”I’m so fucking wasted…” She tried her best to stay upright and not to wake up anybody when she stumbled back home. Night had been a total bust. She had been late for her date with Max. Really, really late. Just because she had forgotten the time when she had been in the DR with Logan. When she had finally gotten herself to a presentable shape she had gotten the bright idea to borrow Scott’s convertible since it was such a nice weather. Half way to the city it had started to rain. Not some sissy-ass dribbling either, but something that looked like somebody upstairs forgot to shut the drain while drawing a bath. She had fought tooth and nail, broken two nails and gotten her clothes soaked, several runs to her pantyhose and her carefully applied make-up had smeared making her look like something straight out of a horror-movie, and when she had finally arrived to the restaurant where Max had been waiting for her she had found out what his surprise had been. He had brought his parents along, wanting them to finally meet his girlfriend. Both Max and his parents had been utterly drunk, bored and frustrated; a fight had broken between them, and from there on the night had taken a steep turn to downhill. She had taken off when Max’s parents had revealed their true nature and declared that their darling, precious son would never marry a filthy mutie. She had gotten as far as to the next bar just around the corner, expecting Max to follow her. He had called instead and told her that it was over. Since she had been in a bar already she had gone and dropped her cell phone in to ladies toilet, then proceeded to get utterly drunk, after making sure that Scott’s precious automobile would be safe where it was until somebody could pick it up on the next day.
“I’m so fucking wasted…” She couldn’t help repeating, then squeaked from surprise when something caught around her ankle. Something warm and alive.
“Hush… Let’s not wake little green men…” She heard Logan whispering. He was lying on the floor on his stomach. He had grabbed her ankle. She dropped on her ass next to him, after she had swatted him with her girly handbag, just out of principle.
“Little green men?” It looked like Logan was considerably more drunk than she. His head rose from the floor and his blurry eyes tried to zero in on her.
“Little green men from Uranus. You know? The ones that ride with pink elephants?”
“From my anus?”
“No, you fucking idiot. The planet Uranus. What the fuck did they teach you at school anyway?” Logan grunted sounding extremely annoyed and rolled on his back, letting go of her ankle.
“Nothing about little green men or pink elephants, I’m sure… How the hell did you get that drunk?” She asked. Logan crawled closer to the wall and inched his way up until he was somewhat vertical.
“Tried to match your drinking…”
“Huh?”
“I drank, and whenever you drank I drank some more.”
“You were there?” She asked, suddenly almost sobering from the embarrassment. Had Logan witnessed the whole fiasco with Max?
Logan slid back on to the floor, half seated position, and his back against the wall.
“No… I was at the bar. Minding my own business when you barged in. You looked like shit… Started drinking your ass off. I got the feeling that you wouldn’t appreciate my company. But I couldn’t let you drink alone…”
“So you drank what you usually drink and then some? Are you fucking nuts?”
“Possibly. But could we not speak for a while? I don’t want to wake up those…”
“Little green men and pink elephants?”
“Yeah. Them. They kept bugging me all the way from the bar back here. Disappeared when I walked in. Figured that they got tired and went to sleep.”
“Fine. But could we go and keep not-talking in bed? I’m kind of tired and this floor is kind of cold?” She asked. Logan breathed in, then wobbled up on his feet.
“Sure. We can…”
They got all the way across the slick marble floor of the grand entrance hall. Stopped in front of the stairs leading to the second floor.
“Houston, we have a problem,” Logan announced. She nodded.
“These fucking stairs… I don’t remember them being so steep earlier. Xavier must have replaced them while we were out.”
“Yeah. That must be it. I don’t remember them being quite that tall either,” she said squinting, trying to estimate the distance between the two floors.
“Well, they can replace the stairs but they can never take our freedom!”
“Uh… I’m quite sure that you didn’t get that right.”
“I didn’t? Fuck it… There’s only one thing we can do now,” Logan said and slumped on to the floor on all fours, right in front of her.
“Hop on to my back and hang on, darling. I’ll get us to safety.”
“I need to breathe, kid…”
“I can’t fucking let go now! I’ll fall off or something!”
“If you don’t stop choking me we’ll both fall… Or I’m going to puke… Either way we’re screwed…”
She loosened her hold from around Logan’s throat a bit and felt his ribcage expand under her. He was conquering the stairs step by step, crawling on his hands and knees, and she was holding on to him for her dear life. Riding Logan. That thought made her feel like she was acting in a cheap porn flick and that thought in turn made her giggle wildly. Finally they made their way to the second floor. Logan slumped to the floor face down, trapping her hands under his chest.
“Come on. Just few meters more…” She tried to coax him. Logan snorted and shrugged her off from his back. Then rolled over and burst in to fit of rather unmanly giggles.
“So… How was I?”
“What?”
“You muttered something about riding Logan and bad German porn. How was I?”
“Not bad. Not bad at all.”
“That’s good to hear. Considering how adamantly you have been claiming that I’d be a bad lay.”
“Oh, would you shut up and carry me to bed already? It’s cold out here!”
“Carry you? In your dreams, girly. In your fucking dreams. It’s a fucking miracle if I can even find my room, let alone carry you there…”
“My room is just around the corner.”
“Your bed is so fucking small… Get a crick in my back every time we sleep in there.”
“You big wuss! Come on. I’ll rub it off tomorrow.”
“Promise?”
“I promise.”
“Oh-kay… For that I could probably… Yeah.”
Logan had tried to get up, but flopped down on his stomach.
“You could what?” She asked. Logan didn’t answer, but asked a question of his own instead.
“Could you rub my back?”
“Now?”
“Yeah.”
“Not before you carry me to bed.”
“Slave-driver.”
“Do you want that backrub or not?”
“Have you no heart?”
“No! For I’m hollow, filled with booze to the brim and…”
“Promise not to try to imitate that vamp guy from Van Helsing if I carry you?”
“Promise.”
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Author's Chapter Notes:
It's time to hit the booze again.