I'm not sure when it all started to go wrong. I just finally noticed it was. For all my super sharp senses, sometimes it takes something hitting me with the force of a mack truck. This one was more like a bullet train. It ran me over all at once, before I could get out of the way.
Marie and I had been lovers for a while now, I couldn't tell you how many months or whatever. She could have, and I remembered her birthday and christmas and stuff, and she was happy enough with that. So I didn't worry about it.
She'd learn to control her skin most of the time, but there were the occasional hiccups, so the gloves were still often an accessory. One she had learned I loved a bit more than she had realized. It was then one of the drawers in my dresser started to fill with a couple scarves,some lingerie, but a few million pairs of gloves it seemed.She slept with me, sometimes cuddled under covers, sometimes one of us wrapped in a sheet just in case. She worried about her skin being an issue, but if she'd forsworn ever letting me make love to her again, I wouldn't have left her.
It was her that started to leave me. She started drawing away, not spending every night in my bed, using every excuse she could come up with. If she'd wanted some space, well hell, I'm the last guy to ever complain about that. Even if I haven't taken off without her in a few years, I understand that need to just have quiet. My girl especially, her head is even louder with all the people she's got in there.
After she started to not sleep with me in my bed, then came the perfumes and hairspray and crap. I loved the scent of my Marie, just her soap, shampoo, lotion on her deadly skin. I had always loved the way she seemed to be considerate of my nose and all, never wearing lots of fake scent. Now she was piling it on, and makeup too.
It only left me with one conclusion. My Marie was leaving me, and she wasn't even letting my bed cool before she was trying to find someone else to warm hers. I could have shredded my guts with my claws every day and it would have hurt less than seeing those dark eyes, mirror of souls, not quite meeting mine, how often she was whispering to Jubilee, running off whenever I got close. I was sure she was coming onto Gambit, that Cajun creep, and setting her sights on him. He was younger, prettier, and southern. I might be a good looking bad ass, but he could use his mutation to literally charm the ladies. I'd never seen Marie as that type, but he was the only guy I could figure, the only one I ever saw around with her and the yellowjacket. You do the math.
I didn't want it to show, though I'm sure Scott noticed the extra time training in the Danger Room, and how much more beer I was smuggling into my stash. Anything to fill the nights that now seemed empty without Marie. I hadn't realized how much she'd become part of my every day, just studying on the floor while I watched tv, snuggling up to me in the middle of the night, bringing me coffee in the morning. Every little mis step I took now, hurt.
I might have been able to keept pretending everything was all right... until she stopped showing up for training sessions. That was the last straw for me, and I went hunting me some southern belle.
I found her in the library, deep in a book she tossed aside as soon as she saw me coming.
"Somethin' wrong, sugar?" Oh how that hurt, the concern in her voice, the look in her eyes. How could she look at me like that and leave me this way?
"It's one thing to avoid me, to stop coming around, to just drop me like a bad habit. But not taking your training seriously, avoiding sessions because I'm there? That's way outta line, Marie. Scott's given you one of the junior teams to train, you owe him the respect to own up to your responsibilty. Else next time you're down and out, they might let you stay there. You wanna be treated like a woman? Grow up, Marie. You go ahead and go out with Jubilee and Gumbo, but when you get back, maybe next time it'll be me that goes. Go on up to my room, take your gloves and get out while you can. I'm sick of you hurting me this way, dragging it on like claws dug into my heart, dragging it around while you go looking for your new guy. Just tell me one thing. You gonna have the guts, to turn and tell me you don't love me like you loved me yesterday?"
It had all spilled out of me all of a piece. Over a month I'd been letting her drag this out, and I'd had enough. But now, watching her go pale, bare fingers shaking as if she was cold.. I wondered just what I was missing.
"Is.. is that what you think this is? You think Ah want another *MAN*?" She started off sputtering and ended up shouting. Then she was laughing, a broken, humorless sound, though there were tears pooling against her lashes.
"Isn't that why you started pilin' on the perfume and makeup, and stopped coming around?" Crossed my arms over my chest, feeling foolish and needing to be defensive. Damn her for being able to laugh at this.
Arms didn't move, even as she came around that table, bare hand lifting to stroke along my jaw. No perfume today, no fake flowers clogging up the scent of my Marie as she touched me. Dark eyes locked onto my face as I all but leaned into her touch like an addict seeking a fix. I started to lower my arms to wrap fingers at her hips. Nose nuzzled at the inside of her wrist, her scent warmer there, as I inhaled it deeply. So warm, richer than I remembered, a hint of hormones.... My eyes had started to close, but now they jerked back up to hers.
Back to that scared, defiant gaze that was a part of the Marie I knew so well.
"Now ya see? Ah had ta be sure, Logan. Ah didn't want ya knowin' before Ah could be sure, be safe.. Ah.. that's why Ah wasn't sleepin' with ya, why Ah was usin' the perfume and all that. Ta cover up the scent, ta hide the fact Ah was so tired. " Lashes lowered, hiding those eyes a moment. " Ah wanted ta find out if it was even safe. Hank says Ah'm almost far along enough now that Ah'm safe. So no more trainin', no more bourbon nights and coffee mornings. Ah just wanted it to be... safe, before Ah told you. " That soft, slightly shaking voice left me feeling like something she should scrape off her shoe...
"Marie.." Drawing her into me.. I had so much to make up for. Soul deep eyes looked up at my face, sunrise after a month of endless night.
"No, Logan. Ah knew it hurt ya.. but it would have hurt us more if Ah was wrong. Ah didn't want ya hopin', and then.. have everything go wrong. " Her hand stroked my cheek again, soft skin rasping against the stubble. Just a hint of a smile. " But Ah don't love you like I loved you yesterday... Ah love you more. " I squeezed her closer.
"Don't you mean we?" Before I was kissing her, and setting my world aright again. There was time to worry about every thing else later.
I don't love you - My Chemical Romance
"I Don't Love You"
Well, when you go
Don't ever think I'll make you try to stay
And maybe when you get back
I'll be off to find another way
And after all this time that you still owe
You're still the good-for-nothing I don't know
So take your gloves and get out
Better get out
While you can
When you go
Would you even turn to say
"I don't love you
Like I did
Yesterday"
Sometimes I cry so hard from pleading
So sick and tired of all the needless beating
But baby when they knock you
Down and out
It's where you oughta stay
And after all the blood that you still owe
Another dollar's just another blow
So fix your eyes and get up
Better get up
While you can
Whoa, whooa
When you go
Would you even turn to say
"I don't love you
Like I did
Yesterday"
Well come on, come on
When you go
Would you have the guts to say
"I don't love you
Like I loved you
Yesterday"
I don't love you
Like I loved you
Yesterday
I don't love you
Like I loved you
Yesterday
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Author's Chapter Notes:
So I had to be a goof. I don't own lyrics or characters, though I wouldn't mind part ownership of Gerard Way.