Title : How much is enough?
Author : Sacred Macha
Rating :R
Summary : He's made a promise, but could it be taken too far?
Category: X3/AU
Genre : songfic
Archive : Sure!
Disclaimer : I don't own any Marvel Characters, nor do I lay claim to Tool's music or lyrics.


~~Two times in!
I've been struck dumb by a voice that
speaks from deep beneath the endless waters.
It's twice as clear as heaven,
and twice as loud as reason.
It's deep and rich like silt on a riverbed,
and just as neverending.
The current's mouth below me,
opens up around me.
Suggests and beckons all while swallowing.
It surrounds, and drowns, and sweeps me awaaaaaaaaay.
But I'm so comfortable... so comfortable.
(shut up 4x) you're saturating me.
How could I let, this bring me back to my knees?~~

Twice I'd done it, let it happen. Never thinking, never hesitating. I'd used what had made me who I was, what defined a large part of me, and let it pour into Marie, into Rogue, to save her life. I'd promised. I was supposed to look after her, and I didn't have problem with that...at the first. She needed me, and I needed her too, in ways that had nothing to do with the nasty comments some people -read Scott- made under their breath about taking advantage of innocence. Marie had enough voices of experience in her head that the only real innocence she had left was physical, and as time went on with her and Icicle, that was less and less, too. Having me in her had told her a few things about getting around her skin limitations, it seemed.

But not enough, I guess. Either she didn't see enough in what of me there was in her head, or there was some other reason she wasn't giving it up to Snowflake, because he dumped her one fine day shortly after Alcatraz. We all tried to pretend he didn't do it because he wanted Kitty, who was a good kid in her own right, but we all knew she was a kinky freak in bed and had promised Bobby anything, anytime, anywhere. Maybe the idea of having sex in midair turned him on or something... her phasing ability sorta freaks me out, to be honest. Not that I'd ever say so or nothin', because I'm the Wolverine, damnit, and well,..being scared of a little girl just ain't manly, no matter what she does.

So I kept my promise. Even while I still mourned the loss of everything the Phoenix had wrought, I stood up and let Marie wail against my chest, hitting me, raging against the world through me. It got tiring now and then, I won't lie. Sometimes I wanted to grab her by the shoulders and shake her, as her if this really made her feel better, and why the hell did it always have to be me? Why did I have to be the one to take the abuse because she felt fucked over? But I didn't, because I had given my word, and she was mine to protect, plain and simple. Without that, I didn't have much else.

Then it got twisted. She started spying on Bobby and Kitty, then coming to me, asking me what I thought about it. It was sick, I gotta fucking tell you. She'd go into detail, those big eyes the color of the deepest waters of the Mississippi wide and unseeing, replaying out loud and in her head what she'd seen. She'd tell me about everything, the clothes, the scent, the sounds... she'd even mock up Kitty's position, the noises the other girl made. She did it to get a reaction out of me, and I know it. But I'm no one's rebound fuck, and I'd be damned I'd do it because we we both hurting. There had to be a better reason than that, and I wouldn't do it just because she liked provoking me. Girl oughta know better.

She took it as rejection, not listening to reason. So my sweet Marie took to doing whatever she could, with whoever would let her. More than once I saw her with those gloved hands stroking and petting over some guy, more often than not in a place she knew I'd come across them. Watching me with those big brown eyes, while she jerked whoever it was to his orgasm, licking her lips and looking at me, while the guy was in never never land. Play of satiny gloves along your skin is something I know, and it's something I've dreamed of, sure. I can't say I blame Pete or Remy for letting her do it, and often to them. Rogue's a hot looking girl, and even if you can't sink yoruself into that tight little body, it's sure a pleasure to have those little satin covered hands stroking over you, bringing you off while she whispers in your ear. Or so I imagine. She made sure that I imagined it, just as she made a big production of stripping off those cum stained gloves in front of me before she's put on a fresh, clean pair. As if I needed to see the evidence, and couldn't smell it on her. Smell them, their release, her flushed skin giving her away, the scent of her arousal, her longing.

Still, she just didn't understand. Sure, I could have pinned her to the wall, ripped off those panties she liked to flash under the skirts she'd been wearing wiith those lace topped thigh highs, and bury myself into her. But that wouldn't solve the problem, it would just be a band aid over the gaping wound. We both needed to be on steady ground again, before I'd set myself into the hunt after the Rogue. I told her, one night, sure, I cared about her, I just needed time to get myself together after the Phoenix had fucked up my head with some twisted ideal of love for Jean it had shoved into my metal laced skull.

Seemed she got the message. She stopped messing around with Pete and Remy, and the couple others I never bothered to learn the names of. She came around more, reading while I watched tv. Curled up next to me, Licorice whip wrapped around her bare fingers, caught between her teeth, straining against her bottom lip. Looking young, sweet, vunerable, and yeah, it made me want her. But I wanted it to be right, no matter how many times it made me ache. I let her curl up to me night after night on the couch, sometimes in my bed while she slept. Sometimes I'd catch her looking my way, a far off look in her eye, one that was so sad, it made me want to drag her off and pull it out of her. She just shook her head, and said it was thoughts from another time. I listened, and I believed, because what reason did Marie have to lie to me?

I got restless, I took off for a day or a weekend now and then, and Marie was always there, waiting for me quietly, her smile in place, when I got back. No one questioned it, but I'm sure they saw the shift sliding into place. More and more Marie wasn't just curled up to me like a kid sister, but her head on my thigh, hand rubbing over denim as I played with her hair, taking in her scent. A few careful kisses, pulling back before I was too far gone to do it.

It was good, and everything seemed to be settling into place, a smooth rhythmn, a quiet understanding. I started touching her more, letting myself slide into that need a tiny fraction at a time, like wading into the ocean step by step, enjoying the feeling of the water creeping up along your skin. Hands caressing curves over her clothes, gloves on as a hand slid under her skirt, scent of her orgasm and the leather of my glove as I surprised her and pinned her helplessly with her back to me against the kitchen counter. Watching her face flush with the heat of arousal, the way she shook in my arms, my name coming out in a strangled gasp at the end as my pinning her to the counter was all that kept her up... it was good. Too good, maybe. But it slowly pulled me in, and made me ready to claim Marie as mine.

She knew what I had in mind, and she more than complied. Making sure I saw that little plastic case of pills on her nightstand, showing me the purchases of silky lingerie or leather clothing. Body stockings, high heels that strapped around the ankle.. oh my girl knew how to get me purring on the inside, no doubt about it. The scent of her hormones was better than any perfume they ever bottled in France, when it came to catching my nose.

It was perfect. Candles, a long dinner, some wine, hot kisses that made the trip upstairs take three times as long as it should have. I may be the Wolverine, but I enjoy setting a scene and anticipation, too. Gloved hand sliding along her cheek before I kissed her, loving to see those eyes go wide, unfocused before they lost focus. Sheer silk scarf I'd bought her was good for that, keeping her whimpering in the back of her throat while my tongue traced the line of her lips. Good for laying over tender magnolia white skin that I nipped at and nibbled, a press of kisses along her collarbone. I could hear her pulse rabbiting, when we finally reached her room. More candles, scent of sandalwood and vanilla, knowing those were two of the few that didn't bother my nose.

My Marie made me sit on the bed, watching her. That green sweater that had been teasing me with a deep v of cleavage all night, unbuttoned and slid down her arms. The glow of her skin against forest green silk and lace made me swallow hard enough to be audible. That skirt was next, and there was nothing beneath but a scrap of matching lace. She told me she wanted to be this way in my arms while I kissed her again. The scarf I bought her, just a ghost of green along her skin, as she came to me, those stockings and heels still on, her gloves still reaching almost her shoulders. Oh yeah, my girl knew how to stoke a guy's interest. Of course I obliged her, that scarf laid over skin and I paid worship to her, one kiss at a time, licks and nibbles against her skin. Gloved fingers clenching against my shoulders. I dared tiny licks against bare skin, catching the scent of my girl, tasting her even as I teased her. Lace was tugged down and off over those stockings and heels, and I dared more. It was a strange thrill, teasing my Marie, my soon to be lover, with flicks of my tongue over her clit, feeling the ebb and flow of her power as her body got more and more worked up. Feeling something like triumph growl inside me when she cried out, hips arching up off the bed. Her drawl over broken words, begging me for more, begging me for what we both craved now. I slid up along her body, shedding the button down flannel I'd worn, one she'd given me, and the jeans, kicking them to the floor. In nothing but a t-shirt and a pair of black silk boxers, a gift from my girl. I wanted as little between us as possible, grinding against her to feel the heat and wet through the silk, against my skin. Watching her face, flushed and beautiful, as she reached for me. The sweet agony of those gloved fingers on my erection made me see why Pete and Remy never argued about her habits. I let her roll that condom over me, watching her face intently.

Sliding inside of her was the sweetest feeling I think I've known. Heat, the way she moaned under me, the press of heels almost painfully against my lower back. Hands /gripped hard at the bed covers, as I had to truly fight for control for the first time. Those gloves sliding along my arms, hands curling over my shoulders as she arched her back to grind her hips up to mine. Damp silk cooled against my skin as I slid back, then all was heat and sensation rolling over me again as I thrust into her. Her broken little moans undid me, as she begged me in those sighing syllables, not to hold back. After the first few thrusts, I didn't...because I couldn't anymore. Driving into my girl, my mate, was all that mattered, growling in my throat as I bit her through the scarf hard enough to make her cry out, knowing it would bruise. That only made me push harder, making her scream out again, in pleasure that mingled with pain. It brought me off, sent me over... only to feel the pull sucking me in deeper, past the physical of Marie's body as I stared down at her like a dumb animal.

Her eyes were wide, tears forming even as I could feel myself failing, falling against her. Feel the wetness of her tears as she pressed her face to mine, begging forgiveness.

" Ah couldn't.. Ah had ta Logan. Ya were gonna leave me, and Ah couldn't stand the thought of bein' alone anymore. " Her arms wrapped around me as everything started to fade. I couldn't even push myself away anymore, get off of her. She was wrapped around me like a poisonous clinging vine " So Ah tricked ya, made ya think it was safe, pricked the condom so it'd break. Ah needed somethin' more of ya, Logan. Ah'm sorry, sugar." That drawl, bittersweet, was what took me into the blackness that is the gift from Rogue.

When I woke in the lab, it was two days later, to a concerned Hank. Apparently no one knew what Rogue had done, but I did. Hank told me she had been displaying some of my tendencies again, and he was amazed how much of my powers she seemed to have, down to bone claws. She'd killed me, and my dumb ass didn't know to stay dead.

Hank's protests were pushed past as I stormed upstairs. Things thrown in a bag haphazardly, reaching for my jacket when I saw the scarf, the one I had given her, laid across it. Asking forgiveness, even as I could smell her in the doorway. I threw the scarf away, shrugging into my jacket. I looked up, saw her there. While she was still heartbreakingly beautiful, I couldn't find any emotion stirring in me. I moved for the door, bag in my hand.

"See? Ah had ta.. ya were always gonna leave me. Ah wanted.. Ah wanted something.. Ah didn't want ta be lonely without ya. " Begging me to understand, to stay. A jerk of my head cut her off. " No, Marie. I was going to stay. I was going to be with you. Why do you think I was so damned insistent on everything being just so before I'd make a move. If I'd wanted a quick roll, I could have done it like you did Pete, and then taken off. You did this, Marie. You're lonely now, you got no one else to blame. I've been willing to die for you. I never planned on dying because of you. " I pushed past her, heading for the door while she cried after me.

I wasn't going back, I didn't care to be pulled under again, loved and used, caressed and abused, by one confused, scared girl. I'd let her fill me too much, and the price was too high to drown in that illusion. She'd baptized me twice by her touch, now I felt like she was crucifying me to satisfy her gods.

The roar of the bike under me overlaid her running out of the doors, barefoot. I pretended I didn't see her fall to her knees on the pavement as I sped away. I had to get out from under the undertow, or I'd die in it. This was the only way out I could find, and the rest would have to wait until I no longer felt blind. She took the love I gave her, and turned it into lonliness for us both.


[Undertow] by : tool
Two times in!
I've been struck dumb by a voice that
speaks from deep beneath the endless waters.
It's twice as clear as heaven,
and twice as loud as reason.
It's deep and rich like silt on a riverbed,
and just as neverending.
The current's mouth below me,
opens up around me.
Suggests and beckons all while swallowing.
It surrounds, and drowns, and sweeps me awaaaaaaaaay.
But I'm so comfortable... so comfortable.
(shut up 4x) you're saturating me.
How could I let, this bring me back to my knees?

Third time in!
I've been baptized by your voice.
it screams from deep beneath the cold black water.
and it's half as high as heaven,
and half as clear as reason.
it's cold and and black like silt on the riverbed,
and just as neverending.
The current's mouth below me,
opens up around me.
Suggests and beckons all while swallowing.
It surrounds and drowns and sweeps me awaaaaaaaaay.
But I'm so comfortable. Too comfortable.
(shut up 4x) you're saturating me.
How could, I let, this happen?
Why don't you kill me,
I am, weak and, numb and, insignificant,
how could, I let, this bring me back to my knees?

eu-pho-ri-a
eu-pho-ri-a
i-a
i-a
eu-pho-ri-a

I'm back doooooown.
I'm in the undertooow.
I'm helpless and I'm awaaaake,
I'm in the undertooow.
IIII'll die in the undertow.
It doesn't seem that there's a waaay,
ouuut of the undertowwww.
euuuuuuuuu-phoooooooo-riiiiiiii-aaaaaaaaaa