The border was never a safe place for mutants, it wasn't now. He was still steaming from the treatment he'd recieved from the local cops last night, somoene had thought his camper was a good place to steal from. The guy he'd caught had a few bruises but he was alive, if it had been any other day the guy would've been dead.

He'd had enough of death for now, the stench of death still followed him even though he wa desperate to wash it off from him. It clung like a miasimic cloud to everything he did, he saw it's shadow everywhere he went and he was beginning to wonder about his sanity.

Xavier had given him some documents from the office of Stryker, things that pertained to his own life and those of others he'd experimented on. Clues to his past, pieces of information about men who'd served under Stryker, things they might be able to help him with, like his real name. It was still important but not as important as making sure someone like Stryker never tried that approach again. That they never tried to take *children* again and thought no one was watching them, hell he'd even told the fucking president that he'd be there if he *ever* put his John Hancock on anything like that again. And if he was there he wouldn't be going to spend quality time with him, he'd be severing a spine and everyone else who got in his way.

He moved the camper toward the border, the line he was in moving quite slowly as people checked baggage and trunks. He'd have someone do a quick check on his rear and then he'd be through. The documents Xavier had given him were under his seat, his passport in his lap, documents for the truck in the visor. Sighing he waited in line until his turn came up.

"Papers please," Logan handed his passport over as one guard looked over the document the other did a check of the camper. Handing back the passport the man took in the look of the driver behind the wheel of the camper. He looked 'odd', disgruntled and he decided to ask for the registration of the vehicle.
Sighing Logan reached up into the sun-visor, pulling everything out with one hand he just handed the whole package over. Watching as the man went through the papers, until he came to an envelope, the plain white was still sealed. It had one word on it, 'Logan'. The guard looked at the now quiet man sat behind the wheel, his entire attention was on the white envelope.

"Yours?" The questioning way he said it made the drivers eyes lock onto his own, what passed from him to the questioning guard made him step back a pace. It was as if someone had flicked a switch from surly to hostile in one heartbeat. The man behind the wheel held out his hand for the documents along with the unopened letter. The guard still didn't release them he was waiting for an answer.
Logan gave him one, "Yeah it's *mine*, got the same name on it as the rest of my papers."

What saved the guard was his workmate who'd finished checking the rest of Logan's camper, thumping the side as he waved to his companion to get this guy going if everything was clear. He handed everything over and broke the stare that was boring into his skull from the annoyed driver.
Logan took the break he'd been given and just drove through one hand resting on the sealed envelope, fingers brushing the name written on the white surface with a hand he recognised. As soon as there were fifty miles between him and the border he'd open it.

************************************

'Hi Logan,
Bet this kinda comes as a surprise huh? You've just left my room after calling me 'Kid' and telling me that I don't need you around here.

Do you think your going to keep trouble away from us by leaving us alone? If you do, you're sadly mistaken Logan, troublw will come here if it's meant to. Whether your here or not doesn't matter, Stryker came because he wanted to come. I heard part of what he said to you Logan, in the corridor with the soldiers. Both of us did, and I'm sorry you had to go through that, to re-live everything Logan. Everything that man did to you, to *us* really. Just because I don't have the actual metal doesn't mean I don't know what it was like Logan, hell I dream it most nights.

About Jean....I don't know where to start, what to say or how you really feel about her, sorry *felt* about her. I know we both lusted after her (your influence after Liberty) but her choice wasn't your fault Logan. It was *her* choice to *make*. Don't you see, she saved everyone by making a choice, she did something that saved everyone on that plane. Hell you could say it was *my* fault in reality, if I hadn't brought the plane over and crashed so badly we'd have all been able to get away. So if anyone is to blame for her choice it was me and the military that tried to blow us from the sky. We *both* damaged the plane Logan and that cost a life and if it wasn't for Kurt saving me, you all might be dead. Drowned under a tidal wave of water and you'd have survived Logan, just you, no one else. So which course of action was better?

To let me die so I didn't injure the plane but then everyone would have died because I didn't bring it over, or the military for blowing a hole in it and making it unreliable? Either way people died because of the decisions *they* made, she did it for *ALL* of us. Do you honestly think that The Professor would'nt have stopped her if she'd had doubts? He said it himself, she *knew* what she was doing and she put herself in danger for the rest of us. Just like you did for me.

I'm sorry she's dead Logan, we all are but life goes on and theres things and pieces to pick up. I know that you feel it was your fault Stryker came to us, but it wasn't you he was after Logan. It was The Professor, he needed him to drive the Cerebro he'd built, there was no one else on earth who could do it. Everything that Stryker did was to further his goal Logan, you were a bonus thats all. Everything else was collateral damage.

I know you don't believe these words, but you will eventually and when your ready to come home I'll be here. Bobby and me are over, when you get a dose of what someone really thinks about you it kinda kills any romanctic ideas you might have had. Even if they were just dreams. So, whether you like it or not I'm here with you. There's a few more letters in your camper Logan, but promise me something, don't go looking for them. Let yourself find them naturally, you will in about six months if I hid them all well enough. You shouldn't let someone pack for you if you don't want surprises Logan. Keep yourself safe Logan, theres a phonecard in the last one if you feel like using it.

Love Marie.'

**************************************************

His fingers traced the words over the pages, it still smelled of her and he reached for the little tin he'd put her others in. Opening it he rested the white envelope and letter on top of the card and yellow legal paper letter. He was sat in a car park of a diner, the food he'd ordered was now cold next to him but he knew he'd eat it. And after that he'd re-read her words to him. She must have stayed up all night to write these letters then hidden them in places in the camper. He could cheat, he could search for them all, locate them by her scent and hoard them in the little metal tin.

No, she'd asked him not to and he'd do that for her, he wasn't there to protect her but he could keep this little promise to her. So she'd split from the ice kid huh? He'd wondered why she'd been with him in the first place, he was too uptight for someone like Marie. She was dark like him, tainted by his personality yes but there'd always been something about her. Something he'd been unwilling to admit to, not until Mystique had been above him with her face, scenting of arousal.

Thats when all the switches had fired wide open to the thoughts he'd projected when she'd been taken out of the blackbird. Jean had caught them, she'd seen his secret and he felt guilty for that. She'd even called him on it later when she'd been fixing the damage, she *knew* she was a distraction to him. His chasing of her wasn't real, that his thoughts had been elsewhere, on long brown hair with white streaks, of long gloves and delicate lips.

Marie.

When he'd seen her fly out of the hole in the fuselage his heart had ripped in two, Wolverine wanted to follow her but Kurt went after her instead. When they came back all he wanted to do was hold her, *claim* her, keep her next to him and it had been *that* tide of emotion that had Jean looking through him. She'd known then *exactly* who he'd been thinking about and why. So when he'd tried to show Jean his thoughts weren't like that she'd rebuffed him and he'd gone to find Marie.
He'd found her collecting wood and when she'd looked up at him he'd felt everything inside him clench up. He'd almost lost her, again and he'd needed her to tell him that she forgave him. Forgave his lack of care, he should have checked she was safe, that she had herself strapped in. Silk gloves aren't easy to do anything in, never mind a buckle.

He wiped a hand down his face as the scent of her finally faded in the small space, closing the lid of the tin he rested it on the dashboard in front of him as he ate his cold food. He'd find the rest as she intended him to find them, maybe by then he could forgive himself for failing her and Jean but he doubted it.