“One ought to hold on to one's heart;
for if one lets it go, one soon loses
control of the head too.”
r13; Friedrich Nietzsche

FIVE MONTHS AGO

Finally solving the mystery that was my past, I made my return back to the mansion. Two things drew me back to Xavier’s Institute upholding my promise to Marie and proving to Jean I can be the good guy.

Remembering the last time I returned to the mansion I was expecting Marie to be the first one at the entrance doors, but most unexpectedly it was Jean awaiting my arrival. I started flirting with her immediately lust outweighing the curiosity I had as to where Marie could be. It didn’t take long for me to bed Jean, but it took me three more days to finally run into Marie.

Before Marie crawled into the back of my trailing freezing her ass off, I was living my life for the last fifteen years drinking, fighting, fucking, sleeping wherever I could. Things didn’t really change in my life until Marie tried to converse with me in the passenger set of my truck. Most would think it the change happened when I found her secreted away in my trailer and had a change of heart not to leave her behind, but the first glimpse of change in my life happened when Marie asked me one question.

“When they come out does it hurt?”

The question surprised me because no one ever took the time to ask if the claws hurt when they came out. Finally subduing my surprise I answered her question.

“Every time”

I remember that conversation like it happened yesterday, and to think of it no one has asked me that question since then.

But let’s get back to what I mentioned earlier that it took me three days after my arrival to find Marie. I’ll be honest the first day and a half I was distracted by the feisty redhead writhing beneath me, but as all conquests go I became somewhat bored by her lack of creativity in the sack. I was a little disappointed the fantasy wasn’t as good as reality. So I made a lackluster excuse to leave Jean’s room, and started my search for Marie.

I spent half of the day looking around the mansion trying to find her, when I didn’t find her I made it a priority to find her the next day. I headed to my room thinking of places where Marie could be, and I was running out of ideas. I checked the recreational room, the library. I even checked her room to see if she was hiding out in there. I knocked on the door waiting for a response, and when none came I let myself in and closed the door behind me. I didn’t smell anyone else in the room so I guess that meant she didn’t have roommates anymore. Picking up obscure things on her dresser and bed also didn’t help in my quest in finding her.

The next day I renewed my search by going down to the cafeteria. Getting down there I couldn’t help noticing the smile on Jean’s face when she saw me come through the doors. Being that I was too engrossed with my current predicament I decided to ignore her. I found one of Marie’s friends, the one that wore copious amount of bright yellow clothing and got her attention.

“Hey you!”

“The name’s Jubilee not you and it’s nice to see you to Logan.”

I was taken aback by the snarky attitude, since most of the students around here skittered around me trying to stay out of my way. Also time had definitely gone by because the last time she saw her she looked like a teenager now she looked like a grown woman.

“Jubilee do you happen to know where Mar…Rogue might be?”
“Hmm did you try the library that’s one of her favorite hangout spots?”

I tried to keep the impatience and frustration out of my voice. I knew if I started giving her an attitude she wouldn’t be to incline to help me.

“Already checked and she wasn’t there. Does she hang anywhere else?”

“Did you try checking Ms. Munroe’s garden; she likes to help Ms. Munroe time to time?”

I barely recognize the woman who voiced the question. Taking a minute to study her I finally placed her as Marie’s second roommate. My god how they’ve all grown over the years, it made him wonder what Marie now looked like.

“No I haven’t checked there thanks for the tip uhh…”

“Kitty.”

“Well thanks both of you.”

“No problem,” Jubilee said having already sat down at the table.

Turning back around I headed back toward the way I came in, and using my peripheral vision I noticed that Ororo wasn’t sitting at the faculty table.

~Well I guess there’s a good chance she is with Ro’~

Still avoiding Jean’s hard stare, I walked out of the cafeteria turning right to go to the backside exit of the mansion. Pushing the backdoor open a soft breeze hit my face, and I couldn’t help inhaling the fresh spring scent and the warming aroma of Ro’s flowers. Walking toward her magnificent allotment I noticed Ro’ on her knees digging up dirt only to fill it with seeds and top soil.

“Hey Ro’ long time no see.”

I couldn’t help laughing when she squeaked at the surprise intrusion my voice brought to the peaceful quiet she had. She stood up and turned to face me.

“Hey Logan,” she said while taking a few short advances toward me to give me a hug. “It’s been a long time Logan. I hope you found everything you were looking for.”

“I found enough.”

She gave me a pitiful smile conveying the sympathy she felt for me.

“Hey Ro’ do you know where Rogue is?”

“Yeah she’s in the woodlands surrounding the mansion; I can’t give you her actual location though given that I don’t know where that is.”

“That’s okay I think I can manage.”

“Well it was nice seeing you Logan; hopefully you stay longer this time.”

“Sure thing.”

Giving her a nod of my head, I started to make my way toward the trees outlying the mansion. After I walked into the brush it didn’t take long for me to catch a faint trace of Marie’s scent. My luck ran out there though because the breeze seemed to be stronger here, so when I picked up her scent it would bring it from all different directions making it harder to track which direction she was. Finally getting frustrated at not being able to track her by scent, I decided to plant myself in a secluded area of forest and rely on my hearing to find her. It seemed like forever before I heard any type of disturbance in the forest, but I finally heard a few twigs snap from my left. I was like a predator hunting down his prey the wood brush was a blur beside me as I keep running. I saw her too late and the momentum caused me to crash into her. The crash brought both of us to the ground, tumbling in a ball of limps until I was on top of her.

“What the hell?”

“Sorry Marie I didn’t mean to tackle you.” While I was looking down at her, I couldn’t help remembering that time Mystique came in my tent wearing Jean. It wasn’t memorable because I lost myself in lust and indulged myself in a little make out session, but because that was the night I realized I had more than brotherly feelings for Marie.

I was rubbing the metal dog tags between my fingers, thinking about what Jean had told me before I kissed her. “Girls flirt with the dangerous guy Logan, but they don’t take him home they marry the good guy,” that thought was dancing around my brain when suddenly the zipper to my tent started moving up and Jean crawled in.
“Look…,” I said surprised because not just an hour ago Jean rejected my advances on her in front of the hangar.
Stopping me from finishing my sentence Jean put her fingers to my lips so I couldn’t finish what I was saying, and started to kiss me. I was so in the moment that I started to slide my hand under her camisole, and that’s when I felt the scars right above her naval.
“No one’s ever left a scar quite like you.”

“What’d ya want an apology” I said my voice lowering and dripping with sarcasm.

“You know what I want,” Mystique said back in her blue, scaly form not seeming to get the hint as she licked the underside of my ear. “But what do you want?”

Her blue form balanced above me propped up using her arm shifted into Ro’. Even though Ro’ is a beautiful woman I never felt that way about her. So I was unaffected by this change. Noticing my lack thereof a reaction she shifted into Marie, and I couldn’t help the way I looked at her plush red lips, the way my eyes snaked down towards her cleavage then back up to her face and the way the blood started rushing between my legs. Mystique didn’t seem to notice my reaction because she shifted back into Jean and I couldn’t help the anger I felt toward her for bringing that reaction out of me. So I shoved her toward the opening of the tent not wanting to be near her anymore.

“Hey Logan. Do you mind getting off of me so I can breathe?”

“Oh yeah sorry about that darling.” Giving her one more look over I see that my little Marie has grown into a gorgeous young woman. Lifting myself off of her, she quickly stood up and dusted herself off.

“You wanna explain to me why you tackled me to the ground like a linebacker.”

“I don’t know Marie. I was trying to catch up to you and I guess I lost track of how fast I was running.”
“Hmm… Fair enough.”

“So you walkin’ back to the mansion darling, I’ll come with you.”

“As long as you don’t tackle me again I don’t see why not.”

She started walking back to the mansion and I followed her closely. It was a quiet walk out of the woods, and when we were out in the open I couldn’t stand the silence anymore.

“So what’s with the into the wild routine.”

“I go into the woods to think, I suppose I have you to thank for that.”

“Sorry.”

“Why? I like it in the woods, it’s peaceful.”

“I’m sorry because I shouldn’t have saddled you done with my shit—the good and the bad.”

“Well if you hadn’t “saddled” me I would be dead, so I’m thinking it was a necessary evil.”

We arrive at the backdoor entrance to soon, and I find that I can’t find the words to ask her to spend more time with me.

“Well I’m going to bed I’m exhausted Logan, I’ll see you later okay.”

“Thought you might want to watch a game and catch up. I’ll bring the beers.”

Marie gave a light chuckle at that. “Sounds like fun Logan but I’m going to have to do a rain check. Night.”
Feeling a little rejected I made my way to the kitchen hoping the professor finally stashed some beers in the refrigerator. I knew my chances were going to be slim, but I looked anyways.

“I knew it.” I muttered under my breath.

“You knew what?”

Pulling my head out of the fridge, I turned to face Jean in a short, red nightgown. The rest is a blur one minute she’s pulling out a six pack she got me, and next I had her nightgown lifted up bent over the island, while I fucked her from behind. I wanted to believe the reason I did this was because I couldn’t stop fantasizing about this woman, and just had to get her out of my system. The whole time I kept sliding in and out of her center I kept thinking of Marie moaning my name, and it was imagining making love to Marie that got me to climax. I pulled out of Jean, not wanting to spill my seed inside of her.

Feeling disgusted with myself I blew Jean off like I’ve done so many other bimbo’s before her.

“Thanks for that Jean I’m going to bed now.”

“I can come up with you.”

“Ughh no thanks. Night Jean.”

“I thought this was what you wanted Logan?”

“Yeah me to, but things change Jean.”

I noticed a few kitchen appliances starting to shake, and I knew I pissed her off.

“Fuck you Logan, if you want to play games then we’ll play games,” then she stormed off out of the kitchen leaving me half undressed.

~Thank god she left the beers~

Little did I know the beers were going to be the least of my worries.

“Insanity is fulfilling an act
that causes one’s demise”
-Anonymous

TWO MONTHS AGO

“I can’t believe that conniving, little redheaded telepathic slut.” It’s like Jean knew the perfect time and way to kick me in the balls.

I guess there’s a reason that lust is one of the seven sins, because sometimes it can cause the entire world behind you to come crashing down. I think about Homer’s The Odyssey and how Paris’s act of “lust” caused the fall of troy, and the death of many, and even though I knew what I did wasn’t going to cause a war I knew shit had hit the fan.

You guys already know I made the stupid mistake of fucking Jean, and not just once but multiple times. It wasn’t until a few weeks after my arrival that I found out Scott had broken up with Jean a month before I had arrived.

~Guess that explains why she was so needy and desperate~

One thing that hasn’t changed since I can remember is I’ve always tried to stay away from desperate women. Memories of watching Fatal Attraction pop into my head, and I start to think of how much worse it can get with the Jean situation.

Before today’s theatrics things were seemingly going fine after I blew Jean off in the kitchen, so I decided to chalk her threat up as an empty one and go on with my life.

So I settled down in the mansion, became a fulltime teacher, and turned my romantic attentions to Marie. I found out the hard way that the tactics I used on Jean weren’t going to work on Marie.

“Come on what was that?” I said screaming at the television in the rec room.

“What’re you watching?” Marie asked walking up to the back of the couch I was sitting on. Crossing her arms over each other she leaned forward. I was a little disappointed because the shirt she had on covered up her cleavage very well.

“A ridiculous excuse for a hockey game. Do you want to watch it with me?”

“Sure sounds like fun.” She stood up strait, and walked around to the front end of the couch. She sat down on the other side of the couch giving both of us some space. I quickly found out Marie wasn’t the type of person who asks a billion questions during a game. It pisses me off when people ask you so many questions that can be easily answered if they just watch what’s going on.

Since she came in toward the end of the game it’s not long before it’s over. My gut tells me to start a conversation with her before she leaves.

“So what’re the rest of your plans for today?” My plan was to ease subtly into my seduction technique.

“Scott and I are going to do some training later, but other than that nothing much. Since Scott broke up with Jean he’s been keeping busy by training with me.”

I didn’t expect the jealousy coursing through my veins to be so strong, it felt like poison forcing my blood to still. Trying to repress what I was feeling, I smothered the jealousy down and feigned curiosity instead.

“What is he teaching you?” She started laughing and I sat there looking at her with a confused expression on my face. “What’s so funny Marie?”

“It’s like you forget that I have you in my head Logan, including all your fighting methods and techniques. If anything I’m teaching him some new stuff.”

It took me a minute to figure out that this was my opportunity to spend more time with her. “How about I train with you, I’ve learned some stuff while I’ve been away.”

“I don’t see why I can’t train with both of you.”

“I didn’t mean it like that.” Actually I did but I also knew I couldn’t just make an appearance after so many years and expect her to drop her everyone and everything in her life.

“Good,” was all she retorted.

“So how’s your control coming along, any change?”

“Not really. I’ve been working with the professor though and he’s been teaching me to develop it.”

“I’m sure he is,” an odd sense of déjà vu came over me and I then remembered I had had a similar conversation with Jean years ago. Deciding to flirt with her some more I was about to continue until she interrupted me.

“So I’m just curious Logan what brought you back to the mansion. Jean?”

Shocked by her question and her bluntness I stared at her for a good minute before I was able to resonate out a response.

“Well since we’re being honest here. Yes I came out here with the intention of being with Jean, but that all changed when I found out she wasn’t what I expected.”

Marie’s face had a contemplative edge to it as she processed what I had just told her. “So what’s keeping you here now?”

If there was a time I was ever scared I can openly say it was nothing compared to what I was going to say. “Marie, you’re the reason I decided to stay. I lo…”

“Don’t.” She said holding her hand up palm facing forward expressing that she wanted me to stop. “I saw you two in the kitchen that night Logan, and it was only a few years ago you supposedly loved Jean. So let’s do ourselves a favor and not ruin our friendship over your evanescent feelings.” She then walked away to left me to ponder and process what she had just told me.

A man who is “of sound mind”
is one who keeps the inner
madman under lock and key.
-Paul Valery

PRESENT TIME (ROGUE’S BEEN UNCONSCIOUS FOR TWO HOURS)

“Can she hear us?” I asked Hank while he placed a few monitors around her forehead to monitors her brain activity.

“Logan I can’t answer that, but I have heard if you speak to a comatose patient it could help them out of the stupor.”

“Why isn’t my healing factor waking her up?”

“I don’t know Logan, I haven’t done enough test to come up with a conclusion. All I know is that she still has brain activity and her mutation is still active.” Hank told me a little agitated.

I already knew I couldn’t afford to let the Wolverine out in the med lab, so I left the room and out of the mansion heading towards the woods on the outskirts. Finally reaching a quiet place in the woods I let my claws free, and started hacking away at the bark of a tree with no abandon.

Landing hard on my knees, I placed my hands on the ground before me and vomited the contents of my stomach. Still crouched in the same position the smell was starting to burn my nostrils, using what energy I had left I crawled toward the tree with the claw marks and sat with my back to the bark.

Mentally and emotionally exhausted I pulled my knees to my chest crossed my arms over my knees and rested my forehead against the tops of my arms. Even though I was trying not to think my guilty conscience wouldn’t take a break.

~Why did you have her stay on the plane by herself? ~

~What if she never wakes up? ~

~Why isn’t she absorbing my healing factor? ~

~What’s going on in that head of hers? ~

In all my once forgotten and now remembered past I never once felt so helpless. I always had something to fight, or someone I could ask question, but even the professor can’t determine what’s going on in Marie’s head. In a fit of despair, I sat on the forest floor withdrawing into my mind replaying all the good memories Marie and I had.