Author's Chapter Notes:
Disclaimer - I don't own the characters or the song that moved me to write this.
Still Missing Your Love
SacredMacha
NotMySight at aol.com
Summary : Here with me, but I'm still missing your love
Rating : PG 13
Genre - Hmm .. not sure.
Category - Post - X2/AU
Disclaimer - I don't own the characters or the song that moved me to write this.

I don't know when it started Maybe it had always been this way and I was too caught up to ever notice.

I had always been a sucker for big brown eyes and a pretty face. Throw in the blushing hint of shyness, the honey sweet drawl, the ice white streaks that came to frame her face, and I was a goner.

When we met, she'd only had the beginning of the figure she'd develop. The first time I saw her in the leather of her X-men uniform, I forgot about Jean, the mess we were all in, the devastation we'd just left behind in Alkali Lake.

Then I saw how *he* was looking at her, and my blood ran hot. I clenched my fists to try and quell the urges. The urge to slide my hand along the curve of the back of her head. Capture her ponytail between my thumb and the rest of my hand, jerk her head back just a little bit, and kiss her. Mark her as mine, deadly touch be damned. I'd gotten past it before.

But I couldn't do that, then. It would have been wrong, with Scott's shock, and the horror of the way we had all lost Jean. We'd been on the way to the President's office, for Christ's sake. It was hardly the time to grab and grope her in front of everyone to try and prove she was mine.

Thankfully, by the time we were in the Oval office, the urges had passed. The serious look she carried in espresso eyes stamped out the fire of my instincts better than any cold shower could have.

She took it seriously, very seriously. The training, looking after the younger students while the mansion was rebuilt and repaired. She spent the hours she wasn't with the kids, studying, working out in the Danger Room and the gym, or in Ororo's quarters, trying to work on grasping control on her mutation.

It got harder and harder to spend any time alone with her, even just to lay on her bed in the single room she had, to watch a movie or plain television. It was even harder to get her to come to my room, just to spend time together, not even with any thoughts of seducing her in mind.

I watched her work on Scott, trying to draw him out of his grief. I knew, rationally, that I had no reason at all to feel jealous.

I still did.

I knew she was fond of him, saw him almost as a big brother figure. They had their own bond, both of them with a mutation they couldn't control that kept them apart, and understanding that pain that they both knew from it.

I also was rational enough to understand that if anyone could reach him, it was her. Scott saw her as his kid sister, non threatening as a female, lethal skin a non-issue, keeping that relationship purely platonic and familial. I knew it, and did my best to push the jealousy back down, and ignore it. I had nothing to be jealous of, other than the fact he had her time, her attention.

I might have been all right with that, might have dealt with only have precious moments of her time. But it got to the point it wasn't the time she spent with Scott, with Ororo and Jubilee, or helping tutor the kids, that wore on me.

It was the time she spent locked away without any of them, without me. Most of the time I had a sinking feeling just who it was she was locked away with, or dreaming of in her sanctuary.

It started to drive me mad, watching her every move, trying to detect what I had done wrong to lose her affections, her love. Though she was still my girl, still told me she loved me, gave me scarf covered kisses, I stopped feeling it.

I started to hear his name from her lips when she called to me. I started wondering if it was his lips she was imagining through the layers of thin silk and gauze of her scarves. I started to feel how she was holding back, pulling away from me subtly. When we would talk, she'd look into my eyes. She was talking to me, but I knew what was on her mind.

I would reach out and she would turn away. It was taking all I could do to make it through the days. Though she was here with me, I was still missing her love. It had to stop. I took her aside one day, into one of the empty classrooms, neutral territory.

"It's over. I can't do this anymore. " It hurt to see the confusion in her eyes, that darkest coffee color I used to dream about.

"But.. what.. why?" One gloved hand gestured up, " We haven't fought over anythin'.. Ah mean, if it's mah skin.. Ah.." I shook my head.

"It's not your skin. It's your heart. It doesn't belong to me, maybe it never did. We both know who it belongs to, and he's not in this room. I won't have you say you're with me, and dreaming about him. " The way confusion turned to hurt, turned to just a hint of guilt crushed me in ways I hadn't imagined.

"It's nothin'. Just a passin' thing, a crush. Ah'm still with ya, aren't Ah?" Trying to defend herself, and I just wanted to wrap my arms around her, steal a kiss against bare lips no matter how she would protest.

"Not in the ways that matter. It's over, Rogue." I made it sound as final as I could, while my heart shattered.

I watched her run away from me, down the hall. Heard the voice I knew I would, calling after her, even less able to take seeing her upset than I could. Heavy footfalls stopped when he grabbed her by her gloved wrist, drawing her against him. She melted against him in a way she never had me, let him stroke her hair, kiss the top of her head. Saw him look up when he sensed me, those eyes so like a wolf's glinting in the half light of the hallway. No gesture of threat, no growling or stalking my way. He knew as well as I did, that I'd given her up, given her into his care. She belonged to him, it was his love she had held onto, not mine. I just nodded, and walked out over the grounds.

Just so no one knew the Iceman cried over doing the right thing. She was as wild a creature inside as Logan was, and she was his. I just hadn't wanted to admit it. Better she hate me now, for a little while, then later, for keeping her with me, when she loved him.

"Missing Your Love"
by : Jonny Lang
You lay me down, whisper in my ear
Well, it may be my name you call
But it's his name I hear
You promised me through thick and thin
You told me you loved me, you told me a lie
'cause you love him
And I'm missin' your love every day
I'm missin' your love every way
Though your here with me,
I'm still missin' your love
And when we talk, you look into my eyes
Your talkin to me but baby I can see
He's on your mind
And I'm missin' your love every day
I'm missin' your love every way
Though your here with me, I'm still missin' your love
I reach out for you and you turn away
It takes all I can do to make it through the day
And I'm missin' your love And I'm missin' your love every day
I'm missin' your love every way
Though your here with me,
I'm still missin' your love
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