“Do you honestly believe in super heroes?”
His voice was gruff, but rang with curiosity. It was an actual question. I held the phone to my ear as I gazed at the television, watching the caped man. I rolled my eyes to myself, knowing he couldn’t see the action.

“Batman isn’t a superhero.” I told him, selecting my words carefully. I was trying to think of a good way to say it. I smiled slightly. “He doesn’t have powers.”Logan was watching the same channel as I was from the house he had bought with Jean just a year ago. Movie night had been a tradition since that happened. Tonight he called me claiming Batman was on TV.

“Just filthy rich with some great cars.” Logan mused. I smiled at his tone. Jean didn’t approve of luxury cars. Practicality was more her thing. I must admit that I don’t blame her. If her and Logan were to ever think about having kids, the Ferrari isn’t the best choice for carpools. But, I must admit, this girl had put a tight leash on the Wolverine.

“Jealous?” I taunted, like I always do, while I pulled a pillow towards my chest for comfort.
“It’s worth the trade.” He muttered, no doubt in his voice.
“Meaning?”
He snorted. “There are some things I wouldn’t trade for a nice car.”

I understood immediately. It makes sense that the Logan I knew, the one that had woken up alone for as long as he could remember, wouldn’t trade what he had now for some car. If he and Jean broke up, of course he could get one, but he loved her. I thought it was adorable how she had softened him.

I stayed silent a while, watching the TV. I sighed as I realized what scene it was. “I always feel bad for him at this part.” I murmured under my breath.

“Why?” He inquired, and I knew he was paying attention to the TV again. “She’s not that great.”
I sighed. “But he loved her.” I pointed out. “He always did... But instead, they never had a chance. She died before he got the chance.”

He fell silent, and I wondered if I had offended him, before his voice interrupted my thoughts. “If he loved her,” His voice was unwavering and sure. “He would have saved her.”

“He couldn’t.” I objected gesturing to the TV unaware he couldn’t see me. “He tried to. Look he’s trying.”
“Believe me Marie,” I realized he was thinking about Jean and I almost smiled at how sweet that was. “That girl would have lived, if it was me.”

I watched the explosives go off, the entire screen engulfed in flames after she murmured her last words. I exhaled, knowing she was dead and just realizing myself that I had been holding my breath. I tried not to imagine such a thing ever happening to Logan, I didn’t want to see him crumble under the pain of her loss.

My call waiting started ringing and I heard Logan grunt. “Who is it?”
His super hearing makes it difficult to hide anything, even through the phone. “Bobby.” I murmured reluctantly. “One sec kay Logan?” I heard him grumble something rudely before I put him on hold.

“Hello?” I answered.
“Hey, Rogue, do you want to do something tonight?” Bobby asked surprisingly calm.
“Um, I’m watching a movie with Logan.”
“Oh he’s here?”
“I’m on the other line with him.”
“As always.” I heard Bobby chuckle. “Come on, let’s do something.”
“Sure I’ll get ready and meet you in the kitchen.”
“Okay.”

He hung up and I went back to Logan. “Hey, I gotta run.” I murmured. There was silence. “Logan?”
“Yeah I’m here. Where you going?” He muttered.
“Out with Bobby,” I answered getting up and wandering over to my closet to find something to wear. I heard him growl. “What?” I demanded holding a shirt up to myself in the mirror.

“I don’t like him.” He admitted.
“You don’t like anyone I go out with.” I objected annoyed.
“With good reason.” He grumbled. “Fine. Before you go, I wanted to ask you. Me and Jeanie were gonna go to the cabin this weekend but she has some meeting with Xavier.” He paused, and I knew he was listening to me breathing to make sure I was still there. “Wanna come?”

My eyebrows pulled together, it’s Wednesday. “This weekend? Like leave Friday?”
“Yeah.” He murmured. “I know it’s short notice...”
“Sure I’m in.” I interrupted him. “Now I gotta run. Bye!” I hung up and made a dash to the bathroom to do my hair.

***
Thursday

I sat down in my favourite part of the theatre. Six rows in, around the middle. It’s not to close and not too far. I was with Emma, her new boyfriend and Logan, who laid his jacket down next to me, not sitting down. “I’m going to get popcorn,” He murmured to me.

“I’ll come.” Emma chimed with a smile. She kissed what’s-his-name lightly before following Logan who rolled his eyes and smiled at me.
“Coke?” He asked. I nodded, opening my mouth to speak before he turned his back on me and started walking away. “And M&Ms. I know.” He muttered over his shoulder.

I grinned to myself amused before glancing over to Emma’s new guy and then back to the screen for previews. I wasn’t exactly going to start talking about the weather, but he started to speak before I could. “So how long have you been dating?” He asked nonchalantly.

“Hmm?” I murmured, my brain not making the connection while I watched the trailer to some new movie that involved explosives and some hot actor.
“You and him, how long?” He clarified.

I nearly choked I was laughing so hard.

“We aren’t a couple,” I finally blurted out between giggles meeting his eyes for the first time.
He blinked in surprise. “Really?” His voice rang with honestly. Apparently Emma hadn’t put him up to this.
“Really, really.” I insisted reluctantly.
“Huh.” He murmured as though to himself, glancing back to the screen awkwardly. I thought I’d heard the last of that conversation but he simply couldn’t keep his mouth shut. “Why not?”

I felt my eyebrows pull together as I tried to think of a good way to answer that. I bit my lip. “He has a girlfriend.” I offered, trying to get off this subject. When I looked at him he clearly didn’t think that was a suitable excuse. I sighed. “I don’t know. When I met him I was seventeen. He’s never looked at me that way.” I admit I used to have a bit of a crush on him. But it was childish silly crush. Since then I’ve done a lot more... well not childish things. Now he’s my best friend.

He looked thoughtful, but as much as I wanted to stop talking about this I couldn’t help myself. “Does it really seem that way?” I hadn’t wanted my tone to come out that... happy. It didn’t send the right message.

He smiled at me. “Yeah, you seem so... together.”
I was taken aback. “How so?” He shrugged, and I glanced at the door to make sure they weren’t back yet. “We don’t do anything couples do.” I pointed out. “No holding hands. No nothing.”

He snorted. “You two just give off that vibe. It’s not what you do. It’s the way you look at each other. The way you act and what you say. I can’t really explain it. But even Emma thinks so.” I wondered if that was why she had invited Logan and I. To show her boyfriend the two people she claimed were in denial.

I rolled my eyes and leaned back in my seat, my eyes fixated on the screen now. “That’s ridiculous.” I muttered under my breath.” I kept my eyes on the screen until Logan and Emma returned. He handed me my M&Ms and set my drink in the cup holder himself. All the while I watched him carefully, trying to figure out how Emma’s boyfriend had gotten that impression. He’d only met us just under a few hours after all.

He sat down and took a sip of his drink before he sighed, glancing over at me with those big brown eyes of his. “What?” He demanded. “You’re acting like I have something on my face.”

I smiled to myself. “You don’t.”
“Then what?” He said, his voice more curious now.
I shook my head, making brief eye contact with Emma before opening my M&Ms.

“It’s nothing.”

I grabbed a few books off my shelf for the drive out to his cabin. I hadn’t the slightest clue where it was, all I knew was that the drive would take about four hours. My one bag had basic essentials, and I did everything I could to not bring anything to distract me from the wilderness. Logan said he’d teach me to fish and we’d cook it over an open fire.

As I placed my last few items inside my bag there was a knock on my door. “One second!” I called, assuming it was Logan. They knocked again. I threw my bathroom bag into my other bag before jogging to my door. “You’re so impatient...” I muttered opening it.

Remy grinned back at me. “Gambit!” I exclaimed launching myself into his arms. “You’re back!”
He wrapped his arms around me, squeezing me and kissing the top of my hair gently before pulling back. “Remy missed you.” He admitted gazing into my eyes half heartedly. I was always wondering why he spoke in third person. I had assumed it was a Cajun thing, but now I was starting to believe differently. “Come on, we’ll go for dinner.” He took my hand and started to pull me out.

“Shit,” I muttered. “Can’t. I’m going camping with Logan.”
His eyes narrowed. “Alone?”

“Yeah, Jean couldn’t go so now I am instead—” I started mumbling. He set one finger against my lips to make me stop talking, before smiling. His red eyes, which would strike fear into most, only seemed alluring to me. I could tell he was thinking about something, but when he got that look he’d never tell me.

“Have fun chere,” He purred calmly. I rolled my eyes at him before pulling out of his arms and zipping up my bag.


“I’m sure I will.” I told him certainly.
His eyes darkened again, and I couldn’t be sure what he was thinking. I didn’t bother asking. He had been on a mission Xavier had sent him on for the last two weeks, there wasn’t a point in wondering what he was thinking about.

“Comin’ kid?” Logan grumbled from the door. I wondered how long he had been within hearing range. I glanced at him and nodded, grabbing my bag and leaning in to give Remy one last hug before I left.

He took me in his arms a bit too intimately, and kissed me gently on the cheek. “Be safe chere.” He murmured quietly, as though he didn’t want Logan to hear, but knew he could.

I rolled my eyes at his comment. “I’m with the most dangerous man alive.” I pointed out.
Remy’s gaze flickered to Logan and then back to mine. “My point exactly.

He was holding my hand, which I set on his chest as I started to pull away from him. “Bye Remy.”

Later when Logan and I were in the car I kept my eyes on my book while he drove. I took a deep breath, before I noticed him glance over at me. I finally set my book against the chest after the third time he looked over at me and sighed. “What is it Logan?” I asked.

He shrugged, his eyes focused on the road again. I rolled my eyes and was about to return to my book before he spoke. “What did you do with Bobby the other night?” He asked as though making polite conversation. But there was ulterior motivation behind his words.

I shrugged back at him. “Not a lot.” I answered nonchalantly. “Went for dinner, played some pool, and came home.”

“That’s it?” He muttered.
I reached behind his seat into the cooler for a drink. “What else could have happened?” As I opened my can it sprayed slightly, before I glanced over at him and saw his expression. Only then did I realize what he meant. “Oh my god!” I gasped. “You mean did I sleep with him?”

He glanced over at me, one eyebrow raised at being caught, and both hands on the steering wheel now. Far less casual. “Well?”

I folded my arms across my chest, more amused than distraught. “I don’t see how that’s any of your business.” I said, taking a sip of my drink. I put my feet up on the dash, getting more comfortable.

He growled not looking at me now. “Fine.”
“You have no right to tell me who I can and cannot sleep with.” I pointed out, my voice coloured with authority and annoyance. I took another gulp of my drink.

He was silent a while; clearly not amused with what I had said. My eyes narrowed. Now I was somewhat angry. “So how’s Jeanie?” The way I said her name was more mocking of his little nick name than anything. I glared out the window.

“She’s fine.” He answered, his voice far less of a grunt now. “How’s Remy.”
“He’s fine.” I muttered. “The difference is, I’m not dating Remy.”
He rolled his eyes at me, “But he wants more.”

I was taken aback with surprise. “How did you know that?” I breathed. “Did he tell you?” Remy had been trying to get me to go steady with him for the last month now. But I’m not into dating at the moment. For whatever reason, I’m not interested in anyone. And sometimes that extra spark is necessary.

He shook his head. “Come on.” He murmured. “Most the guys in that school smelled of arousal as we walked through. And I’m pretty sure I wasn’t the one doing that to them.”

I couldn’t help but smile. “You can’t really be sure.”
“That’s true.” He chuckled. “So, you gonna go out with him?”
I sighed. “No.” I wasn’t sure, but I thought he was smiling.

***

I looked at the “ladies” bathroom door, trying to summon the courage to go inside. In truth, I’m a total wimp when it comes to bathrooms. All I wanted to do was look in the mirror and make sure that when I fell asleep in the car, it didn’t totally mess up my hair.

I could practically hear the flies from outside. The only reason I wanted to check my hair was because, you never know, some hot guy might be right around here. It wouldn’t be the first time I was picked up by someone on a road trip. I smiled to myself thinking of Logan.

Speak of the devil, I glanced over and saw him there leaning against his truck. “Hurry up.” He mouthed to me.

I shook my head and walked back around and into the gas station. A slurpee, M&Ms and a bottle of water later I was at the cash register. The guy there was just a bit taller than me, and looking extremely bored as he rang up my items. He looked like someone I used to know. And old friend from a long time ago, and I suddenly felt hollow as I remembered his name. I missed him horribly.

I stole a glance at his name. Bret. He finished ringing up my items and glanced at me for the first time. Pain hit me again and I suddenly felt like I had completely abandoned my home. “Is that all for you today?” He asked. Out of the corner of my eye I saw one more thing I needed.

I paid him and as I walked out. “Thanks Bret.” I murmured. He nodded and I went to Logan’s car. I hopped in only to meet his glare.

“Way to take your time.” He paused. “You okay?”
I shrugged. “No.”
“What’s wrong?” He murmured, his voice sounding worried now. “Did he—“
“No, he didn’t do anything.” I reached into the bag and handed him the beef jerky. “We’ll talk later.”

He grinned at me. “Thanks.”

Four hours, three pit stops and seven coffees later we were on a bumpy dirt road in the middle of nowhere. Tall pine and spruce trees towered above, sheltering us from the afternoon light. I hadn’t been camping since as long as I could remember. But I felt like I missed it. Not all the memories had faded when I took the cure.

When I saw the small structure in a small opening in the woods, I realized that it was exactly what I had expected. A log cabin, the size of a small house with an adorable chimney, some firewood was stacked alongside it, and I could somewhat see an area a bonfire was meant for, surrounded by logs for sitting on.

It was everything I imagined and wanted. “It’s... beautiful.” For lack of better words.

He pulled up his truck in front of it and put it in neutral before getting out and grinning at me. “I’ve missed the place.” He murmured as he walked around the side and grabbed a few bags. I realized now that neither of us were really city people. We aren’t the biggest socialites.

I climbed out of the truck carefully, trying not to fall and landed on the damp ground to realize I hadn’t put my shoes on. The cool grass was nice against my feet, and it was a shame as I stepped into my flippy-floppies. I smiled to myself. “How long has it been?” I asked him walking around the back to get my bag.

He sighed, not wanting to meet my gaze. “About a year.” He knew I took whatever opportunity I could to poke at Jean. It was simply too easy. Most the time, it amused him as well. “Jean doesn’t like camping.” His voice was monotone, he’d trained himself not to be affected by her ‘quirks.’ “This doesn’t even count as camping.” He muttered. “If there’s a fridge, it’s not camping.”

I shrugged. “No one’s perfect.” I grabbed my bag and followed him into the cabin where he dropped his bags on the ground and carried the cooler to the fridge. As I walked over the couch to drop my bag onto it, my eyes locked onto the one bed in the corner.

“Sorry, there’s only one bed. Hope that’s okay.” He glanced at me as he put a couple things into the freezer. “If it isn’t I can sleep on the floor.”

I rolled my eyes. “I don’t care.” I mutter, unzipping my bag, and wondering why I was suddenly worried if I talked in my sleep like Jubilee said at one sleepover. He finished unloading the cooler and started with his bag into some drawers.

“Want to go into town to pick up a few things?” He took a gulp of a beer I hadn’t seen him grab. “Just necessities.”
I smiled back leaning against the couch. “Meaning things Jean wouldn’t let you get?”
He grinned. “Smore supplies, more beer, cigars.”

I laughed. “I’m in.”


After we finished unpacking everything we drove into the small town I couldn’t help but smile. It had the simple stores of a small town. An ice cream store, a small movie dome known as the “Roxy Theatre,” a restaurant, a place to rent movies, and a bar, a grocery store and a gas station.

Somehow this place seemed amazing. It made me feel safe and at home. I smiled as I watched the passing stores, like a little strip mall. We parked and walked over to the grocery store.

He smiled at me as he opened the door. “After you,” He murmured.
I grinned back and walked in, automatically walking over to the fruits and vegetables, grabbing some peaches, bananas and strawberries. Logan groaned as I grabbed a few other vegetables. “We’ve got to eat more than mashed potatoes and hot dogs Logan.” I insisted poking him in the stomach.

He laughed. “Fine. But some bacon or sausages wouldn’t hurt anyone.”
“Deal.” I agreed.

We made our way up to the checkout counter where an old woman began to ring up our stuff. “Oh my word!” She gasped. “If it isn’t Mr. Howlett!”
I saw a small smile creep across his face. “Hey there Barbara. Been a while huh?”
She had white hair and a face full of wrinkles, but there wasn’t a sweeter looking woman I could think of. She peered over at me and hid an embarrassed smile as her gaze flickered to Logan. “And this must be the girl you were always talking about!”

I sucked in a breath. “No, I’m not Jean—“ I began to intercede just as she spoke.
“Marie!”

I froze, shocked before I stole a glance at Logan who I could swear was blushing as he pulled out his debit card. I already had my wallet out. “No, Logan come on, my turn to pay for groceries.”

“As if.” He rolled his eyes and Barbara squealed with delight.
“You two are just adorable.”
“So I hear.” Logan said smoothly, not bothering to correct her.

I folded my arms across my chest and walked over to grab the two bags. He followed me out and I saw him smirk as Barbara called. “I’ll see you two later then!”

“I’m sure you will.” He called back to her.
We were almost at the car when I started imitating her. “This must be the girl you were always talking about!” My voice high pitched and amused.

“Shut up.” He grumbled opening the car door.
“You two are just ADORABLE!” I laughed, unable to stop myself as I got into the truck. “So I hear.” I muttered trying to make my voice sound deep. “God. Like enough people don’t think we’re together.”

He had been about to put his keys in the ignition when he paused. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
I shrugged. “Just Emma’s new boy toy couldn’t stop talking about it while you were gone.”
“Oh.” He sounded relieved before he was concerned again. “You never told me that.”

“I didn’t see a point.” I revealed, not thinking much of it.
He chuckled slightly. “I suppose not.” He put the keys in the ignition before peering across the street. I looked in the direction his eyes were pointed and saw the bar. “Wanna stop for a drink?”

I glanced at the time on my phone. Only 5:00. “Sure.”

***

I took another swig of my beer and giggled, kind of drunk. I’d had some liquid courage. I cheered at the girl on the stage singing some song I couldn’t recognize. Apparently it was karaoke night.

I leaned into Logan, who gazed at me with a great deal of amusement. “Well kid, had enough yet?” He took another gulp.

I shook my head stubbornly. “No. I don’t want to go back yet.” I got up and nearly fell in the process, tripping over my chair, I realized that his arms were around me a moment after he did, and he instantaneously balanced me and let go.

I took a deep breath just as I heard the song the girl was singing finish. He glanced at the stage and then back to me, a smile on his lips. I read his mind immediately. “No Logan.” He grabbed my hands and started to drag me up. “Logan come on! No!” I wouldn’t budge.

He swung me over his shoulder within the moment and next thing I knew he set me down on the stage. “Come on, one song.”

“No!” I shrieked. Suddenly there were cheers from the crowd around me. Chanting for us to sing. He grinned down at me.

“Please?” He begged.
I glared at him and stood up, grabbing a microphone. “What song?”

I should have known, he started laughing as soon as he made the selection. The first piano chords really didn’t ring a bell until he started singing. I was immediately surprised. He wasn’t a bad singer at all, doing it an octave lower than the original, or maybe I was drunk after all.

“Just a small town girl... living in a lonely world...” I stared into his eyes as he sang to me, and I heard the cheers around us. “She took the midnight train going anywhere.” I immediately thought of that night, when he’d found me on the train.

I stood up. “Just a city boy.” I couldn’t stop grinning at him as I sang the words. I finished the verse and couldn’t help but start dancing as the song became more intense. We started trading lines, instinctively, not even having to think about it. Easy as breathing.

Don’t stop believing. I couldn’t believe it. There were so many songs that he could pick, but he chose the one song that I loved. And now, we had a song. laughed at the irony and faked rocker enthusiasm, listening to the crowd around us cheering. I grinned at him.

For a smile they can share the night, it goes on and on...

He took a step closer to me, and I felt my hand crawl up his chest, and rest on his shoulder. His other hand was on my waist as we moved with the rhythm comfortably. We laughed, and I leaned into him without realizing it. Hold onto that feeling. It was overwhelming me. How had I never felt this before?

The song started to fade, and as the music fell into the sound of the people of the bar shouting at us to kiss. I found myself face to face with the world’s deadliest man, his lips just inches away from mine.

But Jean was my friend. I pulled away from him.

The only sounds were peaceful. There was nothing but the crackling of the fire, and the occasional owl or wolf’s cry. I stared up at the sky, lying on my back gazing towards the darkness scattered with stars. Each twinkle seemed to mirror the only thing I’d describe as enchanting. I sighed happily, a beer in one hand, and Logan right next to me to make it all the better.
 
If I could describe a perfect moment, this would be it. Sitting in front of the fire with him; surrounded by nothing more than nature and necessities. “I have no idea how you ever left this place.” I hassled him calmly.
 
He glanced towards the sky where I was looking and then back to me. “I was distracted.”
I grinned up at him. “Sex every night can do that.” I felt myself desperately trying to bring up Jean in everyday conversation... as though he needed the reminder.
 
He rolled his eyes at me. “You really think I have a one track mind uh?”
I pressed my lips together, being overdramatic about the assumption. “Not at all Logan.” I denied sincerely before smiling again. “At least a two track mind.” He smacked me in the arm, not nearly hard enough to hut me. I giggled. “Cars and getting laid.”
 
“And where do you fit in?” He asked sarcastically.
I shrugged my shoulders softly, running a hand through my hair. I hadn’t thought about that. “I don’t.” I answered.
 
“Clearly.” He muttered. He paused glancing up at the sky. “Look,” He murmured suddenly. “There’s Orion’s belt.”
 
I glanced up, seeing nothing but stars scattered everywhere in no particular order. This guy has an obsession with astronomy I suppose. Perhaps it’s because after you live a while in your own world, you wonder what’s outside it. “Where?” I said confused.
 
He laid so he was upside down for me, his head right next to mine. He raised his hand and traced along three stars. “That’s Orion’s belt.” He then pointed to a few others. “And that’s Orion. The Hunter.”
 
“The hunter?” I repeated, interested.
“He’s more famous in Greek Mythology.” I could hear the smile in his voice. He rolled over onto his stomach and looked at me, and I saw the amusement in his eyes. Something similar to what I had seen at the bar. It was something I wasn’t used to. And I wasn’t sure what I thought about it.
 
He stared down at me, and I suppressed the urge to twin my fingers through his hair. It’s wrong. It’s inappropriate. But how exactly can something so wrong feel so right? He smiled, his face now unreasonably close to mine. I hadn’t realized before, that his eyes had two shades of brown with flecks of green in them. And only now did I see the way he was looking at me as a way I was foolishly mistaking for desire.
 
I ran my tongue over my lips, tasting the silence. But words echoed in my mind. ‘It’s the way you look at each other. The way you act and what you say.’ But he sat there, so close to me, staring into my eyes, searching for the same thing I was. Why was I feeling the unmistakable need to lean into him, feel his breath against my skin, and run my fingertips against his cheeks covered in stubble?
 
The only way I could possibly think to describe it was a movie moment. A brief instant when both characters look at each other, it’s time for that perfect kiss. The one makes time stop and the stars shatter. It’s the one that makes everyone believe in true love and soul mates.
 
And before I knew it, we were leaning into each other, our noses brushed against one another, his lips a split second away from mine when suddenly...
 
His phone rang.
 
My eyes snapped open, and I gazed into his before I was vaguely aware he was reaching for his phone in his pocket. “Hello?” He answered, his voice deep, obviously emotional, which surprised me. But I was completely emerged in the silence between his replies. I immediately sat up, pulling away from him I got to my feet.
 
“Hi Jean... Yeah we made it here without problems... I just forgot to call... We haven’t done much yet... We were both rather tired...Yeah... No I haven’t... okay... Yeah I love you too... bye.” He flipped the phone shut, his eyes stone cold focussed on the ground.
 
Realizing my white bangs were covering my face I swiped them behind my ears, standing now as he glanced at me. I took a deep breath of fresh air, trying to smother my emotions, drown them. “Jean?” I murmured even though I knew the answer. He nodded. “How is she?”
 
“She’s fine.” I nodded now, folding my arms across my chest. “Look I...”
“Don’t worry about it Logan. We’ll pretend it never happened.” I muttered, my voice almost an order.
“You mean just ignore it?” He demanded, his tone darkening. “Just ignore what we’re feeling?”
 
“I mean just that.” I agreed, not realizing my arms were winding their way around my waist, trying to keep me together as if I’d break apart from what I was saying. “Feelings fade. This’ll pass. I promise...”
 
***
 
“I don’t only think of cars and sex kid.” He insisted, throwing a piece of kindling into the fire.
I shrugged. “Fine then. Getting laid and having fun.” I murmured.
 
“Nothing serious huh?” He muttered.
I sigh glancing towards the fire. “Either way. I’ll be fun and your girlfriend can be under getting laid.” My gaze flickered to his, and I had a feeling I looked stern.
 
He stared at the fire, his expression shifting and I knew he was thinking about something. The problem was, I wasn’t sure if I wanted to know what it was. Finally, he spoke. “Fiancé.” He corrected me slowly.
 
My heart stopped and I was sure that he could hear it as it restarted an accelerated. “You’re getting... Married?” I said incredulously. My voice had jumped up an octave, I didn’t mean for it to happen, but it was uncontrollable.

He took a big swig of his beer and wiped his mouth. “December thirteenth.” He muttered. He glanced over at me and made a face. “Save the date.”
 
“I...” I stuttered. “I don’t know what to say.”
He was gazing into the fire again. “It’s the right thing to do. I love her, and I couldn’t live if she wasn’t a part of my life.” I had a feeling he was trying to convince himself more than he was me.
 
I nodded slowly. “Yeah... That’s... That’s great Logan. Really, really great. I’m happy for you.
 
“Yeah?” He said, his voice surprised but his eyes hopeful. “Thanks. Jean wanted me to tell you. But its under wraps. Keep it a secret would you?”
 
“Of course.” I said slowly, unsure if I was promising him secrecy or commenting on Jean’s insistence to tell me.
 
He grinned. “And you can come to the bachelor party.”
I couldn’t help but laugh at that, picturing the look on Jean’s face. It would be worse if I had to go to her bridal shower though. “Oh right.” I muttered sarcastically. “That’ll be the day.”
 
I was barely aware as he spoke, too busy trying to come up with any possible explanation for why this was bothering me so much. Why did it hurt to think that he would be hers? It never had before. Perhaps, it was your basic jealousy of friends worrying that they wouldn’t get as much time together if they were married. But I had to wonder if it was something more. Especially since I felt it. I felt the pain searing through my chest, making me feel hollow and absolutely rotten.
 
“C’mon Marie. You’ve gotta.”
“Of course I’ll come.”

When I woke up it was pitch black and I had no idea where I was. I was about to get up and investigate when I heard his gruff voice, surprisingly close. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you.” I could smell the beer on his breath. It had never been this intense, he was worried about something.

He had crawled in beside me. “It’s okay.” I assured him, realizing I had probably fallen asleep in front of the fire and he had carried me here. “What time is it?”

“’Bout two in the morning.” He paused. “I needed a cigar.” He acted as though he had to justify himself to me. I was about to tell him I wasn’t his mother and he didn’t need to tell me that when I realized where he had picked up that habit. I was guessing that ‘Jeanie’ was rather up tight.

“And a beer.” I cut in. “Or two.”
I heard him chuckle. “Try nine.”
I let the silence fill the air a moment before wanting an answer. “Why?”
“I needed more time to think.” Was all he said.

We were quiet a good while after that, both of us consumed with our own thoughts. Finally, I took a deep breath.

“Logan?”
“Mm?”
“I didn’t sleep with Bobby.”

He paused. “Why not?” I could tell he was relieved, but still curious.
“I’m not a tramp.” I muttered. “But it’s none of your business. You shouldn’t care. I keep trying to figure out why you did in the first place.”

“I have no idea.” His voice was frustrated, but detached. And I could imagine the look on his face when he used that tone. Hard and impenetrable. It has always been hard to get my Logan to tell me his real feelings, what he was going through or anything of that sort.

Not... My Logan.

He sat up and flicked on the light, beside the bed. I rolled onto my side to look at him, resting my head in my palm as I watched him leaning over his knees with his face in his hands. He wasn’t wearing a shirt, and the tanned skin stretched over his tight muscles for the first time... made him look... sexy to me. He took a deep breath and glanced back at me, his hair spiked in all different directions. It’s what happens when he runs his hands through his hair a lot. “Ignore it.” He quoted me sourly.

I got the impression that wasn’t working out for him. But it made sense. How could it work for someone who relies solely on instinct? Trusting his deep animal senses to guide him to do what’s right. My voice was caught in my throat. I couldn’t speak or breathe. But my heart was beating a million miles an hour with his gaze on me all the while.

I finally made myself speak up, but my voice sounded wavering, worried, but excited. “Tell me what you’re thinking about Logan” I murmured quietly. I sat up and inched a little close to set my hand on his back, but he withdrew from me, turning away. Like my touch was a sin. That’s what mother had told me.

“I’ll tell you when I figure it out myself.” He muttered, his tone confused and frustrated. I hated seeing him like this. And I don’t hate a lot of things. I wanted to find any way to comfort him... but when he’s like this, trying to get close just makes it worse.

I tried again. “Then tell me what you’re feeling.” I whispered.
He took a deep breath, collecting his thoughts before saying them aloud. He was worried he’d say the wrong thing. It was strange for me, seeing this Logan. The one that wasn’t over confident and oozing with ‘I don’t give a damn.’ Now he was just him. The one that was unsure of himself, and worried of the outcome of his words. He was worried about what I thought.

“I can’t explain it.” He admitted slowly. I realized, he was probably trying to explain the same thing I’d been thinking about since the bar. When our first ‘movie moment’ occurred. He glanced towards the window and I knew he was having internal conflict with the entire situation. “The thing is Marie... I do love Jean. I know I do. But this is something different. Different than anything I’ve ever felt.”

***

I’m not this kind of girl. I’m not the type that’ll pine after someone who she can never have, someone who is already involved and dedicated. Jean is a great woman. She’s smart, and beautiful and she, like Logan has her share of demons. Scott had moved away when he caught Jean cheating on him. I don’t blame him or her for their actions.

Scott couldn’t take being around the two of them. I can understand that. And yeah... Jean cheated. But it’s Logan. All the women in this mansion swoon for him. I’m willing to admit that he’s good looking but I’m one of few girls in the school that didn’t fall for him.

Well, I was.

It was the next morning, and Logan was still asleep, so I started making breakfast. I had made some scrambled eggs, sausages, hash browns and toast. The smell would wake him up pretty soon. The kitchen and the bedroom were separated by one wall, so the entire space was practically one big room other than the bathroom.

I’m a heavy sleeper just as much as Logan, but I couldn’t sleep with him there next to me. So I had gone, taken a shower and started making breakfast. In his cabinets there were... two plates... two of everything. I supposed if he came out here alone, there wouldn’t be need for more than that.

I had just loaded up the plates, and turned to carry them back when I realized he was right behind me. It took everything I had not to shriek like a little girl and drop the plates. I settled on a gasp before screaming “Fuck Logan, you scared the shit out of me.”

He grinned, his hair messy from bed head but still just as adorable. He had hastily thrown on a plaid shirt, but I could see his bare chest beneath the buttons that hadn’t been done up. I handed him a plate. “I sort of burned the toast a bit... but you don’t have a toaster so I had to use the oven.” He rolled his eyes at me.

“I’m just surprised you were cooking.” His voice was plain and serious. “I wasn’t aware you knew how—What was that for?”
He hadn’t finished before I smacked his arm annoyed. “Of course I know how to cook. I just choose not to.”
“Because you like take out too much.” I glared at him. “But this looks good.” He amended. “Looks... Tasty.”

He was right though. He was usually the cook. I’d just... supervise.

We finished eating and he got dressed, laughing wildly as I left the room when he took his shirt off. I waited outside wearing my favourite jean short shorts, which I think are a bit too short to wear in the city. I suppose a couple years of covering up can lead to that.

My T-Shirt was a black V neck but not showing much cleavage at all. I was proud of myself for not dressing provocatively. Meanwhile Logan wore his jeans and a white wife beater. Exposing his biceps for what they were: large.

He had said he had somewhere he wanted to show me. And as we hiked a small distance from the cabin, I had heard water rushing. I realized as we got closer that it must be a waterfall. I started to walk down around the hill, but his hand grasped my wrist and started to pull me up instead. “Come on.”

The first thing I saw was the mist from between the trees that were in my way, and slowly, light began to leak through. As we got closer I could feel the water clinging to my cloths and skin, and then we approached what I realized was a ledge.

I looked up. The top of the waterfall was still at least ten meters above our heads, and as I looked down I saw that the mist in the air was caused by the water splashing down there. I knew my expression showed nothing but awe as I glanced back at Logan who just smiled at me.

“Jump.” He murmured.
“Trying to get me to kill myself Logan?” I teased, backing up from the ledge.

“No, it’s safe.” He assured me. “Take a chance.”
He started to push me forward and I clung to him immediately, terrified. “No... I think I’ll just walk down...”

“You’ll get lost.” He laughed. His hands wrapped around my wrists, forcing me to let go of him. And before I knew it he was right there at the edge. “Come on.”

And then he jumped, disappearing into the mist below with a hysterical grin on his face. He loves taunting me far too much. “Logan!” I yelled. No response. I knew he could hear me down there over the water. “Not funny!” I called down to him. I paced back and forth, terrified of jumping. Its more the height thing for me. I took a deep breath. I walked to the edge. And I counted to ten. No need to rush. I thought to myself as I started. Come on. You can do it.

I’m afraid of getting hurt.
I felt a stab of pain as I realized this was why I didn’t do a lot of things. I don’t risk. I don’t chance. I go with the safe choice. That was why I had dated Bobby.

Sometimes you have to take a chance. I closed my eyes, and fell.

I could feel it happening.
I hate it when I start to hope.

Dreaming. Wishing... Hoping. It’s all for the people that are begging to get hurt. The second you let your guard down, you’ve lost yourself in a whirlwind of “what if?” The thing is... sometimes there isn’t a big difference between ‘scared’ and ‘scarred.’ This can’t happen to me. I won’t let it. So as the wind rushed past my face, and my heart was lost somewhere above the waterfall, I had realized three things.

1. I was denying something that felt natural to me.
2. What I want is something I’d die to not have happen.

And

3. I’m totally fucked.

When I was dragged to the surface by Logan I was entirely unaware of how long I’d been underwater. That is, till I gasped for air. “Christ Marie.” He scolded as he made sure I was still conscious. We were a small distance from the waterfall, but out of the way of its splash. “Do you have a death wish?”

“Not just yet.” Maybe later. I tried to get a hold of myself and stay above water at the same time.

We relocated to the rocky ledge shielded from being splashed. He caught me watching him and chuckled nervously. “What?”

I knew I looked speculating. “I thought metal sank.” I admitted.
A grin spread across his face. “It does. Wanna see?”
I shook my head. “No thanks.”

Safety, I thought, is not always as satisfying as the initial hazard of uncertainty. My distress towards the possibility of Logan hurting me is not misplaced... It’s likely. But maybe that’s where “worth a try” came from. As though what can be acquired is of more value than the lingering possibility of getting hurt.

Somehow his eyes seemed brighter, the outdoor air must have a positive effect on him. He certainly isn’t a city animal. He glanced over to the beach, and I followed his gaze to see a patch of perfect sunlight on the shore.

“Race you there.” He challenged.
“Loser does dishes.”
“Done.”

***

I personally believed the reason I lost was because I had laughed while I swam, causing me to choke on the water and thus much be slowed down. Logan however was busy basking in the glory of my loss and continuing to taunt me about it.

“Shut up.” I hissed finally after he finished a victory dance.
“I’m done.” He laughed, stumbling over onto the beach beside me where I was laying down, eyes closed ignoring him. I felt his arm brush mine as he sat next to me. “You like this place?”

Still somewhat annoyed I kept my answer brief. “Yeah.”
“We should come here more often.”

At that I opened my eyes and sat up to look at him. He was facing me, his hips next to mine and his legs stretched in the opposite direction leaving him rather close. But his expression was completely normal. He was actually serious. My teeth clenched before I spoke. “I don’t think ‘Jeanie’ would approve. After all. First comes love, then comes marriage... then comes a baby in a baby—”

He set his hand over my mouth to make me shut up. “Never sing that stupid song again.” He muttered, a small smile curling his lips. I felt suddenly warmer at his touch, and my face flushed. I desperately hoped I wasn’t blushing.

But he gave me a look. His gentle gaze holding a million thoughts and emotions, and slowly he lowered his hand. His eyes burned into mine, and suddenly everything was silent and I was completely unaware of any sound around us.

Another movie moment? Really?

I wasn’t sure how it happened, but in a split second his lips found mine, surprisingly gentle. I felt his tender frustration and raw hunger for what he couldn’t have. His warm wide hand slid along the nape of my neck, still wet from swimming, unleashing a tingling sensation across every inch of my skin.

And just as quickly as it started, he pulled away, leaving us both breathing heavily, more from surprise than actual depravation of air. “I’m sorry...” He muttered finally.

Amusement flooded through me as a smile appeared on my face. “God Logan you can be so stupid.” I laughed, before kissing him again. We fell back onto the beach, and I kneeled over top of him, straddling his torso as I felt his hands slip down my waist, and then one onto the bare skin of my back. Every fibre of my being ached for the desire to make it stop. But I didn’t want it to stop, so technically I’m an awful person.

His mouth traced over the line of my jaw, my fingers in his wet hair, trying to pull him closer. This was against all reason. Logic had come and gone a long time ago. This was so very different from anything that can ever be explained. Finally his lips were on mine again, moving perfectly simple, together.

Logan had been right. He may not have been a man of many words, but he knew something indescribable when he saw it. This was like nothing I had ever felt before. So I didn’t care what anyone wanted to call it. Love. Lust. Passion. To me, it was just a secret, that no one at the mansion could ever know about.

When I opened my eyes he was staring at me, as elated as I was. There were no words. My mind was clouded with nothing but the faint buzzing of nothingness. I was content with that. I was content with not thinking. Because as soon as I started thinking I knew I’d die from the thoughts that would take me. “Well” He finally said. I rolled my eyes at his nonchalant attitude about the entire situation.

“That’s all you’ve got to say huh?” I murmured, rolling off of him and laying down contently. He turned and watched me rub my face as I moaned. “I can’t believe that just happened.” I heard him chuckle before I continued. “What about Jean?!”

His smile faded, and I knew that he was hurting. I regretted mentioning it. He sat up and ran his hands through his hair again. “Rogue,” He said slowly. “I don’t know what’s going to happen. But... I know I couldn’t ignore it much longer.”

I shook my head closing my eyes. “Me neither.” I smiled. “But you can’t cheat on a psychic Logan.”
He gave me a look, acknowledging the challenging tone in my voice. “Watch me.”

***

I gazed down at the table in the cabin, not really seeing it. Thoughts continued to consume me, and there wasn’t much I could do about it. Thoughts of the future, past and present continued to gnaw at my stomach, leaving me hollow.

So he was with Jean. He was planning on marrying Jean. And he was with me on the side. The thought almost amused me, bringing a blush to my cheeks. I had never been the other woman before. But hey. I’m risking it all. Why not go all the way?

But who is the idiot here?
Me, or the girl in the white dress.

I felt Logan’s hands sneak down my shoulders, he was standing behind me, casually slipping his hands underneath my tank top. I smiled, letting myself exhale.

That’s right. I just slept with little miss "Jeanie’s" fiancé.

Our next trip to the grocery store was far easier to endure. More so, was because as the cashier named Barbara smiled at me with that “you two are cute” look in her eyes, Logan simply took my hand, twining my fingers through his and glanced at me only to wink. There was a strong part of me that knew it was wrong, and being a part of anything that involved cheating was awful of me.

But the other part of me, simply didn’t care.

Logan also knew it was wrong. He knew that he wasn’t going to win the best fiancé award and he knew the possible outcome of his actions. But hey, when did the big bad Wolverine claim to be nice? The one thing that crept into my mind, was the fact I knew that his guilt would be far worse than my own. I was betraying a friend. But he was betraying a woman he had promised his heart to.

I was always in the strict ‘no cheating’ policy. But somehow, all I could think of was how Jean had cheated on Scott. How on earth could she blame Logan? I refused to acknowledge that this didn’t justify our actions. But, I wasn’t going to waste my time away feeling regretful of something I very well still wanted.

It was when he showed any affection in front of others that it surprised me most. I suppose, I expected him not to. But he chuckled mercilessly as I blushed under his touch. The slightest and most brief contact could make me shiver with delight.

We wandered the town, coming across a local bookstore. He insisted upon going inside, saying something about how he needed a Sherlock Holmes book. I leaned against the shelf beside him as he kneeled down, his eyes scanning over the spines of the many novels on that shelf.

I glanced around the book store. It was small but had an upper loft with a couple more shelves of books. Leading up to it was a steel black spiral staircase. Essentially, it was a very cute little shop. The walls were covered in shelves, every small bit of space used to contain another author or genre. The lighting was barely more than the sunlight pouring in through the front window, leaving the dust in the air to look like random flecks of light whishing around the empty space.

“Found it.” I heard Logan chime, standing up and holding the book out in front of me. His arm lowered, and he gazed at me with that look in his eyes, an untraceable emotion. He slipped his fingertips down the side of my face, along my jaw before lifting my chin to peck me swiftly on the lips without hesitation. “The Hound of the Baskervilles.” I rolled my eyes at his selection, ignoring his grin and followed him to the cash register. The older man working behind the counter set down his well used copy of “Carrie” and rang up Logan’s book.

“What is it with you and murder mysteries?” I asked as we left the store. He put his arm around me as we walked, considering his answer a moment. I glanced at him only to take in his expression as he thought.

He shrugged slightly. “I guess I like murder.” I gave him a weird look, which he brushed off easily. “It excites me.” He paused, keeping his gaze locked on the sidewalk now. “The mystery gives me something other than my problems to think about.” He sighed. “To try to figure it out.”

I nodded slowly. “You like solving things?”
The corner of his lips curled up slightly, and I knew he was enjoying some inner joke he didn’t plan on sharing. “Yeah.” He agreed. “I love to solve.” I kept my mind off of the future. Successfully. I managed to never think about it. But in the back of our minds, both Logan and I knew that this was the only time we would ever have together like this. He was mine, just as much as I was his. For now.

“Do you miss being just friends?” He asked slowly.
I shrugged as we sat on a park bench in the sun. “I suppose yes.”
“Me too.” He admitted carefully.
I didn’t let the silence fall over us. “It was less stressful.”
He chuckled. “I know what you mean.”

I sighed and closed my eyes, letting my head fall back to take in the sun. “I’m happy with this. I just, know it won’t last.”
He nodded. “I know.” He paused. “Then we’ll go back to that.”
“Deal.” I agreed.


True to his word, Logan taught me to fish. We had to drive out to this lake, a special one designated for fishing for some reason. It was far bigger than our waterfall’s small body of water. The only real surprise to me was the fact we weren’t using live worms as bait. It took us all afternoon, but eventually I caught a fish.

It was small, cold and scaly in my hands. Logan pulled out the hook. “This one is too small. We’ll let her have a bit more time.” He wrapped his wide hands around mine which held the trembling fish. We lowered it back into the water.

“That poor fish is probably traumatized.” I pointed out, using the lake water to wash my hands.
He rolled his eyes at my sympathy for the small creature, glancing at the sunset. “It’ll learn from the experience. And it’ll grow.”

***

“Shit.” I muttered, laying in bed next to him and squeezing my eyes shut.
His eyes held a moment of worry before he glanced down at me and calmed. That automatic shift was as though he knew every one of my emotions and when to take me seriously. “What?” He asked.

“Does this mean I’m in your ‘getting laid’ category now?” I asked, restraining a smile. It’s something I’m not very good at. I was laying shirtless, on my stomach, my arms crossed in front of me so I could rest my head on them.
He rolled his eyes. “Nah,” He murmured. “You can still be in ‘fun.’ I think you can fall under two categories.”
I laughed. “Perfect.”

He sat there puffing his cigar with one hand, the other rested on my back, a pensive look on his face. I watched him carefully, as I caught myself doing numerous times now. Just looking at him to acknowledge his presence and appreciate it. As though he felt me watching him he peeked over at me only slightly, and the hand that rested on my back started tracing small designs along my bare skin. It tickled, sending tingles all over me. I smiled, and closed my eyes.

We remained like that a while, and I briefly considered checking my phone, which I hadn’t turned on for most the duration of our trip. The only people that would try to contact me would be Bobby, Jubilee or Remy. But he wasn’t the type to call. He would just show up when he felt like it. My thoughts were interrupted when Logan spoke.

“Are we kidding ourselves?” He grumbled, his tone hiding all possible emotions.
“About?” I was lost in thought.
“Thinking that we can go back to being friends after this.”
I casually lifted my shoulders and dropped them. “It’s not like we’ll stop being friends.”

“I know.” He observed. He took his time to continue, and I wasn’t going to make him hurry to tell me his thoughts. Lately the only things I expected out of his mouth were thinks like ‘this should stop’ or ‘we should just be friends’ or ‘you’re simply not attractive enough.’ He took in a deep breath. “I think I’m falling in love with you.”

I opened my eyes at that, unable to stop myself. His hand on my back had stopped, and as I looked up at him, he met my gaze, not a hint of uncertainty in his eyes. Before I could stop myself, the words were flowing out of my mouth as well. “I think I already am.”

That nearly made him smile, but his eyes were sad, worried. He leaned over, just to bring his face closer to mine. “I don’t want to hurt you.” He feared.

“You won’t.” I murmured quietly. I reached out to take his hand. “I’m not as fragile as you think.” Suddenly I stopped worrying about myself. Only because I didn’t care what happened to me. I didn’t care about much more than his pain and what he was going through. I realized that all I wanted for this man was happiness, and I knew I’d accept it if he found it with someone else.

It wasn’t until the next morning that Jean called again. It was Monday, and we were to start driving back tomorrow morning. Every part of me ached for Tuesday never to come. But it would. I knew it would. And I knew Jean was worried about me being alone with Logan. That was why she had insisted on him telling me they were getting married, and that was why she was calling now. To remind him that she was waiting.

I immediately pulled the sheets up and around me when he answered the phone. Somehow it felt like that was crossing the line... his being in bed with me, while he was on the phone with her. He rolled his eyes at me while I got up and struggled to pull on a T-Shirt. I glared at him and he continued to speak into the phone. “Yeah, I will.” I gave up and grabbed his red plaid shirt and slipped it on, knowing full well that it was far too big for me. He chuckled at the sight. Busted. His expression got nervous. “Oh nothing. Rogue just fell down, nothing new.”

I grimaced. That asshole.
“No.” He muttered, his tone was surprisingly angry. “Okay yes, I’ve been smoking.” He rubbed his forehead. “So? I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I can’t get cancer.” He didn’t look at me now as I walked over and pulled on my jean shorts and did up a few buttons of his shirt. “I’m over five hundred miles away. I think you’re safe.” He sighed. “Rogue doesn’t care... What, do you want to ask her?” I glanced up at that, my eyes widening. I shook my head viciously and waved my hands in protest. “Fine.” He muttered. “We’ll talk tomorrow. Love you too. Bye.”

He flipped his phone closed made an angry indescribable noise. “She can’t expect me to quit smoking after two hundred years.” He muttered, before flashing me a grin. Then he saw my expression, and the way I had my arms folded across my chest.

“Rogue just fell. Nothing new.” I quoted sourly. “I’m not clumsy you idiot.”
He chuckled. “Oh yeah you’re about as graceful as Bambi on ice.”
The mental image of Bambi struggling to stay vertical on the slippery ice nearly made me smile. But it was absolutely nothing like me. I glared at him before shaking my head and closing my eyes. I walked over and crawled back into bed with him.

“Well, last night here.” I murmured quietly, and the pain coursed through me without my permission. “What do you want to do?”
He laughed a broken laugh that made me wish I could read minds again. “I’d like a cigar.” He admitted.
I shook my head, automatically annoyed. “I can’t believe she wants you to quit.”
He shrugged. “It’s reasonable. That’s not something someone should be doing if they want to be a...” His words had slowed towards the end of his sentence. “Father.”

I nodded. Ignoring the stab of agony in my chest. “You need to be a good role model for a kid.”
His eyes grew colder, and the corner of his mouth curled barely into a smile. “You’re really not a kid anymore, huh?” I felt myself crumple, and I knew I must look sad, because his expression softened. “Hey,” he murmured quietly, his finger lifting my chin to make me look at him. “I promised I’d take care of you.”

I sighed and rested my head against his shoulder, before he lifted his arm around me and held me close. “I don’t think you’ll be able to protect me from your fiancé.” I muttered under my breath. I felt him laugh solemnly.

He held me closer and I closed my eyes as he spoke. “Come on. I love you. We’ll get through this.”
I pulled back so that I could look into his eyes as I spoke, only now hearing the rain as it began to hit the roof of his cabin.

“You love her too.” I whispered. And I had a feeling he’d always love her more. His eyes searched mine for something, and I had no idea what expression was on my face. I couldn’t think about it all. I didn’t want to. He nodded slowly.

He closed his eyes, as though by opening them he’d have to see the world for what it was. Unfair, and not worth imagining that things will turn out alright. “Why can’t you just accept something that’s supposed to be good for once?”

My eyes narrowed, as I pulled out of his arms. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
He sighed and lifted his hand to pinch the bridge of his nose as he lowered his head. “I mean,” I grunted as he looked up. “You can’t just let yourself hear something without suspecting something else.”

I knew I was glaring now, and it took all of my will not to clench my teeth. “Do you have a point?”

He stood up now shaking his head at me, clearly trying as hard as I was to keep his temper in check. “I mean that you’re the most pessimistic girl I know.”

I laughed, but there wasn’t a trace of humour in my voice. I got up too, now the bed separated us. “Oh I’m sorry.” I said sarcastically. “I’m guessing you would rather I was more like your little Jeanie huh?” I shook my head angrily, and now my volume rose. “You want me to have dreams and actually believe in this Hollywood crap like happily ever after actually happens!”

“You can be such a girl!” He muttered, not meeting my gaze now as he shook his head. “I’ll never understand why you feel the need to hide every tiny emotion that you have.”

“I’m aware that I’m fucked up Logan.” I hissed “But I’ve never met someone that’s so hypocritical in my life.” I grabbed my jacket off the chair and walked towards the door, but he continued to speak.

“Fine.” He snarled darkly, I was smart enough to identify the danger in his tone. “Walk out that door Marie. See if I give a shit.” Logan walked closer to me in three quick strides, standing before me with a angered challenging look on his face. “I know fairy tales don’t exist.” I had never seen him this angry, and a sudden unexpected fear shot through my chest. “If you want to leave, leave. I’m not going to sit here and try to convince you of all the ways you’re better than she is.”

It was the first time I had ever been afraid of him, I hadn’t thought he was capable of spiking such a fear in me. But somehow when he raised his voice like that, something in me broke. It hurt. It hurt to think that after he promised to take care of me, the one thing he couldn’t protect me from was himself.

I knew he could never hurt me, he’d never do that on purpose. The problem was the fact that he wouldn’t have a choice when it came to choosing her over me. And I’d never make me choose between myself and his happiness.

“Believe me.” I growled. “I know I don’t compete.” I glared at him. I felt my hands ball into fists at my sides. “But you know what?” My voice was surprisingly vicious. “People may say that we look like a cute couple, but deep down we both know that we’re too fucked up to ever make it together.” I opened the door and was let the cold air was across my face. “There’s a huge difference between being a couple, and looking like one. All this has shown me is that you would be one fucking bad boyfriend.”

“You know what the worst boyfriends do?” I demanded, and I knew I was yelling now, deliberately walking closer to him and staring at him darkly. “Cheat!” I yelled, hitting him on the chest. He didn’t budge, just watched me as I vented. “You used me! You used me for your own sick and selfish wants!” I continued to pound him in the chest with my fists, and I had a feeling it was hurting me more than it was him. “And I keep trying to figure out why you did. Was it because you were afraid, Logan?” My tone was slipping deep into what I was afraid of. My sadness. And tears began to poor down my face as I screamed at him. “Afraid of the fact you were getting married and had to commit to someone?” I laughed brokenly. “The great Wolverine can’t be caged. So I was the closest girl when you finally broke out.” I screamed at him now, my face soaked with tears. “I can’t believe I fell for all your stupid lines!”

This time as I reached to hit him again, he caught my wrist in his wide grasp, and then caught my other. I mechanically struggled to pull away from him, but all that did was anger him more. He was far stronger, and when I finally stopped resisting he said nothing, just let go of me and walked over to start packing his bags.

I realized sadly, as we packed up the truck and started the drive back out, that he wasn’t going to try denying any of it. Because he knew it was true.

It was very late when we arrived at the mansion; almost one in the morning. By this time, normally there were a few mutant students still awake, lingering in the hallways. But mostly it was empty and silent. I had read a book all the way home, which helped calm me. It was something that pulled me out of my own world. I was beginning to think I had an actual chance of sleeping tonight as I got out of the truck and slammed the door behind me.
 
I was carrying my backpack, and went to grab my other duffle bag before Logan beat me there. He picked it up silently and started walking towards the mansions entrance. I had nothing to do but follow him.
 
It was the only part of the mansion that had light, other than that I could see the halls flooded with darkness. It amazed me how good Logan and I were at completely ignoring each other’s presence. I saw his gaze travel up the stairs, and I wondered if he planned on heading to my room before a voice interrupted.
 
“You two are back early.”
 
The sound startled me, before it seeped into my soul with a dark lurking pain. Her voice, unlike mine, purred like a perfectly tuned violin. It was sweet and soft in every vibration of its sound. I was sure, that to a man who loved her, it would sound even more beautiful. And I hated her for it.
 
I grabbed my bag from Logan automatically, before glancing back at her. Her auburn hair looked soft in the hazy light. She wore snug blue jeans that accented her perfectly structured legs, and a shirt that showed the amount of cleavage that didn’t look slutty, just classy.
 
It was nearly 2 AM. She should not have perfect hair. I glanced down at myself, ashamed, like a stupid unsecure teenager. I still wore my short shorts, and a black tank top. My hair must have looked like a mess, and as I looked at Jean I knew what I had to accept.
 
I was nothing compared to her.
 
I snapped back to reality as Logan spoke. “We wanted to beat traffic.” He muttered. For the first time her gaze met mine, and fear struck me before realization did. First, I understood that she knew. She knew what had happened between myself and her fiancé back at the cabin. But I also realized, the fact that she had expected it to.
 
The corner of her ruby red lips lifted into a seductive smile as she walked up to Logan, so much less muscular than he was, and wrapped her arms around his neck before kissing him that perfect passionate kiss. I watched his entire body go rigid, and his hands, turn to fists at his sides. Nevertheless, he didn’t stop her. She also knew that she still had a strong claim on him, that would never be broken.
 
And just like that. My movie moment was stolen.
 
I was briskly, and brokenly walking up the stairs before I knew it. It was embarrassing, but I knew I was running. I was running to my bedroom as fast as I possibly could, not bothering to say goodbye to my once lover and once friend. But the anger built in me before I could stop it.
 
I returned to my room, amazed that I had been capable of remaining calm as I watched that. But the second I sat down I knew I wasn’t finished. Of course I wasn’t. I had several books on my bed which I grabbed and started throwing them against the wall satisfied with the sound they made as they hit different surfaces around me.
 
No. No. No. Was the only thought coursing through my mind. How could I have let this happen? How could I have let anyone hurt me like this again. I promised myself it would never happen. And somehow... those three days had become the bane of my existence. I wished they had never happened.
 
I thought back to every second of it. Every single moment of happiness felt like little more than a lie. Our movie moments were dead. My movements were frantic and desperate as I made no effort to calm myself down. I didn’t want to calm down. I was beyond fury.
 
For the first time I actually regretted taking the cure. I knew if I still had my power, I’d kill her. I would take amazing pleasure in draining Jeanie’s body of life. It didn’t deserve it. Everyone says the girl is powerful. They clearly haven’t seen what I can do.
 
Well, what I could do.
 
I should have known better than to let this happen to myself. I’m a stupid, young, idiotic girl who let herself believe for a second that true love really exists. It’s all just bullshit. It’s the adult version of Santa Clause. It’s something that will never last. It just wounds the heart.
 
I threw my last book across the room and watched as it toppled uselessly to the floor. My damn clothes still smelled like him. I started taking off my shirt, completely stripping and throwing on a pair of sweat pants and t-shirt. It was suddenly incredibly warm in here.
 
I need a drink.
 
There did happen to be a booze cabinet in our school. Everyone of age got the combo. I poured myself whisky on the rocks. Just need a buzz. I just need something to take away the sting. This is hurting far too much.
 
I felt dark. I felt unbelievably shallow. But more than anything I felt empty. I felt robbed of every virtue I ever had. It was clear now. I was the idiot. The one wearing the ring always wins. Because that’s how life goes. The hot ones always win. Little ‘Jeanie’ who had such an awful life that she was later coddled and protected by Professor Xavier after.
 
Oh yeah. Poor Jeanie.
Bullshit.
 
I couldn’t believe this was happening to me. This couldn’t happen to me. I was the one who was strong. I don’t fall in love. I don’t even believe in love. The bottle of Vodka in my hand begged to differ. I grabbed a small glass and did a quick shot. The sting sank down to my bleeding heart, and barely fixed it. With one more and I’d have enough of a buzz to keep going.
 
There was the lesson here. Never trust people who tell you they love you. It’s just total bull shit. They never mean it. They just want something from you. And me, being the stupid little school girl, gave it to him. I slept with him.
 
What did I expect exactly? That he’d dump the girl of his dreams for me? That is the most ridiculous thing I’d ever heard of. Little miss Jeanie is perfect. And who am I? I’m me. I’m the girl that means nothing and was just another notch in the belt. I was Logan’s “I wonder if I could do her.” Maybe that’s all I was to him. A challenge. After all I was the only girl who could resist. I turned to see the closest stable structure to me. I pulled back my arm, before allowing all my weight snap forward into my fist as I hit my wall with all of my strength.
 
The pain seared through my knuckles.
But it helped, and took every ounce of my will not to scream in pain.
 
It took me a moment of relishing in the agony to realize that I may have done more damage than I had intended. I sighed, cradling my arm to my stomach and started to make my way to the kitchen. Using one hand, I grabbed a beer and forced myself to go to the infirmary.
 
I hate the mansion’s little clinic. It’s better than the hospital of course but it still has the basic image of a clean white room. As I walked in I saw a woman leaning over an unconscious patient glance up at me. “Oh dear!” She exclaimed. “Let me take a look at that.”
 
I glanced down. It was swelling, but the pain had turned to numbness now, in my wrist and my heart.
 
***
Two fractures in my knuckle. Leave it to me to do something counterproductive to make myself feel better. I watched as she put on the brace I had promised I wouldn’t take off. I quickly tried to think of all the clothing I had that would hide it as much as possible as I walked out of the infirmary and back to my bedroom after spending the night here.
 
I didn’t want to be in my bedroom.
 
I just walked out with the stupid contraption on my wrist when a voice from behind me rang out. “What happened here chere?” Remy walked closer to me, taking my arm gently in his hands so that he could look closer at it. His red eyes scanned over the injury before meeting my gaze furiously. I knew he was thinking that... the most dangerous man alive had failed to protect me, so I shook my head slowly.
 
“I fell.” I admitted.

Time passes slowly for the broken hearted, and that is why, a clock never brings me good news. I sighed, as I lay in bed, staring up at the ceiling trying to stop myself from glancing once more at the clock. It had been three days since him and I last spoke. Precisely 81 hours since that night with Jean.

I didn’t want to go downstairs for breakfast. By now, everyone knew of course. Rumours spread like chicken pox with these children. I winced as I rolled accidentally onto my bad hand, which would take a while to heal. I was rather disappointed I hadn’t done much damage on the wall, nothing more than a scuff.

Xavier must have made these walls mutant proof.
I scowled in the darkness of my bedroom, reluctant to open my blinds to the waiting sunlight that was trying to get in through various edges of my curtains. I hadn’t been able to sleep. So I woke at nine, and had already taken a shower, done my hair, and finished the last chapter of my book.

I couldn’t think of much else to do with my time. It was Thursday. What do I usually do on Thursdays? I would usually go to the danger room and complete at least three simulations before allowing myself a carton of Ben and Jerry’s, foolishly making myself believe I deserved it. And then I’d guiltily work out more, something... ‘he’ would always make fun of me for.

But Thursday was also the night that Jean had her regular meeting with Xavier, leaving Logan to a night by himself, a night he would usually call me on. And we’d watch whatever movie was on TV around nine o’clock. My teeth clenched automatically.

I wanted to stay in my bedroom. But naturally, I am far to restless to do that. I wandered through the hallway, making my way to the kitchen finally. I grabbed an apple and headed outside the mansion. Across a distance there was a cliff, and below that, a good fall to the ocean below. There were times that I could stare out at the ocean forever. Something about a never ending horizon of water is just beautiful to me. I’d usually sit in the gazebo where I could see the ocean when I wanted to relax. Once, Logan and I had sat here for hours, just sitting here and talking.

But now I sat here alone, reading, and eating an apple. I sighed as I breathed in the autumn air, trying not to think of December thirteenth. And I tried not to think of how Jean had planned it all. She must have gotten tired of everyone talking about us.

Logan and I were better at ignoring it than she was. I’m guessing, it’s because she could hear their thoughts as well. So she must have wanted us to get it over with, so he could see that she’s clearly better than me in every way.

I hugged my legs to my chest, resting my forehead on my knees. It was then, that I realized what my real problem was. My only problem, is that I continue to think. But sometimes, you shouldn’t think. You should just go for it and hope for the best. I’m sitting around thinking about how miserable I am, and that’s clearly not helping. I had been sitting here a long time, too long now to recognize that the sun was no longer high overhead, but far in the distance covered by pink sheen of clouds. It wasn’t too late just yet. Probably around six.

I clenched my teeth, trying hard not to let myself linger on the agony. “Chere?” My head snapped up to where the voice came from, to see Remy standing at the entrance of my gazebo, clearly waiting for permission to come in. That’s the good thing about him. He’s never intrusive.

I forced a smile. “Hey.” My voice wasn’t supposed to come out that broken.
I heard him exhale as he stepped forward, and walked closer to sit down. “How’re you holding up?”
I shrugged simply. “With what?”

The tendons in his jaw tensed as I held up my wall of denial, and walked over to sit down next to me. “Jean just told us they’re engaged.”
“Oh.” The word whooshed out of me as I exhaled. “That.”
He put his arm around me, a natural movement, like he didn’t even think about it. He just held me, because he knew I needed it, even if I wouldn’t admit it. “You okay?”

For a moment I could see how perfect it would be with Remy and I. He’s kind, and sweet. A gentleman, with the seductive purr in his voice that can make any woman swoon. I know that there is only one thing wrong with Remy... and it shouldn’t even count as a fault.

He’s not Logan.

“I’m fine Rem’” I assured him quietly.
I heard him sigh as he rested his head on top of mine. “Come on then belle. How bout dat dinner?” He let go of me and got up, smiling warmly down at me and holding out a hand for mine.

I made myself smile as I put my hand in his.

For the last little while, under the surface of every layer I had within me were the tears waiting to be cried. I hadn’t let myself cry yet. Somehow, crying just makes me feel worse. And I didn’t want to know if it was possible for me to feel worse.

Remy led me through the hall and we were headed towards the door when we walked through the room where Jean and Xavier were, talking. Her gaze flickered to mine, full of a winning fire. She smiled at me, and it somehow reminded me of Logan’s victory dance.

My jaw clenched as Remy continued to pull me out, not letting us stop even for a moment. What a great guy he is. As though he could pretend she wasn’t there. I bit my lip as I got into his car, a red mustang. I gazed out the window as we drove out, not really seeing anything that passed through my line of vision.

“She is pretty, isn’t she?” I murmured, my voice quiet and monotone.
He kept one hand at the top of the steering while, unlike Logan who only held the bottom. “I don’t know what you mean chere.”
I sighed and folded my arms across my chest. “Jean.” I turned away from him so he couldn’t see my face. “She’s pretty and she’s smart and she’s Jean.”

I figured I was making him uncomfortable. The thing is I wasn’t jealous of her. Because I didn’t want what she and Logan had. I wanted what me and Logan had. Because what we had was perfect, and it would have remained so, had she not existed.

“Don’ be like that.” He said slowly. “The girl ain’ nothing compared to you.”
I rolled my eyes at his futile attempt to make me feel better. “It’s a matter of opinion I suppose.”
He let out a quiet snort. “Nah most boys at school agree with Remy.”

I smiled, looking down at my hands before glancing towards him. His deep brown hair matched the colour of his stubble, and as I breathed in I could smell the musky cigarette smoke on him. I raised my eyebrow. “I thought you didn’t smoke.”

He shrugged easily, untroubled. “Remy thought you didn’t drink.”
I clenched my jaw as pain pounded through my heart. It pulsed through my veins, thick as steel. “How did you find out?”
“Nurse told me.” He admitted, a smile curled his mouth as he let his gaze flicker to mine briefly. “Dah girl said you stumbled in with a broken hand and you kept muttering ‘superheroes my ass.’”

I pursed my lips. “I did after all, get drunk and break my hand.”
He rolled his eyes at me. “But it was more then dat no?” I avoided his ruby red gaze. So penetrating, it saw through me no matter how much I wanted to hide my secrets. He just knew. “Come on chere,” He purred seductively. “Tell me ‘bout your weekend with dah wolverine.”

We sat in some fancy restaurant with a fountain and dim lighting. I fiddled with my napkin as I continued to avoid his eyes, which no doubt would lock with mine and insist that I tell him. I took a deep breath before letting myself look at him for the first time since the waitress had flirted heavily, and the hostess had checked him out when she thought I wasn’t looking.

I knew that he was aware of them, he simply didn’t acknowledge it, keeping his gaze on me while they all but threw themselves at him. “I’m rather certain you don’t want to know what happened Cajun.”

He took a sip of his wine, holding my gaze as he did so. “Remy can guess.”
I closed my eyes, not wanting to think of Jubilee badgering me for answers. “What’re the rumours?”
The corner of his lips lifted into a smirk. “Now dat’s something you don’ wanna know chere.” My teeth clenched. He was right. “But what happened?

“We went swimming, and to a bar, and had bonfires and he taught me to fish.” I fiddled with my napkin, just as the waitress walked by. “Can I have an apple martini please?” She nodded with a smile.

When I glanced back at him he was grinning. “Remy is picking up a pattern here.” I raised an eyebrow and he continued. “Why did you start drinking?” I bit my lip.

“I drank on the trip too.” I pointed out, hoping to ruin his theory.
He shrugged. “Sounds like Logan is still linked to de habit.” When I ignored him he simply kept talking. “Pain too much to handle?”

“That’s enough Remy.” I muttered darkly.
He held up his hands in surrender. “Den tell me what happened.”
Just then she came back with my drink, and I took a sip before speaking. “One little fling never hurt anybody.” I said calmly.
His red eyes flickered like fire, with one pensive glance. “’Cept you Rogue.”

***

Remy took my hand as we walked out of the restaurant, nudging me to ignore the death glare shot at me from the waitress. There’s nothing like knowing you’re with what everyone else wants. I couldn’t help but smile slightly, being held like a trophy, rather than a secret, was nice.

He made Logan seem like such an ass.
Pleased that it hurt a little less to think about him, I snickered slightly. Well, he is and ass.

He opened his car door for me with a smile. He’s the type of boy my mamma would want for me. A sensible, respectable gentleman. And I knew that he’d be nothing less than business like with my father. If they were around. I closed my eyes and rubbed my forehead.

It wasn’t a second later before I was thinking about Logan. The way his arms would tighten around me protectively as we laid in bed next to each other. And the way he’d smile when he caught me staring. How he’d look when he was driving, thoughtful and hardly aware of anything but the road. Ice froze over my heart as I caught myself, lost in meaningless details. He had invaded my mind, by leaving himself on every thought I had. And I hated him for it.

Slowly, I remembered the fish he had let go.
Learn from the experience, and grow. So that’s what I’ll need to do.

When we got back to the mansion I knew I was more than a little drunk. I was laughing for the first time in what felt like forever. Remy wrapped his arms around me, pulling me off of my feet, making me shriek as we entered the mansion. I didn’t have a second thought before he set me down, mumbling something in French that sounded sinister.

“Havin’ fun Gumbo?” I heard a voice say. It took me a moment to recognize who it belonged to. Because I had never heard it so dark, so menacing. I didn’t want to believe that I knew the person the voice belonged to. The sound alone had sliced through me already.

Gambit identified the danger in Logan’s tone immediately, not letting go of my hand as he knew it would be a surrender. “Take it easy mon ami.” His genuine velvety calmness seemed to make his words all the more threatening. “We jus’ passin through.”

I took my time before letting myself turn to look at him. I didn’t let myself wince as my gaze danced frigidly up the floor to the boots that stood there, and up the jean covered muscular legs, to the plaid shirt I had worn the night of the fight. I refused to look into his eyes. And I wouldn’t slouch, so I held my chin high, with Gambit’s hand in mine.

“I just wanna talk to the girl, Cajun.” Logan muttered, he was leaning against the door frame, but his body was tense and ready to pounce. I vaguely recalled how Logan and Remy had never gotten along. It was when we had dated that Logan took a complete disliking to the him and the relationship itself. “So pass on through.”

Remy’s gaze travelled automatically to mine, searching for directions. I clenched my teeth and smiled, leaning into him to whisper something that I knew Logan would hear anyways. That’s what made it all the more fun and satisfying. “Meet me in my room.” It only became funnier when I realized that Remy knew my game, and leaned in to kiss me, hard, for the first time since we had dated. A giggle slipped out of me as he pulled back to look into my eyes. Dammit. I thought. I’m drunk.

Somehow, as Remy walked away leaving Logan and I alone, I was able to stay strong, and keep my expression calm. It looked like he was having as much trouble as I was with the same concept. So we remained silent a moment, keeping the facade of looking casual up.

Perhaps the reason I was able to keep control of myself, was because of the downright shock of him being here. In my mind, I hadn’t imagined it like this of course. I pictured it more like... I was in my bedroom when he stormed in and admitted his undying love for me and how he had dumped Jean because he realized she was a bitch.

But in reality. That certainly was not happening. I closed my eyes, still not allowing myself to look at him. “Why are you here Logan.” I was impressed with the amount of venom in my voice. It snapped like cracks of a whip.

He stood there, warring with himself. I knew, that to anyone else he looked dangerous. To me, he was nothing more than the asshole that had broken my heart. And now, he had come here to ‘talk’ when I was still picking up the pieces.

“You look tense.” He commented.
I ignored him. “Answer the question.”
I knew he was staring at me, but I just couldn’t meet his gaze. Everyone says I’m too forgiving. And one look in his smouldering eyes, I’d be a goner. He always had that control over me. A flash of that smile, and he could have taken whatever he wanted.

“I just want to talk.” He shoved his hands in his pockets, abruptly, an angry movement. “Come on Marie. We can always talk.”

I played dumb, unable to do anything else. “About what?” But the fury in me was building, like a flame into a bonfire. It was burning inside me, begging to flare, and lash out at him.

“Look at me.”

I clenched my teeth, and took a deep breath, folding my arms across my chest. My gaze, which has been on the floor, slowly traveled up his legs, his hard chest, and then to his eyes. “I’m looking at you.” I muttered darkly. His hair was messy and he had dark circles around his eyes. He looked... sullen. Empty I suppose is the word. But the thing that struck me the most, was the fact that his eyes, which were usually a gorgeous display of different browns and hazels, were nearly black as coal.

I saw the tendons in his jaw tense. “You with him now?” He gestured with his head to where Remy had disappeared down a hallway.

“Oh I’m sorry.” I let my voice drip with sarcasm. “Were we in an exclusive relationship?” I grit my teeth. “Not that you care.” I paused and smiled as I corrected myself. “Not that I care.”

His fists clenched. And I knew when he got that look on his face that he wanted to hit something. “I just want...”
“Want what?” I interrupted angrily. “What else could you possibly want from me?” I glared at him, and started to walk away before I could stop myself. “Leave me alone Logan.” I muttered angrily. “That’s what you’re best at."

I didn't look at him when I left. I could keep the tears in as I ran, but my chest felt heavy, flooded, with every emotion possible. As I opened the door, I closed my eyes, to keep from crying. It didn’t matter. Within that second, Remy had me in his arms. I felt him press his lips against the top of my head. “Sorry belle,” he murmured quietly. “Remy shouldn’t have left you alone.”

I wrapped my arms around his torso, before pulling back so that I could look at him. He gazed down at me with that look on his face, like he would do anything to be able to help. My hands wandered up to his neck, before I pulled him down gently, so I could kiss him again.

I knew he wouldn’t object, as I started to push off his jacket.
I sure am getting around.

In the darkness of my bedroom, I knew it was late, so late in fact it was almost early. But I couldn’t sleep. I was lost in the dream like haze of morning grogginess. Taking a deep breath, I threw on some sweat pants and a tank top, taking a last glance at Remy who was still fast asleep. I slipped out of my bedroom quietly.

I clenched my teeth, annoyed with myself. Not for allowing myself that level of intimacy with Remy, no. But allowing such an amazing man to be a rebound... wasn’t fair. It wasn’t fair to him, Logan, or me. I sighed, as I wandered down the hall from my bedroom, lightly tracing my hand along the wall as I always do, feeling the texture.

As I tip toed into the kitchen, pouring myself a juice I tried not to let my thoughts travel to Logan. But like always, they did. Like an unstoppable force that I couldn’t control.

I was beginning to realize the truth of the matter. The fact that in the sense, that everyone was to blame... No one was at fault. I had already searched my mind various times for any possible way to blame Jean. Unfortunately, she had played a minor part in Logan and my affair. It had been an impulsive fling between friends. A meaningless event which came and passed, and will eventually be nothing more than a memory when Logan and Jean get married.

As I made my way down the stairs, into the kitchen, I had realized three things.
1. I’ll have to get over it.
2. It’s just as much Logan’s fault as it is mine.

And

3. I’ll never let him go.

***

“White flowers or pink flowers?” The meaningless question echoed through me. I stared at the selection, without really seeing the roses laid out in front of Jean and I. “Honey?” Jean murmured quietly, setting one hand on my knee. I snapped out of it.

“I don’t give a shit.”I muttered standing up and walking to where she couldn’t touch me. I knew the wedding planner was giving me a strange look, I just didn’t care to acknowledge it. She could go fuck herself for all I cared.

As I kept walking I could still hear them talking. “We’ll go with the white ones, with the garnish you showed us before.” I rolled my eyes. Garnish. Roses. A big white wedding. How in the fucking hell did I end up here?

I suddenly felt light headed, just a small tingling sensation, and I spun around to glare at Jean. “Stop it.” I growled. I had become increasingly aware of when she was trying to read my mind. And lately, it had been a lot. She had no idea how to deal with me anymore.

Her eyes softened at my harsh tone as she stepped closer to me to take my hand. “Hey,” she said, and I could feel the edge of sharpness. “Every man goes through this phase before they get married.”

If she’s trying to tell me that every man cheats on his fiancé with his best friend and ruins everything before the wedding, I call bullshit. I kept my eyes on hers, trying my best not to demand why we were still getting married.

I cheated. I’m a jackass. She knows it, and I know it. But we still hadn’t talked about it. I was actually pleased about that. I wasn’t a fan of listening to her opinions on who I spend my time with. Jean never liked Marie.

Marie.

My mind lingered on the honey sweet name a moment, before my fists clenched enough to attract attention from everyone in this florist shop. This isn’t healthy. I felt the metal just under the surface of my skin, begging to come out.

“I need some air.” I muttered under my breath as an excuse to escape the shop that suddenly made me feel claustrophobic; caged. Trudging out the door I lit a cigar, and inhaled. Jean may have never liked Marie, but Marie never showed any ill thought towards her. She didn’t hate anyone, even those who deserved it.

Hopefully she hates me. Because I deserve it. I hate myself enough for both of us.

One way or another, the girl was over me. And as much as I hated that, despised that, loathed that. It was better that way. She’s better off with the Cajun. That fucking swamp rat. I might kill him, if I didn’t think she wanted him around. After all, she spent the night with the boy. Even though I could never see the appeal. She likes him, maybe more, and he likes her too.

But that doesn’t say anything. She can pick some real assholes.
Like me.

And why the fuck was she wearing a cast?
If the Cajun fucking hurt her I swear to god that fucking asshole is going to pay in ounces of blood—

“Logan?” Jean was behind me again.

I turned, forgetting I had the cigar in my mouth. She saw it of course, and being the doctor she is, grabbed it and threw it to the ground before stamping it out. Bitch.

“What?” I grumbled.
“The professor just called, he needs you for something.” She didn’t look happy about it. “You go on down to the mansion, I’ll see you at home.” We were only a block or two away from the house, so I could walk back. She took a step closer to me, laying her hand on the side of my face and kissing me before going back into the shop.

On any normal occasion I wouldn’t care what Chuck wanted me for, and I’d probably blow it off. But hey, I can go check on the mansion. I haven’t been there for a day or two. I’ll just stop by and see how everyone is doing. At least I have an excuse to be there this time.

I tucked my keys into my pocket as I wandered into the mansion. It was filled with the quiet murmurs of most normal teenagers. And it always came as a surprise to me to see that she was no longer among them. No longer a kid. The first time I mentioned this to Jean she had said simply, without looking up from her magazine "It just means she doesn't need you to take care of her anymore."

It wasn't until now that I understood why that had bothered me.
Why it bothered me that she doesn't need me to take care of her.

I don't intend on making a scene. I just look around a while before reporting to the professor, who knows, maybe I'll run into someone. I'm not saying who. There's just a chance I'll run into... Oh forget it. I walked around the mansion a while, looking around, my eyes scanning over every face that passed by me. Who am I kidding?

I looked for her.

But she was no where. There was nothing more than a light trace of her scent every now and then. A sweet lingering smell of her along the walls. But finally, I had to give up and make my way to Wheels' office.

I had to force myself to think her name.
Marie.

I cringed instinctively before continuing on my way. Maybe I can move away again. Just disappear. No more wedding. Just me. Alone. The way I used to be. The way I was comfortable with. And now somehow I've gotten lost in a maze of repetition.

The cold metal of the doorknob helped to wake me up. Making the trip down to this fucking mansion had been waste of time after all. I just wanted to see her for a second. See if she was smiling. See if she was happy. That's what I wanted.

Amazing.
Amazing that I could be satisfied with that alone.
The knowledge that she's happy.

As I walked in, I didn't look around, just kept my eyes on the dark blue carpet as I closed the door behind me and started to walk to his desk, only to realize that there were others there. It took me half a second to recognize all of them.

The swamp rat, Ororo and were there. And sitting, staring straight out the window, was Marie. Frail, and completely rigid. I had never seen her more pale, but she had clearly made an effort of hiding exactly how distraught she was. Maybe things weren't working out with the Cajun. I realized that hope leaked into that thought. Maybe he's realizing he's an asshole.

"Nice of you to join us Logan." The professor said distinctly in that strong assured tone of his. Surprisingly I heard the reluctance in his voice, the same as there was in Jean's. Had he been hoping I wouldn't come? "Take a seat."

"I'll stand."
He nodded slowly.
Marie still hadn't turned to look at me.

Charles continued to talk while I looked at her. Wearing a green T-shirt overtop of a black long sleeved shirt, both loosely slipping over her skin in any movement she made. And she was wearing her famous jeans that I'd always make fun of her for. They were faded, had paint stains from when I helped her paint her bedroom, and had assorted rips. She loved those jeans to death.

I bought her a new pair once. But she still wears those ones.

"Logan?"
"Huh?" He snapped me out of my daydream like shattered glass.
"Will you be going to the UN summit?"
"Why the hell would I go to that?" When he raised an eyebrow suggestively like I was an idiot, I shrugged emotionlessly. “Sounds boring, that’ all.”

Charles smiled easily. "Because Hank has chosen you among other mutants to join him as his guests there. Ororo, Remy and Rogue will go with you." He hesitated "Should you choose to go."


He acted like that was an option.
“When?”

“Friday.”

‘Ro looked at me first, then the rat, and then slowly, taking her time Marie raised her head to look in my direction. She had mastered looking right through me. Not really seeing me. But the rat looked more pissed than I had ever seen him. He’ll have to deal with it.

“I’m in.”

***

That fucking asshole.
I couldn’t believe he did this. He had only accepted to go on the trip because he was desperate to make my life as miserable as possible. I will never understand him. I will never understand why he is so persistent to make me hate him.

I just want him to stay the fuck away from me. I want to move on. I want to give myself a chance to be happy with Remy and that is something I can’t do with Logan looming over my shoulder.

I stared at myself in the bathroom mirror, trying my best not to actually look at myself or notice how awful I looked. There was no way of fixing what he had done. I was the walking wounded. Heartbroken. Surviving. I felt like the empty space on a wall where a picture used to be.

I belonged in the as is section of a furniture store.

Taking a moment to rinse my hands I rubbed my neck to wake myself up before forcing myself to return to the table where Emma Frost, her boyfriend and Remy were waiting. I had been dragged to a double date. It was like making an atheist go to a Christian concert.

As I sat down next to Remy at the table, I could feel Emma’s boyfriend looking at me in that amused way. The way like he things he knows me. And Remy had already noticed it. No doubt he’d make me talk about it when we got home.

The appetizers had already arrived by the time I got back to the table. And Emma was watching me with the same curious eyes that he was. When I sat down, Remy had automatically set his hand down on my leg, a reflex movement, leaning into me to murmur something about how beautiful I looked.

I smiled in thanks. Trying not to barf in my mouth.
Compliments are great really. But I get extremely sick of the whole mushy concept.

“So, I hear you are all going to the UN Summit.” Emma murmured casually. “Are you looking forward to that?”

I smiled. “Yes.” I admitted. “But I’m not a big fan of hotels.”
“Spending a night out there too? Classy.” Her smile was genuine. “Who all is going?”

Remy and I shifted uncomfortably under the question. It was the big elephant in the room with us. Something we hadn’t cared to talk about, more chose not to. That way it was easier to avoid the awkwardness and general annoyance of the subject.

I knew he was trying his best to act casual as he said the names out loud. Like he was reading a list. And there had been a list. Xavier had told us who was coming in advance.

“Ororo, Hank, Rogue and I.” He paused. “And Logan.”
Emma’s slender blond eyebrow raised with a smile.

I had one day to prepare myself for the torture Logan had in store for me. I tried to guess what he was going to do. Bring Jean? It’s easy to hide any emotional response about that when I have Remy. He might try to ‘talk’ to me. I’ll simply always be talking to someone else. It’s easy. I can do this. I’m going for Hank. And all that Hank wants, is us to give off a good impression for the mutant community.
 
Ororo was going because well, I might be the only one who knows about her on and off relationship with Hank. Remy was going because he could talk about how he had turned his life around from being a thief, though I doubted he had changed much. I was going because I had taken the cure. And I didn’t give a shit why in the hell Hank wanted Logan to go.
 
One way or another. It’ll be fine. I’m always fine. I always get by.
Because that’s who I am.
 
I smiled, as I held the dress I was going to wear up against myself in front of my mirror. This will make Logan wish he’d never been born. Not that I care… I really don’t care. I don’t care what he does. He could marry a cow for all I care. Oh wait… he is.
 
Remy came up behind me, winding his arms around my waist and kissing my neck gently. “We don’t have to go you know.” He suggested quietly.
 
I mashed my lips together at the thought of surrendering. “I don’t know why we wouldn’t.” I said casually as though I had no idea what he was talking about. It tends to become a little game. One way or another, usually one of us is avoiding the ‘Logan’ topic.
 
All I knew for sure though, was the Remy hated him.
But this time around, he surprised me, attacking the subject head on.
 
“He might bring her.” I was pleased that my fists didn’t tighten, and I barely reacted to the thought whatsoever. I shrugged as naturally as I could possibly manage. But I was aware that I was a little bit stiff in the process. I was getting better. By tomorrow, nothing he could ever say or do would affect me whatsoever.
 
“So?”
He sighed as I pulled away from him to hang up my dress again. “You’ll have to talk to him one day.”
 
I kept my movements smooth as I put my dress into the carrying case so that it wouldn’t wrinkle during the flight. I was almost done my other packing as well. I had a list made inside my mind, and I started going through it as I let myself answer, it calmed me a lot more. “No I don’t.” My tone illustrated the same amount of interest as someone saying ‘clean up on aisle four.’
 
I saw him run one hand through his hair. He was wearing an old pair of dark jeans and a loose black T-shit with a beige jacket. Walking back he sat down on my bed, watching me as he leaned back on the pillows. “You can’t ignore him forever.”
 
This conversation had easily become him stating facts and me denying them with nothing more than a swift nod of my head. I grit my teeth as I leaned over and folded more things into my duffle bag. “Clearly not forever.” I murmured. “One day I’ll die of old age and he can live on to torment other girls like me.”
 
His eyes narrowed. “Is that what you think?”
Folding my arms across my chest I stood up straight. “It’s what I know.”
 
***
 
“Tell me again why you are going on this trip?” Jean said in a threatening tone. It bothered her a lot, me leaving again. I shrugged as I threw my old green duffle bag against the wall, packed and ready to go. I had started getting ready the second I got home. It’s not like I’m eager though.
 
“Blue invited me.” I grunted walking away from her into the kitchen to grab a beer. I had bought a six pack, hadn’t had one in a long time because of her. I was done with her doctor bullshit. I can’t get drunk. My liver won’t fail. Beer is fine.
 
“Since when do you care what Hank does?”
“Since now.”
“Is Rogue going?”
 
Silence broke the conversation.
I took a moment to answer, before I let one claw slide out to open my bottle. It let out a satisfying sound and I took a long swig and wiped my mouth.
 
“Yes.”
Her eyes narrowed and her tone darkened. “Thought so.”
 
She had completely quit cutting Marie any slack nowadays. After I said we had to postpone the wedding, she had lost any interest in being nice. Not that what she did before could ever count as nice. When she asked why we had to, I couldn’t give her a real answer. All I said was I hated winter weddings.
 
But Jean and I knew what was going on here.
She was just in denial about it ending.
 
And the fact I had started to pack a few bags and keep them in my truck, it didn’t count as a signal to her. The problem with the entire thing is, there was only one reason that I was ever sticking around in this damn city. Staying in one place isn’t me.
 
I hadn’t realized that Marie was my anchor until I let her slip through my fingers.
 
I avoided Jean’s gaze, glancing down to the information Chuck had given me. I skimmed over the words, not really paying attention. UN Summit of World Leaders for The Mutant Millennium Goals United in Challenge.
 
At the bottom of the typed and formal letter, he had written in blue pen. “Yes Logan. You’ll need a suit.”
 
“Fuck.”
Behind me I heard Jean opening a closet. “Here.” She murmured quietly as she reached in and pulled out a black garment bag I couldn’t see through. She handed it to me, and I unzipped it, only to realize it was the one we had picked out for the wedding, I thought we hadn’t bought it.
 
“It was supposed to be a surprise.” She told me, her voice filled with venom. I felt the sting of letting her down. And I knew I had. But I’ll do what I always do. I’ll go on the damn trip, and after everyone returns home to the mansion, I’ll pack up my truck like the old days, and I won’t come back.
 
It’s not like anyone will give a shit when I disappear again.
 
But I deserve this. I deserve to be alone.
Because I hurt anyone who gets close to me.
 
And I'll never understand that fact about me. The way I happen to sabotage everything good I have with anyone. The Wolverine. The best fighter there is Xavier had said. But I couldn't stop fighting long enough to let anyone close to me. 

So I had thought. 
But, sometimes, without realizing it. Someone will find a way over the walls we so carefully put up to hide from vulnerability. Some people can't help getting through. And I couldn't stop her from becoming more to me than anyone else had ever been. I didn't realize it till it was too late. 

I finished my beer out on the deck, staring out at the lawn and ignoring the neighbor who looked at me, as though he expected me to suddenly whip out a gun and rob him. I don’t blame him for thinking that. If he knew my past, he’d probably think a lot worse. 

The limo pulled up in front of the mansion around three o’clock, but I stayed in my room as long as I could. My bags were completely packed, I had cleaned my bedroom out of boredom, and now I was sitting on my bed, with my jacket laid across my lap staring into space again. I sighed, glad I was wearing my most comfortable dark was jeans and a white blouse to make it a bit more classy. Hank had said we didn’t need to be formal till the ceremony, and we’d have time in our rooms before we went.

My small black bag sat on the ground next to me. Clenching my teeth, I grabbed it and headed out the door.

Jean would probably be wearing some long flowing beautiful red dress that accented her perfect curves in the limo. And then something even more extravagant for the dinner. I pushed the thought out of my mind as I walked out of the mansion and down the long driveway to where the limo was parked.

Leaning against it, shuffling a deck of cards was Remy, a smile curling his lips though he hadn’t glanced up to confirm it was me approaching him. Sliding his deck into his pocket he reached out and took my bag from me, setting it in the trunk before closing it.

When I climbed in I had no idea what I expected. I suppose, Jean and Logan macking wasn’t far from my mind. But instead when I slid into my seat trying to keep my gaze on the floor, only one pair of boots caught my eye.

No.

It doesn’t matter.

She’s probably too busy to come.

Yes. That’s it.

His brown eyes met mine in a flash before I could stop it, making me blink in surprise, clenching my fist as my heartbeat quickened and it was suddenly too warm in here. O. This is not happening. I’m not feeling this way because it’s impossible.

“Marie.” He murmured in acknowledgement, not breaking my gaze.
“Logan.”

Remy still hadn’t gotten into the car. I took a deep breath. “Look. We need to act civilized for the ceremony. So for the sake of Hank, we’re friends.”

***

I still hadn’t looked away from those piercing green eyes of hers. She was so calm. So collected. Truly determined to keep me from embarrassing myself by trying to bed for her forgiveness. Friends so she had said. Friends that had fucked.

No.
Fucked wasn’t a good term to use for describing Marie.
We had tried to do just that, just the common meaningless sex.
But we made love instead.

And now she looked at me with that expression on her face, waiting for a reply. Trying desperately to keep myself as calm as she was I shrugged. “Deal.” She nodded once, but still hadn’t looked away from me. I couldn’t help it.

“So how’s the Cajun in the sack?”
Impressive. Hadn’t even penetrated that wall of hers. She didn’t even flinch.

“Logan. I think it’s best we don’t talk.”
“And why is that?”
“I don’t want to fight with you.”

Just then gumbo himself got in the limo, closing the door behind him and sliding into the seat next to her, a little too close for my comfort. He glanced at her first, measuring her expression before looking over at him, his eyes flashed red. Disgusting prick.

Ignoring his presence entirely I continued, disregarding the anger that was building inside me and knowing damn well that I wasn’t going to hold back if I felt the need to teach the boy a lesson. “We can have a civilized conversation.” My voice felt thick.

Now she looked away. And I watched as gumbo set on hand on her thigh, a comforting gesture. All it did was make me want to cut off that hand. I considered doing it for a moment too, not bothering to think about the consequences until I happened to look at her again.

Her whole body was tense, not unlike her, she wasn’t feeling confident. Her shoulders somewhat shifted inward as she stared down at her hands rested in her lap. It surprised me, the jolt of pain I felt seeing her life this. And that was all it took. The anger was gone in a breath.

This was going to be a long trip.
Because even now, looking at her from across the limo, and knowing that I couldn’t touch her.
It was painful enough without thinking that she was banging gumbo.


***

The ride to the hotel was long, and quiet. I tried hard not to meet his gaze, but every time I glanced at him, he was staring. It would’ve been more uncomfortable if my agitation had faded by now. All I know is, the fact that everyone says I forgive too easily.

Even Logan says it.
And I know I’m not the best at holding grudges. But there are things that I think can never be fixed. True love prevailing is total bullshit. There has to be the right circumstances. All the right things. Timing, spark, passion, orientation and on and on.

The fact Logan stopped trying to talk to m bothered me more than him trying to. But under my own oath, as we were led to our hotel rooms, I said nothing to him. There was nothing to say. That is... so I thought. Storm told us the sleeping arrangements late.

I was sharing a hotel room with Storm, and Gambit was sharing a room with Logan.
I never should have agreed to come.

Storm sat on her bed calmly applying lotion to her legs, humming something quietly. Meanwhile there was me, pacing back and forth in the hotel room past the two double beds, trying not to panic. The problem was, I wouldn’t put it past Logan to start a fight with Remy. I couldn’t imagine him not wanting to.

“It’s just two nights here Rogue,” Ororo said in the soothing low voice of hers. Her white silk robe hung off her nicely. “They can play nice for a while.” I scowled, looking away as I sat down on the edge of my bed. Maybe she was right. Maybe I was blowing this whole thing out of proportion and nothing was going to happen. Tomorrow is the speeches, then the night is when everyone mingles drinking champagne and the day after we leave. No big deal. I’m sure nothing is going to happen.

There was a knock at the door and I leapt towards the door faster than I’ve ever moved before. My hand was opening the door knob before I knew it. Remy was there, a small smirk on the edge of his lips as he took in my expression. “Hi.” I breathed.

“Thought we could go get dinner.” He said calmly as he reached out and took my hand. He pulled me close, wrapping one arm around me as he nuzzled his nose into my hair. “Je vous ai manqués mon chere.” He whispered. I heard the door next to ours close loudly, but didn’t think anything of it.

I walked into the room to grab my jacket only to hear Storm murmur casually “Have fun you two.”
“Night ‘Ro.”

Maybe she can keep Logan company. Not that it matters. I shouldn’t care.
Oh this has turned into such a mess.

***

I sat staring at the wall on my bed, the TV was on but I wasn’t paying attention. ‘Thought we could go get dinner.” How sweet, chivalry. What a pearl that boy must be. Perhaps I shouldn’t have come in the first place. If I had known it meant I had to stay in the same room as the Cajun for two nights I wouldn’t have.

But actually, it’s better my room than hers.

***

The next morning came fast. When I walked into the room full of high class political figures from across the world I knew I needed a drink. Wearing a loose black suit and a white shirt underneath, no tie, that crosses the line with me.

I shoved a hand into my pocket and counted how many cigars I had left. Three to last me the day. I can deal with that. But that means only three breaks from this hell for the day. Maybe cigarettes are better for that reason. An excuse to leave all these useless conversations twenty five times a day.

I felt a hand slap onto my back “Logan, I’m glad you made it.” I spun around to see Hank standing there a wide grin on his face, as he took in the world around him. Must’ve been like candy land to a seven year old considering his expression.

“Wouldn’t have missed it for the world.” I muttered under my breath before taking a swig of my Jack Daniels on the rocks. Harsh. But I of all people can hold the liquor.

I realized just a brief moment later that Hank seemed to be scanning his gaze over the crowd in search of something. Someone. I only recognized the ‘I’m looking for her’ gaze because I do it so often now. I smirked, rolling my eyes to myself before gesturing with my drink to the bar. “Storm’s over there Blue.”

He glanced in the direction I was pointing with a look of utter shock, embarrassment and joy. “Yes,” he murmured quietly and I wondered if he was going to deny it. “Well, thank you.” And he headed over to her.

The smile she gave when she saw him coming was enough to make birds appear.
Shit, why am I becoming such a fucking sap?

A woman entering from across the room told me exactly why. The dress she wore was a simple green, her favourite colour, bright and metallic. The material hugged all her curves perfectly, strapless with a thick black ribbon winding around the curve below her breast with a bow directly beneath them. It looked like silk, bringing out the colour in her eyes, while her hair tied up in a classy bun showed off that creamy light skin on her back. The fabric ended at her knees, the perfect length of elegance.

She looked beautiful.

The man beside her wore all black except his tie, which matched her dress perfectly, and his arm draped protectively around her waist as he smiled and greeted the guests that approached showed exactly what he wanted it to. She was his.

I chugged the rest of my drink.

“Take it easy tiger.” A sweet voice murmured too close behind me. I spun around quickly, defensively, unable to stop myself from reacting at her close range. Emma Frost placed one delicate hand on her hip while she sipped provocatively on the champagne glass she was holding.

“What’re you doing here?” My voice was thick with grudge.
She smirked as she read my expression. “I simply couldn’t miss this.” She raised one shoulder and dropped it casually. “With your little love triangle going on within the boundaries of such a large human gathering of world leaders.... I call it the perfect storm.”

My glare grew darker. “You’re gonna be disappointed.” I growled.
“Doubtful.” She sighed lightly. Her white dress sparkled as she moved around me like she was circling her prey before she came in close, her shoulder nearly brushing mine. “So come on Wolvie, how long are you planning on letting him have your girl?”

I recoiled away from her automatically, and in the motion headed to the bar for another drink, but she followed quickly behind. “She’s not mine.” I muttered under my breath as I set my glass on the table, motioning to the bartender for another. “She never was, and she never will be”

“Someone is feeling inadequate.” Emma purred. She turned around and leaned against the bar, her eyes staring across hall at the couple everyone seemed to be staring at. She smiled calmly. “I understand why you’re feeling this way Logan. I mean he’s... the hero, everyone loves him, girls fall over their feet for him and he’s a gentleman and you’re...”

“Not.” I cut her off.
“I’m sure you’ll find a reason to intercede.” She murmured.

And with that she walked away, leaving me alone at the bar.

These heels are way too hard to walk in.
I shifted nervously from foot to foot as Remy smiled while talking to some old man I didn’t know. There wasn’t much to listen in on. Something about how they both disagreed with the mutant registration act and were trying to come up with some sort of compromise proposal. I sighed, trying not to think about how badly I wanted to walk out to that porch and take off these stupid shoes.

Though sexy, the heel is too tall.

Out of the corner of my eye I saw the waiter, walking around with trays of champagne. No, I should stay away from that. Remy says I’m too much of a light weight. Wouldn’t want to embarrass the boy. After so many years as a thief you’d think pride wasn’t that big a deal anymore.

But the waiter made eye contact with me, and there was something in his eyes that startled me. Perhaps it was the thought I couldn’t read, drifting across his gaze that had left me fearful. But one way or another, within his stare, I was petrified.

Is something going on?

He smiled, in a polite way before moving on into another direction. I pushed the thought away from my mind quickly. Nothing is going on. “Rogue?” Remy’s voice cut through my thoughts quickly and I realized I was gripping his arm rather tight. I let go immediately. “Are you alright?”

“Fine.” I answered quickly. “Just, need some air.”
He nodded “Be quick, the speeches will be starting soon.” I nodded, resisting the urge to curtsey for him and his new found high class status as I walked away.

Worry drifted through me, but it was quickly replaced by annoyance as I saw Logan leaning against the bar, taking a sip of his drink, and not bothering to look in my direction. I took a deep breath, suppressing my desire to mutter ‘fuck it’ as I walked up to get myself a drink.

“An apple martini please.” I said quickly, setting my black purse on the table. I felt Logan’s gaze on me within the second, but forced myself to keep staring forward. After a few second of silence I closed my eyes. “If you’re going to talk might as well hurry it up, I don’t have much time.”

I heard a light chuckle from him, and I knew immediately that was his third drink within a short time frame, he’ll sober up soon, but he’s a bit buzzed now. “And then you’ve got to get back to the Cajun.” He murmured. “I get it.”

I folded my arms across my chest. “Having a good time?”
“The time of my life.” He said sarcastically. I blinked, surprised to hear him so... real. His voice tainted with the reality of our situation. “And how about you?”

The sadness returned to me. “I’m fantastic.” My words were hollow.
He glanced over to me, and the corner of his lip lifted slightly. “He’s a nice guy kid.” The sincerity of his voice was getting too much for me to handle. “He’ll take good care of you.”

I took a deep breath, but it was shallow of me to think my voice wouldn’t be dripping with agony. “Logan,” I said slowly. “I’m sorry.”

That got to him, his head jerked up and he took a step closer to me with deliberate speed. “No.” He disagreed quickly, holding my gaze with fire in his eyes. He reached out and took my hand glancing to the floor. “This was my fault.” He grumbled. “I fucked up, and I’m sorry.” He exhaled loudly. “But I’d rather be your friend than nothing at all.”

The lump in my throat was growing, and I knew I was having trouble being so far away from him. But I wouldn’t let myself, I couldn’t let myself do this. But the words began climbing up my throat before I could stop them. “Logan... I.. I—”

“Rogue,” Remy’s voice cut through loudly, and I snatched my hand back from Logan’s like he had burned me. “Come on, they’re waiting for us.”
I walked briskly to his side with a nod, before glancing back to Logan who smiled a smile that didn’t touch his eyes and mouthed “Bye.”

***

“What an absolutely heartbreaking pair those two are.” I commented silkily, crossing my legs as I watched Rogue leave him standing there like a puppy.
“Stay out of it Emma.” Storm murmured.
“I have no idea what you mean.” I defended myself meekly. “I won’t interfere.”

Ororo’s eyes narrowed, with a slight amusement she rarely shows. “You already have haven’t you?”
I couldn’t help but smile. “Gambit won’t be able to hold her attention for long.”
“And why is that?”
I laughed. “Have you never heard of too perfect?” I shrugged. “It’s boring.”

Storm’s eyes narrowed before she glanced away. “Someone has been listening to Taylor Swift too much.”

***

When the speeches began I knew I wouldn’t last through them, I couldn’t take being in the same room as these drones let alone force myself to listen to what they had to say. I found myself staring into the distance faster than I could recognize. I could see her from where I was standing. So of course I couldn’t remain focused.
The fabric of her emerald green dress was slightly tighter around her hips, accenting the perfection below her lower back. As my eyes traced down her legs, I noticed the shoes. A long time ago she was preparing for a date with Remy. I flinched away from that thought annoyed.

Two years ago...

“What do you think Logan? The black shoes or the black boots?” She asked as she examined herself in the mirror, a different item on each foot.
“I don’t care.” I grumbled as I changed the channel on her TV. “If I were him I wouldn’t stare at your feet.” I saw a smile curl her lips before she spun away from me to hide it. I rolled my eyes to myself. “What’s the difference?”

“Well,” she said slowly, still not looking at me. “The boots are warmer,” she sighed “and the shoes are sexy but really hard to run in, so I hate them.”
My eyes narrowed. “Why would you need to run?”
She shrugged, with a smile. “Never know.”
I rolled onto my back with a grunt. “Then wear the boots.”

“But... the shoes are sexy...” She continued.
“Then wear the shoes.”
“But the boots...”
“Fuck Marie just decide!”

“Fine. The boots.”

Present time...

I made my way outside to light my cigar. Ignoring a waiter’s stare.
“Well,” I thought, “At least she won’t need to run tonight.”

I took in a deep puff of my cigar, trying to savour it while it lasted. I was in some back hall propping the door open with my foot, attempting to drown out the speeches with the sound of the night. The door had said ‘alarm will sound’ but it didn’t. Must be my charm.

The hall was surprisingly empty, what with the florescent lighting I guessed it was only used by staff and not seen by most guests. Every small sound echoed eerily down the white walls, including the speeches. My phone started ringing without warning, scaring the living shit out of me.

Marie had put this ringtone on, I never figured out how to fix it.
Sexy Back keeps playing every time I get a call.

I answered immediately, hoping to avoid the humiliation of someone hearing the ridiculous song associated with me. Marie thought it was hilarious every time it rang and she was there. Maybe I left it because it never failed to make her laugh, and I loved her laugh.

“Hello?” I grunted quietly, annoyed.
“Logan,” Storms deep voice sounded through the speaker, too loud. “I’m on my way back to the mansion, there’s some trouble going on and I can’t get a hold of anyone.”
I put my cigar out immediately. “Do you need my help?”
“Stay with Hank.” She ordered sternly.
“Come on ‘Ro, this is a bore fest.”

“Just stay with Hank.” She muttered angrily, hanging up.
I sighed again. Boring.

But then I recognized the silence that now flooded my hall. And I waited before taking a step, before allowing myself to worry for a moment that anything might be going on. I focussed on my hearing and stayed perfectly still, listening to the sound of the water dripping in the next room, when I heard the screaming.

And then I ran.

***

It seemed so impossible. Impossible that it was happening. Impossible that it was really Magneto walking across the stage with that smile, that awful smile when he knows something is to be done. The way he walked was like a normal stroll, until he turned, made a gesture, and suddenly all the doors around us were locked by the surrounding waiters.

I glanced towards Remy almost immediately, but the only expression he cared to show was anger and it burned deep into his eyes as his fists clenched and he wound one protective arm around me. It seemed like the entire audience was waiting for something. Waiting for him to make the first move.

But someone else did.

I saw the gun fly to Magneto’s hand before it had fired. No. No. Impossible. He’s powerless. He took the cure. He’s like me. Weak and vulnerable. But instead as I tried to convince myself of what I knew to be false, I saw the gun fire, and the victim fell to the floor.

Screams erupted before I could comprehend what was happening. Everyone rushed towards the doors that were now locked and ready for him to start the massacre I knew was going to occur. I knew I was on his list, he had told me himself long ago. And he had called me a coward in getting the cure.

“Such a waste” he had said over and over again during his visits with Xavier. He had such sour grapes over losing his power... But... now he had it back. How was that possible? Hank had told me himself that it was a permanent cure, somehow managing to change your genetic structure forever.

Unless it faded.

I sucked in a ragged breath as I backed up away from Erik, as though the distance would make a difference. I was about to run, like I do, like I always do now when I backed into the chests of two tall men. Obviously mutants. The fear only took a moment to engulf me. And then I was alone with it, lost in that emotion and nothing else. And all I could possibly think was that this is how it would end. This is how I would die. At the hands of Magneto.

As they took me by the arms I struggled, unable to do any good under their firm grasp. I saw Remy take a step towards me only to be automatically stopped by more members of the brotherhood, those he had once stood beside and was now behind held against.

Erik had a sickening smile on his face as he watched me being pulled forward, I could hear people screaming but I couldn’t bring myself to look at them, I was only aware of the fact that every x-man had already been secured.

“So here we are,” He murmured only to me. “How funny it is that things work out. Last time I wanted you for your power. Now I want you because you no longer have it.” His words cut through my like a sharp blade. “Here!” He announced to the crowd of chaos into the microphone. “Just one of the thousands who cured themselves.” As he spoke, my hands were being tied behind my back. “Tell us, ‘Rogue.’ Was it worth it now?”

He removed one glove, and slid a bare finger down my cheek and under my chin before lifting my face to look at him. The brotherhood mutants cheered. I swelled with anger and frustration and I had begun an attempt to hit him before I could stop myself, but I was stopped by the steel grasp of others.

Magneto smiled at my outburst. “Feisty.”
“Fuck you.” I hissed.

He appeared as though he was about to laugh before he made a movement with one hand I saw the metal being moved into some shape. I didn’t allow myself to glare at anything but Erik’s face until I saw exactly what he was making.

A knife.

Now he did laugh. “This really is the cruellest form of irony.” He drawled as he took it in his hand and took another step towards me. “If you weren’t human, I wouldn’t kill you.” He pressed a hand to my face, and I closed my eyes to stop myself from crying. “But, it seems your powers are weaker than mine, and won’t be returning.” One tear slid down my face as the two mutants at my sides straightened me up to die. “You wanted to be a homosapien,” he whispered. “Now you’ll die as one.”

There was silence throughout the room, and I could hear Remy struggling unable to escape. Unable to do a thing to save me. And I waited. Like a doe waiting for the hunter to take his shot. Instead, a voice cut through the everlasting silence, one that somehow managed to make me feel safe again, even with a blade inches from my throat.

“Let the girl go.” Logan growled darkly.

“Logan,” Magneto chuckled, taking his time to turn around and face him. “I had nearly forgotten your silly infatuation for her.” He shook his head mildly. “I’ll give you one opportunity to leave.”

He didn’t move.
A lump grew in my throat as I realized. Logan had no chance. The adamantium that laced his bones made it too easy for Erik to kill him. I forced myself to take a breath so my voice had a chance of being stern. “Please Logan,” I whispered, disappointed I couldn’t sound stronger when my voice wavered. “Go.”

There was silence as Erik turned to me, his eyes widening with pure surprise. “A mutual passion is it?” His smile widened as he mocked sympathy as he turned back to The Wolverine, who hardly looked at me as he shook his head. “That might make this hard to watch.” He flexed his fingers in one swift movement, leaving Logan outstretched.

“No!” I screamed automatically.

Magneto’s head tilted to the side slightly. “Ooh yes. This will definitely be fun.” Then he turned away from me, and I knew what he was doing. He was beginning to bend his bones, and all I could see was Logan’s face. He had closed his eyes in defeat and acceptance. The pain was clear in his expression, but he let forth no sound, just suffered in complete silence. “Stop!” I cried desperately, my voice an octave I had never heard.

“PLEASE!” I begged, knowing it was the only thing I could do. Beg for mercy, and pray that he would let Logan go. “Just kill me,” I pleaded “Just kill me and let him go.” The tears found their way into my voice now, the pure misery of what was happening to my emotions was becoming too much for him to handle anymore.

So he began to stretch Logan’s limbs apart, further and further out of place. My scream echoed through the hall, an insufferable sound, as everyone could do nothing but watch. And he put Logan through more and more pain without even bothering to spare a glance in my direction as I offered up everything I had.

But then, somehow I had a moment of déjà vu. That moment of knowing that I don’t care what happens to me, as long as Logan is safe. Because it doesn’t matter, dying would never have anywhere near the same affect on me as living in a world Logan didn’t. For a brief moment I could see it, the darkness that had become my life, and the everlasting time without him. And as the fear and agony coursed through my veins and through my heart, so did something else.

The mutants holding onto my arms fell to the floor, unconscious.
Probably in comas. And I felt myself again. I felt whole.

And the ‘strong’ mutant that stood before me, torturing the man I loved had yet to turn or even classify me as a threat. But I was unaware of what I was doing, watching everything from a distance in the back of my mind as I jumped onto Erik’s back and wrapped my bare hands around his neck, soaking up everything I could possibly take before I was pulled off him by the brotherhood.

As I caught bits and pieces of his plan for tonight I noticed a small detail in the ones who were trying to restrain me. They were gloved, all of them, not an inch of skin available. They had expected me to do this.

Erik had wanted me to do this.

He was on the ground still on his hands and knees, trying to catch his breath after I had stolen a part of him. I was surprised he wasn’t out like a light, such an old man shouldn’t be able to handle what I had just put him through. But I had focussed on taking his power alone, and less of his strength, so that he wouldn’t be able to hurt Logan again.

“You see,” Erik grunted darkly, his tone was satisfied despite how much I had weakened him. As he continued to speak, his voice grew stronger and more angry. Every trace of humour was gone. “You cannot escape what evolution has made you!”

My legs thrashed around as I desperately tried to escape the mutants holding on to me. Their steel grip on my arms was unbreakable, but it didn’t stop me from violently trying to pull free with every bit of strength I had in me.

Magneto, hunched over pulled on his gloves as he dragged himself to his feet. He was pale as he took the steps towards me, and they looked hard for him, but I could see that he was beginning to regain his strength. Logan was on the ground, still not moving. And all I wanted to do was go to him and hold him in my arms to make sure he was okay. Instead, I was being held here as Erik made his way towards me.

He straightened himself up, and I regretted not taking more of his strength, but I knew for certain he was too weak to use his power, and that was enough to calm me, for the moment. He raised one eyebrow. “I had expected to use Gambit for this.” He murmured, glancing back at Logan who laid there still.

My gaze flickered to where Remy stood, no longer held on to by the guards, his hands in front of him in some form of cuffs that he obviously couldn’t charge. His expression was dark, and he wasn’t looking at me. I knew he felt my eyes on him, but nothing I did could make him forgive me now.

Erik stood in front of me now. “All that cure does is suppress the mutant gene till you’re under any form of emotional stress again.” He shook his head slowly. “I chose you Rogue, because you are stronger than all of us, and you’re on the wrong side.”

I glared at him. “Then why kill me.” He smiled, and I closed my eyes as I realized. “It was a test.” I said quietly. “To find someone who cared about me.”

“At first I assumed that The Wolverine was simply being an X-Man, trying to save the day.” He began to pace. “And then you spoke up. It all became very clear then.” When I didn’t answer him he folded his arms across his chest. “Now, Rogue, you have an opportunity.” He gestured around to the members of the brotherhood. “You can join.”

“I’ll stick with the X-Men, thanks.” His face curled into an agonizing glare, darkening his eyes into a fury I’d never seen before.With a quick blunt gesture someone came forward to kill me. “As you wish.” Is all Erik said. But suddenly, the sounds of glass shattering echoed through the hall, and Storm came rushing in, followed by Emma, Jean, Bobby, Kitty and Scott. Each one of them automatically ready to fight as the brotherhood charged towards them.

The chaos that erupted around me was nothing but a faint hum in the back of my mind as I stared down at his lifeless body. I leaned over Logan’s torn and bloody suit, my arms flung carelessly around him. I buried my face into the collar of his shirt, feeling the tears well in my eyes and faintly attempting to blink them away as I felt a hand on my shoulder. When I turned, I simply saw Remy peering down at me with his dark gaze, but burning with sympathy I didn’t deserve.

“We have to get out of here chere.” He murmured trying to take my hand. I shook him off as though he had burned me, without even thinking it. But I felt the pull of my power the second his skin neared mine. As though I had been starving, and it wanted to feed.

“Don’t touch me.” I whispered, but turned back to Logan. His eyes were closed, all his limps awkwardly rested around him. “I’m not leaving without him.” I murmured, louder now. Behind him I could see the members of the brotherhood, outnumbering us in mutants and strength. He nodded numbly before disappearing out of my sight. I took a deep breath and pulled the gloves off of the body of a brotherhood member, and took Logan’s hand for a moment with a squeeze, before standing up.

I caught Jean’s eye from across the room, and her fiery gaze flickered to the body at my feet before turning to a glare as she looked back up to me. I had never seen such anger in my life, but I had felt it on the rare occasion that I had lost my mind in the insanity of frustration and pure agony. In any normal instant, I would have glanced away from her glare immediately.

But I wasn’t that scared little girl anymore.
I’m Rogue. I could kill her if I wanted.

Just then Pyro saw me, and with a small amused smirk began sauntering casually towards me, with two other large men following behind him. I smiled slightly, I need an exercise. I lifted one leg and then the other so that I could slip off my massive black heals. Tossing them to the side I flexed my fingers and cracked my neck, finally settling into a defensive stance. “Bring it.” I hissed.

He lit his lighter and brought the flame into his hand with a smug grin, until he saw the fire shoot through the air into my palm. Not only my power was back, but the power of everyone I had ever touched had a full battery. I shrugged before extinguishing it. “Let’s play fair now John.”

His smile had curled into a fierce and angry snarl which didn’t disappear as he sprinted at full speed towards me, fists clenched with full intentions of hitting a girl. I revaluated my posture, before spinning around to gain momentum and facing him in time to kick him in the chest, flinging him back a few meters, sprawled on the floor.

I was about to remark about the fact I could have done this in heals after all, but instead I suddenly felt that I couldn’t move any limb in my body. I peered upwards only to see Jean, walking towards me with her hand outstretched in front of her, and her eyes flaming.

“I never understood girl’s need to be the other woman.” She hissed like a snake walking close so that she was standing just a few feet away, holding me perfectly still. “Can’t have happiness for yourself so you need to ruin everyone else’s?” She demanded, her voice broken and tormented.

John stood up behind her, coddling his arm as though he must have injured it. “You… Wait what happened?”
“Shut UP John!” Jean’s other hand thrust towards him viciously, a force field sending him flying across the room hitting a marble wall, probably dead.

She turned back to me abruptly, and I saw the wind around her swirl her hair as she let the anger engulf her. “Only fair that I burn your soul for letting mine die.” She snarled, her eyes glancing insinuatingly down to Logan. With that she made a motion, almost like she was simply pushing someone out of her way, but it sent me hard against the back wall, locked there without any way of escaping. It felt as though I was being crushed between two unstoppable forces. I closed me eyes as the pain crushed down on my bones.

I was only vaguely aware of Storm and Emma trying to stop her in the background noise. But I couldn’t bring myself to hate Jean for what she was doing. I understood what it was like to see him with someone else, and if she was feeling something anywhere near as strong as what I had felt, I can’t blame her. Even as I heard the sound of the bones in my arms crack, I kept my eyes closed, till I heard a familiar noise.

It was the sound of blood trickling.
The incredibly beautiful chime of metal.
But most importantly, it was the sound of six blades slicing through the skin between his knuckles.

When I opened my eyes she was on the ground, and he stood over her, staring down. His white shirt stained with blood, the sleeves ripped to shreds exposing small peeks of his muscular arms. Before I had time to say his name, I fell to the ground, too weak to even hold my broken arm to my chest. Logan was looming over me in a split second, his eyes an unidentifiable emotion as mine were desperately trying to close.

“You’re alright,” I whispered brokenly, and tried to smile. His face crumpled slightly, his jaw clenching as he pulled off his suit jacket and wrapped it around me before he gently slid one arm under my knees, the other behind my back as he picked me up and started walking I don’t know where. “You were right.” I whimpered.
His brow furrowed, and I thought I felt his arms tighten slightly. “About?”
“Should’ve worn the boots.”

His body shuddered against me as he chuckled sort of harsh laugh that clearly even he didn’t believe.

I wasn’t aware I had closed my eyes until I opened them to notice that we were in the blackbird, me still in his arms as he sat down, resting me on his lap and laying out my legs on the bench next to him, even though I couldn’t feel anything. He didn’t know I was awake yet, so for the moment I just watched the way his eyes scanned over my body, resting on my hands where I was wearing gloves. I saw the light in his head turn on, and at that he glanced to my face, finally noticing me watching him.

He lifted my hand to remove my glove but I pulled away from him immediately. “No.” I whispered. “Don’t.”
His eyes softened as he looked at me, brushing a strand of my messy hair behind my ear. “You take too long to heal.”
I knew it was wrong of me to want to savour this moment while it lasted, but I couldn’t handle him yet. The tears welling in my eyes spilled over.

“I don’t want to know what you’re thinking.”
His expression hardened at that, but that was the last thing I said before blacking out.

I could barely hear the voices around me, or distinguish if they were voices at all. It was a faint buzzing noise that I couldn’t make out or even understand. As my mind slipped slowly into consciousness I felt the pain ringing along my chest, pulsing thick through the veins in my arm. Even with the pain, my eyes remained closed as I attempted to listen.

“You should get some sleep.” Ororo’s voice was tired, as though it was a last attempt at something she had been trying to do for a while. But the impatience was clear. “Someone else can stay a while, you should go unpack anyways.”

“I’m not staying long.” His voice made my heart jump, but the words stung worse than my wounds. “Just till she wakes up.”
“To say what?” Ororo murmured impatiently, suddenly moodier than before. “You’ve done enough Logan.”
“’Ro…” Emma tried to interrupt quietly.

“No. He should know.” She stormed angrily, and I heard Emma sigh as she let her continue. “You didn’t see what you did to her, and you weren’t around to pick up the pieces. Remy was.” I could feel the way Logan winced against her words, but he remained silent. “You don’t deserve to be here, because she doesn’t need you. She needs a friend. Something you’ve deprived her of. It’d be best for both of you if you weren’t here when she woke up.”

“Ororo stop.” Emma hissed darkly. “He knows. Leave.” All I heard was the click of her heels out the door. There was silence for a moment. “Logan… Where do you plan on going?”
I heard him let out a deep breath. “I don’t know. Alaska maybe.”
“Are you going to come back?” She continued.
There was a very long pause. “No.”

“I think you should reconsider.” Emma said slowly, I heard her stand up. “I’ll leave you two alone.” Of course. She knew I could hear them the entire time. No point in trying to pretend I was still sleeping.

I opened my eyes.

He was sitting in a chair to the left of my bed, hunched over slightly staring down at his hands. He was still wearing his suit, despite the blood and dirt stains all over it. His tie was loosened and disheveled, while his hair appeared to be spiked in every direction the way it goes when he’s run his hands through it too many times in one day. His expression was perplexed, calm, but closed off. The only word that came to mind was lifeless.

I exhaled obnoxiously loud and he looked up in the same second. I tried to stretch. “I had a dream you killed Jean.”
He smirked, but it wasn’t his usual smug smile. It was just slightly amused without touching his eyes. “I didn’t kill her.” He said calmly. “Just knocked her out. The professor is handling her.”
“She’s not dead?” I asked, but he shook his head with a small smile. “Damn.” I muttered. He chuckled a moment before glancing at the door to the hospital wing.

“I just wanted to make sure you were alright.” He said slowly, but I could tell the words were bitter in his mouth.

I nodded a small nod, trying to sit up but only then realized there was a purple cast from my wrist to my elbow. I winced slightly, and Logan immediately stood to help me sit up, fluffing my pillow and then finally settling back into his chair. I looked down at the light blue smock I was wearing, the unsightly needle I had in on the top of my left hand and the cast I was wearing. I was suddenly very aware of the bandages I had along my ribs.

Logan’s hands clenched together, knowing I was inspecting the damage. I took a deep breath and tried to change the subject. “Alaska, huh?” He didn’t say or do anything so I just continued. “When do you leave?”

“Tomorrow.”
“Soon.”
He sighed. “Yeah.”

There was silence again. So strange when thinking about how things used to be, it was hard to believe that was us. It was us that was so happy just being friends, just being normal without so many complications. Made me want to go back to that, but I knew things couldn’t be the same. Not with the way I felt.

“Marie.” He started. “Please.”
I knew what he was hinting towards. “I’d rather heal slowly.”
“You don’t have to.” He paused. “I can’t take it. I can’t take seeing you like this. I can’t leave you in stitches.”

My jaw clenched as I thought about what Ororo had said. “You have before.”
He winced, and his breathing staggered as he stood shakily. He couldn’t make eye contact as he picked up his suit jacket off the back of his chair, and started to walk towards the door. “I’m glad you’re okay.” He murmured, and then so quietly I almost didn’t hear him. “I love ya darlin.”

For the first time I was able to control myself, and my eyes remained dry as I tried to convince myself he didn’t mean it. He was just full of shit as always. But I glanced towards the table beside me, and felt myself turn into a marshmallow.

A coke and a bag of M&Ms was there, and right in front of them, a note in messy scrawl.

Get well quick kid.
***

It took a long time for me to convince Hank that I could sleep in my own room that night. I promised to leave my door unlocked so that he could check on me, but most importantly he made sure that I would answer my phone no matter what time in the night. As I entered my bedroom I was aware of the lack of Remy’s items. He had been here before me and cleared out everything he used to leave in here during our small while of comforting sleepovers. Hanging in my closet was my green dress, torn as it was. Remy must’ve put it in here. I sighed and gently sat down on my bed, knowing I wouldn’t be able to sleep I picked up the remote and went channel surfing, not paying attention to what was on TV whatsoever. I rubbed my face miserably.

Even as I made myself get up and wander around my room looking for things to do I knew I wasn’t there. I tidied my bedroom. Folded some strewn about clothing. Unpacked my bag. Straightened my bed. Cleaned my bathroom. Put all my books on the shelf. Dusted. Went back and organized my books alphabetically. Hung a poster of some dogs playing poker. Took it down.

Every movement I made was an awkward stumble as I winced slightly with a stretch or step. My restlessness enhanced the boredom and lack of desire to sit in bed. I glanced at the TV and away a moment before recognizing what was playing without my notice. And it was a hard realization to see the same movie Logan and I had watched one night, leading to a brief discussion of super heroes.

I grabbed a few M&M’s and threw them in my mouth angrily.

I’m so weak.