Life has been dull with Logan for the past week. We stay in a motel for one or two nights before moving to a new place. I always bit my tongue when my mouth would open to ask why we kept moving, not really wanting to make conversation with him ever since our outburst in the car after we left Lumberton.
Sitting in the fourth different motel room this week, I stared out of the window into the empty parking lot, trying to find anything to amuse me before I die of boredom. Sighing in surrender to the boredom, I turned to Logan who was examining the back of his hand as he sat up on his bed. I took a deep breath and focused my eyes on his face instead of his bare chest under his beater that seemed to call my eyes to it.
" Can we go out and do something, Logan? I'm really bored." I took a chance by talking to him as I plopped my useless body on my bed and looked at him. He shot me a dirty look and curled the hand he was examining into a tight fist that made his knuckles go white. I soon regretted opening my mouth when I seen him clench his jaw and examine his white knuckles.
" Don't you have a book or something to read like you usually do?" he said, only giving me a short glance before examining his knuckles again. I gave them a quick look as well, although I had seen nothing special about them.
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" A girl could only have so much of books and knowledge, Logan." the tone in her voice made my head spin to the right where her bed was. She looked at me upside down as she layed on her back, giving me a slight grin. I could see the fear behind her eyes still sitting there, but I knew that she was trying her best to hide it as her smooth dark hair slipped off the edge of her bed, almost touching the carpeted ground. I marveled at the soft skin that claimed her neck and chest, my eyes traveling to the open cave her large shirt left to view the cleavage that would put Jean's to shame.
Owen, did you teach your daughter this seductive pose? I hope you didn't teach her to nibble on the corner of her lip like she is right now. I hope you didn't teach her to make her eyes cloudy and innocent like they are right now, because if you did Owen, your once sick ass father. Where the hell did this damn kid learn to look like this?
" I really don't give a damn, kid." I said and tried to suck my mouth dry of all of the saliva that was beginning to build up in my mouth as she flipped over and leaned on her forearms still facing me on her stomache, letting me have a farther look into her bra. Gosh, I'm one sick guardian. " Keep reading. Maybe it'll make you a little smarter." I forced a light chuckle and pretended to find some interest in my knuckles again to keep my eyes off that damn girl.
" I'm not dumb like you think I am, Logan. I wasn't the smartest kid in my grade but I was on the top there, you know." her irritation made me grin a little at how quickly I could light a flame under her. " I'm not lying so you better wipe that smile off of your face Logan and stop thinking of me as some helpless little girl because I'm not." It was more of a statement than a demand as I focused my eyes on her face that was beginning to turn red with anger and frusturation.
" Watch your tone, kid! How many times do I have to tell your ass!?" I yelled at her, trying to keep the fear in her for me alive. But her eyes showed no sign of fear, only a passionate anger and I could already feel a long dramatic speech building as she took in a deep breathe.
" Don't you have any feelings, Logan! If you haven't noticed, I just lost my father 13 days ago and I feel like you don't have any sympathy for me! I mean, just because there's food in my stomache and a roof over my damn head, doesn't mean that your guardian styles cut it! Do you know how to nurture somebody who has lost their only family?!" tears were now builing up at the rim of her eyelids and they soon streamed down her face, leaving only their light trail behind as they dropped from the edge of her jaw line.
The pungent smell of sadness, hurt, and anger practically flew into my nostrils quickly as Marie sniffed her nose and wiped her eyes on the bottom of the large shirt she wore. Guilt was a feeling I hated to feel, but a feeling that Marie loved to shove into my chest as she layed on her back and stared at the cieling, tears flowing down the side of her face.
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Gosh Dad, I hate him, hate him, hate him, hate him!!!! Dad!! He's probably going to poke me or something but I don't even give a damn anymore Dad. Maybe life will be better if I'm up there with you.
"....I'm sorry, kid." The room got an eerily silent as my tears seemed to instantly dry up at what I had just heard. Did I just hear what I heard? Is Big Bad Logan apologizing.....to me?
" What?" I asked in slight disbelief as I flipped over, wincing at hearing how mean I sounded. His hazel eyes were soft and gentle as they met mine, his thin lips in a small frown. His shoulders seemed to stoop a little bit as well and just for a moment -and only a moment- did he seem different, like a big bear I wanted to squeeze, but then he sighed and is face got hard again as he hopped up from the squeaky bed and grabbed his leather jacket and shirt that was draped on a chair.
With his back still facing me as he slipped on his jacket, he said something that I would never forget because of the gentleness and anger in his voice at the same time. " I lost one of my best friends too, so stop acting like your the only one who got the short straw."
I sniffed as he slammed the door shut and I actually smiled, replaying the ourburst we had tonight. How he was so cool and calm , yet angry and remorseful at the same time. How could he have made such a large after affect on me when he barely said anyting? Dad, help me wipe this grin off of my face. I shouldn't be wanting to run into those burly arms of his and dig my face into his chest that I believed had no heart. I'm not suppose to want to drown him in my talk about my feelings and all the good times me and my father had. Well..maybe that's the thing I'm not trying to talk to him. Maybe if I tried to talk to him again, he'll be more understanding.
Understanding? Logan? I'm wasting my time in fantasy land once again. But I can't help but wonder what it would've been like if I had actually went with foster parents? Would life be more exciting? Or would life be more dreadful? Well, too late to find out now, I guess.
I found another relaxing tactic as I waited for Logan to return. I found that my anger leaves quicker if I begin to fantasize about Logan that night I seen him with only a towel tied around his hips. Gosh, why hadn't I just reached over and ripped that towel off him. Well, not being to fond of hairyness, I don't think I'd enjoy seeing that very much. Hehe. Shouldn't be thinking about this. Not the time to fantasize about my guardian who I love to hate. Wooh...... it's getting too hot in here.
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I hope that this chpater ends up longer because I tried to lengthen it. Please rate and review-thanks!