She stood in front of the tall building, wondering how she could ever find the strength and courage to just open the door. It had been over ten years since she had last stood at the spot, and it had been a wonder that her pass code at the main gate still worked. She would have thought that they would have disabled it after she left. Maybe they thought she would come back, but she never did make it. Even when her abilities came back after that first year, she still couldn’t bring herself to return. There was just too much that she had yet to forgive herself for, too much that she had yet to let go of.

She could still remember coming home that fateful day after she had taken the cure. It had scared her to think of what would happen. She hadn’t known about the battle at Alcatraz, although she had been certain that something like it was going to happen. She had wanted to be there to support her family, but she had a feeling that once the battle was over, her opportunity would be gone with it. It wasn’t until after they had stuck her with that damn needle and sent her on her way that she found out what had happened. She had gotten off the bus and had seen it on the news, and her heart plummeted. But what was she supposed to do? Continue to live her life covered from head to toe? Never touch anyone? Forever be the virginal master piece of the school, only to be gazed at fondly like she was a masterpiece in a museum? She couldn’t help but snort at the thought.

When she had returned that day, so many years ago, she had been afraid that she would be scrutinized and condemned for the choice she had made for herself. Instead she had found Bobby to be relieved and a little over excited. He had wanted to get started right then, and she had to force him off, telling him that everything was still very new, and that she would need a little more time. It still scared her that something would go wrong.

Jubilee had been thrilled, even going as far as holding her bare hand at any given time, just to make sure. Pitor had been a little disappointed, although he had insisted that he was happy for her. It took her a week to find out that he had always been a little proud of the fact the he was the only one who could touch her, even though he had to be in his metal form to do it.

The one person that she had feared, though, had ended up being the most understanding and supportive. She would never forget the moment she had told Storm. At first the older woman had been shocked. But before Rogue could even start grasping for conclusions, her former teacher had pulled her into a tight embrace, softly asking her if she was alright and making sure that she hadn’t been hurt in anyway.

That had been the first time she had cried over her decision. She had known what she would give up, but she had never contemplated how vulnerable she would be. Storm had held her close, understanding the turmoil and pain. Even though it was something she had decided for herself, she still had to morn for the part of her she had lost. Afterward, Storm had assured her that she could stay with them for as long as she wanted and even finish school. It seemed that, before he died, Xavier had written her into his will, leaving her with a substantial amount of money, a few stocks and bonds, and even a little house he owned in the south. She had also been added to the deed along side Storm and Logan.

~~~~~“After your first year with us,” Storm had explained when Rogue had asked her if Xavier had been in his right mind, “he hadn’t been sure what was to become of you. It became painfully obvious that chances were you would never gain control.”

“So he really had no hope for me at all? All those exercises we did we’re for nothing,” Rogue whispered to herself softly.

“Oh, no Sweetheart. Xavier was trying to help you in anyway possible. He was always so distraught afterward. He wanted to give you a true chance at real life, outside of these walls. You were like a daughter to him. He left you all of this because he wanted to make sure that you would be taken care of and always have someplace safe to call home. He knew how hard it would be for you to live without some support. He wanted you to be happy.” Storm wrapped her arms around her again, whispering things to her that she never really heard. Xavier had set her up for life, making sure that she would never have to worry about anything.~~~~~~~~

She hadn’t known about this because the reading of the will had happened the day after the funeral, and she had already left by then. She hadn’t even thought he had even bothered to mention her, much less left her anything. And she hadn’t really told anyone where she was headed. But she had accepted everything with stride, not sure if she was going to use it or not.

The real kick to the stomach was the way Logan reacted. If she had thought anyone would have been happy for her, it would have been him; instead, he seemed to have decided to avoid her like the plague.

It made her sick to watch him watch her, knowing that it was to make sure he didn’t come to close. She had always thought of him as her best friend, but he was acting like she was nothing more than a pariah. It was almost as if he didn’t revere her as anything but one of the others now.

That was the final straw for her. She knew she needed to get away. She packed her bags and left, not saying a word to anyone. Her best friend had turned his back on her, and if she was being honest with herself, his opinion was really the only one that mattered to her anymore.

But now she stood in front of the heavy oak doors, ready to claim her place in this home, and to continue the legacy her mentor and provider had started years before. If only she could force her hand to open the damn door!

“What the hell?” She knew that gruff voice all too well. She hadn’t wanted to see him. Not yet. She had known that it was inevitable, but did he really have to be the first person she saw?

The door opened quickly, and it was almost a shock to see the man standing in front of her. She hadn’t realized how much it would hurt her. She had come ill prepared and wished she could just turn around and walk away. And then she realized there was nothing stopping her.

“This was a mistake. Maybe some other time.” She turned to leave, wanting to hurry down the path as fast as she could. Anyone who would have been watching would have thought she was running for her life.

She was almost to the gate when she felt a hand grab her arm and turn her around.

“Where you going, Darlin?” She kept her eyes closed even as she felt the rush his rough voice had always sent through her.

“Away. Far away. This was a mistake.” She tried to pull away from his grasp, but he was too strong. “Just let me go, Logan.”

“Not this time, Darlin,” he whispered as he pulled her in closer, moving his hold from around her arm to her entire body. “Not again.”

He knew the scent the moment he entered the foyer. There was no mistaking it. She was just outside the door, and he could practically drown in the anxiety she had to be feeling. Part of him wanted to throw the door open and drag her in through the doors. But that wasn’t going to happen. She had left once, he didn’t want a repeat in that behavior. So much had changed through the years, he wasn’t sure if she would recognize her home. He wasn’t sure if it would hurt her to know just how different some people had turned out to be.

The minutes passed slowly, and he wondered what was going through her head. He had screwed up the last time; but he wasn’t going to make the same mistake.

It had hurt when she had left without a word ten years ago. Hurt more than he would allow himself to believe. He had been too wrapped up in himself to realize that she needed him… and that, just maybe, he needed her, too.

No one else had really taken any offense when he had distanced himself from everyone else when they had returned from Alcatraz. It wasn’t like he hadn’t been the friendliest member of the house hold before. But he had taken into avoiding her, also. He hadn’t realized what that would have done to her. At the time, he hadn’t wanted to allow anyone to be close to him. It hurt too much and it was just easier to just stay away.

And then he had woken up one morning and realized that it didn’t hurt so much any longer. Of course, it was still painful to know what had happened and what he had done in the name of mankind. He knew that he had been avoiding her, and he knew he had to make it right. So he got up and dressed quickly before setting out to find her.

He should have seen it coming.

~~~~~~~~“She’s gone, Logan. Has been for awhile now.” Storm was sitting in her office, going over budgets and paperwork to prepare for the upcoming school year, just around the corner, when he had barged in, wanting to know what was really going on. He hadn’t been able to find her and half the school was filled with new students who did nothing but quiver and sniff when he asked about her.

“Well, where did she go? When the hell is she supposed to be back?” He growled at the new headmistress of Xavier’s School For The Gifted.

“Logan, first of all, I am not one of the students. That growl doesn’t scare me. Second, Rogue is an adult now. She doesn’t have to answer to anyone.”

“The hell she doesn’t…” And then he realized something, a hidden meaning behind her words. “She’s not coming back, is she? Where the hell is she, Storm?”

“I don’t know. She didn’t even say where she was going. Logan, she didn’t even say good. I think she wants to try it on her own. She never said anything, or even gave any signs. One day she was here, the next, she was gone.”

He was almost speechless. She had left without saying anything. Not even a goodbye. To anyone. He rubbed the bridge of his nose, feeling a headache trying to break through his healing abilities. “How long, Storm.”

“I really don’t think that rele…”

“How fucking long?” He growled, and this time she really was frightened. He could feel the metal in his hands itch, wanting to be unleashed. “No fucking bullshit.”

“Over a month now. Logan…” He didn’t stick around to hear what she had to say. He turned abruptly, walking out of the office and back to his room. He made one stop before heading back to his room. Opening the door, he glanced around in disbelief. It was completely empty. Not even a memento of the person who had lived here. He couldn’t control himself any longer. His claws unleashed and a few pieces of expensive furniture was destroyed before he left the room, heading to his own. It would be at least two years before the majority of the school was comfortable around him again. And even that comfort was a little on the strained side.~~~~~~~~

But now he stood on one side of the heavy oak doors, knowing she was on the other. He had promised to take care of her once, and it seemed if that promise had been doomed to fail since he had made it. Sure he had saved her life on that statue, all those years ago. But he hadn’t really been that great of a protector since then. He had just been way to wrapped up in his own emotional turmoil to realize that she needed him more than anyone. Even the ice prick.

He couldn’t take it anymore. He yanked the door open, his eyes meeting hers for the first time in years.

She had changed quite a bit in the last ten years. She still had the same white streaks and big brown, but the girl he had known was long gone. Her face had grown leaner, her cheeks not so round. Her bone structure was more pronounced. She had the shadows of crows feet appearing at her eyes, and the beginnings of smile lines around her lips. Her lips themselves had even changed. They seemed fuller, almost. But was that even possible. He knew who this was, but it was almost like seeing a stranger for the first time.

“What the hell?” The moment he said it, he knew it was the wrong thing.

Her eyes went wide and she appeared to have stopped breathing. “This was a mistake. Maybe some other time.”

She turned and began to run to the front gates. She must have left her car there and walked up after putting in her code. He ran after her, catching her by the arm almost as fast as she turned to run. He whipped her around and into his arms, crushing him against her. He wasn’t going to make the same mistake twice. He wasn’t that much of an animal.

“Not this time, Darlin,” he whispered tightening his hold on her. “Not again.”

“So why did you leave?” Logan asked, not understanding why she was babbling about everyone else. She had never been someone to beat around the bush. He wondered where she picked that little annoying habit from.

“Honestly?” She asked. He quirked an eyebrow at her, basically wanting know why she felt she had to ask. “You. I left because the one person who had never been afraid of my skin was avoiding me like… well like I had poisonous skin. I couldn’t really understand it. And it just was the final straw. I had to leave. I needed to find myself again.”

“And now?”

“Now I’m home… For good. I want to continue what Xavier started. I received my teaching degree a few years back, and I thought about maybe a more traditional role… but…”

“But what?”

“But there aren’t too many schools that would hire a mutant to teach children. Especially a dangerous one.” She looked away then, but not before he saw a tear trickle out of her left eye. She must have gone through some things while trying to find that job. “And so, I decided that I might as well come home. Earn what he had left for me.”

“When did it happen?” He didn’t have to reiterate his meaning. He was looking pointedly at her gloved hands. She had forgotten she was wearing them. After so many years, she didn’t feel complete without them any longer. Once she had thought of them as a marking her curse, but now, it was almost as if they were now apart of her being, as if they made her hole and made up for her inability to touch.

“About a year after I left. I was at a party with this guy from school.” She didn’t really want to talk about what had happened, not with him. But she couldn’t keep it hidden. Not from him, anyway. Even after all these years, she still found she couldn’t hold back anything. “It was at the frat house he was a member of. He brought me something to drink and by the time I finished it, I was feeling dizzy and just wanted to sit down. He took me up to his room and let me lay down. Part of me was worried that he was going to try something, but he didn’t. He just told me to go ahead and get some sleep while he went to find out what happened. He made sure the door would lock from the inside.

“Everything became hazy after that. I woke up when I felt someone on top of me. It wasn’t him. Not Jacob. It was another boy from the party. One that I had turned down when he asked me to dance. His name was Matt. He was trying to… To do things that I hadn’t done yet. I tried to fight him off, but he was too strong and I was just too drugged. I tried to scream, but the party was still going on and no one heard me.

“And then he entered me… Sometimes I can still smell his breath when I go to have a drink. He’s ruined that for me. I still have nightmares about that night, and now I have a more understanding of what happens when I touch someone. From there perspective anyway.

“It hurt, Logan. It hurt so much. He didn’t do anything to make sure that I was ready. He forced himself in and I screamed some more, even though by that time I knew it was useless. But he wouldn’t stop. He just kept…”

“It’s alright, Marie. You don’t have to tell me…” He wanted to consol her, but he wasn’t sure she would accept it just yet. As much as this was hurting him to hear, he knew that there was nothing that he could really do about it.

“Not, it’s not alright. I haven’t spoken about this since it happened. I need to tell someone, and you were always the best person.” She gave him a stern look, and, although the tears in her eyes threw him off, the stubborn pride behind them made him proud. She had survived this, without the help of anyone else. It still hurt to know that she had to go through it alone. “Finally, when he… came, I felt it. The pull. I could feel everything sinking into my system. His pleasure and pain. His thoughts. Everything. I wasn’t the first he had done this to, and, even while it was happening, he was already planning his next conquest. What was more disturbing was that he didn’t fit any type of profile. He wasn’t abused as a child, and not really spoiled. He was far from ugly. He had a beautiful girlfriend. He was in one of the best fraternities in the country. He was in the top ten percentile of the graduating class. He had everything. So why did he have to take so much from others?”

She paused for a moment, and he wondered if she was looking for an answer. The far away look in her eyes told him otherwise. And then, just like that, she started to speak again.

“He took my innocence. So I took his life. The drugs made me too weak to fight him off, much less push him away. By the time someone came, he was already dead and I had his memories and thoughts, his entire being, really, locked away. My strength was coming back when I heard the door open, and I was lucky enough that it was Jacob that came in, checking to see how I was doing and to find a way to get me back to my dorm. One look and he knew what had transpired. He helped me push his frat brother’s dead body off of me and helped me sneak out of the house undetected.

“It wasn’t until we were almost out of town when he pulled into a gas station. He went in and was gone for a few minutes. I thought he was calling the police. But it didn’t seem that way. I mean, why wouldn’t he just call from the house? It wasn’t like he didn’t have a whole football team of guys downstairs to help him against the little mutie girl.

“After about ten minutes, he came back out, tossing me a wad of cash. He started the engine and we drove in silence, him paying attention to the road, and me… well, I was looking at my hands. I still couldn’t believe it had come back, and I was angry. Angry about the cure, about Matt, and, most of all, about myself and what I had done. I couldn’t protect myself. I couldn’t stop what had happened. And, to top it all off, I still had no control.

“We finally stopped at a little motel just outside of town. He went in and paid for a room before helping me out of his car and to room number 17B, which was as far from the lobby as it is could be. He helped me into the shower, never once touching my skin. He allowed me to wash myself, yet he never left the room. I think he was afraid that I would kill myself. At that time, I wouldn’t have doubted it. I wanted to die, and I felt used and unwanted. I felt dirty.

“After the shower, he helped me to bed, wrapping me up in the dress shirt he had been wearing and wrapping the sheet around me. He kept telling me that I would be alright, that I was stronger than to allow myself to waste away. I cried in his arms, I didn’t say anything. I fell asleep from exhaustion.

“When I awoke, he was still there…”

~~~~~~~~~~“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have left you alone like that. I thought you would be safe if I locked the door. I was the only one with a key. I didn’t think… I didn’t even know he could get in. I think he might have climbed in through an open window.”

She didn’t speak, couldn’t if she wanted to be honest with herself. Everything from the night before just kept replaying in her mind, over and over again, like a sick movie. But it really was worse than that, because not only was she seeing everything in her own mind, everything she had felt, but what he had gone through, also. She felt like gagging. It was a wonder that she hadn’t already.

“I know, you’re probably wondering why I helped you.” The thought hadn’t crossed her mind, but now that he brought it up, why was he helping? “I had to help you. Listen, I know what you must be going through, with your gift and all.”

This statement had earned her undivided attention. She had never met any human who referred to their abilities as ‘gifts’.

“You’re a mutant, aren’t you?” She asked softly, her voice sounding rough and small, even to her own ears. “What do you do?”

“Believe it or not, I can help other’s heal little things. Like small cuts and bruises. Also, I help plants grow. It’s not much. Not really powerful like yours. I mean, I can’t even show anyone to help them, and if the injury is more than a deep gash, I can’t help it.”

“Kind of ironic, don’t you think? You’re gift helps people, while mine takes their lives. Kind of like being on the opposite ends of a spectrum.” She smiled up at him, not really understanding why she was smiling in the first place. “You really should get going soon. You do have a dead body to get rid of before anyone else realizes there is one there.”

“You going to be alright?” He asked slowly, sitting on the bed next to her. “I mean, you sure you can do this on your own?”

“Kid, you don’t even know my name. Besides, this wouldn’t be the first time I was on my own on the road. And this time, I got a little bit more back up.” She reached into the back pocket of the jeans she had spent so much time choosing just the day before. Pulling out her wallet, she quickly opened it and fetched one of several cards she kept in the bill fold. She looked back up at him, slowly handing him the card, careful not to allow their fingers to brush. “It’s a school in Westchester. A school for special people, like us. I know you are doing pretty great here, but if you ever feel as if you need to get out, or you want to actually be able to use your abilities, maybe even let them develop more, they can help. There are some really good people there. And if you see a burly man with mutton chops and growls at everything, don’t be too hard on him. He’s been through a lot.”

“Thanks. Maybe I’ll see about it. Who knows, I always wanted to teach,” he replied with a smile, taking the card from her. “Anyone you want me to say hi to?”

“Not really. Especially not the guy with the chops. He might come poking his nose into some area that doesn’t really need to be explored. And he might just not get the right information. If that happens, lose that number, run for the hills, and start counting the days, because he will come for you, and he will find you.” He wanted to laugh at her warning, but the serious expression on her face and the pleading in her eyes told him she was serious. Deadly serious.~~~~~~~~~~~~