He watched her most of the night. She didn’t twitch when she was asleep. But she tossed and turned, rolling all over the bed until she collided with him or his arm stopping her from falling off the other side. She made him nervous a few times. Scott’s glasses would slip down in her movements and he wouldn’t know til there was a tiny red shine on her cheeks. But eventually they made it through the night without anyone getting a hole blown in their foot or anything like that. He even got a few hours sleep, which was another little miracle all in its self.
Still once the sun forced its way into his room in the morning his was up. He immediately closed the heavy curtains, not wanting the encroaching light to wake the sleeping girl. Then he took a quick shower and got dressed. When he came out of the bathroom he couldn’t help to notice how dull her skin looked. There was a faint glint of perspiration on her upper lip and her forehead and he figured she must be getting a fever now. That maybe cold at night and hot in the morning was normal for her. Well, since her issue. So he got a cool washcloth from the bathroom and laid it over her forehead before leaving the room and quietly closing the door behind him.
He tried to go through as many of his normal morning routines as he could. First he went and got breakfast; ‘Ro refused to speak to him. To work off the rapidly building aggression he got in a danger room workout. It made him feel immensely better, the way pointless violence always did. Afterwards he checked on Scott who was up and already heading out of the med lab. He went there with the abnormal intent to shake the man’s hand, which felt like he was all but admitting that Scott was a better man than him. But the bastard wouldn’t stop giving him that wide mouth, toothy smile and he was right back to wanting to claw the twerp.
Before he knew it he was back in the kitchen, putting toast and eggs on a plate. He tried to keep telling himself that Xavier was going to ride him to do it anyway, so he might as well cut out the middle man. But he also had to ignore Summers’ words and stupid ass smile, the way his gut reacted to her, and how mentally sick he was considering that the life ending prospect of Rogue’s kiss made it infinitely more exciting than any one else’s. He swore loudly; he had a lot to ignore.
When he got back to his room his knuckles hovered over the door. ‘What the hell am I doing?’ he thought to himself. It was his room, the fuck he needed permission to enter it. Besides, there was no point in waking her up.
She stepped out of the bathroom just as he stepped into the room. They both jumped in surprise and she laughed it of, he mentally swore at himself.
“I brought you some breakfast,” he mumbled through as he sat the plate down on a night stand. Unlike all the other times she smiled at him and flopped onto the bed. She gave him a cheerful thanks as she pulled the plate into her lap. To say he was confused was putting it lightly. Her skin still had a faint greyness to it and her right arm still twitched, but she seemed completely unaffected by it. He sniffed the air, trying to place what game she was playing at. It ended up being an incredibly bad idea. She smelled like a delicate rose wrapped in cigar smoke and him. And that was a lot harder to ignore than Scott’s smile.
He cleared his throat, moving to the other side of the room to distance himself. “Scott’s up. He’s fine.”
“Yeah, ah know.”
He cocked an eyebrow at her. She wasn’t even wearing gloves, so when the hell did she leave the room?
She point to her face and then picked up the glasses that were draped over the headboard of the bed. “No more laser eyes. Ah usually loose tha powers when they come to.”
He nodded, guess that made since. Two people couldn’t use to same mutation at the same time. Suddenly it slapped him in the face what she was doing. She put almost ever bit of food in her mouth, chewing it slowly, then swallowing with a grim face for a second. She was forcing it. He saw something he wasn’t suppose to see last night, a weak and vulnerable Rogue. And she wasn’t having any of it. She was trying to prove to him she was strong. Fuck, now he had to ignore that too, because if he wasn’t falling before—
Then his traitorous hands went a step further and found her gloves. He moved to the window and sat down in his smoking chair, just running his calloused fingers over the smooth material.
“Ah use ta be able ta control it.” Her voice reached out to him. Logan looked up just as she crawled across the bed so she could lay down on her stomach, facing him. He swallowed and looked back down to the gloves. They were definitely safer.
“Ah’d only take as much as ah wanted,” Rogue went on. “From who ah wanted. An’ then Carol— ah think its Carol tryin’ ta punish me. Or maybe its God, who knows. Som’ eye for an eye thing...Who was that guy with the laws that---”
“Code of Hammurabi,” he supplied her.
“Right! Good ol’ Hammurabi givin’ it to me. See now, maybe ya are jus’ smart. Anyway. My eye for an’ eye is she don’t feel her emotions anymore; that’s what ya said. So now ah can’t feel anyone’s touch anymore.” She shrugged, picking at the comforter. “Sounds fair ah guess.”
“Yeah, because everything else this week has been a real barrel of fun for you,” he said sarcastically, forcing himself to stop being such a pansy and look at her face. She gave him a half smile and he was meet those sparkling dark emerald eyes and he wondered what the hell was he wasting his time looking at cotton for.
“What? Runnin’ away from home for tha second time?” She laughed a little bit. “Except this time ah guess ah ran somewhere where ah was fear and hated instead of away from. More of a challenge an’ all that. Hell, sugah, ahm havin’ a blast.”
He shook his head, grinning. “You’re a piece of work, darlin’.”
She pushed up a little bit, her grin turning into a coy smirk. “What ya meant ta say is ahm a tall glass a water. With a bendy straw.”
Logan laughed, unconsciously tucking her gloves into his jean pocket. “That too.”
“Naw, ah don’t mind it here. Ah kinda like all the kids runnin’ around tha place,” he snorted and she shot him a playful glare. “Ah do. Ah miss tha fun.”
“The Brotherhood doesn’t have fun?”
“Let’s jus’ say their idea of fun ain’t exactly what they teach ya in play school. An’ Mystique is always so serious— its nicer here. Ah don’t even give a rat ass’s if the otha X-Men don’t like me. Ah wasn’t exactly Avalanche or Toads favorite either.”
“I bet Creed liked you just fine,” he growled out.
“Creed’s a disgusting bastard. And was all ova Mystique. She liked to....,” She shut her eyes, waving him off. “Okay, that’s the end of this conversation.”
“Agreed.”
“But its comfortable here,” she went on, petting her naked hand over the bunched up comforter. “Its nice. Ah could do without Xavier rippin’ me apart from tha inside, but if it gets mah control back—“ she shrugged.
He didn’t have the heart to tell her it hadn’t gotten him his past back yet. And that, sure, Carol got her memories back but not really. She seemed hopeful and he didn’t want to take that away. Hell, maybe Xavier could help her. Although, Scott still had to wear the glasses...
“I’m sure he’ll have you touchin’ people in no time,” he said gruffly.
**********
It was just sheer dumb luck that she saw the same girl across the hall as she wondered lost around the school. She stopped herself from yelling out ‘hey you’ and tried to rack her brain for the girl’s name. But try as she might all she could remember about the incident was how much the blue demon–-Nightcrawler–- pissed her off. Then Scott bailed her out and shared the girl’s name, then went quiet again. He really was a nice guy.
“Amy,” Rogue called out, walking closer to the girl.
The friend she was with looked up startled at her then whispered something to Amy before taking off.
“Yeah?” The short girl had a trailing smile from laughter on her face.
“Ah was wonderin’ if ya could help me?” Rogue asked.
“Did Mary Griven take your diary too?”
Rogue laughed, the kid was completely serious. And she could see in those big brown eyes looking up worried for her. “No. No, she didn’t. Ah jus’ need ta find Sco– Mr. Summers’ room.”
“Sure. It’s this way.”
Rogue told herself not to be a blubbering idiot but it was hard when the little girl so effortless took her gloved hand with her small one. People parted out of their way as Amy dragged her down the hall. Secretly she hoped it was because of Amy, but reality and several voices chiming in her head made her doubt it.
They stopped and the girl pointed. “Its that one.”
“Thanks,” Rogue nodded and started towards the indicated door.
“Wait!” Amy yelled and she turned around. “Kurt says you’re dangerous... are you?”
Rogue walked back and kneeled down in front of her. “Yeah, sweetheart, ah am. But not to you.” Amy smiled at her and Rogue returned it before standing to her feet and making her way to the classroom.
The door was closed and she looked in through the glass. He was in there, sitting at the desk, writing away. She knocked and a muffled ‘come in’ floated through the wood.
“Hi.”
He looked up from the paper work on his desk and his face seemed to drop along with the red pen in his hand. “Hello.”
“Ah jus’—“ She walked up and stopped just short of the desk. “Ah jus’ wanted to say ah was sorry. For, ya know, tha whole coma thing.”
He sighed, “A few hours in med lab doesn’t necessarily constitute a coma.”
“Still,” she shrugged. “Ahm sorry. An’ ah wanted ta say thank you. For savin’ mah life.”
“You’re welcome, Rogue.”
She didn’t know what to make of his short answer. But she figured he wasn’t swearing at her so she shouldn’t complain. Reaching behind her she pulled out his glasses and carefully laid them on the desk in front of him.
He starred at them for a second, before slowly reaching out to grab them.
“Ah had to barrow ‘em last night,” She quickly explained noting his confused face. “Ah didn’t go in ya room or anything’— Logan jus’ gave ‘em to me.”
“It’s fine,” he said with a small smile.
“Well,” she looked around her before turned back to the door. “Ah have to meet Xavier, so ah’d betta go.”
He nodded, pulling out a drawer of his desk and putting the glasses in it.
She stopped as she grabbed the handle. “Ahm sorry.” She said again. “An’ thank you.”
“It was my pleasure.”
Rogue smiled as Logan’s words from last night floated through her head. She gave him a nod and turned and left, shutting the door carefully behind her.
*****************************
Xavier began their session with a fifteen minute lecture on how reckless it was to attempt flight in her condition. She could have killed herself and Scott. She was lucky everyone was able to walk away. She had to have known the dangers of something like that, that was why she was here. And so on and on until she stopped listening all together.
“Alright,” Xavier sighed from behind his desk. Evidently he had exhausted his lecturing. “Let’s put that behind us and begin today’s session. Shall we?”
She scooted her chair closer. “Shall away, Xavier.”
“Professor Xavier,” he reminded her again. “Just close your eyes, my dear, and try to relax.”
“Right.” She said sarcastically but closed her eyes anyway. Except for she grabbed the edge of his desk to brace herself.
The raids began. Screaming surrounded her and it was impossible to separate the screams of her in her head, of Carol, of all the other persona’s who got trap in a grab, and the actually screaming of her body that came from all of them. Then she couldn’t even hear that. She was nothing inside of her own head. She just as unimportant as the rest of them, mentally running from his approaching hand. Her and Carol wrestling, pushing the other towards him. He’d snatch at whatever he could, taking half of each of them. She’d scream as part of her soul was taken away, ripped from her, and she no longer cared if Carol existed or not.
He’d return both chucks of them, haphazardly trying to put the two women back together, unsure of what pieces went where. They managed to all band together to squeak out a pained, “Stop.”
“Stay with me, Rogue,” Xavier’s voice was strained as well. “Concentrate.”
More fighting began, each persona fighting for its life as the raids went on. Rogue tried to reach her body again, get enough control over it to tell him to stop now, that she couldn’t take anymore. But she wasn’t strong enough, wasn’t whole enough.
Logan was just walking through the halls after coming back in from smoking a cigar. The talk with ‘Ro hadn’t gone as well as he had expected. Which aggravated him because he had thought she was the best friend he had here. And now she wasn’t going to speak two words to him.
He heard the screams well before he reached Xavier’s office. He stopped at the door, shaking his head. The old bastard was putting her through hell, it sounded like. Then he heard her pleading ‘stop’. But the screams went on.
“What the hell-“ he snarled, pushing through the door.
Xavier was behind his desk, eyes clenched tightly shut. But Rogue was on the edge of her chair, fingers actually dug deep into the wood of the desk. Her screams were primal and filled with more fear than when she had been falling to her death and they tore right through him. Before he could yell at Xavier to stop she suddenly went silent. Logan’s body went stiff and she tumbled out of her chair and fell still to the floor.
He galvanized into act, closing the six feet between them. He threw the chair across the room and out of his way as he kneeled down beside her. Her eyes were gently closed and there was a long trickle of blood leaking from her nose down her cheek. He laid a trembling hand in her hair, keeping the crimson line from dripping onto a pristine white stripe.
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Author's Chapter Notes:
A slightly shorter chapter, thank God. Enjoy :)