'How did you know I needed you,
Was it my absence or my lack of care,
Was it in my empty chair at dinner,
That made you realise I needed you there?'
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It had been nearly three months an now that winter was killing everything in the garden Logan finally felt the rest of him begin to sieze up. The cold wasn't enough to stop him from hurting, from the moment that grey monolith had been erected in the garden he'd known how much of himself had been buried down there with her.
He'd done what Ro' had asked him, he'd pulled the world's ass out of the fire but in the end what had it meant? Everyone was still held in the throws of the biggest arguement the world had ever seen, should they embrace the strangers that were being born around them or not? Should the kids that came here through the doors be welcomed or sent out to live in the real world where prejudice ran riot?
Smoking a cigar Logan heard the laughter of the kids behind him, they were getting ready for Thanksgiving, there were a lot more kids here than there'd been last year. If he were honest he was greatful for the crowds, they made more work for him, more chances for him to avoid what was really cutting him up inside. Blowing out warm air and watching it billow out he didn't catch the sound of someone behind him until a steaming mug of strong coffee was held out to him.
Marie.
She was there, wrapped up in that damn green duffle coat, her hood resting on the top of her skull. Her two tone hair standing out in the darkness, a mug of her own resting in her gloved grip.
He took the pre-offered mug and took a deep swig, the burn of the coffee being superceeded by the huge slug of brandy that was hidden under the dark black surface. Choking back a cough he just pushed away from the railing and turned to look at Marie as her own gaze went out across the snow covered gardens.
They spent a few minutes in silence until Marie broke it, her voice level but her nerves were screaming at him from the warm undercurrents that were escaping her coats confines.
"Ah know what you're doin' Logan an it won't work sugar." She let her hand lift the steaming mug to her lips and swallowed her nerves with it.
"What?"
Marie didn't change her view of the world she just breathed out into the frost laden air.
"Ah know what you're tryin' to do to everyone Logan an Ah'm here to tell ya that it aint gonna work." She took a small sip of the coffee before adding, "Not this time."
Curious he let himself rest against the wooden railing his back feeling the snow melt against his denim and cool his skin. He'd not been around Marie of late, the last he'd really seen of her was when she'd left to get the cure. He didn't even know if she'd done it, as far as he knew she was happy with Bobby. Mind you he'd been in his own little world o'hurt for the last few months, only functioning on one level, the one that involved working so much that he was dreamless when he eventually allowed himself to drop into exhaustion.
When her gaze did land on his own curious gaze he felt it enter his armour and smash straight through it, revealing everything he was feeling to her and he was grateful when she looked away first.
"Ah know you don't do this....ya don't 'talk' but ya gotta sometime Logan. Ah'm just lettin ya know that Ah'm here for ya, no strings, no expectations, nothin but an ear to bend." Her gloved hands wrapped around her mug tightly as she took another sip of the dark brew inside it.
Logan took a good look at her, a real 'look' and he realised that she'd changed while he wasn't looking. Gone was the coltish girl/woman he thought he'd known, she was something else now. Not entirely grown up but on her way there, she slid her gaze sideways and caught him looking at her, a small half smile on her lips. Her head dropping down and hiding her face from him for a moment, giving him a chance to look away and turn back to face the cold gardens.
"Ah didn't do it...." The words lay in the frost laden air, dancing over the ground to finally land in his ears.
"What?"
"The 'cure', Ah didn't take it." Her breath plumed as she let the weight of her words go free, each one seeming leaden to him and making her struggle to give them birth.
"Ya were right, it *was* the wrong decision to make, Ah wasn't thinkin' about *me*, only Bobby. What Ah wanted from him, thing was if it had mattered that much to him he'd have found a way round mah mutation. Nearly a year together an he never even tried, that shoulda told me somethin'."
Her wisdom was hard earned and she swallowed the bitterness that sounded out of her along with the liquid that was just as bitter as her words sounded. Logan remembered the night she'd left, the way she'd stood there, all confused and needy. He'd been too torn up about Jean to even notice her to be honest and when he'd finally noticed she wasn't there when the kids had suited up with him his heart had hardened to her. She'd made her decision and in reality it had been her mistake to make but he'd felt let down when she hadn't stood with him.
As if she could read his thoughts she shifted closer to his arms, dropping her voice as she lifted her mug to her lips again. "Ah do regret not bein' there Logan, to help ya. I know how hard it musta been to see her stood there, knowin what you knew ya had to do about it, about her." Her gloved fingers unwrapped from the mug and he felt the warmth transfer from it's cotton surface into his cool skin. Her voice sounded tearful as he looked at her fingers on his own, the way they were so small against his larger, darker skinned ones.
"Gawd, Ah wish Ah could've done it different but then they say hindsight is always 20/20." She moved her fingers away and he felt the loss immediately, the warmth of her had been good. He'd been keeping himself seperate from so many for so long.
Sniffing she emptied her mug while he had yet to take another drink from his loaded one. Marie turned and leaned against the rail, her body close enough to him now to feel the heat coming from her clothed body. Her shoulder resting against his arm, her voice cracked and the scent of salt heavy in the air around them both. He wouldn't or couldn't admit to who was actually crying but it didn't matter, not right now.
"Ah'd better see ya at breakfast Logan, because by Gawd I'll find ya and force ya ta eat the damn buffet!" Marie threw her head back to look at the skies that were heavy with snow, the clouds reflecting light back down at them. The twin white streaks in her hair catching his eye and his hand went up to touch them, reminding him of how she got them in the first place. A slight smile on her face as she let him get near her face to touch them, he'd been the only one she'd ever allowed close to her. She still trusted him enough to let him touch her like this, even after everything that had happened.
"Ah thought about dyin' em once, someone called me a 'skunk-head' at the mall. I even bought the damn dye, ended up givin' it to Jubes. See there was somethin I'd forgotten an it took Ol Pete to remind me of it." Her eyes locked onto his own and Logan saw the red rimmed eyes smiling at him as much as her lips did.
"Wolverine's have stripes too, just over their eyes, a band of white hair, sometimes cream but it's there. Kinda made me remember that strength isn't always visable, just because someone calls ya a skunk don't mean that they couldn't have just mistaken a wolverine for one."
Marie moved away from him then, her words laying on his skin like a warm blanket, her gaze dropped to the mug in her hand. "Make sure ya drink all that Logan, not sure someone else would survive the mix Ah've put in there." With that she pushed away from him and let herself walk away from him back to the light where life was still goin on. Her form not lost in the backwash of light to his eyes, her face still visable to him and she smiled at his understanding. He knew what she was offering him, a life line, one he hadn't even realised he'd needed until now.
As she went inside he watched her move through the crowded room, her body touching some and avoiding others. Her smile wasn't absent but it had lost some of it's fire as she passed her old group of friends. There was something she'd missed out on with them, she hadn't fought by their side and so she was a little distant from them now. She tried to not let it show but it was obvious to him in the way she shifted through them, her fingers resting on Bobby as a friend now. No longer fuelled with the passion of earlier months, things had *changed* and he'd missed it.
Lifting the mug he downed what was left of the nearly cold coffee, something rattled against his teeth. Tipping the now empty mug upside down he took out the small key, the tiny thing looked like he'd snap it if he used it. Yet his memory fired and he knew where it was for, the potting house. Ro' had several of them and kept them locked because of the supplies inside. When he looked back up Marie was nowhere to be seen but the sense of her was all around him. Pulling the key into his pocket he finally went back inside, the light filling the hole he felt inside himself. It'd do, for now.
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Author's Chapter Notes:
Another little drabble a conversation that *needs* to be said between two people who are both a little lost.