Title : Is too much ever enough?
Author : SacredMacha
Rating : R
Summary : Rogue realizes the error of her ways and seeks some redemption
Category : X3/AU
Genre :songfic/angst
Archive : Sure.
Disclaimer : I own none of it, except Karmic. Who I don't own, really, but she was requested. I like requests. : ) The lyrics for Tool's Sober were sort of inspiring.



I think the worst part is that everyone feels sorry for me. It drives me crazy, only magnifying the guilt, really. It's to the point I'm avoiding everyone, I've moved to the farthest, most isolated part of the mansion, I don't join them for meals, or activities, or anything.Xavier had tried to reach out to me more than once, but with all the personalities in my head, I had learned long ago to dodge his mental parry. Bonus for me, yeah right.

I've spent a month this way now, trying to pretend I'm not getting the 'Poor Rogue, Logan up and left her again' looks. A month learning how to hide from them the truth, how to hide the tracks of tears, the signs of sleeplessness. Walking on tenterhooks, wondering if even if I managed right, if it was worth it. He'd left me, without realizing what I had meant for. He may well never come back, may not care, even if Xavier could find him. So far, Xavier had only looked once, before I told him not to. That it was between Logan and I, and I would deal with it in my own time. The blue gaze Xavier gave me right then, made me go still to my soul, but I could see that in his eyes, I'd finally grown up, no matter what age I was. The fact I'd had my own X-man uniform for a couple of years now apparently hadn't made me grown up. But telling him no, that I would deal with the pain, and whether or not I went after Logan, whatever he saw in my face made him accept me as truly no longer one of his 'children'. It was a feeling of pride that mingled with the pain, even as part of me felt a loss that he'd no longer feel the need to look after me as he had.

So I was left to wander the halls, only shifting shadows in my wake, my sleeplessness the only constant in my nights.. and days. The only thing that seemed to benefit from my pain was the stack of canvases that grew and grew. The pain was too stark, too overwhelming for the watercolors I'd preferred, demanding the boldness of oils, until my hands smelled of my painting constantly. Painting not fanciful scenes or fantasies of what might be, but blurred snapshots of time, my memories of him, and his of me. Sometimes they overlapped, creating one confusing vignette in my mind's eye, a wash of colors and feelings that clashed and melted into each other. I painted until my mind was empty, the canvases taken and stored out of my sight, because once I was done with it, I ignored it. I have a feeling it was Hank that carefully saw each one tended to, in case. I wasn't sure I could bear to see them again, after using them to try and purge myself of the pain of not only losing Logan, but the betrayal he's felt that had shot into me as he was gasping over me.

So for that month, I painted, I avoided sleep and the dreams it could bring me. Not afraid of the nightmares, but some of the softer things Logan had thought, things the Wolverine would have kept hidden from everyone... but me. I did my best to avoid feeling anything, even as Bobby smirked, his arm wrapped around Kitty, as if this confirmed how he'd told me long ago Logan would never stay, never love me. It was all I could do to not wipe that smirk off his face with my fist. Even the Logan in my head, an angry resentful presence these days, wanted just that.

My skin started behaving oddly, aching and itching, which was the first sign I had that anything had changed since that night everything had gone wrong with Logan. While I sat in the medlab, trying to ignore the blood Hank was drawing, my mind made a bold decision, rather than the sort of wandering, meandering way I'd had lately of avoiding decisions until they were made.Not bothering to wait for Hank to prattle on about what tests he was doing, I bolted out of the medlab, for the garage, heading for the city.

I found my way by vague memory, I had been there once before, but at the time Bobby had been pestering me about something, so the details weren't as sharp as I would have liked. The building was nothing that stood out, just another apartment building in Manhattan, a bit too opulent for my tastes, but hey, I was just there for a visit. The front desk buzzed me up discreetly, then I all but held my breath in the elevator. I knew the woman I was going to see, but I'd only met her for brief periods of time. Xavier had sent us to get her out of a bad situation, and then we'd brought her back here, given her some cell numbers and such, in case she ever needed help again. This time I needed her help, but I wasn't sure if she would give it or not. Her talent brought her some good bucks, and I didn't have much of anything close to what I knew she could command for the use of her powers.

The door opened, and it took me a moment to recognize the woman as the one I had met. The smile was the same, polite but not quite warming up her eyes. I couldn't say I blamed her for not being thrilled to see me. The only time she'd seen me was when she was in trouble, when I'd been part of the team helping bring her back to New York. She no doubt knew I wanted something of her, and this time it wasn't a donation like I knew she gave the professor. She stepped back, and I took sort of absent minded note of the black silk pants and the shimmery red shirt she wore, that harmonized with the hair that I had known as blonde, that was now black, dramatically streaked with red. It suited her, in a way that my artist's eye couldn't explain.

"Is there something I can do for you, Rogue?" As she shut the door behind me, a touch of fingers at my covered elbow, and she was walking back into the aparment, the living room. A cozy grouping of furniture in front of a fireplace, fire included at the moment. Black leather surrounded me as I sank into the couch. Taking that silent mental note, black furniture, silver carpet, the pretty purple walls. Apparently her line of work paid well. I looked at Kari, codename Karmic, and swallowed my fear. " Ya know why Ah'm here, don't you." It wasn't a question, not really, and even I could hear the rasp of fear in my voice.

She watched me with with ageless cerulean eyes, until I was sure she was hypnotizing me with them. Then, the moment was broken, she leaned forward and retrieved her glass of red wine, a good merlot from the scent, though how Logan's senses would know a good wine when he preferred beer was beyond me. " You do know it's dangerous at times, especially, I would think, with a mutant of your talents and history. But what I want to know, is why are you here, why is it you want me to make you feel the pain you have caused a certain someone in your life? " I could hear the midwest in her voice. Just a hint of Missouri or Tennesee, I wasn't sure, just lingering in the soft sounds of her chosen words. " I would think it would be easier for you than for most to recognize when you have caused pain. From what I gathered, you have like as not had enough of it, so why come to me? Why ask me to use my powers to make you filled with the pain you have caused someone? Usually when I am approached it is not by the person who has done the harming, but the one harmed. " A sip of that wine, not a hint of smudge to her lipstick, those eyes on me again until I was sure I was falling into the fields of blue.

" Ah have to. Ah can't face him again until Ah know how bad Ah've hurt him, until Ah feel that Ah know.. Ah have ta redeem mahself for mah sins. Ah was selfish, and what Ah wanted backfired. Ah didn't mean ta hurt him, even as Ah delivered the most painful betrayal he thinks Ah could have. " Without realizing it, I had slid off the couch to kneel on the carpet, in easy arms reach of her. Her face was impassive, much as I had seen Ororo's from time to time. What would it be like, to be able to make someone feel all the pain they had cuased you, by a simple thought? No wonder Xavier had treated her with such respect, if she was able to do this, to command top dollar from the parents of slain children, raped women, who wanted vengeance. I knew enough, but not nearly all of it. But if Xavier spoke of her in such muted tones, it meant she had her own moral code.. and I still didn't know if she would do it. I was looking up at her like a catholic seeking forgiveness looks up at the virgin mother. As if this woman known as Karmic could deliver some sort of peace to my soul, give benediction, sanctuary.

A finger reached out, running over the white streak in my hair, even as I trembled with the urge to flinch away. Her expression was thoughtful, the room silent but for the click of her glass as she set her wine aside. " You are aware that when I do this, once it is started, it is near impossible to stop. The pain must run it's course, you must suffer through the whole of whatever pains you have caused him, before it will cease." A moment of pause, while I nodded. " You must love him very much." murmured, even as fingers slid through her hair, a quiet sigh. " Sit comfortably." I shifted, sitting indian style and sliding my boots off so the heels didn't dig into my legs. I could sit this way for hours, I had, when Logan had started teaching me to meditate, to help me against the voices in my head. A deep breath in, held, and then let out as I tried to prepare myself. Karmic seemed amused, her lips in a half curl of a smirk, but those eyes were dark as she looked at me. " Conjure a memory you have of the both of you. From the beginning." She might have meant the beginning of when I hurt him, but.. my mind went to the second time he'd saved me. That mental picture taken from outside myself, somehow, when Logan had cradled my body close to his, willing his healing into me, willing me, forcing me to live. It was if I had been above, watching, for just that split second. I held that in my mind, eyes shutting tight to keep it in focus. I felt her hand coming, before the warm solidity settled on my hair.

My world suddenly wrenched sideways, like a tv losing its horizontal control. Then my brain seemed to be on overdrive, and I was aware I was screaming, but I couldn't stop myself, couldn't even lift my hands to cover my mouth to stifle the sound. I'm sure the Logan and the parts of him I had in my mind had only made it more immediate, but the pain hit me like a cat o' nine studded with broken glass all over my body, inside and out. Acid from my stomach rose, burning my throat, even as tears started sliding past my shut eyelids. It felt as though my bones had been replaced with hot iron pokers, every twitch of a muscle only sending up a flare of burning pain. This, this was what he felt when he touched me, healed me from the inside out with his mutation. His gift to me had been horrifying pain for him.

Sadly, it didn't even seem to come close to ending there. That was just one page of the chapter. Flickering scenes, a million little times he'd hurt, because of me, being of being around me. His guilt at even saving my life, feeling he'd corrupted me somehow with it, listening to Scott's disparaging remarks. How he'd felt pangs when I'd stolen his beer, wincing when he heard I'd been caught with cigars. A dozen little things that filled him with guilt. Not sorry for a moment that he'd been able to keep me alive, just the pain he felt..because he felt I'd been something angelic, precious.. When I could breathe again, I was so going to give him what for. When he saved me, when he touched me, I knew someone cared.. for me. Not because they wanted something of me, like the men who'd tried to grab me between Louisiana and Laughlin City, not for what I could do, like Magneto. Logan cared about Marie, period.

I'd never known that seeing me struggle with my relationship with Bobby hurt him, or that the way I had poured all my sorrows out on his shoulders had only made his own pain over Jean worse. Jean had been his friend, even if the love between them had only been a figment of her telepathy and the Wolverine's sense of the wildness that was the phoenix inside of her. I hadn't helped him, I'd only compounded his sorrow. The loss of his friend, and his feeling that he should have beat Bobby up long ago, so I wouldn't be hurt later. It had hurt him when I had up and abandoned him on nights I had said I would stick around, watch hockey or a movie. I'd known I was one of the few people in the mansion that didn't make him surly or drive him to distraction. Yet I'd gone off without a word, to hang out with Bobby, or shopping with Jubilee..and stood him up. Then he'd felt like a jerk for going out drinking and carousing, trying to make himself forget that there were times when deadly skin or not, too young or not, he wanted to kiss me, touch me, do everything I had ever dreamed of him doing and then some.

What had I been thinking? Messing around with Piotr, Remy...oh god, how that had hurt him. Watching me fool around with them, watching me pleasure them, when all I had wanted to do was make him realize even when I couldn't touch, I still wanted it, craved pretending to be normal, bringing a guy off was something... amazing in a way.For a girl who had thought I'd never have it, it was something like an addiction. I was addicted to the substitute, when the real thing kept me at a distance. I saw flickers of his pain, the cost of holding himself in check when he was plotting my seduction. Guilt washing through me with the pain, knowing I had purposely started deceiving him. The package of sugar pills, pretending I was preparing myself for when he decided he wanted to risk it, to claim all of me, not just my heart, or part of my soul. Purposely sabotaging a handful of foil condoms, thinking only of what I wanted.

Then came the final wash, almost drowning me in the newness of the pain, the betrayal only intensifying the agony. Again all of the pain he'd felt atop the Statue, but this held none of the solace of saving my life, just the rage at my deception, confusion at what was happening. That last enraged howl of the Wolverine as life seemed to fade, his mate proving to be traitor. Oh god.. if he ... he thought I'd tried to .. to keep him inside my head? To.. to trap him... I knew I was screaming again, frustrated, hurting, and broken inside. I had broken the Wolverine, the cage fightin', no shit takin', original bad ass tough guy. A little slip of a thing from Louisiana, with big dark eyes and killer skin, had snapped something inside of him, that his mutation couldn't put back together again.

Slowly I came out of the haze, aware of a careful hand on my shoulder. My arms had crossed over my middle, as if holding in my insides, as if I'd been mortally wounded. Rocking back and forth, pieces of hair stuck to my cheeks wet with tears, my nose completely stuffed and running. I'd been lost to reality, peeling my gloves off to push my hair back behind my ears. My throat was raw, making me try to clear it, even as a box of tissues was dropped in my lap. I looked up, knowing I looked like hell, Eyes watery and red, swollen, my nose stuffed up and probably red, face blotchy... but it didn't matter. Karmic looked at me with that face of an impassive goddess. She didn't have to sit judgement on me, or make any decisions. I had done that all myself. She retook her seat on the sofa, those amazing blue eyes a strange comfort. A hand gestured, there was a glass of water and some aspirin on the table. I knew soon enough that the rawness in my throat would be gone, thanks to Logan's last touch. But I dutifully took a pair of the tablets anyhow, because it couldn't hurt. I drank down the whole of the glass of water, feeling it moisten and ease the tightness in my throat. I used a good number of tissues too, before I looked back up at Karmic from where I sat on the floor. She had her feet tucked up under her, her glass of wine balanced on her knee. That air of utter calm about her made something inside me seethe with jealousy. A faint smile, as if she could read my mind. " The bathroom is behind you, if you would like to wash up a bit. You're welcome to rest here for the evening, if you would like. From the sound of it, it seemed rather... intense. " Rising, she headed for the kitchen. " Which leads me to think two things. One, I hope he loves you as much you apparently do him. Two.. I'm glad I sprung for the sound deadening in the apartment." A hint of amusement in her voice, shaking some of the last clinging webs of pain and darkness from me. I picked up the tissues, shoving them into the wastecan in her bathroom. Yes, my face was indeed a wreck, apparently emotional outpouring was slow to heal. Hmm. Soaking my face in some cold water, washing up, it did help some. But then, my guess was, Karmic had known that. Though I knew she didn't too often sit around and watch, I appreciated her sort of passive kindness. Acting as if it was no big deal, letting me get myself together. I wondered if that was her way, because of my skin, or if she had surmised that was the way I would rather have it. Not that it mattered, it didn't.

Cleaned up, and feeling calmer, finally, I tugged my gloves back on, and went out to face the woman who the executioner without ever bothering with a judge and jury. Perhaps calling her an exorcist would be closer to the truth. Her powers let her exercise the ghosts people couldn't deal with. I gave her my best attempt at a brave smile, aware I had come uninvited, and used up hours of her time. " Ah just wanna say thank you. Ah won't be stayin', Ah borrowed a car, and Ah should get back before they start worryin'. Ah.. Ah know Ah owe ya.. Ah just.." She smiled, shaking her head. " No. Everything is as it should be, Rogue. You and yours helped me once, and it's nice to know I could do something for one of you. Besides, you ... inspired me. I thought that sort of willingness to suffer for the love of another person was lost. Maybe I've been too jaded. It bears thinking over. " She took my arm in her own, when I headed for the door. That smile lingered, even as I moved into the elevator. " Goodbye, Rogue. I do hope he's worth it. " Then that door was closing, as the elevator caged me in.

I took the long way home, window down to let the wind whip through my hair, as I slowly let my emotions rachet down from the coil they'd been in. I owed Logan, not just an explanation, but apologies for things I had never realized. I know, always knew, he wasn't perfect, but I never realized how much I, myself, got under his skin. I knew I was special to him, like he always was to me...but I didn't know how much. Now I was sorry, and it was too damn late.. for the moment.

I strode in from the garage, right into Chuck's office without bothering to knock. He simply looked up from the papers on his desk, tossing a manila envelope my way, before he was manuevering his chair around his desk. " Ah'll pack, then." A faint smile, even as Xavier had that amused look to him. " Do be careful, won't you, Rogue? " I just gave him that grin of mine that made Logan mutter about sassy southern women. " Sure thing, Chuck." Laughing as he rolled his eyes, before I was rushing up the stairs. Jeans, sweaters, scarves, gloves, check. The Logan in my head sure knew how to pack in a hurry, without forgetting anything.Duffel bag in hand, coat slung over my arm, digging the keys for the jeep out of that envelope as I trotted down the stairs. Chuck wheeled with me up to the door to the garage, a slip of paper in my hand with the nearest he could get to Logan's location. I dropped a kiss to his bald head, laughing as he fussed. I hadn't hurt him, and he wasn't much afraid of me, but he had to seem to put up a fuss. I tossed him that smile and a wave before I shut the door behind me.

Swinging up into the Jeep, bag tossed behind the seat, keys in the igntion and a cd in the player. A glance into the rearview before I was roaring down the drive for the highway. " Mah turn, sugar. Just hang on till Ah get there, Logan.. It's mah turn ta be strong and save ya this time. Ah just hope ya listen. " Then I couldn't help it, singing along with the radio, the lightness in my head almost making me giddy. I'd just enjoy it for the moment, and try to share it with Logan, along with the truth, and my heart. Then.. I'd just have to see.

[Sober]
There's a shadow just behind me,
shrouding every step I take,
making every promise empty,
pointing every finger at me.
Waiting like a stalking butler,
who upon the finger rests.
Murder now the path called must we,
just because the son has come.
(Jesus, won't you fucking whistle,
something but the past and done? 2x)
Why can't we not be sober?
Just want to start this over.
Why can't we drink forever?
I just want to start things over.

I am just a worthless liar.
I am just an imbecile.
I will only complicate you.
Trust in me and fall as well.
I will find a center in you.
I will chew it up and leave,
I will work to elevate you,
just enough to bring you down.
(Mother Mary won't you whisper,
something but what's past and done. 2x)
Why can't we not be sober?
I just want to start this over.
Why can't we sleep forever?
I just want to start this over.

I am just a worthless liar.
I am just an imbecile.
I will only complicate you.
Trust in me and fall as well.
I will find a center in you.
I will chew it up and leave
(Trust me. 5x)
Why can't we not be sober?
I just want to start things over.
Why can't we sleep forever?
I just want to start this over

He didn't know why he'd come back here. It only reminded him of her, how she was when they first met. All big dark eyes, a fragility to her and something to her scent that had made him want to protect her cracked innocence. Bringing her with him, as if he was safer than leaving her to hitch with truckers to Alaska, and getting them both nearly killed. He'd have given his soul to save her life, and lately he'd been wondering if she'd stolen it for good.

Same old place, same roughneck patrons, shitty lighting, half assed fighting cage, and a busted up bar. Why had he come back here, to pour salt in the wounds he was trying to let heal? Had he come to the point where pain was the only thing he had left to tell him he was still living? He'd bought his way into owning half the place, the leathery old man who'd once waved a shotgun not no longer hating him, but leaning on him. The old coot still tended bar, but left the heavy stuff to him. Bouncing, rotating stock, helping clean up at the end of the night. Little by little the place was shaping up some, actual bar stools, a real bar that he was varnishing in the back rooms he had. Cleaning it up, not that he expected the clientele really noticed or appreciated it. He didn't expect it to change anything, he just wanted the place to have some sort of substance and seem less ramshackle. It gave him something to do in the quiet hours, when he tried to stop himself from pacing the floors, wishing he dared sleep. Memories of the lab, nightmares, would be preferable to the dreams.. dreams of Rogue, that wide, slightly crooked grin, the way light put gold flecks in those dark irises, the sweet scent of her skin, the way her face flushed when he'd... Teeth ground, one hand fisting and pounding into the palm of its twin. Working kept one night bleeding into the next, kept him hoping that he'd get past this, find something, find another path.

Rotating stock, heavy, boring, endless work, letting him keep his mind and senses alert for trouble in the bar. He nearly dropped an entire case of Molson, hearing words spoken in a honeyed southern tone. It wrenched something inside of him, even as he knew it wasn't the same Mississippi drawl a traitorous part of him wanted to hear. But still, he moved towards the sounds, knowing a female in distress when he heard it, even as polite as she might be speaking.

" No, really... Ah mean it! Stop grabbin' me!"

Short, southern, redheaded.. and a bit more covered up then the weather really called for. He dared a glance skyward, wondering if there was a god, and if the powers that be REALLY found him that fun to toy with. Just his presence, the growling sound in his throat, fists clenched, one brow arched upwards had the two hassling her backing off, as they suddenly remembered they had beer to finish. Brilliant blue eyes looked up at him, and something eased in his chest. Blue, not like Jean's, nothing like Marie's, bright in the flushed face that gave him a look that thanked him without a sound. What was it about southern girls, that made them be totally unafraid of him, damnit? He radiated danger,rough sex and violence, for god's sake! He was the Wolverine! But she didn't even take a half a step back, murmuring thank you, and continuing for the bar.

Reaching to catch her elbow, only to have her deftly dodge his touch as if he hadn't reached far enough. Brow notched upwards again, even as he watched her take a seat. What was it with him, this bar, and little southern belles on the run. Did they all rush for Canada or something? Was it a new tourist fad and no one told him? He leaned against the bar, almost choking on her scent. She used the same lotion Marie had, faint vanilla rising from pale hands as she slipped gloves off, with that scent of adrenaline,.. and innocent. This girl, woman if he was honest with himself, was innocent. She'd seen some of the world, all right, but.. she was physically as pure as the snow that hadn't hit the ground yet, he'd bet a year's worth of profits.
" What'll it be?" Words came out more harshly than he intended, making his jaw tighten as she looked up at him from under lashes, as cool as you please.

" Ah'll be buyin' mahself a shot of jack and directions ta the nearest payphone, thanks." He couldn't help the jerk of a smile at his mouth, as he rounded the bar. " Sorry, I wasn't trying to make it seem like... " A hand gesturing to the two idiots who'd been hassling her and were still busy trying to avoid Logan's gaze.

"Whatcha need a payphone for? Gonna call home?" Jesus, he wanted to bite off his tongue, even as he was pouring her a shot of the requested whiskey, setting it in front of her. " Just you sound a long way from home, darlin'. " She flushed, fidgeted with the gloves she laid on the bar.

" Ah am. From L'siana. But Ah'm no runaway, hon. Just on a trip up t' Alaska, see some things, before Ah go back ta school and back ta gettin' a job ta put me through graduate school. " A slow smile, fingers around that shot, before she tipped it back, seeming to savor the sharp edged liquor. "Need the phone because Ah got a flat about fifteen miles out. Not so big a deal, but the donut wasn't gonna make it, either. Hitched a ride in, mah cell doesn't work for crap. Need a tow truck, or triple A or somethin'. " A shrug, fingers dipping into her jeans pocket carefully, two fingers bringing out a fold of bills. "Another shot, please, if ya don't mind." Blue eyes glanced up at him, as he poured another, already mentally cursing himself.

" Make ya a deal. No body is gonna go out for your car tonight. Stay here for the night, come mornin' I'll take you to buy a tire, and we'll go out and get it fixed. No strings or nothin'. Just.. well we've already seen that it's not exactly safe for ya out on your own about now. " She watched him, and he frowned slightly as her eyes seemed to go slightly blank. Chuck could get a look like that when he was straining his brain without Cerebro, but he wasn't feeling any sort of telepathic knocking about in his head.

" All right, so long as ya don't mind, Ah won't. " Simple as that, which only made that frown deepen. She hadn't asked questions, or looked at his hands for a wedding band, or even hesitated. How did a girl who trusted a stranger, much less one like him, make it this far with that innocence intact? " If ya need a hand or any.." Trailing off, as the fights started up in the cage for the night. Logan watched as her eyes strayed, trying to ignore that call to him. He didn't fight in the cages anymore, unless someone specifically challenged him... well hell, then it was just for the good money it would bring. She just watched as they started, not saying a word, her expression as motionless as if she was in the countryside somewhere, looking over an empty field. Then those eyes swung back to him, and he felt almost pinned by them. Nothing like what he'd felt whenever Marie turned those big, dark eyes on him. This one.. it was like she could see into him, through him, and just rolled with it. " Another shot, if ya please, hon. Gonna do one with me? Ah do hate ta do shots alone." Tipping the one she had back, the solid little thud of glass against wood as she gave him a smile. A hint of flirtation, but nothing even close to a come on to it. She was teasing him like a long time friend, not a woman looking for a man, and it was oddly comforting. He had his fair share of women trying to crawl all over him at night, having heard about the Wolverine, and he was used to advances of all shades of flirtation and aggression. None of it, here. She was letting him know he was an attractive guy, without indicating any personal sort of interest in more than a conversation. He couldn't help the grin that crept across his mouth.

" Sure. You know how to handle yer whiskey, or ya gonna sick it back up later?" She gave a snort of derision.

" Ah can handle it better than most guys twice mah size, honey. Just pour 'em, will ya?" That smile edged into a sassy grin, and he felt that stab in his heart again. He saw those blue eyes blink at him, that grin faltering and fading.That only made his eyes widen, as he nudged her shotglass.

" Whatcha wanna drink to, kid?" growled out, eyes lowering to look at the bar.She lifted her glass, pretending to think it over. " Here's to the ones we love, the ones who love us. But the ones we love, aren't the ones who love us, so screw them, here's ta us." Again that prod of teasing, making the corner of his mouth stir upwards in an almost smile.

" Sure, kid." Shots tossed back, glance exchanged in that bond of shot drinkers.

"Name's Alessia, if ya please. Al, if ya prefer. " Fiddling with her gloves again, stowing them into a pocket.

" Logan." Sweeping those shotglasses away, a sharp glance to her. "Just shout ya need anything. " She nodded, eyes turned back towards the cage.

He got back to his work at hand, stocking, rotating stock, serving up beers, tossing out those too drunk to stay without causing a fight, tossing out those that drunk or not were trying to cause a fight, always with half an ear cocked for the seat at the end of the bar, just in case. She'd gotten herself a beer, sipping at it slowly, giving him the impression she wasn't big on the stuff, sitting quiet, just watching everything going on around her with an impassiveness that almost made his skin crawl. She was quiet, too much so. Polite rebuttals and a hint of looming Logan had chased off would be liquored up Lotharios, getting him that thankful look a few more times. He watched, seeing her avoid their hands out to touch her shoulder, her arm, to gain her attention. She didn't like to be touched, didn't want to be. Something in him heaved a sigh, almost positive in his conclusion now. As the crowd thinned, he slid up behind her, just tugging a long strand of red hair.

" Hey, Al, c'mon. " Bag slung over her shoulder, as she followed him through the tables, down the back hallway, to his rooms in the back. " The Hilton it ain't but ya can rest and not worry about every Jack, Jim, and Joe, hittin' on ya. I'll be back once we close. " He could tell she fell in behind him, like a duckling in the wake of a larger bird. He should have expected it, but he didn't.

"Why ya helpin' me out?" Quiet, as she stood in the doorway to his meager rooms. He set her bag down in the overstuffed, slightly beat up arm chair.

" Why are you lettin' me, trusting a stranger you don't know?How ya know I'm not some creep?" Purposely crowding her, getting in close to make her look up at him.She was shorter than Marie, smaller boned, but she had that same way of not yielding an inch, even as he heard her breath catch in her throat.

"Easy. The way ya looked when ya said no strings or anythin'.. " A shift of her head, shaking red back, almost defiant. " Ya know what Ah am, almost as certain as Ah'd bet money Ah've figured out the same thing about ya. Ah don't know if that was the reason, or ya like ta be the type ta rescue a damsel in distress, though Ah imagine ya don't see yourself as the shinin' armor type. "

She had him there, and his shoulders lowered a bit, reaching to shut the door behind her. " I've figured there's somethin' that makes you want to not be touched, and I don't think it's some quirk of your personality" Moving over the the table, a cigar snatched up and lit with a match, listening to her footsteps along the floor behind him, as she set down on the beat up couch.

" You're right. So ya know what Ah am then, just not the flavor, if ya will. Truth is, ya touch me, Ah know things about ya. Skin on skin, and Ah get whacked upside mah head with emotions, and depending on the person, sometimes thoughts, even. Empathy, is what it's called. Ah see emotions around people. Like when somethin' Ah say makes ya hurt, Ah see it. " Was that a specific reference? Hazel eyes swept over the small, neat figure on his couch.

" So, sorta like a telepath, but with emotions more than thoughts, you're tellin' me. " Jesus, the powers that be did like to screw with him.

"Pretty much. So, ya gonna tell me, now?"

Well, now it was show and tell time. He'd see just how brave little red was. Fingers on his left hand tightened, popping those lengths of adamantium even as he puffed the cigar in his right. Pupils flared in her eyes, a hint of a jump, but she didn't freak out, or look too scared. Probably could read that he was afraid of scaring her. But what he didn't expect was what she blurted out.

" Jesus, doesn't that hurt?" He could see, even smell that embarrassed rush of hot blood to her face, " Sorry, Ah didn't have ... that wasn't mah place ta say. Ah just.. whoa." She was trying to apologize, and falling over her own words.

"It's all right, Al. " Claws slid away, and he watched her eyes take note of it. Yeah, this one was something else. " I'm going to go out there and finish up. Make yourself at home. "

She just arched her brows at him, before she was sliding out of her boots, heeled boots he noted with a shake of his head. Then again, she was pretty short, so it made sense to her, he was sure. So long as she didn't bust her neck or anything else. Her bag pulled into her lap from where it had been plopped, a black plastic case. A laptop, it looked like, making Logan smile as he shut the door behind him, though he wasn't sure why.

Bar closed, the beer coolers full, the last drunks ushered out to sleep it off wherever they could. Floor quick swept, wet mopped, thinking idly how Scooter would have been shocked to see Logan even knew how to use a mop. A smile as he dumped out dirty water, checking the locks and the lights before he went back down the hall. Door opened, and eyes fell on something that made his mind flash back. Red was curled up on that couch, her jacket pulled over her. That laptop on the floor, little speakers playing quiet music.. southern rock from the sound of it. Well at least it wasn't that whining pop crap. he hated most of that. This, he could live with, he decided. Dragging off his boots, stripping out of his shirts and exchaning jeans for sweats, an ear kept open to make sure she wasn't waking up and catch him changing.

Blanket lifted off his bed, spread over the curled up form on the couch. Just watching her a minute, wondering why it was he'd even spared her a second glance. She didn't stir the animal in him like the Phoenix in Jean did. She didn't make the man in him want her either, didn't tug at his insides like Marie did. He shook his head, unsure and trying to clear his mind of the cluttering thoughts.

"Either way, tomorrow I'm calling Chuck about you." Muttered under his breath, before he he walked back to his bed, crawling under the covers. Just to rest, as he had no intention of truly sleeping, waking her with his nightmares and putting them both at that sort of risk. " And tomorrow, I tell you all about Chuck and send you on your way. " mumbled into his pillow, intending it as a promise to himself. Better to get her away before he messed it up, and another nice, little, southern girl was twisted up because of him.

As it turned out, Chuck wasn't called the next day. Fate conspired against him, Logan was convinced. But oddly, he had yet to mind the twists of the usually cruel mistress this time.

So, after rousing southern red with some coffee, and letting her take a shower in his cramped excuse for a bathroom, he'd watched her slide her gloves and boots on, as though they were armor, changing even the angle of her chin and slant of her shoulders. She stood taller, more stiffly, like a soldier about to go to battle in a war that had dragged on too long. He found himself wondering if every day was a battle with a mutation like hers. Wondering why Chuck hadn't found her while she was a lost little girl that she had to have been when she was younger.

"How'd you learn to live with it?" Gruff words came out with a jerk of his chin, shoving his arms into his coat. He hadn't meant to ask her, especially like that, but there was no taking back words that were said. He felt like a heel, however, when those blue eyes swung his way, darkened and wounded.

"Ah'm not sure what Ah do is called livin' with it, sugar. Ah just call it gettin' by, without goin' mad." her jacket pulled on and her wrappings were complete, and she was heading out of his rough little room. Still, he watched her, chin tucked down, her stride fast and hard, as if she was planning on walking out into a blizzard. Just a sigh, before he was following her, giving himself a mental poke in the head. It wasn't exactly charming small talk.

He went with her to the local garage, speaking for her even though it burned her up some. Arranging for the tow truck to follow behind them.

She got back into his truck without a word, plucking at the fingertips of her gloves, then smoothing them back into place. She didn't need to give him much in the way of directions, as there was only one highway that ran through town. He kept shooting sidelong glances, watching her fidget in that small, quiet way.

"I didn't mean it like it sounded. " managed, before he was digging in his coat pocket for a cigar. Her head lifted, something about the gesture making him feel like he'd been there before, while blue eyes told him he hadn't. " Just.. well, it occurred to me..even just sitting here with me, you're havin' to be careful. Do you ever get to be close to anyone? " At least Marie could do that, all covered up. He could remember long before he'd let himself want more, the way she'd edge up to him on the couch, resting her cheek on his thigh. The way she melted when he'd play with her hair abesnt mindedly.

"Not really." Was the quiet reply, a toss of red hair, head turning to let her pretend to look out the window. " Let's just say Ah haven't exactly found many people Ah wanna be that close to. " A glance back his way, even as he felt his stomach twist. Well, that would explain some things.

"I'm sorry, kid. That's a shitty deal." Eased out around the unlit cigar he'd stuck in his mouth. Watching her car come into view, something about the way it sat not seeming right. Sharing a look with her, seeing the way her eyes glowed in that fair skinned face, almost as if they burned.

"Don't. Don't say you're sorry, don't give me any pity, all right? Ya've been treatin' me pretty normal so far, and Ah much prefer that ta bein' treated like some piece of glass." Yep, there was that southern sass. And to think he had thought he missed it, watching her slide out of his truck, moving towards her car. He lit that cigar, even managing to chuckle to himself.

The tire was flat, sure enough, and the way it was halfway into a ditch with the snow melting under the sun left no room to change it. So it was back in the truck with them, to follow the tow back to town. Eyes glancing at her, as she pretended again to watch out the window.She's stopped playing with her gloves, thought her body was so tense he was pretty sure her back wasn't even touching the back of her seat.

"So whatcha gonna do once your car's back in gear?" Cigar returned to his mouth, forcing his eyes on the road while he saw her turn her face his way.

" Dunno. Start south, maybe. Think about how Ah'm gonna be who Ah am, what Ah am, and who Ah'm gonna be.Ah'll probably keep tryin' ta learn ta control... " A shrug of her shoulders, eyes glancing out the window again. "What are ya gonna do, once Ah vacate your space and leave ya be again?" hint of a smile tucked into the corner of her mouth.

"Probably go back to what I was doing before you showed up." A smirk, arching an eyebrow. "Serving beer, bouncing, and pondering the meaning of life."

"Forty two." Shot back at him, only making him laugh.

"I read that book, kid." only to remember, as comfortable as Al made him, as easy as she could banter.. she wasn't 'kid'. "Sorry, Al." his voice had lowered, a gruffer tone.

"No big deal, Logan." letting that change in his emotions and mood go unremarked on. He knew she knew, but it was just one of those things.. Probably why after less than 24 hours, she already put him at ease. Jerk as the truck stopped at the tow shop.

"Wanna get something to eat while they tinker with it?" Asked as she moved to slide out of the truck, catch of a blue gaze.

"Sure. Not like Ah've got much else to do." A smile with her words, but that sass was there and evident. It made him grin, even as the old ache settled in his chest.
But she didn't stop to look this time, instead he saw gloved fingers hooking into back pockets, a gesture that was so familiar a lifetime ago, on someone else entirely. Dragging his eyes up helped some. Jean's hair had never curled like that, or been that vivid a red.Of course, Jean had never been that short, either.

That thought made him smirk again, before he heard southern tones raised. So he closed in, walking up behind her.

"The fuel pump? But there was nothing wrong with it when the tire went flat! Now you're tellin' me the fuel pump is damaged or whatever and Ah'm gonna be here for days, while ya order it and ...." He could all but feel the anger and frustration rising up off of her. Stepping around along side, seeing her face flushed. " Ah just don't see."

He stepped forward just a little bit. " Yeah, bub, what do you mean, the pump's shot..." Fingers dragging that cigar out of the corner of his mouth, while the mechanic sputtered and stuttered a bit about how that's why the engine wouldn't start, there was a code on the car's computer for the fuel pump. A wave of hand, glaring. " Whatever. I don't care. Fix it, and do it as fast as you can. You'll send the bill to the bar. " Cigar was resettled, and he was heading out to his truck again, head lowered just a bit against the coming southern storm.

" Send the ... Logan!" Oh yeah, she was already spitting fire, even as he heard her heels against the pavement in his wake. " Ya can't go doin' that. Ah need...Argh!" A growled out sound of frustration, even as she piled into the truck. Blue eyes fixed on him like laser beams. " Ah can't be... There's not shit for a hotel in this town! Ah ... we're talkin' days! " One gloved hand flung up to gesticulate. He just arched a brow as he started up the truck again.

"Don't need a hotel, do ya? You can have the bed tonight, we'll trade off or whatever, until this is done. Not your fault it's happened, and not my fault you're stuck here, so make the best of it. Let's go get some breakfast, and you can bitch at me all you like later, while I stock the bar." Rolling down the street to the diner the truckers that drove through liked to frequent.

Oh, she was angry, and that was one emotion Logan understood well. He knew hse was made at herself, at fate, the mechanic, probably at him, too. She just stewed in silence, plowing through a plate of pancakes like a pro. Gloves had come off, and he stared a moment, watching the movements of pale fingers setting gloves aside for a fork and a knife. Not seeing the small, short nailed hands in front of him, instead remembering the dozens of times, in a dingy little diner like this, he'd watched gloves come off.

When he shook himself out of that daze of memories, blue eyes were on him. Not searching past him, just watching his face with a closely guarded expression. Not quite pity, not quite sympathy, not exactly jealousy.Then eyes shifted, head ducking as she was finishing up.

They were headed back to the bar, and she had yet to say anything beyond asking him to pass the syrup. That was fine by him, he wasn't much of a guy for small talk unless there was a point to it, and something to say. He figured when she was ready, she'd spit it out.

"Ah have ta do something." There it was, just like he knew it was coming. He put the truck in park behind the bar, keys out of the ignition, before he turned to regard her.

"So do it. I'll let you borrow the truck if you want. " Though he had no idea what she could possibly have to do. Laughlin was good as a stop for lumberjacks and truckers, spawning diners, gas stations, bars, and the sort of places rough men like that hung out. Brows furrowed a moment, worrying she could get herself into a tight spot. But she was already shaking her head, spilling red hair over her shoulder.

" Ah didn't mean like goin' somewhere.. there's no where here ta go and do, ya know. Ah meant if you're gonna let me stay here, Ah have to do somethin'. Wait tables, sweep floors, announce the friggin' cage fights, Ah don't care. You're gonna find somethin' for me ta do while Ah'm here, and that's that. " She sounded stubborn and sure of herself, before she was sliding out of the truck, apparently having decided that was the last word. He just smirked to himself, smothering a chuckle. He understood her demand to do something to earn her keep, that was fine.. it was just the way she sassed him that amused him. He just had to think of something, now, that wouldn't put her in harm's way. He'd already taken that protective feeling to heart, deciding fate was doing this for a reason.

"We'll figure something out, Al." Unlocking the door to the bar, to let them both inside. Alessia opened her mouth to say something, before she went still. Then she was rushing ahead of him, down the long back hall into the front bar area. He heard the quiet, cracked voice of Angus forming words before he could see them.

"Hey there, missy. Where is he?" As Logan emerged from the hallway, he saw Al kneeling on the floor next to the old man. A bar stool lay tipped over a foot or so away, and the box of light bulbs and the sprinkling of broken glass on the floor told the story. He saw Al give Angus a sweet smile like he had yet to see on her face for anyone else.

"Oh, he might be around. You all right? Not bleedin', but you're hurt. Ankle and your back, huh?" Blue eyes looked up to Logan, a half questioning, half confident expression. " Ah need some ice packs, aspirin or ibuprofen if you got it. Somethin' ta serve as a splint, and a way ta wrap his ankle. " A glance back down at Angus. " Your back go out often, sunshine? Ah remember my daddy's went out once a year, like clockwork." She scooted over the floor, carefully probing at the old man's ankle. "Doesn't seem broken, can ya move it?" Only to beam at him when he twitched it. " Just a bad sprain, then. "

"Goes out every now 'n' again. Ankle folded over and I hit the ground, heard it pop.. been layin' here since." Grumpy and grumbling, and trying not smile at the young lady smiling at him.

Logan was watching her from behind the bar, even as he sliced up some old bar towels. A couple pieces of flat wood gathered from a crate out back. He emerged from the back room, brows furrowed. " Angus, where do you keep the damned aspirin?" Only to notice gloves on the floor, and Alessia holding the old man's hand. Angus's eyelids were drooping half shut. He started, only to realize she'd made the old coot relax...taken his pain. He shot her a hard look. " Did you..?" Only to get a good look at her face, which told him quite clearly, that she'd acted like a human pain reliever.

" Ya wanna splint his ankle, or get the ice packs?" an almost bruised quality to her voice, as she was rolling up Angus's pant leg, and pushing his boot she'd removed more out of the way. " We'll have ta get him ta bed, keep his ankle up. Keep him off his feet a few days, at the very least. " Eyes glanced up again as she was taking the splint supplies from his hands. " Guess we found a way for me to keep busy, hmm?"

Busy, indeed. Once they got Angus to bed, she helped put the old man to sleep, ignoring Logan's grumbling over hurting herself. She helped clean up the glass, and set to sweeping up the entire bar. Logan finished changing the light bulb the old man had been trying to change when he fell, just watching her. She didn't seem too badly affected, just quiet a bit stiffer in her motions. Eventually, even that faded as she helped him set up for the evening.

He started to protest when she changed before they opened for the night, coming back out in a pair of tight jeans and a black t-shirt. It was what he wore, sure, his sort of unoffical uniform, but..

"What, are you nuts? Men are gonna try to touch you, and you're dressing like that? " She just arched a brow, before she pulled on gloves that lacked the fingers.

"Hush. Don't hear me lecturin' ya, now. Ah have a job ta do, and ya need the help. If Ah can't hack it, Ah'll let ya know." Again that stubborn sassing, and she was obviously determined to see this through. He watched her closely those first few hours, perhaps too closely, from the way she'd elbow him now and again. He maybe shouldn't have worried, what with her quick way of setting a drink down, giving a smile for an answer, and avoiding too much talk

They fell into an easy pattern the next few days, the crowds a little thicker than usual, since they now, according to some of the drunks, had the prettiest bar tender in town. She served the beer and liquor easy enough, and was more friendly than ol' Angus. The tips increased, to be sure, and no one seemed to be overly eager to piss off the Wolverine and grab the woman most of them thought was his. An assumption he was in no hurry to correct, and Alessia let lay for her own reasons.

They got along so easily, that the idea of calling Chuck to have someone come get her, or to send her to mansion in New York, was all but forgotten. He'd missed the easy banter of a friend, the teasing and just having someone to sit with at the end of the night. He knew, once Angus was better, or her car finally fixed, it would all change, but none of that seemed immediate. They were just innocently enjoying each other's company, relaxed with each other enough that she would even reach up to ruffle his hair, or slap him aside without her gloves.She no longer dodged his touch, just grumbling when he'd mess up her hair.

Angus, once his ankle and back had put themselves back together, took advantage of the soft heart of the southern girl, and took off to visit his kids for a few weeks. She made Logan stop protesting, by simply pointing out that it gave them more time to finish the new bar top and install it before the old man got back.Her car was fixed, and just sat in the back next to Logan's beat up truck.

That easy familiarity, that friendship that took quick root and just sprung up between them, made some of the tension slide off the Wolverine's shoulders. He was just a man again, Logan, maybe not with a true home, or the woman he still loved, but he had a place, and someone who cared. A friend he could talk to again.

He should have known it was too good to last.

I'd started out well enough, taking the long way to get into Canada, driving all the way to the northern tip of New York, to cross over by Plattsburgh, rather than cut west and try to sneak over out by Buffalo. Less traffic, and more college kids from Plattsburg making me just another young face in the every day crossing. I was driving about twelve hours a day, trying to be patient.I wasn't used to the roads I was taking, and I had to keep myself sharp, so I limited my amount of driving, and stopped regularly to eat. From what Chuck had tossed into the envelope, Logan wasn't in a hurry to be going anywhere, but was staying put for a change. I wanted to be ready for anything when I got to him.

I'd been singing along the stereo, loudly enough I almost didn't hear the cell phone ring. I pulled over, recognizing the ring assigned to the Professor, and answered. He apologized for bothering me, but would I mind terribly a little detour into Toronto, to help out a mutant he knew of, until he could someone else up there to take over? Scott and Ororo were gone on another mission, so they didn't have the Blackbird to hand at the moment, so it would be about six or so hours. He just wanted someone he knew and trusted to help out this mutant. So, taking the next exit off the highway, I went to do Chuck a favor. What was six hours out of my trip? I'd just sleep in Toronto, and be on the road extra early tomorrow. I wouldn't lose much time, and he needed my help.

I learned my lesson. Never, ever, do Chuck a favor when you're supposed to be on leave. Sure, a mutant he knew of had gotten herself into trouble. One Miss Danvers, Carol, to be exact. I'd shown up as instructed, to offer her a hand, only to have us both get swarmed by government types that were trying to take her in... for something. They knew more about her than I did, because when she picked me up, and lifted me with her to fly away, they brought her down to the ground, with me along for the ride. She'd hit her head, and with the weights they were putting on us, I couldn't get out of her way. Skin touched mine, my mutation flared... and they were left with no men alive, and Scott and Ororo arrived to find me covered in blood and gore, my eyes changing colors between brown and blue, confused... and with a comatose Carol.

I was horrified, of course, and seeing the look on Ororo's face, and even the expression changing on Scott's usually stoic features only increased that feeling I got after using my mutation. Like I was the lowest of the low, the worst specimen of mutant kind. I always felt like that, even when Logan willingly had touched me to heal me, or when I had just taken a spark of a mutation from a hurt team member, so I could help in the fight. Even when they didn't look at me like they were right now.

"Ah came, the Professor asked me ta.. she tried ta get me out of here, but they knocked us down.. she was on top of me.. Ah couldn't get free fast enough..." Glancing back to the blond body laying listless, breathing slow and shallow, still tangled in the net that gave the truth of my story. I shuddered, hands rubbing at my arms as though to ward off a chill. I felt numb, now that everything was immediately over, and didn't even argue when Scott bundled me into the plane, saying we'd need Hank to check me over to make sure I was all right.

Ororo was even quieter and more aloof than was her usual habit, as Scott made sure the Jeep was stowed safely, at least for a few days. They'd probably send someone to get it, though I was still hoping that they wouldn't keep me at the mansion long. My skin tingled and itched again, making me squirm in my seat. Ororo glanced at me, gave me a passive smile, before she took her seat at the controls. Scott jogged up into the plane, buckled himself in, and I could feel the way the plane was pushing against the pull of gravity, lifting off. I ducked my head, letting my hair slide down to curtain my face. I'd been sent to help, and had all but killed her instead. Once again I hated my mutation, and what it made me. I knew Carol had been friends with Jean and Ororo on some old missions back when the X-men were still a young team... she'd allied with them on some missions..no wonder Ororo said nothing to me.

I was all but ushered by Ororo to the medbay, though she took me to Hank's office, hand squeezing my shoulder. I looked up, and saw her face again, compassionate and yet aloof. The face, I guess, of a goddess, before she was moving out to the medbay to try and help Hank hook Carol up to life support. If anyone could save Carol, I was sure it was Hank. He'd kept most all of us alive at some point or other, even when we maybe didn't want to live.

I'm not sure how long I sat in that chair in his office, toying with my gloves, scraping at the bloodstains with my fingernails. When Hank came in, I looked up at him. God only knows what I looked like, still covered in now dried blood, bloody gloves in my hands, twisted and knotted together. As usual, the big blue didn't let it get to him. After a short poke and a few simple tests to make sure I wasn't suffering physically from the transfer, Hank hugged me, told me to be more careful, to take my vitamins, and to go get a shower and some sleep. He'd talk to Scott about going to take me to the Jeep.

Clearly against his better judgement, Scott took me back for the Jeep the next day. You didn't have to be a mind reader to see the lines of tensioned disapproval etched into his face. Scooter would be a pretty good lookin' guy, if he didn't have his jaw set and his lips pressed together all the damn time. He must have felt me stealing the looks his way, because as I was getting ready to de plane, he spoke up.

"I'm not mad at you, Rogue. I don't blame you for what happened, or anything like that." Softly, while looking at the control panel still. " I just.. I'm worried about you, out here, alone. I know where you're going, I just wish I... wish I could say more than good luck. "

He rose then, giving me a stiff hug, and a smoothing hand over my hair. Then he just let me go, a nod towards the ramp. " Good luck, Rogue."

"Thanks, Scott." My voice was soft, because something about the whole exchange had made my throat ache, like it does before you cry. I grabbed up my extra pack and hurried down the ramp. I didn't look back, just kept walking as fast as I could for the Jeep. I threw my stuff in, jammed the key in the ignition, and started it up before the first drops fell and streaked my cheeks.

I got back on the road towards Laughlin, checking in with Hank every twelve hours the first couple days. Carol was stable, but showed no signs of improvement or awakening. Which meant I was apparently stuck with her powers a while, and her voice in my head. While she wasn't a complete wench, I still had to get used to super strength, or the urge to fly. Which might have made my trip faster, but if she woke up and I was still in midflight? Splat.

I could feel my stomach twisting as I got closer and closer to Laughlin, vaguely remembering some of the signs and look of the road from when I'd hitched my way there with friendly truckers. I parked on the outskirts of town, walked to the diner for a sandwich, wondering if Logan was up yet, what he'd say on seeing me, if he'd ever even forgive me. I hadn't meant things the way he thought I had. I'd done my penance for my sins, but he needed to know that.

Gloved hands in pockets, feeling the breeze toss my hair around, reaching up to tuck the white streak behind my ear. Cutting around to the back of the bar, to look to see if Logan's truck was there, before I tried to figure out what to say.

I was in the shadow of a big pine, inhaling the sharp resin scent. There he was, stripped down to one of those white wife beaters he made look so good, and made women drool over him. Working with a brush, varnishing a long length of wood, with intricate carved marks on the edges. I just stood and watched him, wondering if I was downwind enough, if the tree and the varnish would cover my scent, my trail, long enough to just let me watch him. Let me drink in the sight of him that I'd missed for so long.

I was just getting ready to step out from under the heavy hanging boughs, to call out to him, when the door to the inside opened. Redheaded, petite.. with bare hands. She was light up like a roman candle on the Fourth of July, hurrying towards him over the grass. I strained my ears to listen. Who was she, damn her. How dare she be here, with him!

"Logan?" I could hear a drawl in her voice, only making me more livid, watching her set one small hand on his arm. It was enough to make him freeze, eyes lowering to her hand, then up to her face. "Ah did it. Ah finally did it." Did what? Her voice was so full of excitement, of joy, that I wanted to walk up and claw her eyes out. Who the hell was she, and what was she to Logan? *My* Logan.

But the pain didn't come until that brush was set atop that can, and he was scooping her up into a hug. Laughing with her, before he was setting her back down, just setting her down and keeping her close to his chest for a moment.

"That's great, Al. " his hand stroked over her hair, before he *finally* let her go. "Once Angus gets back, we'll go out sometime to celebrate, and make some plans. Talk about the stuff I was telling you about. " I took pleasure in watching the joy in her face fade some, hands fluttering to fidget in front of her.

"But Logan.. what if they don't understand? What if things don't work like ya think they will? Ah mean.. what if.. Ah couldn't stand ta see ya hurt." Oh, now I just wanted to press her face between my bare hands. Logan was mine, damn it, not hers.

"Al, they'll understand fine. They'll help you control it better. I think it'll be a good place for you. If not.. well, Angus would be a fool not to take you back. He hasn't made profits like this in years." His smirk made my heart jump. He was planning to take her back to New York? Oh, wouldn't Bobby and them get a big laugh out of that, Logan parading his new little redhead around, making a bigger mess out of me.

I watched him ruffle her hair, and mention he was heading in for a beer. Watched him walk inside, the shadows of the interior swallowing him from view. Eyes turned, and locked on the redhead now, who was looking over the wood Logan had been finishing. Bare hands, bare arms.. vulnerable. Logan was my mate, and I couldn't bear to have that jeopardized, especially not now. She couldn't take him from me, I couldn't stand it.

Keeping her locked in my sight as I stepped out from under the heavy, shadowing boughs of the pine tree, feeling resolve lock into place. Heading for the little redhead who'd never see it coming.

I didn't get very far, before little red was turning, facing me. Blue eyes studying my face, as if she wasn't at all surprised to see me. Hands folded in front of her, a gesture that reminded me of my mother, such a very southern lady mannerism. I kept approaching, though it was odd to not see surprise, nor fear, in her expression.

"Hello, Marie." her words stopped me dead, a mere two or three feet away from her. She knew who I was? If Logan had told her that, surely he'd told her about my skin, my ability to kill with a touch.. she was a mutant too, right? No need to hide anything. "Ah was wonderin' when ya were gonna come. He doesn't think ya will. He thinks you're waitin' for him back there. It's one of the reasons he wants ta go back."

"Wait a second, wait, wait.." I spit out. For someone who certainly *seemed* to have something with Logan, she was taking my appearance very in stride. No questioning why I was there, hell, she was offering information. "Ya know who Ah am, where Ah'm from. But who tha hell are ya?" Angry. It was always easier to stay angry, peeling off my gloves, just in case. Watched blue eyes flick down to the motion, before they were back up on my face.

"Alessia. Ah've been helpin' Logan tend bar while Angus is gone. He sorta helped me out with some car trouble. Jus' sorta been hanging out since. " A tilt of her head, shaking red hair out of her eyes. "He's been tryin' ta get me ta work on my control more. Wants ta go back to New York, thinks your Professor can help me more, can offer me a job as a teacher. "

She fell silent as I closed that small space between us, frowning slowly. As if she could read my mind, but I knew that she couldn't. Even the Professor had trouble, because of all the voices in my head. Shaking her head slowly.

"What?" I snarled out, fingers inches from her forearm. Craving that touch.

"Ya don't wanna do that. Ah'm not whatcha think Ah am. Not for Logan. " Too late, my fingers wrapped around her wrist, grinding tendon against bone until I saw the pain in her eyes. Remembering too late I was stronger, my grip loosening.

But.. there was no pull. No look of veins spilling across her face, no gasping sound, or clutch at her throat. Just her trying to pull her hand away, insistently, as her face flushed. What the hell was going on! Why wasn't my skin..

"What the hell is goin' on here. How did ya do that?" My hand letting go, I stared at it, before I looked at her. I didn't need my skin. Carol's super strength would let me break her into pieces. My anger only rocketed again when she shook her head with a shrug.

"Her mutation's a lot like yours, kid. Skin's some kind of receptor." Logan's voice behind me, angry, before hands were on my shoulders, jerking me round to look at him. "What the hell you touchin' her for anyhow. Her mutation would drive you fuckin' insane, Marie. She's never done anything to you. What the hell you tryin' to prove." His jaw tightned, I was scrambling for my gloves.

"Except take you." I shot out, before my pride could clamp down on the words. Only wincing when he paused, before he started laughing. Leaning down, his face dangerously close to mine. " You gave me away, but she's never taken a thing, Marie. She's my friend. That's it. But even if there was more, who the hell are you to say, after what you did? What if my mutation hadn't kicked back in, Marie? What if you had killed me? Is that how you show love?"

His rage was rising, and I could hear the redhead behind me fidgeting, moving to stand next to him. Daring to put her hand on his forearm, before he was brushing it away, sparing her a telling glance.

"Damnit, Al, she tried to hurt you because she thought you were a threat. Don't you come over here tryin' to calm me down. She'd have sucked you dry, never knowing the truth till it was too late for you. You gonna protect her?" I expected her to wither under his glare, or to fall silent and fidget. She didn't seem the type to stand up to a snarling Wolverine.

"Yes. Because she did it because of how she feels. How she feels about you, ya big idjit." Blue eyes glanced at me, then back up at Logan. "She loves you, Logan. Maybe you need to take a moment for a closer look. Listen ta her for a minute." before she was stepping back, moving inside. For what? To get a gun, call for someone to take me out? Was she just walking away to leave us alone? My head spun for a minute, my resident voices clogging my thoughts.

Eyes locked on Logan's face, trying to focus. Was so hard, had been getting harder and harder since he left. But he didn't know that, couldn't know that, could he? I took the moment of silence to jump in, before he could start accusing me again.

"She's right, Logan. Ah.. Ah saw ya with her and it made me mad. Ah nevah meant ta hurt ya. Ah only.. Ah wasn't tryin' ta get ya in mah head permanently. Ah was .. Ah pricked the condoms ta make 'em break, not ta try an' kill ya. The pills were fakes. Ah.. oh gawd this is gonna sound even worse. " I shook my head, looking up at him. " Ah was tryin' ta see if Ah could get pregnant. By you. Have your baby. That's what Ah meant by always havin' ya. Ya'd have a family, and Ah'd have a family, and Ah'd have somethin' ta connect me ta ya for the rest of mah life. Ah couldn't lose ya that way, couldn't lose what Ah have for ya. Ah wanted ta give us both somethin' we don' have, Logan. " It bubbled out of me, the shame, the guilt, hating the fact he hated me now.

I didn't expect the softening around golden hazel eyes, or the way shoulders dropped. I didn't expect him to stare at me silently.

"Good fuckin' christ, Marie, you could have said so. Did you think I.. " His wide hand running through his wild dark hair, scraping nails along his scalp. " I didn't think you could, so I never said anything. Didn't want to make it worse on you, if you couldn't, and we wanted..." He stilled again, head turning to look at the open door to the bar, then back at me, mouth slightly agape, and as off balance as I'd ever seen him. " That's.. and you came all the way out here? You should be at home, where Hank or someone can keep an eye on you! You should have known I'd be back eventually! What the hell are you thinking, Marie? "

His hands hit my shoulders, grabbing them and shaking me, just a little bit. Oddly enough, it made me smile, weight sliding off my shoulders, nightmares banished. He hugged me to his chest, chin in my hair as we just stood there a moment. Together. The way I'd always meant it to be.

"Ah couldn't tell ya. Because Ah didn't know if Ah could, either. Ah didn't want to send ya away, if the idea scared ya, or get your hopes up if ya were okay with it. Ah didn't dare. Ah thought Ah could do it this way and it'd be safe. Ah didn't think it would happen like it did, Logan. When Ah felt ya, your thoughts rushin' inta me.. Ah.. Ah'm sorry. " My nose pressed against thin white cotton, taking in his scent. "Forgive me?"

"I'll forgive you as soon as you get your ass inside, sit down, and eat whatever the hell Al's cookin'. Then as soon as we can, it's back to New York with you. I'm not taking any chances with you and our cub, damnit. " I let him steer me inside, out of the sunshine into the darkness. Smell of something cooking, fingers clenching on his. He actually grinned a moment, before he was flicking a finger along the white streak in my hair, like he used to. "Have to bring Al there anyhow. Not fit for her out here anymore than it was you. "

I watched him watch the redhead come out of the kitchen with plates, and realized I'd have to learn to stop being jealous. She didn't drool over Logan, there wasn't anything like that there at all. I opened my mouth to say something, to apologize. Blue eyes glanced up to mind, stopping me with a shake of her head. Then she was ducking back into the kitchen, leaving me staring at Logan.

"No, she's not a telepath. " Digging into the chicken and rice. " At least she says she's not. Knows too damn much about people for her own good. Just all from a distance. " I nodded, hands slipping out of gloves, to pick up my fork and dig in. I watched her reappear again, watching the red of her hair, watching how she moved. "She just learned how to be able to touch someone. Without hurting herself. Emotions and stuff through contact." Logan was murmuring in my ear, stirring the hair there. So close to kissing my ear.. I turned my head, looking up at him. Kissing his chin, smirking.

"She ain't the only one who's learned that trick." Murmured, watching the realization settle into his eyes. Felt him grabbing my arm, all but yanking me off that stool.

"Al! be in my room. You'll have to bunk in Angus's room tonight." Before the door in the hallway swung open, then shut behind me. My back pushed up against the wooden surface, Logan close, body pressed to mine. " This gonna be enough for you, Marie? Me, the way I am? Last chance out, darlin." his face was nuzzling at my neck, nibbling carefully.

My gloves were still out on the bar by my plate, letting me feel the heat of the back of his neck against my palm, his hair sliding through my fingers. " Was always enough, Logan. Jus' wanted us ta have more than enough. " Fingers tugging at his hair to lift his face so I could kiss him.

Plans to go back were made, Logan sold his beat up pickup, Angus came back. Logan settled up with him to still own half the bar, and to keep a spot open if he or Little Red came back. Packed up into the Jeep, Al's car, and Logan on his bike, when it wasn't put on a trailer behind me. My jeans were starting not to fit, and Logan was getting more and more protective.

I didn't want it to bother me to see him be that way towards Alessia, but it did. He wasn't her hero, he hadn't saved her life like he had mine. But sometimes the way she looked at him, at him when he was with me.. it wasn't anger I felt, or jealousy. I think it was understanding. She still wasn't comfortable being very close, or touching..but she wanted it. I knew what that was like, all too well.

Well.. maybe we could see what could be managed back in New York. Two southern belles, running around the place? Should be cake to get her a boyfriend,... right?