed to see him *now*.

She didn't hear the Doctor following her but she didn't care if she did, opening the door to the room she saw Logan stretched out on a table that came from the floor. Grabbing a chair she put herself next to him, wrapping her bare hands up in her sleeves and watched him breathing. The dressings on his skin still showing bloodstains of where Sabertooth had tried to take him apart. Huddled on the steel chair she kept her face locked onto his rising and falling chest, even as Doctor Grey approached her she snarled out. Her voice carrying some of Logan's personality with it, "Don't bother Red! Ah'm stayin', we've got things to talk about when he wakes up and it has nothin' to do with you!" She could feel the gentle caress of Jean's mind on her own and she sat up straight and bared her hands to show she was willing to defend her own mind if she had to.
"All I was going to say was your welcome to see him whenever you want to Rogue. Just remember your classes and dinner, we want you to recover just as much as we want Logan to."

With that the doctor left her alone in the room, her hands wrapped up again in her sleeves Marie watched her saviour sleep. The sleep he was in she'd put him in but it was something he'd chosen knowing that she could kill him but he'd done it anyway. He held his promise to her *that* highly exactly why was the reason she was waiting for him to wake up. She'd be here when he did, and if she wasn't she'd get him later, there were answers she needed to hear from his lips in his words. But until then she had his thoughts and she'd be writing them down when they came to her.
He was part of her now, just how much she wasn't sure but he was there and she wasn't willing to let him go until she'd talked to him about it. Resting her head on the sheet she let the sound of his breathing lull her into a waking dream. While she waited she let the peice of him settle into her own psyche, mingling them until there was no difference between the two.