The lights of the medical bay had been dimmed to a soothing shade, the odd warmth from the reflective metal ceiling welcoming Rogue to consciousness as her eyes flickered open gradually. Odd. She didn’t recall falling asleep. She raised a hand to her forehead, feeling noticeably drowsy. She let out a tired groan; this summoning the attention of Jean Grey whose slim face swam into view over Rogue. “Hey,” she greeted in a soft voice, a reassuring smile on her face.
“Hi,” replied Rogue a little croakily. She swallowed for a moment before she glanced down at herself to find she was clothed in her usual lilac nightdress. “How.. ?”
“Scott picked up your belongings from the hotel, we flew it back with us.”
Rogue managed a small nod, this information only just being able to slip into comprehension. “Why do I feel so tired?” she asked weakly, turning her eyes back on Jean.
“I gave you a mild sedative on the flight back,” Jean informed her gently. “You were very distressed.”
This information quickly threw Rogue’s brain onto alert as the memories of the previous night rocketed back in full force. She stared up at Jean, trying to sit up, but was struggling. “Where is he?” she gasped, eyes flickering about the medical lab.
Mistaking her urgency for fear, Jean made a soothing noise and settled Rogue back down into her bed easily. “He’s not down here,” she assured in a calming tone. White latex gloves protectively covered her hand as she swept Rogue’s hair from her forehead in a motherly fashion. “I’ve treated your physical injuries,” she said quietly. “You had a couple of cuts and scrapes – the rest is mainly bruises. I suggest you remain in bed a little while longer, let the sedative work it’s way off.”
Rogue meekly nodded her head, not finding it in her to argue. However, she did find a question she wanted answered, “Charles said he would keep an eye on him.. why did it take you so long get there?”
“Because he was searching for Logan,” Jean told her, her lips taking on a saddened sort of smile before she straightened, pulling the white gloves off her hands and discarding them in the nearby medical bin. “Rest, Rogue,” she said softly. “I’ll be back soon.”
Rogue frowned a little as she stared up at the ceiling, listening to the retreating echo of Jean’s high heels as she disappeared from the medical lab and down the corridor. The automatic doors whirred shut to cast the room in a peaceful quietness. Jean’s words felt mysterious, or was it because Rogue was still drowsy? Her eyes were feeling heavy once more, and she was just about to settle herself back into sleep when the doors parted again and Rogue looked round in small curiosity. Her interest quickly peaked as she saw Charles Xavier smoothly rolling towards her, accompanied by Storm.
“Morning, Rogue,” Storm greeted her softly, her words as warm as ever.
Rogue felt a smile flicker on her face as she remembered Storm’s aid yesterday with such gratitude. The way she had bundled her up and didn’t move until Rogue was ready. “Hey,” she replied, her quiet voice still a little throaty.
“I can come back later if you wish to sleep,” Charles told her with a small nod of his head. His gentle voice was full of patience and such devotion to his cause as the leader of the school.
But Rogue shook her head a little, “No. Now’s good,” she assured, absently settling her arms to rest over her sheet covered abdomen.
“First of all, how are you feeling?”
Rogue considered her uncertain emotions at that point, “Confused, relieved. Scared..” she concluded with a sigh.
There was a slight inclination of Charles head as his brow took on a small frown that threw his forehead wrinkles into sharp relief. “I must apologise for our delay,” he said quietly. “I was tracking Logan as you requested, but I lost his signal when he entered Alkali Lake. Since that point, his brain waves changed, and I never saw him leaving Alkali Lake. I saw something leaving, but I did not know it was him. It was only as I noticed that signal making it’s way towards where you were located did I send my X-Men out with the concern that Logan may be somewhat.. different.”
Rogue nodded in agreement, her frown deepening as she watched her hands. “He was unrecognisable,” she whispered. She then quickly looked up, “But.. he was coming out of it, Professor. He said my name.” Storm rested her hand soothingly on the bedcovers at Rogue’s lower leg. She seated herself on the edge of the bed, her tender eyes on the young woman.
“It appears when Logan was captured, his memories were attempted to be removed to return Logan back to his state from his time of his experimentations. That state, one which that had been named Wolverine. A weapon. However, once again, his capturers underestimated his mental strength, and he clung onto his normal state of mind - barely.”
“Meaning?”
“Meaning his correct personality was not removed, but instead suppressed because he had held onto a particular strong thought.”
Rogue tilted her head slowly, looking contemplative. “What thought was that?”
“He concentrated all his energies on you, Rogue, which is why I believe Wolverine broke free to try and find you. Of course, Wolverine was in control at that moment, up until Logan managed to return to his normal state of mind.”
“How do you know all this?”
“When he arrived back at the mansion I completed rebuilding the psychic blocks that kept Wolverine at bay and Logan in the forefront as it should be. Logan is now back in his usual frame of mind. However..” he paused, Rogue watching him worriedly.
“What?”
“He still remembers everything after Alkali Lake.”
“Where is he?”
Charles bowed his head a little, “He’s in his room.”
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The door sat a short distance down the mansion corridor, coming closer as Rogue progressed towards it with quiet footsteps. Later that day she had been discharged from Jean’s care, and after dressing herself in clothing Rogue had set off to Logan’s room. Admittedly, she was anxious, even fearful of seeing him again. But she fought herself to understand that it hadn’t been Logan last night. He wouldn’t have done that. Storm and Jean had encouraged Rogue to stay apart from him for a while, for both of them to get over the traumatic experience. But inside, Rogue had disagreed. She had no reason to doubt him. She didn’t.
So why were her damn hands shaking?
Rogue gritted her teeth as she clenched her gloved hands into uncomfortably tight fists. She was stronger than this. However she found that the door was suddenly in front of her and she stared at it in silence. Her hand loosely took the brass doorknob, her thumb idly stroking the smooth surface in hesitation.
Within the room, Logan was sat on the edge of his double bed. He had his back to the door, but he smelt her presence. A soft sigh was exhaled as he lowered his head to stare down at his clenched fist where his adamantium dogtag was buried inside the warm hold. He hadn’t slept since arriving back at the mansion; he had sat here, going over it all in his head. Every moment from leaving Alkali Lake was in his memories, right to when he pinned Rogue’s naked body beneath his own. The images were explicitly graphic and horrible to be aware of. Logan closed his eyes tightly, lowering his forehead towards his clenched fist where the ball chain of the dogtag swung gently from his clenched fingers. A shaky sort of sound breathed from his mouth as his lips parted, and he lifted his head gradually to stare out of the window that sat directly in front of him.
Behind him, he heard her timid knock sound dully on the wood.
Her request for entry went unanswered. Logan’s eyes were shining with emotions he didn’t want spill forth, but he felt raging around him inside, beating him up violently, punishing him. He made a dry sob in his rough throat, his eyes needing to close once more.
He heard the quiet creak of his door opening, but he didn’t lift his head. Rogue had eventually summoned the courage to twist the doorknob and let herself in. She tentatively peered around the side of the door, her eyes locating his hunched form on the bed in front of her, slightly silhouetted by the late afternoon sun through the window. He had his back to her, and made no response to her entry. Frowning, Rogue closed the door quietly behind her; taking a few cautious steps around the foot of the bed still she could see him from the side. The dogtag was still held tightly in his fist, which supported his bowed head.
“Logan?” she called very quietly, her voice barely above a whisper. He heard it, and his only response was the mute shake of his forehead against his knuckle. She saw his closed eyes tighten, his prominent Adam’s apple quivering a little. “Are you feelin’ better?” she asked, taking a small step towards him. “I was worried about you.. – “
“Don’t, kid,” he interrupted hoarsely. “Don’t ask me if I’m all right. Don’t worry about me. I don’t deserve it.”
“Logan, it.. it wasn’t your fault,” Rogue told him quietly. “I know that. The Professor explained everythin’.”
But he shook his head, “That’s not the point,” he said softly. His eyes opened a little, but stared resolutely out of the window and didn’t even attempt to glance her way. Rogue could see they looked bloodshot; his overall posture uncomfortable and strained. “In the space of a week I’ve put you at risk several times. I almost took advantage of you, I almost killed you, then I almost ra - ..” he faded out, unable to bring himself to say it. He rubbed his eyes fiercely with the thumb and forefinger of his other hand.
“But Logan – “
“No, Rogue. It’s too many ‘almosts’.” He let out a low sigh, shaking his head again, “It’s too dangerous, kid. I’m too dangerous.”
Rogue completed her distance towards him, seating herself down cautiously on the bed, but left a sizeable gap between them. “What are you sayin’?” she asked, her voice sounding meek and unstable.
“I think you’ll be safer away from me,” he muttered wearily, looking down at his closed fist again. His fingers gently peeled back and he stared down at his dogtag, the sunlight reflecting on the shiny surface, which spelt out the name ‘WOLVERINE’.
But Rogue shook her head gently, “Logan, I don’t want that.”
“If you remember, I made a promise to take care of you,” Logan told her quietly. There was a pause in which he traced the inscription on his dogtag with his weathered thumb. “I broke it. I broke my promise, kid.”
Rogue could feel her eyes tearing up and she fought against the hot droplets forming in her eyes. She was staring at him, trying to disguise her horror at the prospect he was showing her. “You didn’t..”
Logan’s head quietly snapped towards her, his swift motion causing her to give a startled flinch in which she pulled back from him. He regarded her sadly before his brow deepened in a harsh frown. “I didn’t?” he repeated disbelievingly as he watched her. Rogue’s eyes had quickly gone down to her lap when he looked at her to avoid his gaze. “Kid, look me in the eyes without fear – then I’ll know if I broke my promise or not.” But Rogue refused to lift her head, staring down at her gloved hands with her eyes continuing to well up. Her throat began burning bitterly, her lower lip showing signs of a quivering pout. A great unstable breath was breathed in through her mouth. “Look at me,” he ordered her once more, his voice remaining low and calm. Yet again she didn’t obey, taking another breath, this one noisier. “Look at me!” he snapped fiercely, his tone heated and accentuated by a snarl.
His raised voice caused Rogue to flinch again, and her eyes whirled upwards to meet his. Tears clouded her vision in blurry droplets, but she nervously watched his eyes, which were back to their usual brown irises. She made a gentle sob as she watched him, her uncomfortable gaze quickly dropping back down.
Logan swallowed gently, shaking his head to himself dejectedly as he moved back to face the window. “Thought so,” he said quietly. He stared out of the window in front of him, the haunting fear in her eyes a vision that would never leave his mind.
“Logan..”
“Don’t, Rogue!” he retorted briskly, tone sharp. A hand wearily rubbed across his eyes before clenching at his hair agitatedly. She had frozen still besides him, staring at him with such despair. He couldn’t take it. She needed to see, she had to understand he was dangerous. She needed to stay away from him. “GET OUT!” He had spun round, roaring his words inches from her terrified face.
His heartbroken eyes saw her lower lip tremble before she scrambled off the bed with a sob, running to the door and disappearing down the corridor at a furious pace. Logan brought his face back to his hands, burying his eyes inside his palm gently. He wanted her to avoid him for her own safety. She had to hate him.
He deserved it.
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