It’s true we’re all a little insane.
But it’s so clear, now that I’m unchained.

Thinking back over the past year, I guess it’s true what my friends said. I was a little odd, especially when I was around him. I guess I just thought that’s how our relationship worked. I followed him around like the pathetic little creature I was and he put up with it, feeding me little scraps of affection to keep me happy. It was like he had me on a leash. Now college is looming, I realise that I was the one who put me on the leash. And now I’m going to be free. Free from my skin, free from the mansion... free from him.

Fear is only in our minds,
Taking over all the time.
Fear is only in our minds but it's taking over all the time.

At first, I’ll admit, I was a little afraid. But then I thought, ‘Come on Marie! You’ve fought great big, hulking mutants. You can survive without him!’ And I knew I could. Something came over me then, and I trained more aggressively in the danger room, shied away from a lot of physical contact even though I could now control my skin. Good and bad things came from that cure. I could finally find that little switch that turned the mutation off, but all the personalities and memories came back full force. It was stringer than before, I could call on the powers once I’d absorbed them,whenever I wanted, as many times as I wanted and for however long as I wanted. Therefore I became stronger. I finally became Rogue.

You poor sweet innocent thing.
Dry your eyes and testify.
You know you live to break me. Don't deny.
Sweet sacrifice.

Marie was a thing of the past. Rogue went to college. Came back with a diploma and a life of her own. Sure I still went back to the mansion and took up the cushy job of a biology teacher as well as help out in the med lab after learning the basic skills required after one of the X-men’s missions. On such a mission I absorbed Ms. Marvel. She was stronger than me! Invincible and the ability to fly. Unfortunately she was misinformed on my powers and so, bye-bye Ms. Marvel! Marie came back in the moments of weakness that followed as I tried to cope with the new personality, with her crying and whimpering. She did this hidden away from the world though, good girl that she is. And now the lovely Sue (Ms. Marvel) has been added and merged into Rogue. Her medical knowledge has helped a great deal also. Once I’d regained control, I find him waiting outside. ‘What do you want?’ I ask, showing my indifference to his return. ‘I heard there was a mission, and you had an accident?’ he replies. Aww how cute he looks when he’s pretending to be worried for me. ‘Killing her was no accident. It was intentional.’ and I walk away from him down the hall. Marie is still amazed that he no longer has an effect on us. ‘Marie! Since when were you so cold?’ and he actually sounds genuinely shocked. ‘Since I started fighting for my life. Since I started calling myself Rogue.’ and that was the end of that conversation. Unfortunately, Marie had found strength in seeing him to re-surface. Hidden away in the depths of the library in the early hours of a cold, Wednesday morning, I fought with her.

One day I'm gonna forget your name, and one sweet day, you're gonna drown in my lost pain.

He’s still here. It seems we’ve switched roles. He’s the one to linger around me now, waiting for little titbits of some sort of attention. This time I make sure to keep ‘poor sweet innocent’ Marie down. He tries to get her to creep out of this shell every once in a while, but I soothe her, reminding her that when he next leaves, she won’t even remember his name. He’ll return, one sweet day, to find us stronger than ever and he’ll be the one to suffer the cold indifference he’s treated us with over the years.

Fear is only in our minds,
Taking over all the time.
Fear is only in our minds but it's taking over all the time.

Mid-afternoon, we get a little surprise inspection from the Brotherhood. They want to test our defences it seems. Well, we have no problems with that. Storm and me take to the air, myself as a little taxi service, due to my strength and all. Landing, I stare straight down the barrel of a gun. I hear Logan cry ‘Marie!’ and this simply makes me smirk. I await the sound of the shot being fired, and then feel a small thump against my forehead. The fear in the mutant’s eyes broadens my smirk to a grin. As I prepare to grab him by the throat and give him his own flying experience, I feel something puncture my skin. Looking down, just past my shoulder I see a little dart embedded in my skin. Laughing, I remove it and turn back to the fleeing mutant in front of me. Willing myself to take off, I find my ability gone. Picking up the already crushed bullet, I attempt to squish it further. Unable to, I realise how dire my situation has become. The fear takes over and fills my head. I’m sure I’m screaming, but I can’t tell. I can’t hear anything. Now I can’t see anything. I’m lost in the darkness.

You poor sweet innocent thing.
Dry your eyes and testify.
And oh you love to hate me don't you, honey?
I'm your sacrifice.

In this overwhelming blackness, I’m calm. Even though it’s only in my mind, I seem to be able to see all of myself, all sides. The bitter, loner and callous Rogue. I’m fighting with her. It’s an actual fight because she’s been in control so long, I’m not used to doing things for myself. I realise that I hate her, I hate myself for acting so weak, for letting her take control of my life, for herself being so weak, not allowing anyone to help. Perhaps I wouldn’t be dead right now if I had. I presume I’m dead anyway.

I dream in darkness
I sleep to die,
Erase the silence.
Erase my life; our burning ashes
blacken the day,
a world of nothingness,
Blow me away.

Rogue mocks me in my own southern drawl, and final something snaps. I find my own strength and although tears streak down my face, I hit her and knock her flat on her ass, or rather my ass. Who knows? Lying there, on our backs, my back, I reach over and hold her hand, squeezing it, I can feel her trembling. Turning to look, she’s crying. Rogue is crying. Now I am the one to soothe her.

Do you wonder why you hate?
Are you still too weak to survive your mistakes?

I thought she was so bitter; she hated the world and made herself strong and invulnerable to anyone by closing herself off. She was too weak to learn that not everyone will leave her. She can allow her heart to be broken if necessary, if only she can feel true love just once. If I could only let him in.

You poor sweet innocent thing.
Dry your eyes and testify.
You know you live to break me.
Don't deny.
Sweet sacrifice.

As I come to, Logan’s face swims before my vision. But I’m not shocked, or scared by his obvious invasion of my personal space, I’m touched. I don’t scream or back away, I cry. For the first time in years, I cry. I’m Marie and Marie occasionally has to break down into tears, but it’s not a sign of weakness. It’s a sign of my strength, and the sacrifices I make, and the courage to allow my heart the opportunity to break, if he should chose to. I don’t think he will though; I know he’d die before doing that. He’s in my head after all.