Mind twisted
You say you love me
I wonder why you feel the need to lie to me
I know what this is
I know what I am to you
A trail of disjointed thoughts
It hurts so good when you hit me
You have me when you want her
The only red i can give you is my blood
You're broken and I try to rebuild you
With soft words and a quiet smile
Fix the cracks that a clenched fist keep together
It's easy to take your pain and ignore mine
But I'm not enough
And I won't give you up
The pain is worth it
To see your twisted smile
And I'm numb to anything but you
The scars twist and tighten with your words of hate and hopelessness
So eager to strangle me with your brand of love
I'm so empty without it
You fill me up with your anger and grief
I understand completely
You hate (love?) me for it
You would do anything to push me away
Anything to chain me to your side
In the end you break us both
I smile when the light reflects
So sharp and beautiful
It means our end
Your eyes are closed and you stumble
But I'm here as always
And I kiss you one last time
As my blood drains so slowly
Slow enough to weaken you
I'm not the woman you love
Not anyone you want
Just the air you try so hard to choke back and hold in
But like you I hurt
Worse than anything we could possibly do to each other
I'm not yours, not yet
And you're certainly not mine
In that moment we are the same
Maybe we are twisted
But in death we are equals
Both loving someone lost to us

Logan cried when he heard the news. He was too late to save her. Too late when he pressed his lips to her forehead in a desperate attempt to bring her back. He clenched the ring he was holding into a twisted knot of metal. He was too late when his lips sought hers.
His first and last taste of the woman he loved.
He roared and clawed the dead body of Scott Summers. 'Take care of her' he'd told him. Take care of her until he returned.
And now she was dead and Scott had killed her. No one had seen it coming. No one had been the slightest concerned when Scott had begun to seek Rogue out. No one had been concerned when Rogue had clung to Scott. After all Scott had lost Jean and Logan had left his Marie without a goodbye and words that had wormed under her skin and twisted around her heart.
"I don't love you kid and I never will."
No one thought it odd that Scott and Rogue sought solace in each other. And maybe it was cause for a little concern when Scott started hanging out with Rogue in her room with the doors locked. This tryst would burn out with the realization that they weren't what each other needed. Besides Scott was noble and no matter how much Jean's death twisted him up he wouldn't intentionally hurt Rogue, right?
But no one knew how much Jean's death had actually affected him. No one knew that he took out his rage and despair on Marie. No one could hear him twisting the words Logan said to her to turn her as twisted as he had become.
So no one knew that in the end he had to end it for them both.
Because Rogue was his, more than Marie had ever been Logan's, and he wouldn't give her up.
So when Logan called to say he would be back for his Marie, Scott snapped.
When he entered her room she eyed the knife with desolate, hungry eyes. There were no goodbyes. She embraced him as he shoved the knife into her stomach. They kissed and she felt the love he had for her.
Twisted and wrapped so closely with fear and self loathing. But as the light died from both thier eyes she smiled.
He hadn't lied after all9

Logan cried when he found her. He tore into Scott's dead body, wanting to inflict pain on the one person he'd trusted to take care of her. His Marie. It was too late for revenge, too late for apologies and forgiveness. He'd come back too late...

So Logan held Marie and cried. He held her body close and cried for the lies he'd told her. She was too young but he'd vowed to wait so she could grow up. Scott had told him to wait for Marie to mature. He was the one to blame for the lies Logan had told Marie. To protect her, Scott said. Logan hurt her and left. For what purpose hadn't been clear but he was guilty enough and ashamed enough to do what Scott said. Logan knew then he wasn't good enough for her, Scott had told him so...

And this is what listening to Scott had brought him...pain and agony and grief so strong he wanted to tear himself open to escape it. It hurt even worse when he realized Scott had sent him away so he could abuse Marie and to make her feel as broken as Scott was.

Ororo watched Logan as he rocked back and forth murmuring Marie's name over and over. Tears stained her face as she witnessed the scene before her. What Scott had done appalled her. What he'd done was so sickening that she could only assume Jean's death had driven him insane. She blamed herself for something she was blind to. She had no words of comfort for Logan, especially knowing he was perhaps only minutes too late to save Marie. The hand fate had dealt was cruel in the extreme.

Logan called her name over and over, he kissed her forehead and lips and cried even harder when her own lips remained chilled and unresponsive. He threaded thier hands together and rubbed his cheek against hers. The Wolverine snarled at anyone that reached to take his mate away. They remained like that for what seemed like an eternity, but was merely moments. Logan rocking Marie. He felt dizzy suddenly and his body ached. A familiar burn that made him gasp in disbelief. He pushed Marie away to see for himself. Her eyes opened and he smiled.

It was confusing after Logan left her her. So confusing. Everything hurt and nothing could make the pain go away. She laughed when all she wanted to do was cry. She brushed off their words of concern and hope. What need did she have for hope when he had made it clear he would never want her? Not poor little Marie, too young to pique the interest of the man she adored, the man she practically obsessed over. The days were growing increasingly dark for her when Scott came to her room. He hurt too. She knew he hid it better than she did. He smiled when he wanted to grimace, laughed when he wanted to scream and shout. The only difference between them was that people actually believed his artificial mirth. They all applauded the strength of their fearless leader, ever selfless as he took Rogue under his wing.

The first time he locked her room door she’d stared at him quizzically. Perhaps if she knew then what would happen she would have run? Or maybe not. Being needed was a strong motivator. He didn’t love her. He told her this plainly. She was a replacement but it was okay. Because he wasn’t Logan and she wasn’t Jean but they could still need each other. The first time they had sex it was painful and awkward as he cried into her hair. She’d cried too, knowing that Logan should have been her first, her only. But Scott was so apologetic as he shuddered above her and called a dead woman’s name. Rogue forgave him his weakness. She couldn’t imagine he was Logan, not when his hands and face were so soft, even as he pinched and grabbed and squeezed so painfully. She went into a place in her head when Scott got rough. A place where Logan could love her, where the hands that were touching her were rough but gentle. A place where the mouth bruising hers was covered in short, dark hair and his lips were gentle, rather than demanding. She lived in that place every night that Scott came to her room.

She learned to shadow Scott’s every move, to mimic every forced smile and feigned laugh. Soon they believed she too was healing. And maybe she was because the first time Scott slapped her she smiled. He said she deserved it and she believed. She wasn’t Jean and that was her fault, wasn’t it? She wasn’t Jean for Scott and she hadn’t been Jean for Logan. Both men she’d cared for loved the same woman. A woman that was dead and that she could never hope to live up to. So she endured Scott’s anger that so resembled her own. The first time he’d drawn blood with a punch to the face she’d laughed and hit him back. Roundabout was fair play. And he’d stared at her for so long after that, unmoving, that she was afraid she’d done something wrong. What did she do wrong? No one could need her like Scott did and the thought of losing that need scared her. She’d fallen to her knees and begged for his forgiveness.

Scott had smiled and told her to get up. He’d touched her lip where it was bleeding and then kissed her, almost gently, almost tender with his adoration. Red he told her, was the greatest colour in the world. Red was hope and love and pain and fear. Red was Jean and red was Rogue in that moment as her blood slid down her chin and coated his lips. Rogue understood then. She could be Jean for him in that moment. She could give him some semblance of peace, even if it cost her own blood to do so. From then on his hits were a little harder, his nips on the tender skin of her neck and shoulder and lips became bites. Anything to make her bleed that beautiful red that he loved. And Rogue was content. Logan would not love her, but Scott could need her. And soon she needed him. She needed the pain that let her know he was there, worshipping all that only she could provide. She needed his pain and his smiles, his fears that so mirrored her own. Never again would they be abandoned. Never again would she be alone.

Scott did his best to make up for all the moments that he forgot she was human and that sometimes the pain was too much, even for her. He was always tender after he pushed too far, hit too hard. He told her he loved her. He was lying but her heart always jumped when he said that, her mind imagining that it was someone else that spoke his words. She could never believe he loved her when he loved to hurt her so much but she was content in the knowledge that she was what he needed.

They said Logan was coming back. Words whispered when they thought I wasn’t listening or that I was too far to hear. But little did they know that my hearing had sharpened. Maybe it was a side effect of grief or maybe it was because I had to strain so hard to hear Rogue’s whimpered pleas for more. I was rougher with her than I should have been the night after I heard that rumour. She seemed to realize the moment I walked in that this night would be all about pain. Hers and mine. I would claim her in the only way I knew how, by spilling her blood. She wasn’t mine, no matter how much I demanded it of her. She was his and that night my rage could not be contained. That was the first time I heard her scream. It made me sick to my stomach but I couldn’t stop now. Not when we both needed this confirmation of our pain. I was broken beyond repair, shattered beyond recognition and I only wanted to be with Jean. Rogue would hate me if she knew that I had forced Logan to leave. That I had created this void in her than made her believe that only I could fill it. She would kill me when she realized Logan loved her as desperately as I loved Jean, loved her to the grave. So that night I tore her down, piece by piece. The next morning I built her back up with my words of need and solace, made her need me back as I told her that Logan would never love her like I did. He would never need her like I would. And she believed, so young and impressionable, so malleable when faced with my hate and pain. I told her that one day soon I would show her how much I loved her. And for the first time she smiled, a smile just for me, free of false hope and restrained anguish. She was the most beautiful person that I’d ever seen in that moment.

Logan phoned me the next night and told me that he was coming back for her. That he believed that he had paid enough for his sins and that maybe he was worthy enough for his Marie. I burned when he said that. His Marie? She was Rogue and she was mine, not Logan’s. I had mumbled a reply that had seemed to appease Logan. I hung up with a burning in my chest. An ache I dimly realized was fear and maybe the beginnings of heartache. I hadn’t meant to and I puzzled over it. When had twisted need and anguish turned to this sort of love? It wasn’t pure or soft or tender. It was dark and harsh and painful but it was still here. I loved her but she would leave me when Logan came back because I would do the same in a heartbeat if Jean appeared at my door. No matter this love that I felt for Rogue. It was dark and twisted
and belonged in the shadows. So I made up my mind then. They all thought I hated Logan for being able to tempt Jean for even a moment. I didn’t. I envied him his ease with woman, especially with my wife. I had never felt anything greater than fear when faced with the obstacle of conversing with woman, not until Jean. Only then had I actually been able to master my fear. Love was stronger than fear. At least I believed so. So I envied Logan and for me that was greater than fear. I was a man destroyed. Why should he get what he wanted when I had lost everything? Why should I let him take what had become mine? The honourable man I had been was gone, replaced by this ruined visage of envy. He would know my pain and I would take Rogue’s away. So I grabbed a knife on my way up to her room. I felt lighter than I had in days. Soon I would be gone from this life but I wouldn’t be with Jean, wherever she was. I was no longer good enough for her but at least where I went, Rogue would follow and I would have someone to share eternity with.

Marie was waiting for Scott with bated breath. Logan had called him. She’d heard what the professor had said to Ms. Monroe. Logan had called Scott. And soon he would be coming to her. Soon she would know the truth behind the rumours.

When Scott entered her room, her gaze was instantly drawn to the knife in his hand. It sparkled so brightly under the fluorescent glare of the lights overhead, almost like diamonds. She giggled at that thought. Scott said he would show her just how much he loved her and instantly her mind was carried along to wedding proposals. Theirs was not that kind of love. She would always be his maiden in the shadows, his secret to hide from the world. When she looked back into his eyes she realized that this wasn’t a normal night. His eyes were intent on her, whereas usually they were directed somewhere behind her, pretending she was someone else. Tonight she had his full attention. She was enthralled.

“He’s coming back.” Her heart almost stopped at his words. There was no need to clarify who he was. “He’s bringing his wife with him.”

All the hope and unsuppressed joy she had felt at his first statement crumbled at his second one. Logan had a wife. Logan loved someone else. Logan was never going to be hers. She almost collapsed at that moment but suddenl y Scott was there, holding her close. He was her dark knight, her haven from the emotional pain that welled up in her. He was safety and he said he loved her. How could she do any less than love him in return? Even if his love was merely an illusion to comfort her.

“Rogue, I don’t want you to hurt anymore. I don’t want to hurt anymore.”

He brought the knife up for her inspection and she nodded, understanding and almost painful relief filling her. This was the end then. This was the end of the story that was her pathetic life and he was willing to share it with her. She was grateful.

“I told you I love you and I want to show it to you Rogue. I need a kiss from you. A kiss for me and no one else.”

She nodded easily. And breathed in deeply. This would be her last breath, her last chance at life and she gave it up easily. She nodded again, firmer as her resolve hardened. If she had ever believed in God and hell she had long lost that belief. This way she would at least be with Scott, wherever the hereafter took them.

“I love you Rogue.” He smiled as he shoved the knife into her stomach with the utmost of tenderness. She merely smiled. Pain was nothing new. She kissed him one last time and as she felt his life and hers receding and the black void overtaking them she knew one thing. His last thoughts weren’t of Jean. He hadn’t lied. Scott loved her after all. And the rest was lost as the world faded behind her. Scott loved her and that was all she knew.

She was floating in a long forgotten world of light and happiness. She didn’t belong here, not anymore. Someone was calling her name but something was different. It took her a moment to realize that they were calling her Marie. Marie was the name that described a girl that was long gone. Marie was the girl that had been hopelessly in love with Logan. Marie had been the weak little girl that no one wanted. She was Rogue. Because even if no one wanted Rogue, she was needed. Scott needed her. Still that familiar voice called her, over and over. They were so insistent and she wanted so badly to answer them. It was light here, where she was. There was no pain here and it disturbed her just a little. She couldn’t remember a time that she wasn’t in pain, whether it was emotional or physical. But at least she could control the physical. At least she knew that the physical would end.

The person was getting louder and it was really starting to bother her. Why couldn’t they just leave her alone? She growled in annoyance. She was good here, no pain to speak of. And it was a relief. And still they nagged incessantly and their voice was so familiar and filled with such pain. She couldn’t let them hurt. She knew pain and she wouldn’t want anyone to feel like she had. Speaking of pain, where was Scott? Poor, tortured Scott who had needed her so desperately and loved her so intently in their last moments. Her thoughts were interrupted yet again as the same person pleaded with her. Come back Marie. She huffed in annoyance, or at least she would have if she had been corporeal. Oh well, may as well go to that voice and try to soothe at least a little of their hurt. She might’ve understood Scott, felt even certain affection for him but she never stopped hoping deep down that he might one day need her without causing her pain. Want her for her and not what she could give him, a twisted release.

She went towards the voice and was immediately surrounded in pain. She tried to cry out but her lips wouldn’t open. There were so many thoughts in her head, so many that weren’t hers. One voice was dominant and soothing and familiar. A voice she hadn’t allowed herself to hear in so long. Logan was chanting her name over and over and the love he felt for her was so overwhelming that she couldn’t help the tears that fell from her eyes. She opened her eyes and saw his face. He smiled and her heart almost burst from the overwhelming and unfamiliar happiness she felt. Logan loved her. Logan loved her and he’d come back for her. Scott had lied. The smile on her face dimmed as she realized that his was a voice that remained absent. She searched for his presence in her head and found nothing. He was gone. Logan was filling her mind with every thought of love he had ever had. And it should have frightened her, the intensity of his devotion but she let herself bask in it. He was holding her close and it was the only place she’d ever wanted to be. The only selfish thing she’d ever wanted for herself. In his arms, loved by him.

She clung to him and cried. She let herself finally acknowledge all the pain she’d supressed in the last months after his departure. She cried and cried and he held her tenderly, stroked her hair with his calloused palms and nuzzled her cheek with his own grizzled one. She was home and it was everything she’d ever hoped for or imagined. She wasn’t fixed and she was no closer to being healed than before but she knew that with his help she might be able to find Marie again. That with Logan’s help she could let herself hope for things that she hadn’t dared to before. She was secure in the love he felt for her. It surrounded her and for the first time since he’d left she felt certain that everything was going to be okay. There was much to deal with and there was still much they needed to discuss but they could save that for another day. Right now they were Logan and Marie, together. And they loved each other. Maybe that wasn’t all that mattered, but she didn’t care. It was all she needed, all she wanted, all she’d ever hoped for. And she knew Logan felt the same.