Take a look at my body,
look at my hands
there's so much here that I don't understand


She still didn't understand. Even though she should be used to her powers by now, she still had a hard time dealing with them sometimes.

Why? Why her? What had she done to deserve this?

Hiding her face in her hands, Rogue sobbed.

It was one of those days on which she felt so lonely and isolated that all she wanted to do was just rip off her skin. That would just solve all the problems, wouldn't it?

Because her skin was the root of everything, the reason that she felt like this, that she couldn't relax when she was around people, that she didn't have any real friends because she kept them all at a distance.


Your face-saving promises,
whispered like prayers
I don't need them


That wasn't entirely true though. She still had Logan; the only one who wasn't afraid of her. But he was an outcast just like her. He had promised to take care of her, but no matter how hard he tried to do just that, it didn't really help.

And it wasn't his fault, he did a great job. He made her smile when all she wanted to do was cry.

But it just wasn't enough.

She didn't need just one friend, she needed to feel like she belonged somewhere...like she belonged with the other kids, like she was just an ordinary girl.


I've been treated so wrong
I've been treated so long as if I'm becoming untouchable...


The other kids thought she didn't notice the way they involuntarily shied away from her whenever she came close. They did their best to hide their fear and treat her like everyone else, but it didn't help much.

Even when every inch of skin was covered up with clothes, they didn't dare to hug her or get physically close to her in any other way.

It might not have been their intention, but it made Rogue feel like she was an the most disgusting person in the whole school.


Well, contempt loves the silence
it thrives in the dark,
the fine-winding tendrils that strangle the heart
They say that promises sweeten the blow
but I don't need them... no I don't need them


None of their words could make up for that. Time after time, her friends said they didn't mind her skin and loved her anyway.

But what good did it do?

She always felt like she was a burden. They always had to pay extra attention to her and she always had to be careful and hyper-aware of her surroundings.

And all because of her skin. She hated it, hated the body she was trapped in, hated herself for not coping with it better.


I've been treated so wrong,
I've been treated so long as if I'm becoming untouchable


She also hated the others for...she didn't know what for exactly. For pretending they didn't mind her deadly skin? For being unable to hide their fear better? For bothering to try and be friends with her at all when they didn't really want to?

But none of those feelings were quite as strong as the hatred she felt for herself. No, nothing could match up to that.

A wave of disgust rippled through her body. She had gotten used to those physical effects of her intense self-hatred. The shivering, the nausea, the pain...
Her deceitful body deserved nothing better than pain. Her skin, that smooth ivory skin, needed to be punished for making her life hell.


I'm a slow-dying flower
I’m the frost-killing hour
sweet turning sour and untouchable


Sighing in a mix of pain and pleasure, Rogue pressed the sharp edge of a little piece of metal into the soft skin of her wrist.

Ironically enough, it was a piece of adamantium that Logan had once given to her. He had found it while he had been looking for clues to find out more about his past.

She opened her eyes to watch tiny drops of blood form on her arm. But they were too small, too slow, the cut wasn't deep enough, it wasn't enough.


ooh I need
the darkness,
the sweetness,
the sadness,
the weakness,
ooh I need this


She made two more cuts on the inside of her arm, one quick slash to enjoy the afterglow that had her whimpering and one painfully slow wound. Her hands were shaking and she had trouble to keep quiet.

Finally, there was more blood. She watched one especially beautiful drop travel halfway around her wrist before it dropped down, onto the floor.


Need a lullaby,
a kiss goodnight,
angel, sweet love of my life
ooh I need this


A couple of urgent knocks on the door caused Rogue to snap out of her trance for a moment. She faintly remembered Logan wanting to come over to watch a movie...or something like that.

“I'm busy,” she choked out, not moving. The blood was still dripping to the floor, it was the third drop now.

So beautiful...

“Rogue? Are you okay in there?” Logan sounded worried.

“Yes. Don't...don't come in,” she pleaded weakly when she heard the door creak open.


I'm a slow dying flower
frost-killing hour
the sweet turning sour and untouchable


She didn't look up or do anything else to acknowledge his presence. Staring at her wrist, then at her hand that was holding the piece of metal, back to her wrist.

It still wasn't enough.

“My God, Rogue,” she heard Logan gasp when he saw what she was doing.

But nothing could stop her hand from mechanically moving towards her arm again. Just one more and she would feel better. Just one...


Do you remember the way that you touched me before,
all the trembling sweetness
I loved and adored...


Rogue closed her eyes and pressed the sharp piece of adamantium down in a swift movement. But something was wrong...there was no pain...she made one more quick cut, waiting for the pain. It didn't come.

She opened her eyes in confusion and directed her gaze, blurred by tears, down.

“No,” she whispered weakly when she saw two cuts on Logan's left forearm. He was kneeling in front of her bed, covering her exposed wrist with his arm, shock on his face.


Your face-saving promises
whispered like prayers
I don't need them


Rogue sobbed, quickly pulling away from him when she felt the familiar pulling sensation starting. Her cuts were already healing.

She drew her knees up to her chest, wrapping her arms around them and lost herself in her tears, the sobs making her body shake all over.

She had hurt the only person who had always done everything to make her feel better, not caring about himself or the consequences. And this was how she repaid him for his unconditional friendship.


I need the darkness,
the sweetness,
the sadness,
the weakness,
ooh I need this


She barely felt the arm that was carefully wrapped around her trembling shoulders and only faintly registered the piece of metal being taken out of her hand.

Letting her tired body relax against Logan's chest, Rogue finally opened her eyes.

“I'm sorry,” she whispered, looking up at him.

Her eyes were full of shame and disgust with herself and she didn't move while he wiped her tears off her cheeks with the sleeve of his sweater.


I need a lullaby
a kiss goodnight,
angel, sweet love of my life
ooh I need this


“Shh...” she heard his soothing voice whisper into her ear. His hand was rubbing small circles on her back and she couldn't keep another desperate sob inside.

It wasn't right...he was so nice to her and she had done nothing to deserve it. She needed this, but didn't deserve it.

Tears were streaming down her cheeks once more when she felt a soft kiss being placed onto her hair.


Well, is it dark enough,
can you see me?
do you want me?
can you reach me?
oh I'm leaving...


A few more gentle words were whispered into her ear, forming a question, but Rogue wasn't able to process what it meant. She simply nodded and let Logan pull her down onto the bed and safely wrap her up in his arms.

Still crying, she pressed her face into his chest, making dark little stains on his t-shirt with her tears.


you better shut your mouth
and hold your breath
you kiss me now,
you catch your death
oh I mean this...


“Sleep, darling. I'm here. I'll stay.”

Rogue felt his hands caress her back and shoulders and closed her eyes.

“I'm sorry,” she repeated, allowing her exhausted body to slowly drift out of consciousness.

For a moment, she felt at peace. It wouldn't last long.

But for this moment, she felt like she belonged right where she was, in his arms. Lethal skin or not.


oh I mean this...