Chapter One: Puzzle Piece Perfect
May 21st, 2010

I taped up the final box and glanced one last time around the small room I shared with Kitty and Jubilee. Now, I was alone: the last lonesome resident of our high school dorm room finally setting out into the world as a grown woman with a man to share her life with.

I glanced into the far corner, not seeing a neatly made up twin bed, but an explosion of color taking the form of altered clothing, and tangled often visited bed sheets. I could almost see the tilting smirk, the indulgent eyes, and the look of sheer mischievousness on her face as she all but tossed the current resident on his ass out the door. Unless she had enjoyed his company and wished to have him visit again. If he lived up to her standards, she said goodbye in the hallway with a flourish of pretty words and fluttering eyelashes, rolling her eyes when she came back into the room.

Jubes had gone off to be a fashion designer after graduating from Xavier’s. She still came back often to participate in missions if she was needed; usually in tow with a new and more gorgeous boyfriend than the last and often bedecked in the latest accessories and her own designs. She, of course, had her own leathers.

With an easy smile I turned my gaze to the wall Kitty’s bed rested against. Although the third in our trio of the inseparable, Kitty wasn’t like Jubilee and I. She hadn’t missed any school or been forced into Xavier’s because of a prejudiced home life. She’d finished a year of public school at the beginning of one summer and started private school at the end. She went home to her family on summer vacations. The last time, when she was 17 and Bobby was 18, he’d gone with her. They’d come back engaged. Kitty still had some senior classes to finish. I was catching up on my sophomore year. Like Jubes, a little time on the road teaches you a lot, but it doesn’t matter to the New York School Board.

I wasn’t starting my sophomore year any more. Jubes and Kitty weren’t those older more experiences girls anymore. Kitty was going on her second anniversary and toting her first child on her hip: a beautiful little boy named Andrew, with blond hair and brown eyes, a spitting image of his father with his mother’s eyes. She seemed happy, but almost shyer than she had been during my initial years at Xavier’s. Now she was, painfully so.

She didn’t go on missions anymore. But I still had lunch with her once a month. Little Andrew made weekly lunches… difficult. Bobby didn’t believe in daycare.

I was startled out of my thoughts when hands settled on my shoulders, and I turned back to look into Logan’s hazel eyes.

“Ready, Darlin’?” His voice rolled over me, and I smiled brightly at him before turning back toward my room. I closed my eyes and said a silent goodbye to the room where I’d spent the last few years of my life; the most important years of my life to date.

“Ready.” I told him. He lifted the lonely box up off of my neatly made bed, and I spared a moment to send a fervent hope into the room that the next occupants would learn as much there as Jubes, Kitty, and I had.

~*~*~

The house Logan and I had chosen to start our lives together was a quaint two story building with brown trim and white siding. It had two bedrooms and one bathroom and an eat-in kitchen and a living room with the most beautiful brick fireplace I had ever seen. I’d loved it immediately. I could see Logan and me growing old and raising children together there. Or, at least I would grow old. Maybe.

He carried me across the threshold, even though we weren’t married. We didn’t need a little slip of paper to tell us what was in our hearts. He carried me through the entire house, and I laughed the entire time as he used my feet to gesture whatever points he was trying to make about where the furniture would go. I was breathless and flushed when he finally set me down in the middle of the master bedroom.

“This,” he said, gesturing with wide hand motions toward the center of the far wall on the right side of the door, “is where our bed will go. We have to go to the furniture store at some point. But I wanted us outta the mansion, and into this house.”

“I know. I did too. Now it feels like we’re really us. What do you say we get these boxes into their rooms and head out to look at that big bed?” Logan responded in the affirmative by tossing me over his shoulder and carrying me back down the stairs to our new truck.

It didn’t take us long to get the boxes we had into the house. Mostly we had clothing and personal effects, a few things for the study, Logan’s big butter smooth leather chair, some pots and pans that Jean had given us, and a small white rose bush from Ororo. Logan had borrowed a shovel and a spade so we could dig up a hole next to the walk and plant the bush. It was my greatest wish to be able to graze my fingers over the delicate petals before I climbed up the porch steps and went into the house.

Logan’s old traveling trunk was in the entryway as a placeholder for wayward coats, keys, and hats. I mentally tried to envision the mirror I’d hang on the wall over it and a dozen little intricate details flew through my brain, visions of the home that Logan and I would create together.

After planting the rose bush and feeding and watering it, we loaded the pots and pans into the lower cabinets next to the stove, at Logan’s insistence. He said he didn’t feel like running in and fetching something from the high shelf every time he wanted it. He wouldn’t listen to reason that eventually something would be placed on the top shelf. I suspected that he didn’t want me trying to pull down a cast iron skillet if I needed it, and he wasn’t home yet.

We hauled all the other boxes into the bedroom and study. Logan’s chair proved the most difficult, as heavy as it was, but he loved it and I wasn’t about to make him leave it. Besides, he carried most of the weight being on the bottom end going up the steps. All I had to do was walk backwards.

~*~*~

The furniture store was a treasure trove of wants and needs. We bought three things: a tall bookshelf that spanned half of the living room wall, a soft cream colored couch with mahogany wood accents, and a large ebony sleigh bed. We didn’t get a king size as Logan prefers when the bed limits how far I can travel from him in my sleep.

We made three trips from the store to the house and didn’t spare any time to set any of the furniture up before going to a small vintage linen store. ‘Stitches and Squares’ was the only place I could think of that Logan would actually appreciate and cooperate in the selection of sheets and blankets for our bedroom. The man has a soft spot for worn and comfy blankets.

When I’d gotten him to agree to three baby soft quilts and four sets of sheets, all white, we headed back to the house. We didn’t need any help assembling the furniture, or carting around the mattress and box-spring. It was nice to do these things together, without outside help, just the two of us.

After the bed was set up, we had a clichéd dinner of pizza by candlelight, complete with upside down box for a table and a six pack between the two of us. If I had had a picture to show everyone, they still wouldn’t have believed me.

We crawled into our new bed and I took the time to really enjoy the feel of the age softened sheets and Logan’s hands on my bare skin. My graduation had been punctuated with a breakthrough of finally getting my powers under control. Everything was finally falling into place, and it was bliss. Until the next day, when I had lunch with Kitty.

May 22nd, 2010

I met Kitty for lunch at Belle Traite, a lovely restaurant that boasted delicious pastries, savory soups, and gourmet sandwiches. I was already sipping my lemon iced tea when Kitty arrived on the back veranda. We generally ate inside, but today Kitty had text-requested an outside table, so I assumed that Andy was in a rare mood and would be either well behaved or a complete devil. Both were possible.

I was rather shocked that Kitty arrived without the stroller, or the accompanying infant, but her attire, a long flowing white skirt, sparkling blue and black fashion tank, and black heels, was every bit as put together as it always had been. It seemed effortless for her to remain beautifully coiffed and elegantly poised. I’d long ago quit trying to keep up with Kitty, but today I felt decidedly frumpy in my jeans and black and white AC/DC t-shirt. At least, it was a fitted t-shirt and skinny jeans. My ballet flats still felt unquestionably dowdy.

When she settled into the seat across from me, I realized I still hadn’t said anything and began immediately spilling the thoughts that were forming in my brain.

“Kitty, you look great, as usual. But I’m surprised that you don’t have Andrew with you.” I told her. They absolutely hated it when anyone called him Andy. “What’s going on? Is Bobby home early or something?”

“My mother’s here, that’s what’s going on. She storms in, upsetting our entire routine, and decides that instead of a short quick visit, she needs to give me ‘some time off.' As if I need any time off. I’ve got things I have to do. Andrew has his lessons; I need to make sure he’s up to par when he starts school. All those other kids are getting tutors and preschool, I’m all he’s got. And I’m a damn sight better than whatever teachers he’d have anywhere. I’m his mother. I’ve got social events to plan for Bobby’s office; I’ve got charity functions to orchestrate. None of that even counts my regular household duties. That place doesn’t run itself.”

As I listened to Kitty go on about the things her mother was keeping her from doing, the idea of how much work it took to run her and Bobby and little Andy’s life hit me full force in the face. I hadn’t known it was such a time consuming process to have a family. I mean, for sure, I knew that it was hard work. But I imagined it would also be fun. Not a constant flow of meetings and lessons and chores.

“And to think,” Kitty butted into my unconscious thoughts, “she told me that if I didn’t go out and do something by myself so she could have quality time with Andrew, she’d lock me out of the house when I went to check the mail. I mean, sure I’d have been able to get back in with the hide-a-key, but she would have just found another reason. I called Bobby and complained, of course, and he was a little more indulgent with my mother than I liked, but here I am. I’ll bet she isn’t even going over the flash cards with him. She keeps prattling on about children needing to play and have fun. She says he’s too little to learn. Well, I told her that if she wanted her grandson to fail at life, then that was her concern but that I wasn’t going to let him be left behind in the bottom 50% of his class.”

Kitty trailed off in a huff, and it shocked me to see her usually pristine porcelain skin mottled with red blotches in her anger. I marveled again at how easily she managed to look like a chic
Fifties housewife. Then I felt frumpy in my clothes all over again.

I thought about pointing out how I thought Kitty might need a break, some time to relax but though better of it when I thought about the scolding I’d get about duty and responsibility and winced again at the weight that marriage must put on Kitty’s shoulders. I wisely kept my mouth shut. For all intents and purposes, words like that from me were trivial. I had it easy compared to what Kitty had. If I compared myself to her, I was lucky that it was just me and Logan and out little house.

Kitty seemed to remember that she had some kind of purpose, because she shook off her anger and straightened her back. Before she could begin our waitress showed up to take our order. Kitty got a raspberry lemonade, and I placed a ‘to go’ order along with our lunches.

Kitty easily smoothed her still perfect curls back into place and leveled me with grave stare. I checked myself before I reached up to tidy my intentionally messy two-toned ponytail.

“I want to talk to you Rogue. It’s important.” Her voice sounded rather ominous. Since I didn’t have a clue I could only reply with a weak ‘What?’

The waitress brought her drink, and Kitty stayed silent until the woman was gone.

“Marriage. I have to say, I don’t think is right for you, Rogue. I don’t think you’re cut out for it at all. You should focus on yourself; make sure you’re completely ready for it. I want you to look long and hard at yourself before jumping headlong into something that might take more commitment than you’re ready to give.” She leveled me with that severe look again.

I wanted to open my mouth and speak; I wanted to tell her all those things weren’t true. That I loved Logan and that was all that mattered but a deep wariness settled over me. What if she was right? What if I was just playing at being a wife, and when it bored me, or worse got too hard, I was going to turn tail and run and leave Logan picking up the pieces? I shook off the feeling of foreboding and looked Kitty squarely in the eye.

The waitress came and made a show of placing our food in front of us. We slipped into silence.

I then went at my turkey and avocado sandwich with a feigned gusto. Kitty did the same with her food, but I knew better than to think she was actually that hungry. Her look, at once disdainful and sorrowful, appeared anxious and worried to get home. She had an afternoon chat with Bobby every day to remind him of meetings she’d be around for and to let him know her schedule so he could act accordingly.

I made a covert effort in studying Kitty as she ate. Each motion was precise and perfected as to make as little mess as possible. Kitty’s salad never went anywhere that wasn’t in the large ring of the bowl it had been served in. I knew that had I ordered the salad, there’d be pieces of it everywhere. I looked down at my own plate; sure enough, there were pieces of sandwich, splotches of pickle juice, and crumbs from my tortilla chips everywhere.

The idea that she ate with such efficiency bothered me to no end in the same sort of jealous manner that it bothered me that she always looked so perfect or that her hair was so manageable. I wondered what dinners were like at her house with the sloppy eater that I knew Bobby to be and a seven month old at the table.

I popped the last bit of sandwich into my mouth and savored the one good thing that had come out of my lunch with Kitty. I signaled the waitress hovering by the patio door that I’d like my go order. She smiled and went inside. My lunches with Kitty usually ended on a good note, but sometimes they ended like this. With both of us retreated into our own minds and me feeling isolated from her; I never know what Kitty feels during those times.

While we waited for the woman to bring my food, I meet Kitty’s eyes again.

“Kitty, I want you to know that it’s not like that. I’m committed to Logan. He’s the perfect man for me, and I know that I can make him happy. I’m sorry that you feel the way you do about it all. I’m sorry I can’t be as perfect as you, but Logan thinks I’m perfect and that’s all that matters.” I was strong in my convictions. I was confident in my words. So why did I feel a niggling seed of doubt?

“No, Rogue. I’m sorry. I’m sorry that you’re so blind. Sometimes men aren’t who you think they are. You’ll realize, after you’re married, how truthful that really is.” And with that, she stood and walked away.

The waitress bought my food, and I paid for the whole lunch. With a thread of regret mingled with doubt, I settled my purse over my shoulder and settled my sunglasses into place.

“Time for me to get going,” I said to no one in particular as I glanced to the iron wrought clock standing outside the café. “Logan’s bound to be getting hungry.” I scooped up the drinks in one hand and precariously stacked Logan’s sandwich and the cinnamon rolls on top of the doughnuts. With a long confused sigh, I started after Kitty as she made her way back to her pretty new SUV. I lifted the stack of boxes with practiced ease and made toward my Jeep. Still unsure of where we stood, I turned around and took a few careful steps backward.

“Same time next month?” I called back to Kitty.

“Yeah,” she said as she waved in return. “I’ll bring Andrew so he can see his Aunty.”

With that she turned and was gone, and I finished my trek to my Jeep facing the proper direction. As I drove toward the site Logan was working at that day I mused on how… unexpected the day’s events had been and why Kitty had brought up such a confusing choice of conversation.

~*~*~

The framing on the huge two story house Logan was working on was nearly complete. It was exciting to see a house come together under Logan’s guidance and hard work. To Logan, owning a Contracting company wasn’t just about ordering people around and overseeing work. He liked to get in there with a hammer and nails. He checked and double checked everything he and his men did. It as much about quality control and skill as it was about creating something with his hands.

The other three men on the crew were happy to see me pull up because it was Wednesday, and Wednesday was doughnut day. Logan was just happy to see me. They all waved and shouted greetings as they started down from the site. I laid the tail gate down on one of Logan’s work trucks and set the box of doughnuts and some jugs of ice water I’d brought from the house on it; a few napkins and some plastic cups finished the setup. Logan’s food, along with the cinnamon rolls and lemon teas, I carried to the bed of our new truck. Logan was already laying out a thick blanket he kept in the back of the cab.

I set the food down and clambered up into the bed. When I’d settled I quickly snatched up the drinks as the shocks on the truck bounced and swayed under Logan’s adamantium frame. Before he sat as well, he leaned over and planted a soft kiss on my forehead, and the sensation was still so new that I reveled in the feel of his skin on mine.

“Hey, darlin’.”

“Hey yourself. How’s it going?” I asked, gesturing toward the steadily more recognizable framework. He finished the three bites of sandwich he’d taken before he spoke.

“It’s goin’ good. It shouldn’t be long before I can get the electrician and plumber in here installing parts. Hopefully the weather will hold up.” His gaze had gone from me to the house and back again while he spoke. “How about you?” Logan asked before he took a long pull from his tea before starting in on his sandwich again.

“Great. I painted our bedroom this morning, that sage green color we picked, and left the windows in that room and the one at the end of the hall open. Hopefully you’ll be able to sleep in there tonight. The windows should create a good source of ventilation to air it out. Then I did the trim in the kitchen. That’s white. It still feels too white for the pastel yellow walls; I might have to go like… off white or something. I finished in time to grab a shower and meet Kitty for lunch.” My smile dimmed a bit, and if Logan noticed it he didn’t say anything. Instead a teasing smile grew to cover his face.

“You mean you didn’t go back to sleep this morning after I left for work? I thought for sure…” That earned him a playful punch to the shoulder.

“No. I don’t care how early it is, after you’ve made coffee and a full breakfast for someone, you’re too wide awake to go back to sleep. So I had another cup of coffee and got to painting.” I told him, and although his teasing had momentarily gotten my mind off of Kitty, it came back once my amusement died.

“What is it, babe?” He could always read me way to well for my own liking. Even before we’d started seeing each other, he could always tell when something was off. I wondered if it was my scent. Eww.

“Kitty. She didn’t have Andrew with her today. She looked amazing as always, but there was a part of her that I’ve never seen before something… fierce.” I realized he was finished with his sandwich already and wondered if he ever tasted the food I brought for him. I leaned my head into his shoulder. “I didn't realize marriage was so stressful.”

Logan gathered me close with an arm around me and dropped a kiss on the top of my head. “Not all marriages are like that. Some people don’t take to it as easily as we have. Sometimes it’s a struggle. I think there’s more to Bobby and Kitty’s relationship than we know.”

I didn’t really believe Logan, but I let myself be comforted by the thought, otherwise I’d be drowned by what if’s and maybes.

Logan broke out the cinnamon buns and gave me one along with my still untouched ice tea. I easily fell into our Wednesday routine, and it was easy to forget about the problems of others. The cinnamon buns from Belle Traite were the most decadent I’d ever had. The first time I took Logan there, he took a bite of mine, and I swear he had a look on his face I’ve only seen on women in chocolate commercials. That was a Wednesday, and our Wednesday tradition was born.

After we finished, and the boys all went reluctantly back to work, Logan helped me pick up the remnants and tossed the trash into the bin on site. He kept the doughnuts and jugs for the end of the day and stowed them safely in the cab of the work truck as to not attract critters.

“So, I’ll see you at sundown. What are we having for dinner?” I smirked at his hopeful gaze. I never told him what we would be eating.

“Something good.”

“I know that, darlin’,” he practically growled in reply. He was grinning when I shot him a teasing look over my shoulder.

He walked me to the Jeep and leaned in for a long slow cinnamon flavored kiss before closing the door and banging on the back fender in a final goodbye before I pulled away.

I was just walking through the door when the phone rang, and I was sorely tempted to ignore it and have that nap Logan had been talking about. I surely needed it. But, when I looked at the caller ID I realized I had to answer it. Jubes would just keep calling.