//You took your coat off and stood in the rain,
You were always crazy like that//

I remember those times. The careless times. We were young and restless... Or at least I was and somehow, when you were with me, I affected you in that manner. One of the things I mostly loved was that you weren't afraid of my skin. You still aren't, though I could have stolen your life on so many occasions.

As Foolish Games by Jewel plays on my stereo, I can't help but think that this is our song... I can't explain it, but it fits how I feel.

I was sixteen when I met you, Logan, but I grew up with you. You were the guardian that I fell hopelessly in love with. I wasted many tears that you never saw.

//I watched from my window,
always felt I was outside looking in on you//

I can hear the song through the wall. I'm not really into to sensitive stuff like that, but every night before you go to bed, I hear you listen to that song.

You were a kid, though much too old when I met you. When I found you in my trailer, my life changed. I know that I left you again right after we met, but I came back, didn't I? Nineteen and so unbelievable different from any other woman that I'd ever met.

At times, I felt inadequate when you were around. You would wear casual clothes, just as me, but you were always the better one. I was an imposter on your life. As I watched you grow, I clung myself to your leg the best I could without seeming too obvious. I doubt you ever knew.

//You were always the mysterious one
with dark eyes and careless hair,
You were fashionably sensitive, but too cool to care
Then you stood in my doorway, with nothing to say
besides some comment on the weather
Well in case you failed to notice,
In case you failed to see,
This is my heart bleeding before you,
This is me down on my knees//

You were distant. You always were. Sometimes you would get that far-away expression in your eyes, I felt so guilty for keeping you here. I just couldn't let you go... The only person that I ever truly loved, was you. But either you didn't know or you didn't care. I had to live with that, for even though you might not love me back, you were still there, by my side all along. I can never thank you enough for that.

Even as I fell into various addictions, whether it was love or nicotine, you never judged me. And when I moved next door to you, though I think you were annoyed, you didn't say anything. You accepted me for the lovelorn little girl I was. I am.

//These foolish games are tearing me apart
Your thoughtless words are breaking my heart
You're breaking my heart//

We're both so near, yet so far. We never told each other the truth. We always went along with what we though the other wanted.

//You were always brilliant in the morning
Smoking your cigarettes, talking over coffee
You philosophies on art, Baroque moved you,
You loved Mozart and you'd speak of your loved ones
As I clumsily strummed my guitar
You'd teach me of honest things
Things that were daring, things that were clean
Things that knew what an honest dollar did mean
So I hid my soiled hands behind my back//

Yes, those mornings became a ritual. Talking over breakfast, about anything really. It didn't matter as long as were still conversing. That's what mattered.

We were an odd couple. The other residents misunderstood us. Some liked us, others hated us, or something like that. I guess I do have a reputation of being mean and scary; my claws were mostly to blame. And I think that other girls felt intimidated by you somehow. But you were just you; your pale skin and careless behaviour. You were much smarter than all of them together. You had a view on life that was ever too complex for me to comprehend. I loved you for that.

And that was my weakness. I could never show my feelings. If I had you, I would break you.

//Somewhere along the line I must've gone off track with you
Excuse me, think I've mistaken you for somebody else
Somebody who gave a damn,
Somebody more like myself//

And we got into fights, at times. I just got so angry with you for not loving me that it ruined my facade of friendly feelings.

So it was bound to go wrong, I guess. We had been so happy all those years, just being *us*. But I gave up on my imaginary relationship with you. Finally admitted that it wasn't going to happen. You'll probably stay the same person you always were, but I changed as I put on the years. I developed into a woman, my need and desires got different. You had a hard time dealing with that.

I'm sorry, Logan. I really am. Were we to be together now, it would destroy us. Too much has happened. Everything comes to an end.

These foolish games are tearing me apart Your thoughtless words are breaking my heart You're breaking my heart

We could never be, we both know that now. Maybe if we had started back then it would have worked.

You took your coat off and stood in the rain you were always crazy like that...