Rogue was watching Logan’s face intently, wishing she had asked him to let her up, when she saw the slight shift in his eyes.
“Hey, darlin’,” he rumbled at her, his voice with a bit more growl to it than usual.
“L-Logan?”
He shook his head slowly.
“Ya’re Wolverine then?”
“Yeah.” She could tell he was examining her closely, although she wasn’t sure why.
“Ya wanted to talk to me?”
“Yeah.” Rogue waited for him to continue. When he didn’t, and she couldn’t stand being stared at anymore, she shifted her eyes down and stared at his collarbone.
Logan’s collarbone, she thought to herself.
“Well?” she prompted. “‘Bout what?”
Wolverine drew back slightly, putting some distance between them so he could lift her chin with a crooked finger. Unless she was going to be childish enough to close her eyes, Rogue had no choice but to meet his gaze again.
“Wanted to talk ‘bout you. And let you ask any questions you might have.”
“Questions? ‘Bout what?”
He shrugged. The gesture was so much like Logan’s that Rogue’s breath hitched.
“Anythin’ you want to know.”
Rogue considered him carefully for a moment. While she was uncomfortable with their position, him hovering over her like a bird of prey over its food, she somehow lacked the courage to say anything about it. Wolverine inhaled deeply. She was familiar enough with the action that she recognized that he was scenting the air. Whatever he detected made him frown.
“Was Logan right? Do ya care ‘bout me the same way he does?”
“More or less.”
Confused by his answer, Rogue waited silently, hoping he would take the hint to explain. Several moments passed by in silence and she gradually became aware of the ticking of the clock on the nightstand and the hum of the heater beneath the window. The only other sound was Wolverine’s slow, relaxed breathing.
Rogue cleared her throat, the noise seeming incredibly loud in her ears. “What do ya mean by that?”
“We both want you safe and happy. We both desire you. And we would both die for you.”
Rogue felt her heart flutter quickly against her ribs and wondered if Wolverine could feel it or even hear it.
“That’s all the same. ‘More or less’ implies that there’s a difference in the way the two of ya think ‘bout me.”
Wolverine nodded. “There is a slight difference in our thinkin’. I’m not sure that you want to hear it, though.”
“Ah…” Rogue let the word trail off, not sure what she actually wanted to say. She settled for a question she thought was relatively safe. “Why not?”
“Because I think it might scare you. And I don’t ever want you to be afraid o’ me.” He chuckled, surprising Rogue. “Well,” he amended, a slight smirk on his lips, “at least no more afraid than you already are.”
“Ah’m not afraid o’ ya!” Rogue denied quickly.
Wolverine’s smirk faded and he spoke gently. “Darlin’, you can’t mask your scent. And right now, it’s tellin’ me you’re afraid.”
Unable to help it, Rogue scowled. “Ah hate that ya can do that, ya know.”
“I know.”
“So why do ya keep doin’ it?” she demanded.
Rogue sensed Wolverine’s hesitation. “I don’t think I know how not to do it,” he admitted.
“Huh. Ah suppose Ah can understand that. Ah mean, even Logan does it. Or are ya the one doin’ it?”
“No, that’s Logan most o’ the time.”
“Tell me one thing recently that’s been you,” Rogue requested impulsively. Again, she sensed an odd hesitation from Wolverine.
“I haven’t really been…out in the last few days,” he hedged.
“Well, tell me somethin’ ya had a hand in then.”
“I don’t think you’ll like it.” Rogue was suddenly amused at the almost fearful hesitance in Wolverine’s voice.
Not knowing for sure where she got the nerve, but thinking that it might have something to do with his hangdog look being so similar to Logan’s when he knew he was going to be in trouble with her, Rogue teasingly asked, “If Ah promise not to yell at ya, will ya tell me?”
When Wolverine quirked his eyebrow in the exact same manner as Logan, Rogue found herself relaxing completely. She was no longer worried about him leaning over her, effectively trapping her with his arms on either side of her.
“All right,” Wolverine said slowly. “The other night, when you…you know. I’m the one who got Logan to stop.”
Rogue felt her face heat up. “Y-ya were around fer that?”
“Yeah, darlin’. Nothin’ to be embarrassed ‘bout.”
“Yes it is!” Rogue covered her face with her hands. For a moment, she recognized that it was the same reaction she had had the night she threw herself at Logan. She wondered if Wolverine would make the connection.
“Marie.”
Rogue froze. She peeked out from between her fingers. “Ah don’t know why, but fer some reason, Ah didn’t expect ya to know mah name.”
“I know everythin’ ‘bout you that Logan does. Sometimes maybe a little more.”
Curious despite her embarrassment, Rogue dropped her hands. “Like what?”
“I’m the one who knew that you were afraid o’ me. That’s why I asked Logan to let me talk to you.”
“How on earth did ya figure that out?”
A wry grin curled up the corners of his mouth. “Not much else to do but think when you’re ridin’ around in someone else’s head.”
“Oh.” Rogue chuckled suddenly. “The Logan in mah head said that once.”
Wolverine grinned back at her. “Doesn’t surprise me.”
Unaware of what she was doing, Rogue tapped a finger on his chest as she thought. “So what’s yer take on it? Are ya an’ Logan two separate people?”
Wolverine considered her question. While he thought about his answer, he reached up and wrapped a white section of her hair around his finger. The gesture was, again, similar to one of Logan’s.
“I’m not sure,” he said finally. “I remember, somehow, a really long time ago, when there just seemed to be one of us. But Logan doesn’t really remember that.”
“He said somethin’ similar once.”
Wolverine nodded. “I think, whatever I am, I’ve always been with Logan. I just don’t know for sure when I started bein’…I dunno…me, I guess.”
“Ya don’t know fer sure? Ya have an idea, though?”
For a moment, Wolverine looked distinctly uncomfortable. Rogue saw the moment his eyes seemed to turn inward, the way she was used to seeing Logan’s when he was talking to Wolverine.
He snapped back to himself quicker than Logan usually did.
“At the lab,” he said suddenly. “When we were at the lab is the first time I remember bein’ just me.” Wolverine moved his shoulders in a half-shrug and began playing with the lock of hair he still held. If Rogue didn’t know any better, she would say he was fidgeting.
“Do ya think that’s why Logan’s memory’s so messed up?”
Giving her a guilty look that he hid quickly, Wolverine shrugged again. “I dunno. Maybe. But enough. Let’s talk ‘bout you for a bit, darlin’.”
Rogue shook her head stubbornly. “No. Ya said Ah can ask ya anythin’ Ah want to know. An’ Ah want to know ‘bout this.”
“Dammit, Marie! No!” The words were a furious growl right in her face.
Marie just raised an eyebrow and looked Wolverine straight in the eye. “Well, sugar. Looks like ya got yer wish. ‘Cause Ah’m not afraid o’ ya anymore. Now answer the question.”
Wolverine looked at her from only a few inches away, his mouth opening and closing a few times. When Rogue’s eyebrow lifted further, he laughed.
“I told him you’d lead us on a hell of a chase,” he murmured almost too low for Rogue to hear.
“Huh?”
Still smiling, Wolverine shook his head. He leaned back a bit and his expression sobered. “About Logan’s memory. We don’t remember anythin’ clearly from before the lab. And I’m not sure Logan’ even remembers the lab itself.”
“‘Course he does. Well, maybe not consciously, but he remembers it in his nightmares.”
Wolverine shook his head slowly. “No, he doesn’t.”
“Ya can’t seriously be tellin’ me that Logan’s nightmares aren’t real? I’ve seen ‘em first hand, sugar. Nobody can make that shit up.”
Wolverine began stroking her hair absently with his other hand. “I know they’re real. And I’m sorry you ended up with ‘em too. But they’re not Logan’s.”
“What? Then whose the hell are th–” Rogue cut off her words as soon as she realized what Wolverine was telling her. “They’re yours?” she asked, her voice low and horrified.
Wolverine nodded curtly, turning his head slightly so he was no longer meeting her eyes. He fixed his attention on the hand he had twined in her hair.
“But how?”
Still not looking at her, Wolverine answered slowly. “In the labs…you know some o’ how bad it was. Logan was there at the beginnin’. But after a while, it got to be too much, you know? He kept passin’ out from the pain, even though he tried not to. It wasn’t possible to stay conscious through all that.”
“But ya did?”
Another slow nod. “For the most part. I think I’m kinda like Logan’s default settin’, if that makes sense.”
“When he can’t do somethin’, ya do it fer him?”
“Basically. And I think, back then, I knew everythin’ ‘bout him that he knew ‘bout himself. But at the end, the pain got to be too much even for me. I blacked out too. Weirdest damned thing, though.” Wolverine met her eyes again. “It was kinda like I was just floatin’ around inside myself. Not really unconscious, I guess, since I could still think, but I felt completely cut off from my body and Logan. Spent every second waitin’ for even a twinge of feelin’ to come back. And when it did, it was just me and I couldn’t feel Logan anymore. First thing I remember seein’ is one of those bastard doctors leanin’ over the table, pryin’ one o’ my eyes open. Still don’t know how I did it, but I snapped one o’ the restraints and gutted him. And then I got us the hell out o’ there.”
“If most o’ the memories of the lab are just yours,” Rogue spoke slowly, “how come Logan dreams ‘bout it?”
Wolverine held her gaze for a few moments before answering. “‘Cause if there’s somethin’ he wants to know, I can’t keep it from him, even if I try. I didn’t want him to remember the lab…figured it wouldn’t do him any good. When he’s awake, part o’ him doesn’t want to know either. But when he’s asleep, the part o’ him that wants to know just goes diggin’ until it finds those memories.”
“Does it work both ways? Can Logan keep ya out o’ his thoughts an’ memories?”
“Maybe.” Wolverine shrugged. “He’s never tried.”
“Huh.” Rogue scrunched her nose up in thought, making Wolverine chuckle. The motion caused his stomach to brush against hers. He felt his muscles tighten and his gaze focused quickly on her face, looking for any sign that she was as affected as he was.
No such luck, bub, Logan interjected happily as they observed Rogue’s look of concentration and the way she was tapping a forefinger against her chin. Wolverine gave a wordless mental growl in response.
“Anythin’ else ya wanna know, darlin’?” Although his voice was a bit deeper than before, Rogue didn’t notice.
“Yeah.”
“Well? Let’s hear it.”
“Logan said ya didn’t really like Jean. Why not?”
Wolverine snorted and grinned. “Jealous?”
“Huh? No, not really. Just curious.” The honest confusion in Rogue’s voice deflated what was left of Wolverine’s ego. Logan’s howl of laughter only served to further blacken his mood.
“Didn’t really dislike her. Wouldn’t have minded sleepin’ with her. Just didn’t think she was all that special.”
In a voice laced with disbelief, Rogue questioned, “But why not? Everybody loved Jean.”
“I dunno. Guess since I knew she was never really serious ‘bout Logan, I couldn’t make myself care ‘bout her like he did.”
“But if ya knew she wasn’t serious ‘bout him, why didn’t ya say anythin’?”
“I did. Idiot wouldn’t listen to me.” Rogue could hear a distinct pout in Wolverine’s voice. She arched an eyebrow at him.
“Why not?”
“Said it didn’t matter. He knew that she didn’t feel the way he did, but said that that could change at any time. And he intended to be there when it did.”
Rogue gave a startled huff of laughter. “That sounds like Logan.”
“Yeah. Like I said, he’s an idiot.” Wolverine winced.
Watching him curiously, Rogue tilted her head to the side. “Ah suppose he took exception to that?”
“Yeah,” Wolverine muttered with a scowl.
“Why do ya like me when ya didn’t like Jean?” Rogue blurted the question before she could restrain herself.
Wolverine gave her a look filled with surprise. “I’m not entirely sure.”
“Well that’s flatterin’,” Rogue said, trying to keep the hurt out of her voice.
“I didn’t mean it that way, darlin’. I’m just sayin’ that there’s somethin’ ‘bout you – always has been – that kinda draws me in. Logan too.”
“But why? Ah mean, Ah’m just me. Nothin’ special.”
Wolverine laughed in her face. “Are you serious?”
“Well, yeah. Nothin’ ‘bout me stands out ‘cept fer the skin. Poor little Rogue with the deadly skin who can still be nothin’ more’n average. Average grades, average skills, average looks. An’ nobody even knows ‘bout mah skin ‘til it’s killin’ ‘em. Sometimes Ah wish Ah was bright green an’ orange to go along with the poisonous skin – ya know, like those little frogs that can kill ya? – an’ at least that wouldn’t be average.”
Wolverine was staring at her. “You wanna look like a frog?” he asked, his voice serious.
“No!” Rogue smacked him on the shoulder, her hand lingering for a moment of its own accord. “Ya know what Ah mean. Ah’m just so sick o’ bein’ treated like a…a non-entity ‘cause Ah don’t stand out in any particular way.”
“That’s just plain ridiculous, Marie.”
“It isn’t,” she insisted. “Don’t ya feel the same way? Ah mean, ya’re here, a separate part o’ Logan, an’ nobody ever sees ya even though they know ya exist. It’s kinda like that.”
“You sayin’ your friends don’t see you?”
“Not like ya an’ Logan do, no.”
Wolverine scowled at her and cupped her face in his rough hands. “I’m gonna let you in on a little secret, Marie. If everybody saw you the way I do – the way Logan does – we’d have to kill ‘em to keep you to ourselves.”
“Huh?” Rogue’s brow furrowed in confusion.
“‘Cause what we see isn’t average at all. We see somebody with exceptional strength and courage. Kindness. Intelligence.” When Rogue opened her mouth to argue, he cut her off with a quick shake of his head. “Maybe not the book smarts that other people pride themselves on, but you know people. You understand things ‘bout them without anybody havin’ to explain it to you. An’ maybe that’s what drew us to you in the first place. That day in the truck, it felt like you understood us without even havin’ to exchange more’n a dozen words or so, and whatever it is you knew ‘bout us then, you didn’t judge or pin any expectations on us. And if everybody would just pull their heads outta their asses and look at you, they might understand how exceptional you really are.”
Rogue sincerely hoped that Wolverine’s hands on her face were covering her blush, although she suspected, correctly, that he could feel the increased warmth beneath his palms. Feeling horribly uncomfortable and desperate for something to say, Rogue spoke the first thought that came to mind.
“Well, thanks fer all that, sugar. But Ah’m still just average lookin’.”
Wolverine’s predatory grin increased her uneasiness. “Wrong again. You’re fuckin’ gorgeous, darlin’.”
Certain that her deepening blush must be scalding his hands, Rogue dropped her gaze to his chin. She tugged lightly at Wolverine’s wrists, but he refused to move his hands.
“Logan can just kill me later,” she heard him murmur. “Might as well do this while you can’t get any more embarrassed.”
He brushed his thumbs over her cheekbones in a brief caress and she felt his weight shift slightly forward. Startled, Rogue lifted her eyes to his and caught her breath.
His look was determined, almost stern, but beneath it was a tenderness she had never expected to see on his face. Or on Logan’s for that matter. She had time for only half of a startled thought - Is he gonna… - and then his lips were on hers, warm and soft, and more gentle than she had believed possible from him. The kiss was a tickling brush against her lips, a whisper of breath. She felt the slight rasp of stubble against her chin, and was suddenly aware of the strength and warmth of the wrists she still grasped in her hands. Her fingers tightened reflexively and she pulled herself up slightly so she could increase the pressure of his lips on hers. She felt the tip of his tongue nudge against her and she parted her lips obligingly. Just as his tongue brushed the tip of hers, she felt him wince and draw back abruptly.
Rogue opened her eyes slowly, not even remembering when they had fallen closed, and looked up into his face. Anger stood bright in his narrowed eyes and his mouth was pulled tight in a furious scowl.