She would have never referred to Nathan as a stupid man, on the contrary, he was quite intelligent, but he had a weakness, a weakness she found herself envying. He was maybe a bit rough around the edges given everything he had gone through in life but he wasn’t rough on the inside. He still had a spark of innocence left in him that could ignorantly be called naivety.
He milled around the kitchen humming absently as he prepared dinner, and each time he’d pause and look at her she’d quickly plaster a smile on her face that would vanish as soon as his back had turned.
She wanted to call what she felt for him pity but he didn’t deserve it, instead she couldn’t formulate how she felt. He was a smart man and well trained in the world outside of the Summer’s walls but in his own home he was unprotected. Granted he deserved to feel safe and blissful in his own home but unfortunately she knew it wasn’t going to last. It was like watching a train wreck and waiting for the inevitable to happen, and Nathan was the man tied to the tracks with a blindfold covering his eyes and one over his ears, completely oblivious.
She was still fuzzy about the details but a deep part of her already knew whatever they had wasn’t going to last and maybe it had to do with what she felt for Logan but she had an even bigger feeling that she agreed with Scott and Logan's words the first night when she had heard them say Nathan was not the type of man for her. It didn’t mean she cared any less for him or none at all, just that she knew it was possible for her to care more about somebody else.
She wondered if it would break that light inside of him to know his own family conspired against him, that he’d have to learn to build walls even within his own home. She hoped not but a dark selfish part of her had already decided that perhaps what she could gain from Scott and Logan outweighed what Nathan could lose, only a little bit she confessed. The truth was he had never truly had her to begin with and he knew that, it was a dark truth he could accept and maybe that meant she wasn’t giving him enough credit, maybe he could handle the changes that were coming their way.
Her thoughts wandered through her head as though she had already decided on everything but in truth she was still oblivious to what she was really thinking about, still holding off from taking the next step.
For the first time she felt open to all the joys and pains the world had to offer. The clear possibilities with Logan but also the first tinge of fear he had placed in her when he had warned her of the truth that was just out of her reach. He had almost appeared hesitant in their last moments in the forest. She had sensed regret, shame and true fear on him, she wondered if maybe a deep part of him didn’t want her to remember certain things, was he frightened of the outcome she speculated. What was there to hide from?
The plate she had been holding to set the table with dropped from her hands and before it even hit the ground, she had twirled around and had Nathan’s hand gripped harshly in hers and bent at an odd angle, one more move and it would snap. Her eyes were wide with shock and she immediately let go of him.
He cradled his hand and moved back a small step, shock clear on his face.
“I’m sorry,” she gasped. “I didn’t…you surprised me…I’m sorry.”
She was well aware that Scott had stopped cutting up the vegetables and was silent on the other side of the kitchen.
“I was calling your name twice, you didn’t respond.”
“I’m sorry; I don’t know what came over me.”
“It’s alright,” he muttered, giving her a strained smile.
Scott noticeably made a huge arch around her as he walked over to his son; she noted his suddenly measured steps and the way he kept his walk hunched, his body giving off a submissive vibe. Did he think she would attack him to?
Scott examined Nathan’s wrist. “It’s alright, no real damage, you will have a nasty bruise though.”
“I’m sorry,” she spoke again wishing she could say something else, anything.
She could openly see the frown lines creasing in thought on Scott’s face.
“I’ve never seen anyone move like that,” Nathan gasped suddenly in awe. “It was like a blur, you moved literally a second before I had even tapped your shoulder. Not even Logan has that type of grace, and your control. How did you…?”
“Nathan, you need to put ice on your wrist right away,” Scott interrupted tensely.
“Its fine,” Nathan shrugged.
“It won’t be for tomorrow if you don’t ice it, we still need your help around here,” Scott spoke tersely.
“Right,” Nathan muttered as he walked over towards the fridge.
“You’ll need a bandage to wrap it up in,” Scott added already heading out the door to where she knew the supplies were kept.
“I’ll help you,” she spoke up as she followed him, she noticed his back stiffened.
They headed up the stairs and she listened for a second to make sure Nathan remained in the kitchen.
“I’m sorry,” she muttered again feeling small.
“It’s alright; he shouldn’t have snuck up on you.”
“You say that like its common knowledge.”
He didn’t look at her nor did he respond. Absently, he rubbed his hand against his neck showcasing the three claw marks that scarred his skin, and now she knew with out a doubt that they were claw marks.
“You’re afraid of me,” she spoke quietly. His head turned sharply to look at her. “Why?”
“No I’m not,” he spoke through clenched teeth.
“You might not stink of fear but you are suddenly on edge when you weren’t before and yet you don’t seem all that surprised.”
He shrugged again. “What do you want me to say?”
“The truth.”
“You didn’t want to know the truth,” he bit out coldly.
“Maybe now I have more of an open mind.”
“What changed?”
She was silent as they made their way towards the bathroom.
“I remembered a few things,” she whispered.
“When?” he asked sharply and now he truly did smell of fear, did he fear the same knowledge that Logan had warned her about.
“Today, in the forest with Logan,” she paused as she opened the drawer and reached for the first aid kit, noticing Scott stood still and focused on her. She already knew where the kit was; oddly enough, she knew where everything in the house was; just like at the diner she had taken the time to notice everything about her surroundings to a degree that seemed above normal.
“There were claw marks on the trees and when I touched one I saw…I saw Logan and I but I was young and we were driving in the snow and well it’s still a bit fuzzy but I know that I did know him some how.”
She looked at him intently. “He’s important to me isn’t he,” she spoke it as a statement.
“Yes,” Scott breathed. “Is that all you remember?”
She frowned. “Yes.”
He sighed. “You believe me then.”
She nodded. “Logan says the rest will come to me eventually but…”
“Are you curious?”
“About one thing, there’s one thing I want to ask you and maybe I shouldn’t, maybe I should wait for the truth to come to me on my own but Logan…,” she paused as she glanced away. “Logan’s reaction didn’t relate to the memory I had, what were we?”
“What do you mean?” he asked carefully.
“In the past what was I too Logan and what was he to me. Why do I remember him first and not you? Why…” she sighed bitterly.
“You both met each other first before you met me,” he whispered.
“That’s not the answer I’m looking for.”
They were moving back down the stairs.
Scott stopped on the last step with his back towards her; she thought for a moment he wasn’t going to answer her.
“You were lovers,” he whispered with a tone that was filled with such emotion that she couldn’t tell whether he meant it as a good thing or a bad thing, but before she could ask he was already back in the kitchen.
Slowly, she followed him with her mind processing the information he had just given her and she realized she wasn’t even surprised. That even with just the memory of being in the truck if she thought about it there had been something in his eyes that had spoken to her about possibilities.
The back door that led into the kitchen opened just as she entered. Logan stalked into the room his gaze immediately landing on her and she saw his eyes hardened as Nathan leaned in to her suddenly and kissed her on the cheek before she could move.
“Don’t worry babe I’ll be good as new,” he spoke charmingly as he smiled at her.
She bowed her head and gave him a tight smile her eyes quickly looking back at Logan’s and she felt uncomfortable and torn.
“Hey, Logan you staying for dinner?” Nathan called cheerfully over his shoulder as he fixed dinner.
“No,” Logan spoke curtly and the back door slammed behind him before Nathan had even fully turned around.
“That was odd even for Logan,” Nathan observed, shrugging his shoulders at her.
“Leave him alone, Nathan,” Scott ordered.
She found herself walking towards the door Logan had just left through with an urge to go after him when Nathan stepped in front of her and handed her the salad. Something must have shown on her face because the smile fell from his as he asked, “Are you alright?”
“Fine,” she muttered, realizing her lack of response and suddenly smiled at him again. “Fine.”
But she must have forced the smile to big because she noticed the concern and the twitch that fell over his blue eye, like maybe he didn’t believe her, his eyes shifting towards the back door. Like she said, Nathan was filled with innocence but he wasn’t a stupid man.