She swore her eyes were going to go cross-eyed if she continued to stare at the blue truck any longer. Nathan’s blue truck. Nathan’s blue truck that was currently parked on the driveway in front of the Summer’s house.
Sighing, she sat down on the last step of the front porch and let her eyes wander towards the forest line. Tilting her head she listened for any sound that would indicate Logan was close by. She sniffed the wind and was further assured that he was nowhere near. Although, to be fair his word was assurance enough, he’d promised and said he understood that she needed to speak with Nathan in private. It was hard not to worrying though, now that they were back together, now that she remembered, Logan could be visibly possessive.
He didn’t act like a jealous boyfriend, although it was in him to appear so. He was an extremely confident man but the only time she’d ever seen him be hesitant was around her. He knew she loved him, but it was hard to fight his basic feral nature with certain things, and she knew enough from acquiring her own nature from him to sympathize. She was his mate. He’d give her his word but that didn’t mean he could easily stop himself from letting it be known that she belonged to him.
Other men may not be taken seriously by Logan, but to the Wolverine any of them could be a challenge to his position, simply because he had to be known as the best there was and if his mate was seen even in the slightest as being anything but faithful it was a sign of weakness. He trusted her, but he didn’t always trust that those around them really understood. Understood their partnership and that even the slightest touch, the smallest look thrown her way would have to be dealt with
Logan cared for Nathan as much as he could. He cared for him like a team mate. Someone’s life that he had to make sure continued on to the best of his ability, anything less would be failure. He cared for him perhaps in a way like a nephew but not close enough for a son. She supposed he’d even call Nathan his friend. The truth was in many ways he considered Nathan an equal on some level, he knew the skills that he possessed, the intelligence that was behind the humour and he didn’t diminish it. However, there were some areas that Logan would definitely not consider Nathan to be an equal in and essentially it came down to her.
Nathan was not suppose to be even considered as one of her potential suitors. She imagined that if the circumstances had been different, her apparent interest would have been an insult to Logan. The thing was they both had Nathan to thank in getting them where they were, but even then Logan would be determined to make sure Nathan knew who was with who, who belonged to who and where the line was to be drawn. No matter the ties, no matter how close, if Logan, if the Wolverine felt the understanding wasn’t clear there’d be consequences.
She could hear Nathan in the house talking to Scott. She cringed at the tiredness that laced Nathan’s words. She hadn’t meant for him to get hurt, but she couldn’t argue with the reality of the situation. Just like Logan had his more primal nature, so did she and it was easier to associate it with her manifestation of Rogue. As of late she hadn’t felt the need to call herself Rogue, she was comfortable with just being Marie but she knew it wasn’t wise to bury the namesake and what came with it. Rogue would have her Wolverine no matter the terms. He was her mate and she couldn’t ignore it.
They’d be together despite the pain it might cause others, despite the disapproval that had occurred in their past. If Scott could change his mind and accept them she hoped Nathan was as open-minded. He was an intelligent man, but love and even the feeling of something less could make anyone narrow minded. She could accept that when it came to her and Logan they both had tunnel vision, but they didn’t consider it to be a bad thing.
The urge to wipe her hands on her jeans filled her and she was not at all surprised to find that sweat beaded her palms nervously. She was nervous. She would understand if Nathan hated her, but for his sake she truly wished he could be happy. Hate could be a poison.
Foot-steps approached suddenly and time seemed to speed up because abruptly the door was opening, she was standing up and both she and Nathan were mere feet apart staring at each other for the first time in two weeks.
“Nathan.”
He moved forward only enough for the door to close behind him. His face was hard and his eyes were hidden beneath his dark glasses.
“I’m not exactly sure what I’m supposed to call you,” he shot out cynically.
She hesitated and cast her eyes away feeling the bite of his words. When she gazed back up she saw the transformation as the lines around his mouth softened and regret poured into his features.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I shouldn’t…”
“No,” she interrupted quickly. “You aren’t the one who should be saying sorry.”
She noticed his hand clenched around the bag he was holding.
“You know, for the past two weeks I thought about what I would say to you, the accusation, the anger but it never lasted and some horrible part of me wanted it to last, wanted it to fill me up, but I couldn’t because…because what do you have to say sorry for.” He looked at her sharply. “Sorry that you found out who you were, sorry that you got your life back that had been brutally stolen from you, sorry that you found your husband. How can you say sorry for not loving me enough when you shouldn’t have to? I can’t hate you and I …can’t hate Logan.”
He placed the bag on the ground. “To be honest if it had of been me in his place I would have kicked my ass a long time ago. Taken you the moment I laid eyes on you, but he didn’t and you know in some kind of fucked up way I respect him more now then I ever did.”
He moved towards the steps.
“Nathan, please I…”
He interrupted her and surprised her by sitting down on the step. “Just stop.”
“Let me say it damn it!” she snapped through her emotion.
Nathan looked up at her and quirked a small smile. “Well what do you know a burst of emotion, some anger. It’s been what, only about two weeks since you’ve been back with him and I can already see the changes, see the glow to your skin. What kind of bastard would I be to get in the way of that?”
“Nathan,” she ground out through her teeth desperately. “Why are you being like this? Don’t put yourself down for something I did.”
“I’m not putting myself down. Aren’t you listening to me? Use your enhanced hearing if I’m not speaking loud enough. Yeah, I’m angry, yeah I’m upset but I’ll get over it, we all will and that’s the truth and all I’m doing is stating the truth.”
Slowly, she sat beside him. “Even so,” she whispered, feeling herself clam down. “I am sorry.”
He sighed. “Are you sorry you love him?”
They both sat looking out at the land in front of them.
“No.”
“A wife is supposed to love her husband.”
“Nathan, you’re the reason though that any of this happened. I came here as your girlfriend and…”
He interrupted and turned to stare at her. “Am I really the reason any of this happened?” he spoke seriously. “If you think about it, there’s another way to look at it.”
She was quiet as she listened to him.
“Dad told me everything, you know. It’s hard right now because I feel betrayed by him and not for the apparent reasons, but because he never told me about you my whole life and I don’t care what he says, you deserved to be spoken about. I deserved to know. Sacrifices can turn hollow when the legacy of them doesn’t carry on.”
Slowly, he took his glasses off. “I had a right to know about the woman who sacrificed herself so I could live. Maybe my mother and I would have gotten out of that war zone on our own but I don’t seriously believe that. She must have been weak from the troubled birth. The blast separated you all and all she and I had was you. You made sure we got out, you made sure that I would live and you lost your own life, the life you could have had with Logan all these years.”
His one blue eye glistened with unshed tears and she knew her eyes were a mirror image of emotion.
“I’m the reason neither of you got to be together. I stole your life from you, from him.”
“Nathan,” she spoke, her voice cracking. “No that’s…”
“You wanted to say sorry so desperately but it sickens me to hear the words from your mouth when my family owes everything to you.”
Her voice caught in her throat as he reached over and grabbed her hand.
“I knew the moment I met you in the diner that there was something there. It was as though I already knew you were important to me. You were right you know in your own way, the way you kept to yourself; it wasn’t the right kind of love between us. I understand now and I think that’s what helps.”
He smiled suddenly. “You remember when I took you on that picnic and you asked me why I put up with you?”
She nodded.
“And I said I felt like I wasn’t suppose to push you but I was suppose to be there for you?”
Again she nodded.
“I was right you know. I was supposed to be there in the way you were there for me all those years ago. Within all this pain and confusion it’s hard to deal with the contradicting emotions but I’m glad I got you here. Logan…” he paused as he licked his dry lips. “Logan is the one who’s suppose to push you. He knows you, knows when to kick your feet out from under you to make you stronger, to make you what you are meant to be. I was only holding you back.”
She opened her mouth to speak but he beat her to it.
“Don’t deny it.”
She closed her mouth and glanced back at the truck as she thought about it all.
“You make it sound like I’m some kind of hero,” she whispered.
He laughed lightly. “You are. You were the X-Men. You fought for more then just my survival.”
“You want me to accept the truth,” she stated as she rubbed her hands together and turned to catch his gaze. “Alright, but I have one for you. You didn’t steal my life. If I ever hear you say that again I will kick your fucking ass and don’t ever say it around Logan either. You’re mad at your father for not telling you, well you sitting her telling me you’re the reason for it all makes what I did less in my eyes if you want the truth. You being born wasn’t wrong, it was the fucking war.”
She saw him reach for his glasses and she grabbed him before he could.
“No more hiding,” she breathed. “Were you the one who told them about me before you were even born?”
He didn’t answer her and she was glad he didn’t try to. “Were you the one who developed the cure as a scheme?”
He moved his hand away from the glasses. “Were you the one who set the bombs off at the hospital? Were you the one who captured me and prodded me with drugs and tools?”
She clenched her fist. “I had a life before you were born, you know. A life with Logan yes, but a life spent in labs before. I was always on the run, Nathan. They knew about me. It was only a matter of time. It was war, a time of mistrust, of unrest. None of us were safe until it was over. So why don’t we all stop blaming ourselves and realize the ones to blame are probably dead or sentenced. For all I care they can go fuck themselves.”
She waited a moment and looked at him, waiting for his response.
“I can only wonder how my vocabulary would have turned out having both you and Logan around when I was younger, dad would have freaked.”
She looked at him in confusion and he only smiled at her, the hard lines fading from his face.
“It was a joke.”
“I know,” she muttered wryly.
“This is a bit of a mess, but I think we can work it out.”
“It doesn’t creep you out that I could have been your aunt like figure?”
He smirked at her playfully. “Nah, I mean I know you’re from the south and all,” he joked.
She punched him lightly in the arm in retaliation. “Hey, lay off the stereotypes, I thought you had more class.”
“Ow,” he feigned. “As I was saying, it’s not by blood and I don’t have any memories of you. I just know you as the cute girl with the mysterious edge who worked at the diner.”
He looked at her deeply. “Rogue, right? That’s your name.”
She smiled at him and nodded. “You can call me Marie, if you like.”
“Yeah, definitely a Marie.” He nodded knowingly.
He stood up and she followed suddenly unsure again.
“So Marie,” he spoke as he stuck his hand out. “Friends?”
She shook his hand. “Friends.”
He smiled and started heading for the truck.
“Aren’t you staying here?” she called after him in concern.
“I’ll come back,” he spoke assuredly.
“You should talk to Logan too.”
“I know,” he responded and laughed quickly. “I think I’ll wait a few more weeks if it’s okay by you. From what dad told me, he turns into a puppy dog around you.”
She rolled her eyes. “Don’t let him hear that.”
“I’m not stupid, I know where I stand.”
He opened the truck door and gave her one last look. “Where we all stand.”
The truck started up and he pulled away and she was glad to know that he’d be back. Maybe, just maybe she pondered that in getting to really know him on new ground it be a way to honour Jean’s death and find a piece of peace in knowing there was no regret.