He found Marie dressed in her jeans and thick jumper, she was putting on her boots as he walked in. Damask was sat by the side of her, holding her fleece jacket, whispering to her. As Logan approached Damask stopped and moved out of his reach, Logan's eyes followed her, showing the hurt that played there. As if he would raise his hand to her. She got into her bed and watched both of them, with barely disguised jealousy. She needed him still, wanted him too, he decided to talk to her later.
Turning to Marie he saw she was ready, “Come on we’ve got a bit of a walk and we have to get past our own patrols too.” He looked over to Damask, “Lock the door Damask, I’ll be back later.” Her face lit up as he spoke, he definitely needed to talk to her but talking was the last thing on her mind right now. He’d have to change that later.
They moved quickly and quietly through the school, avoiding the patrols that roved around the grounds. They made their way up into the woods behind the school, the autumn leaves were piled high. Frost picking out the veins on each one, he could see every tree, every log, everything. Marie was having trouble, stumbling over things, not being comfortable out here, in the wild. After an hour of walking he stopped, the small camp site was just ahead, where he did his lessons, where he taught others to survive out here. Sharing who he was with them, what he had learned as a man, not as an animal. He turned and saw her breathless and tired. “Come on it’s just up the rise, it’s not far now.” Pushing herself off the log she’d been sat on she followed him the last few yards.
The site was small, enough to teach a handful of students at a time. This time of year it was empty, the winter class hadn’t started yet and wouldn’t until the first snowfall. A small pup tent was always left up, along with rations and fresh water just in case. He went straight to it and checked on everything, satisfied it was ok he started to make a fire. Marie just collapsed in front of the tent and watched him.
After the fire was ready he sat down across from her, the small light making her stand out against the darkness around her. Shivering in the cold air she put her gloved hands out toward the small fire. Catching his eye she spoke. “So what now?”
“That’s up to you. We can talk or we can have sex, your choice.” At the mention of sex her cheeks burned.
“What out here? In the cold?”
“Yeah, what’s wrong with that? It’s how animals do it, you wanted the animal, you're getting it. Just say the word and we’ll get on with it.” He could see her face and the hurt that ran across it.
“What, just like that? You can do that?” He moved over to her side of the fire, sitting next to her, so she could smell him, feel his warmth.
“Yes I can, but I don’t want to. Not unless you want me to. You asked for the animal side of me and here it is. No bed, no sheets, just the woods, me, you and anyway possible. That’s the truth Marie, that’s the animal. Not *me*.” His eyes making the point for him. He wasn’t an animal, he was a man, he may have the urges of an animal but he *needed* like a man. Animals don’t care who they have sex with, as long as it’s a mate, it’s just another chance to have babies. He cares about who he’s with, it’s more than just a need to be filled. Her hand touched his face, tears found themselves in her eyes.
“I’m sorry Logan, I just need you so much. I want to touch you, to hold you, to feel you against me. I never meant to hurt you. *We* never meant to hurt you.” Blinking she looked away. “Damask loves you, you know. She needs you almost as much as I do.” He could see her question in there, did he love her too? Did he want Damask? Was what she said true, had he made love to her and spoken her name not Damask’s?
“I love her but not in the same way as I do you. I care for her but I won’t be her lover and that hurts her. She needs a protector and she thinks I can do it. I helped her get away from where she was, she helped me to get back to where I was needed. I can’t help her anymore, she needs to help herself.” Putting her arm through his she moved closer to him, drawing from his warmth. He felt relief flood him, as he realised that she didn’t want him. That she would wait a little while longer. “How’s the practise going?”
She moved away a little so she could see him better. Smiling she answered. “You’ll have to wait and see. Are you coming to my party? Ororo is organising it, we’re having a small dance in the dining room.” He knew the dining room was used for the guests that occasionally came to the school and needed impressing with the solidity of the work going on at the school. Wood panelled, parquet floor, chandelier and large paintings on the walls, he wouldn’t miss it for the world.
“Yeah I’ll be there.” She squeezed him when he answered.
“Great, you do have a suit don’t you? Ororo thinks it should be black tie seeing as it’s my twenty first.”
He stiffened as he realised what she meant. Him, in a suit? His memory searched for a time when he had ever worn one and came up blank. She felt his confusion and bluster and looked at him. “You don’t do you? Have you ever worn a suit? Ever been to a prom?” He could feel a blush rising up from his boots, she was really pushing buttons here. He’d always been what you’d call a ‘comfortable dresser’, otherwise if it fitted and was warm he’d wear it.
He tried to hide his discomfort. “Well I’ve never had the opportunity to wear one, it’s not exactly something I’ve had to get. Not a lot of social functions in the circles I travelled in, especially black tie.” He caught her smile and decided to push it. “Could you see the guys in Laughlin City holding a spring dance? Or a prom for the caribou?” Laughter broke through the tension and tears as they both enjoyed the moment of peace and tranquillity in the night. They stayed at the fire talking until the false dawn showed itself, deciding it was time to go back and try to get some sleep.
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They walked back hand in hand, closer than they’d ever thought possible. Sharing thoughts as they walked, seeing each others mind and how it worked, playing with memories.
Marie showed him the ‘turkey incident’, last year Ororo had been planning a huge celebration for the pupils who’d stayed behind. All the trimmings and turkey were ready, sat in the huge refrigerator and he’d eaten it. She showed him her memory of seeing him, sat there with a leg in his hand and two empty bottles of beer sat next to him. He almost choked when he saw what he’d looked like, a huge hairy creature perched precariously on a stool. He turned to her, “Did I really look like that?” Through tears of laughter she nodded. “No wonder Ororo hides stuff from me, I looked like a damn bear!”
They could see lights on in the kitchen when they got back and they headed straight for it. They found Ororo making breakfast for the last night patrol, she looked up in their direction as they walked in. “Good morning, it’s nice to know that someone else gets up early. Been for a walk?” Her eyes met Logan's with a straight stare and he knew she wanted to know what had been going on.
“Yeah I took Marie to see the new camp site, she’ll be doing the winter course this coming semester. I wanted to make sure she knew what she was getting herself into.” He cocked his head to one side as he answered. “Ororo, do I look like a bear to you?” She turned and looked at him, her face puzzled by his words until Marie explained through fits of laughter.
“No, just a damn hungry man who didn’t ask first.” Smiling she put down plates with bacon, egg and toast. “If you want anything else you’ll have to make it yourself. I have my own breakfast waiting upstairs.” As she left he called after her.
“Yeah I know, nights can make you hungry. Especially next door to those two.” He saw her stop mid step for a second and then carry on. He’d hit home and he wondered what her smile was like as she walked back to her room.
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The rest of the week passed quickly. The only event of the whole week was when Damask came down to help out with the decorations in the dining room. Her small frame was almost lost within the pressing bodies of young men, that was until Peiter walked up. His large frame pushed through the knot of young hotheads and gently moved her away from their attentions. Damask’s eyes were huge when she finally got a good look at him and she mumbled her thanks and ran off the where he and Ororo were discussing the holiday arrangements.
As she approached Logan could smell her excitement and nerves, even Ororo could sense her. Damasks violet eyes were wide as she spoke. “Who is that?” He looked over to where she’d just come from and watched as Peiter put up a swag without having to get a chair. Ororo answered her, “That’s Peiter or Colossus as he likes to be called. He’s from Russia.” He watched as she went through several different emotions all at once, wonder, excitement, guilt. She bit her pale lips and bent Ororo closer to her. “Is he coming to the dance?” Ororo smiled, “Yes I think so, why are you going to ask him to come with you?” Damask’s eyes flashed a quick look at Logan, as if seeking permission.
“I’d like to, that is if you don’t mind Logan?” Her voice trembled with uncertainty, her nerves were showing and she needed to gain confidence in her own self without him to help her.
“Sure if you want to Damask, I don’t mind. I’ll probably be busy all night anyway.” Smiling she went over to the knot of young girls who were working on the streamers. A few seconds later Jubilee went across, grabbed Peiter and dragged him bodily over to their group. He’d never seen Colossus so afraid before as he was just then, he’d faced armed soldiers but they were nothing compared to a group of scheming young women. Chuckling to himself he turned back to Ororo. She was watching his face, studying it. He stepped back a little, “What?” She smiled and shook her head.
“I swear Logan, you get more civilised every day.” He growled under his breath.
“Yeah, well as long as I don’t get *too* civilised.” A crooked smile playing on his lips. “So are we sorted out with security details for tonight?” Ororo nodded.
“Yes we have two teams doing the rounds tonight, one indoor, one outdoor.” He smiled at the plan, it would give him chance to nip between both groups and check on how they were doing with the weather. The first snow had fallen earlier in the week and it had promised more tonight.
“Have you got your suit ready yet?” Her words snapped him back to the here and now.
“What?”
“Your suit for tonight?” Her voice almost condescending in tone. “You have remembered to get one haven’t you?” His short growl spoke for him.
“Oh Logan, you are coming aren’t you?” Ororo looked genuinely upset at his lack of thought and planning.
He avoided her piercing gaze and spoke to the floor.
“I’ve never worn a suit.” His eyes met hers and she could see the embarrassment that shone in them, burning like fire. Her heart softening she put her arm through his and she walked him away from the bustling activity of the room. As they passed Jubilee and Damask’s group she smiled.
“You know what that means don’t you?” He looked at her face trying to find a hint of humour at his expense and finding none. “That this is your party too. Your first time in a suit, your own little prom night.” He could see the humour sparkle in her eyes and it pulled on a nerve. Stopping just outside the room he looked back inside and then turned to Ororo.
“You ever tell them,” he nodded back into the room of young adults. “And I’ll tie a knot in Blue Boy’s tail.” Smiling she pulled him along the corridor.
“Okay Logan but you do know he has more than one don’t you?” The comment stopped him dead in his tracks, his face almost completely red. She turned and almost laughed out loud. “Good grief Logan, you look like you’ve been boiled. What did you think we were doing, I’m not a nun you know.” For a second he saw her as she really was, a sexual woman, all curves and smooth skin, not a teacher, a lover. The sight almost robbed him of his voice. Seeing him struggling she pulled him along the corridor. “Let’s go see if Scott has a suit you can borrow, that is if one will fit you.”
Her eyes locked on his and he felt like a small rabbit about to be pounced on by an eagle. Kurt was a brave man, the look in those eyes any man would have trouble with. But he’d been taking risks all of his life, up on the high wire of the circus. He hoped that that would be enough to take on this powerhouse in front of him. She appraised his size as they walked, “Yes, I think Scott may have a suit that’ll fit you. It’s dark blue.” Her eyes met his, “It’ll show off your eyes too.” Feeling even more uncomfortable he allowed himself to be led to Scott’s room.
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It had taken five attempts to find a suit that fitted in all the right places, either the trousers were too tight, the jacket too long, the arms were too thin. He’d felt like a tailors dummy at the end of it. Although the suit that Ororo had picked out for him really did set off what nature had given him.
The cut of the shoulders was perfect, the jacket tapered beautifully into the waist, framing his broad back. The shirt was rough silk and off white, not too showy and a good fit if he kept his movements graceful. If he moved too quickly or sharply it’d tear along the shoulder. Ororo had helped him with the bow tie, smoothing down the bow afterward she’d nodded in approval and pointed him to a mirror.
What he saw was someone else, a different Logan. A grown up Logan, standing there in his bare feet he felt so vulnerable, so alone. Ororo came up behind him and put her hand on his shoulder.
He tried to smile but his eyes gave him away. “Do you think I’ll pass muster?” She handed him something small and white. Opening the items he smiled.
“With those you will.” He held the white evening gloves in his hands and turned them over, they even had three ridges sewn into the white calf leather. “She asked me to give them to you, so she wouldn’t hurt you.”
Tears pricked his eyes and his gaze found Ororo, smiling she touched his face and left him alone with his gift. Holding them to his face he could smell her on them still, taking a look at himself in the mirror, he put them on. Pulling them tight until they were like a second skin, flexing the fingers and touching his skin he found that they enhanced his sensitivity. Smiling he turned to the mirror, winked and walked out of the room.
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Author's Chapter Notes:
Marie gets a lesson in who Logan *really* is and gets to grow up some.
A landmark comes and Logan gets to have his own coming out party.
A landmark comes and Logan gets to have his own coming out party.