“Marie, for the love of God please make him stop.”

“For Christ’s sake Logan, he’s just here to amuse the kids.”

“Well I guarantee ya if he carries on I’ll be showin’ him my version of amusement!”

“Oh shush it’s not as though he’s gonna hurt you.”

“There are many kinds of pain Marie.”

“Have I told you how much I appreciate you being here?”

“Hmmf”

“Would it make you feel better if I told you we won’t be much longer?”

“Hmmf yousaidthatanhourago.”

“Come on you mumbling grouch the quicker we get this over and done with the quicker we can get home.”

“Home is soundin’ real good about now darlin’”

“I know, but we do this every year Logan, you think you’d have gotten at least a bit used to by now.”

“Marie I hate it. I hated it last year and just as much the year before. You need to face facts darlin’ -
I’m gonna hate it forever and a day and I assure ya I ain’t ever gonna get used to it.”

“Yeah I know.”

“Yet ya keep on tryin’.”

“And you still keep coming.”

“Touche darlin’. Seriously kid, I really don’t think I can stand much more. Oh for fucks sake….”

“What now?”

“Ya have to ask?”

“Oh.”

“Oh? That’s it, that’s all you have to say?”

“Well I really don’t see the problem.”

“Marie they’re singin’.....”

“I can see that.”

“..Christmas carols.....”

“Maybe because it’s Christmas?”

“..Badly wouldn’t even begin to cover it, and sarcasm doesn’t suit you kid.”

“Logan, they’re kids not professionals, its sweet.”

“Well let me tell ya what I’m thinkin’, I’m thinkin’ they should have got the professionals in if the rest of us have got to listen to it......and I sure as hell don’t class the crap I’m listenin’ to as anywhere near sweet, torture yes, sweet – no way.”

“ This is just your ‘I-don’t-do-shopping-especially-of-the-christmas-variety-and-I-really-would-rather-be-doing-anything-else-especially-if-it-involved-beating-the-crap-out-of-someone’ mood talking, take a deep breath and relax......you like kids, and for the record they don’t just sound sweet, they even look sweet all dressed up like that.”

“Yeah well I think we’ll just have to agree to disagree, we all have our limits and I went past mine hours ago. I’ve been in every shop in this stupid place at least twice, my wallet’s about to wear out its been in and out of my pocket so much not to mention I’ve spent more than the national debt. To top it all I feel like a glorified pack horse carryin’ all this crap and for the record - I don’t like kids, I don’t like *anyone* present company excluded darlin’. I may ‘Tolerate’ which is closer to hate than like, in fact it’s no where near like - it’s a totally different word with a totally different meanin’. They maybe.....and I’ll go as far as to say ‘ok’,..... usually.....well sometimes......but they sure don’t sing to well......like crap actually.....tell me again why people like this shit? And why in the hell is the blimp followin’ us?”

“He’s not following us he’s just milling around.”

“Well he needs to fuckin’ mill around somewhere I’m not.”

“Stop being such a grinch.”

“I’m not a grinch, the fuckin’ asshole is pissin’ me off.”

“Logan sugar, everything pisses you off.”

“Look at the bastard.”

“I have logan, I think he looks great.”

“Along with ya ears I think ya need ya eyes tested darlin’ great? How can you possibly think *THAT* looks great?”

“He does, and he’s good too - just look at the kids faces.”

“I am *way* beyond carin’ if they like him, they can worship the ground beneath his clonckin’ great hobnail boots for all I care but if he doesn’t stop followin’ me I’m gonna personally wipe that sappy, stupid grin off his face, wrap those annoyin’ as fuck jinglin’ bells right around his friggin’ neck and stick his incessant ho ho hoin’ where the sun don’t shine.....and much as I know you love this shit, I’ll do it in front of you *and* the kids.”

“Time to go huh?”

“God yes.....We about done?”

“Yeah, the only one I haven’t got anything for is you.”

“Don’t need anythin’ but you darlin'.”

“But it’s Christmas, I want to give you something special.”

“Just wrap yourself kid. I’m tellin’ ya it’s the best prezzie I could ever get.”

“But you get that every day of the year.”

“And? I’m a man darlin’, I like what I like, and what I really like is you......naked.”

“I think I could manage that.....but Christmas is 3 days away?”

“Don’t worry – I aint waitin’ that long darlin’ tradition or no tradition.”

“Your not?”

“Hell no but don’t worry, I bought ya a little somethin’ special I wouldn’t mind unwrappin’ you out of Christmas mornin’.....Christmas afternoon.....evenin’.....”

“Does it resemble the black lacy number I got last year?”

“It might.”

“I must have been a really good girl, that was a really good present.”

“Darlin’ you were a very, very good girl.”

“Mmmm.....maybe we better get out of here, I should try it on, just to make sure it fits, a girl should never get a prezzie that doesn’t fit. Besides, I’ve been good; you’ve been good, I was thinking maybe Santa wouldn’t mind if we started Christmas early this year?”

“Who gives a fuck what Santa thinks? Lets go.”

“Finally he smiles.”

“Finally somethin’ to smile about darlin’.”

“Well don’t just stand there, let’s go.”

“HO fuckin’ HO, I think I might just learn to love this Christmas shit after all.”

The End.