The most common misconception about Wolverine is that he has nightmares. And really bad ones at that, usually involving torture and unanesthetized surgeries and all kinds of awful things. In fact, his dreams mostly consist of food or naked women, or food on naked women, or sometimes hockey. He actually prefers the hockey ones.
But pretending to have nightmares has its advantages. For instance, it attracts many young, impressionable young women who feel obligated to comfort Wolverine. They often "wake" him while clad in skimpy underwear, and listen to him go on and on about his tortured past without interruption. Sometimes he will even get a sandwich.
His last dream, for instance, was of his old pony Buckles. Buckles was grazing in a beautiful field when all of a sudden, Jean Grey appears with nothing on but an apron, and hands him a beer. It's one of his favourite dreams because he is also wearing Rocket Richard's jersey and has just scored the winning goal of the 1952 Stanley Cup playoffs. The dream was so great, in fact, that Wolverine felt a little reluctant to end it by screaming out as though he was being torn limb from limb. But then again, he was also very hungry.
Rogue came in. Wolverine really likes it when Rogue tries to wake him because she is usually not wearing very much at all. She also makes the best BLT sandwiches.
"Logan, wake up," she says with much concern.
Wolverine, of course, knows that he shouldn't wake up right away. Because the longer she sees how awful his nightmare is, the more willing she will be to make him something to eat. Plus, more time to admire his manly chest.
"Unh ..." he says. (Incomprehensible moaning is always best. Also: sweating.)
She starts to gently prod him. "Logan, wake up! You're having a bad dream."
At this point, he usually shakes his head from side to side. This conveys the idea that he is trying to wake up, but simply cannot extract himself from the horrible, horrible nightmare he is having. This is a very good thing, because it makes her feel as though he may be in some imminent danger, from which only she can save him.
He lets out another moan, then holds his breath. This usually gets them very worried. (Again, imminent danger.) One last urgent prod from Rogue. He inhales sharply, jolts forward (careful with the claws) and finally ...
EYES WIDE OPEN.
Rogue gasps. Which, roughly translated, means at least a hug, a warm bath, three hours of her listening to him talk, two bike magazines stolen from Scott's stash, and a double-decker sandwich with the crusts cut off.
He is so very, very good at this.
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