“I’m sorry, Logan, but I do need to know about your relationship with Rogue,” the professor insisted.
Logan tossed his head side to side, cracking his neck, and then shrugged one broad shoulder. “We’re friends, Chuck. I don’t know what you’re going for, so maybe you should just ask straight, simple questions I can answer.”
Xavier nodded. “Very well. Are you intimately involved?”
“You mean have we had sex?” Logan asked bluntly.
The professor sighed. “Logan, I am very well aware of how intelligent you are, and that you understand my question perfectly. You’re just avoiding answering, and I’m curious as to why you would feel the need to do so.” Xavier held Logan’s gaze for several long seconds.
“No,” Logan answered evenly, “we haven’t had sex.”
“Are you attracted to Rogue?” He was confused by Logan’s sudden burst of laughter. “Logan? Logan?” he questioned several times until the man was finally down to just a low chuckle.
“Hell, Chuck. I think it’s safe to assume that any man with a pulse would find Rogue attractive. You should probably realize that same as I do.” He arched a brow pointedly at the professor and was amused to see a faint blush tinge his cheeks.
“Yes, well. Hmm,” the professor cleared his throat. “Moving on then. If you find Rogue attractive, why are you still just friends? You don’t really have friendships with women, Logan.” Now the professor was the one giving pointed looks.
“We’re friends because she hasn’t given me any indication that she wants anything else.”
“And that’s important to you? To decide your actions based on what Rogue wants?”
Logan tensed in his chair. He could smell the anxiety rolling off the professor in waves when he asked the question. That, and the fact that Xavier was now swallowing rapidly, told him that the answer to this question would somehow be important in light of the upcoming danger the man had mentioned previously. Logan nodded cautiously.
“Of course it’s important to me. You said I don’t really have friendships with women, and you’re right about that. But for some reason, even though she knows what I am, Rogue still wants to be around me. She knows me, Chuck, better than anybody, knows me as well as I know myself.” Logan took a deep breath. “And what I know about myself, I don’t like. I could never understand why an innocent little thing like her wasn’t scared or disgusted by what she knew about me. I never understood what had her waitin’ here patiently for me to come back whenever I went off somewhere, and why she was so happy when she saw me again. So one day I asked her.”
Xavier waited quietly for Logan to continue, but as the man continued staring at the toes of his boots, he felt the need to prompt him. “And? What did she tell you?”
The eyes Logan raised to his held more emotion than the professor had ever seen from the rough man. Pain, wonder, even love.
Ah, Xavier thought, he does love her. The question now is how much?
“She told me that I wasn’t any different from anybody else.” That certainly wasn’t the answer the professor had been expecting, but he held his tongue. “She told me that nobody really liked who they were, that we’re all lonely and kinda ugly inside. That we feel like we’re worth less than nothin’. And then she said that the point of relationships was so we could start hating ourselves a little less, stop feeling so alone and ugly. She said that’s what I did for her. That I made her feel like she was worth something again. And I couldn’t argue with her, Chuck, because the only time I don’t hate what I am, the only time when I feel like I’m more than just an animal, is when I’m with her.”
Xavier sighed heavily. “What she said is true, Logan. I’ve seen enough people’s minds to know that the overwhelming majority hate themselves. They do not often, however, consciously recognize this. I’m surprised that Rogue would have come to that conclusion when she is so young.”
“You’re forgetting something, Chuck.” Logan said softly. “She has other people in her head. She knows because of them. She knows more about them, about me, than any telepath ever could, because they’re actually a part of her now.”
“Yes, yes I see,” Xavier mused. “When I am observing, or even controlling, another’s mind, I am very aware of a clear separation between us, and I can sense that they in turn can feel me as something foreign. Though I think that separation is necessary to maintain my own sense of self. I don’t know what would happen if I were to try to merge fully with another’s mind. I think that is part of why I haven’t been able to help you recover more of your memories, Logan. With children, and people my own age, I am able to see every aspect of their lives.” Xavier held Logan’s gaze evenly, knowing that what he was about to admit might irreparably damage their relationship. “But with you, not knowing how old you are, how many memories and experiences you have, I’m afraid of what might happen to me if I look too deep into your mind.”
Logan drew in a sharp breath and held it for a moment. He let it out in a long, controlled exhalation and his head jerked in a curt nod. “I can’t blame you for that, Chuck,” he rasped. “At least not the animal part. The Wolverine knows that self-preservation is the most important thing. The man, though, he wants to kick your ass.” Oddly enough, Xavier was relaxed by the smirk Logan gave him. He was also intrigued by Logan’s reference to the Wolverine as a separate entity. Despite his past care and hesitancy when reading Logan’s mind, he had nonetheless delved deep enough to see the relative compartmentalization of personalities. There was always some blending of the two, but depending on what would be most beneficial in any given situation, only one of the personalities was ever fully in control.
“Logan, you said that the Wolverine sees self-preservation as key?” Xavier asked as a thought occurred to him. “When you saved Rogue at the Statue of Liberty, do you know what his thoughts were?”
Logan looked startled. “You know, sometimes I can feel him fightin’ me when I’m about to do something he doesn’t think is worth the risk. He didn’t fight me then. And earlier, before Magneto got her, when I had promised Rogue that I’d take care of her – he didn’t fight me then either.” Logan now looked puzzled. “Matter of fact, I can’t remember any time he’s fought me when it comes to Rogue.”
“Interesting.” Xavier steepled his fingers once again and tapped his forefingers against his chin. “And should Rogue want something more than friendship from you, how do you think Wolverine would react?”
Logan’s whole body tensed and his breathing hitched. Xavier could see the darkening of his hazel eyes. “He likes the idea,” Logan growled.
“And you? Do you like the idea?” the professor pressed.
“I don’t know!” he hissed, his teeth clenched. “I don’t know,” he said again, softer. “I’m not going to lie, I’m attracted to her. Not that I always was,” he said hastily.
“Of course not,” Xavier indulged with a grin.
“I wasn’t! Hell, she was a kid when we met, Chuck. But in the last couple of years…” Logan trailed off and shrugged. “I can’t help it. Like I said before, any man with a pulse, right?” he finished with a grin.
Xavier surprised himself by chuckling. “Indeed,” he said, amused that he could shock Logan with the admission. He was not amused, however, by the darkening look on Logan’s face or the low growl emanating from deep in his chest. “Logan?” he asked quickly, dropping his hands to his lap.
“You’re like a father to her, Chuck, so don’t go stirring up feelings that you got no business stirring up, you hear me?” Logan demanded.
“Of course not, Logan. I can look at Rogue and appreciate her beauty, but I assure you, I have no intention of ever being anything but a father figure to her. I feel that way about all my students, current and former.”
Logan nodded. “Good. You’d be answering to me otherwise.”
“Everybody knows you’re protective of Rogue, Logan, that you’d even give your life for her. What I need to know now is would you let her decision guide the course of your lives, even when it’s a decision you would never make willingly for yourself?” the professor asked gravely.
“What are you talking about, Chuck?”
“The Mutant Registration Act. It’s on the table again.”
* * *
“Dammit, no!” Monique shrieked, slamming both of her hands down flat on the table. “There is no way in hell we’re going to include some mutie freak crap in our presentation!”
“Why not?” Rogue challenged. “We’re lookin’ fer examples of indoctrination that have made people do things that they would never have done on their own. Hitler, racism, WWII internment – those are all valid, but they’re also things that people already know about, things they would expect us to use as examples. If we talk about mutants, that’s gonna make people think.”
“I agree with Rogue,” Todd said. “What real proof do we have that we should be afraid of all mutants? And still, all we hear in the media is how mutants are dangerous.” He shrugged. “Whether you agree with it or not, Monique, you have to admit it’s an interesting argument.”
“No I don’t!” Monique insisted.
“That’s right!” Jennifer chimed in.
Rachel sat carefully still, her eyes darting back and forth uncertainly between Monique and Jennifer and Rogue and Todd
“Listen,” Rogue continued patiently, “indoctrination is basically acceptin’ a set of values or beliefs without question, right?” She waited for Monique and Jennifer’s hesitant nods. “Why do ya think mutants are dangerous? Do ya know any?”
“Well, no,” Monique admitted sullenly. She looked at Jennifer hopefully, but she just shook her head. “But you have to admit, everything you see in the news shows us that they are dangerous.”
Rogue let out an unladylike snort. “Yeah, and the news is full of rapists and murderers too, but you wouldn’t say that that represents all people. The media deals in whatever the current system of thought is. If the hot topic is the danger posed by mutants, they’re gonna go lookin’ for those stories. Ya go lookin’ fer somethin’, ye’re gonna find it.”
“I don’t know,” Monique said, clearly wavering. “The news talks about rapists and murderers, and that makes me be extra careful when I’m walking alone at night. You wouldn’t say that’s unreasonable, right? So if the news is telling me that mutants are dangerous, why would you tell me that it’s unreasonable to be suspicious of them?”
“Think about what ya just said, Monique! Ye’re scared to walk alone at night ‘cause ya’ve heard stories not just from the news but from real people, maybe even come close to a situation yerself that gives ya some real proof that there are rapists and murderers. But ya don’t walk down the same stretch o’ sidewalk durin’ the light o’ day thinkin’ somethin’s gonna happen to ya. And that’s ‘cause there are other people around, right? Ya know that there are decent people around who would try to stop somethin’ from happenin’ to ya. Is it so hard to believe that yeah, while there are bad mutants, there are decent ones too?”
“Yes!” Monique said triumphantly. “Because regular people don’t hide away in the light of day. Mutants do!”
Rogue couldn’t stand the smug little smirk on Monique’s over-painted lips, and Jennifer’s emphatic nod of agreement made her grind her teeth.
“That’s not fair!” Todd chimed in. “Mutants only hide because they’re afraid. They know that people won’t accept them because they won’t take the time to find out whether they’re good or bad. We can’t blame them for that!”
“So it’s all our fault?” Monique jeered. “If they want us to see them as good people, why oppose things like the Mutant Registration Act? That would bring all of them out into the open and we’d know what they can do, and then we’d have a way of knowing who’s good and who’s bad. They wouldn’t have to be afraid anymore. And neither would we!”
“You just don’t get it!” Todd snapped.
“And you do? You’re probably some freak mutie lover, aren’t you?”
Rogue stood up so quickly her chair tipped over backward and crashed against the tiled floor. “That’s enough!” she shouted. “Doesn’t this argument prove that the treatment of mutants would make a good example? Each of us is convinced that we’re right, so doesn’t that mean that there’re some underlyin' beliefs that we’re not willin' to question?” Rogue couldn’t believe the concession she was making. Monique was dead wrong, but if the girl was as brainwashed as she seemed, Rogue could talk till the end of time and it wouldn’t make any difference. The only thing that could change the girl would be a first hand experience with mutants, good and bad, so she could see that they were individuals, and not some amorphous “them.”
A melodious chiming rang through the mansion, cutting off any response Monique was ready to make.
“That’ll be the pizza,” Rogue said tiredly. She pushed her hair back with one gloved hand, holding it briefly in place before letting go. As the brown and white strands tumbled back down, she looked at Todd and asked, “Will you help me bring them in?”
“Sure,” Todd readily agreed.
“Where’s the bathroom?” Monique asked with frigid politeness.
“The closest one is under the stairs in the foyer.” Rogue turned to walk out of the kitchen, trusting that Monique should be able to find her way without help. Todd followed close behind her, not even missing a step as Rogue paused for a moment at the kitchen door to push the button that would open the front gates for the delivery boy.
“You shouldn’t let her get to you you know.” Todd spoke quietly. “She doesn’t know any better.”
“Does not knowin’ any better ever excuse hate and intolerance?”
“Excuse it, no. But it does help to explain some of the reason for her general horrid behavior, doesn’t it?”
“Some of the reason, sure. But what’s the rest o’ the reason for it?”
“Well, that’s easy,” Todd said matter-of-factly. “The girl’s just a born bitch.” He grinned cheekily and Rogue was forced to laugh.
By the time they opened the front door, the delivery boy had already pulled his car up at the top of the driveway and was unloading five pizza boxes from his ramshackle Ford hatchback. Rogue couldn’t even begin to guess the model since much of the car’s body appeared to have been cannibalized from cars of different years and colors.
“Hey, there isn’t as much as Ah thought there’d be. Do ya think ya can manage to bring it back to the kitchen on yer own? Ah wanna let the professor and Logan know that the food’s here.”
“Sure, no problem.”
“Do ya ever say ‘no’ to anythin’?” Rogue asked with a smile.
“Only if somebody’s asking me to do something unreasonable.” Todd returned her smile. “Or disgusting,” he added.
“Ah’m not even gonna ask,” Rogue said over her shoulder as she walked toward the professor’s office.
* * *
“I thought they did away with that thing!” Logan thundered as he pushed forward in his chair.
“It was an odd situation, Logan. The MRA was still being revised and no official vote had been taken. When the scientific community announced that there was a possible cure for mutancy, the act was allowed to sit idle. Nobody in Congress saw the need to spend time and resources on something that might not be necessary in the long run. Now that the cure seems to have failed….” Xavier trailed off.
“What about the president? Can’t he just veto it if it makes it that far?”
“When he called me today, he said that he could do that, but that it would be a last resort. He’s worried that just vetoing the act won’t solve any of the underlying problem. He thinks, and I agree with him, that it is necessary to make the general public aware of the danger the MRA poses to mutants.”
“Just tell him to veto the damn thing,” Logan groused. “You know there’s nothin’ he can say that will suddenly make people sympathetic toward mutants.”
“He knows that, Logan. That’s why he asked me for help finding mutants who would be willing to go public.” The professor’s voice was soft, almost a murmur, but Logan heard every word clearly.
“Go public how?” Logan asked cautiously.
“President Carson thinks that mutants need to be seen as ‘real’ people to the general population. It’s harder to hate people you ‘know’.” Xavier had to appreciate the irony of that particular maxim coming up twice in the span of a few short hours. “To do that, he has devised a plan for a televised talk-show style interview with an approved member of the media. He wants us to know, however, that there will be no masking of voices or appearances. Such concealment would just reinforce the concept that mutants have something to hide.”
“No. Hell no. You can’t ask any of the students to expose themselves like that, Chuck. If this thing doesn’t work out the way the president plans, the kids have no way of protecting themselves. I don’t see why he’s rushin’ this anyway. If he vetoes the act, it’ll buy us plenty of time to figure somethin’ else out.”
“That may be so, Logan. But have you considered that this is president’s second term? In just five more months, we’ll have a new president in office, one who might not have any consideration for the safety of mutants. President Carson feels great responsibility toward our cause, and he confided to me that the reason he does is because of the files we presented him with after – after Stryker.” Xavier hesitated to refer more directly to the first time Jean had died.
“You still can’t put the kids at risk, Chuck, no matter how much good it might do. They’re too young and they could never make a decision like that on—” Logan stopped abruptly. “You’re not askin’ the students. You’re askin’ Rogue.” A rolling wave of nausea forced its way up from his stomach to lodge at the base of his throat. “No,” he said unequivocally.
“Logan,” the professor began soothingly, “why do you think I’m talking to you first? I know that you and Rogue are close and neither of you would ever make a decision like this without consulting the other. I also know that your unique…” he paused as if searching for the right word, “personality makes it terribly hard for you to see the value of risking one’s safety for such a reason.”
“If it means that Rogue doesn’t have to, I’ll do it.”
“I expected you would say that. But, Logan, the potential fallout might include you and Rogue being separated. I don’t think that’s a desirable choice for you. If you were to do the interview together, you could remain together no matter the outcome.”
“Shit,” Logan replied succinctly. After a moment of thought he ground out another question from between his tightly clenched teeth. “Why the two of us, Chuck? You know plenty of other adult mutants who would do it. Hell, neither of us is even impressive-lookin’ as mutants go.”
Xavier chuckled briefly, but his tone was somber as he answered. “It is precisely because of your rather ordinary appearances, Logan. What value would there be in parading around obvious mutants – ones with blue skin, or forked tongues, or scales – when they would have no hope of remaining in obscurity anyway? You and Rogue, however, are different and barring any unavoidable display of your gifts, you could remain hidden indefinitely. By coming forward, you would be making it clear that you are making a conscious choice to give up the freedom and safety of anonymity. People will at the very least acknowledge and possibly respect that sacrifice. And that, my friend, may very well be the beginning of sympathy and understanding.”
“I don’t think six adamantium claws and killer skin will make people particularly sympathetic, Wheels.”
Xavier hesitated for a moment. He wasn’t sure how Logan would take the next bit of information, but he knew that it wouldn’t be fair not to tell the man all the reasons why he had chosen him and Rogue. “The president had an additional request when he asked me to find mutants who would be willing to help. He asked specifically for mutants who were dangerous.”
“How the hell is that supposed to help anything?” Logan roared as he stood up from his chair. He paid absolutely no attention to the chiming noise coming from the speaker on the professor’s desk. “And Rogue’s not dangerous. Just her skin is.”
“That’s exactly the point the president was hoping to make, Logan. Rogue is a person that nobody would ever think to fear, and she does her best to make sure that the people around her are not harmed by her mutation.”
“What about me then? You can’t say that people would see me the same way.” Logan felt secure in this argument, knowing that even the professor at times felt uncomfortable due to his somewhat menacing presence.
“You’re another case, Logan. Your mutation itself is not dangerous.” Xavier held up a hand when the other man opened his mouth to argue. He was mildly surprised when Logan remained silent, albeit with a scowl etched deeply on his face. “What makes you dangerous are the alterations made to your body by humans. Without the claws and adamantium skeleton, you’d be seen as nothing more than a man with advanced healing abilities who happens to also be good in a fistfight.”
Logan grunted, whether in disgust or agreement Xavier couldn’t say.
“What the military did to you will illustrate how horrific a mutant’s life can become if he or she is forced out into the open.”
“Stryker said I volunteered for the program, Chuck.” Logan’s voice was low and gruffly ashamed.
“We have no proof of that, Logan. And even if you did ‘volunteer’ as Stryker said, I’m sure that you were approached with the suggestion first. Your penchant for self-preservation would of course make you averse to participating in such an experiment without significant persuasion.”
“You got that right,” Logan grunted, distaste briefly clouding his features as remembered pain and terror roiled in the pit of his stomach.
“Yes, so if you were indeed asked to volunteer, that would mean two things. One, that you were known to be a mutant, and two, that as a volunteer, you should have had the right to stop the experiment at any time. I can’t imagine that you would have wanted it to continue to the end, but clearly, they didn’t stop.” Xavier’s voice was gentle. “As much as you might hate the label and its implications, that puts you squarely in the victim category, my friend.”
Logan sighed heavily. “All right. I get why you chose us. But let me be the one to talk to Rogue about it, okay?” Xavier understood clearly that he wasn’t asking for permission, despite the politeness of his phrasing.
The door squeaked quietly open.
“Tell me what?” Rogue demanded.
Logan couldn’t believe that he had been so deeply involved in the conversation that he had missed hearing her approach. He grimaced at the professor before turning to face Rogue. “I’ll tell you later, darlin’. You come to tell us the pizza’s here?”
Rogue propped her hands on her hips and tilted her head to the side as she considered him. “Yeah, but that’s not important right now. What’s wrong, Logan?”
“Nothin’s wrong, darlin’. Come on, I’m hungry.” Logan took a step forward, intending to pass Rogue and leave the room, but she smacked her left hand firmly into the center of his chest, stopping him in his tracks.
“Bullshit!”
Logan’s eyebrow swept upward. He didn’t mind when Rogue swore, but before, she had always refrained from doing it in the professor’s presence. Apparently she was edgy enough not to care about offending the man at the moment. Logan cautiously covered the small hand on his chest with one of his own rougher ones. “It’s not bullshit, darlin’.”
“It is too bullshit! That’s three ‘darlin’’s in less than a minute. I know when ye’re keepin’ things from me, Logan. Now tell me what the hell’s goin’ on!”
Most days Logan enjoyed getting the young woman riled up. Her eyes sparkled and her cheeks flushed, and he admitted, although only to himself, that he liked the way her chest would heave when she was agitated. Normally he would redirect her anger with some teasing or suggestive flirting, but today he could hear the barest hint of fear underlying her angry tone. He squeezed her hand briefly and without taking his eyes off hers, he tossed over his shoulder, “Chuck, mind givin’ us a minute?”
“Of course not,” Xavier murmured as he wheeled past them. “I’ll be down in the lab talking with Hank if you need me.”
Logan didn’t speak until the whir of the professor’s wheelchair had faded even beyond his ability to hear it. He carefully took in Rogue’s features. There was a slight furrowing between her delicately arched brows. He reached up with his free hand and smoothed the pad of his thumb over it, hoping to ease some of her tension. If anything, her tension increased and her lower lip trembled almost imperceptibly. He wanted more than anything to drop a gentle kiss on her mouth, but he recognized that this certainly wasn’t the time for it. He trailed his hand down to cup her face, unable to keep his thumb from tracing over her cheekbone in a soothing caress.
“The Mutant Registration Act’s back, darlin’.”
“No,” Rogue breathed. She dropped her left hand to rest against his waist and brought her right hand up to wrap around his wrist. She was so small standing in front of him, Logan mused. Her head barely reached his shoulder and her fingers could only close halfway around his wrist. That combined with the feeling of her fragile bones beneath his hands deepened his resolve to always take care of her. She was his to protect and had been since the day he gave her a ride on a snowy Canadian road. Rogue tilted her head to nestle her cheek more fully into his broad palm, and he knew at that moment that whatever she decided to do, he’d go along with her, if only to keep her safe.
* * *
Monique heard a strange whirring noise as she stepped out from beneath the stairs in the foyer. Turning to her left, she caught a glimpse of the bald guy’s head as his chair turned the corner at the end of the hall. As she turned to head back to the kitchen, she heard Rogue’s voice followed by a nearly inaudible response from a deep masculine one.
I bet she’s fooling around with that Logan guy, Monique thought with spiteful glee as she crept closer to the partially open door halfway down the hall.
“Logan, Ah don’t know what Ah wanna do yet. Ah need to think about it, all right?”
“I know, darlin’. Whatever you decide is what we’ll do.”
“Don’t do that, Logan! It’s not just mah choice, ya know. Ya need to tell me what ya think.”
Monique heard the man let out a heavy breath. “I think this needs to be done, but I don’t like that we’re the ones who are gonna have to do it.”
“Why?”
“What the hell do you mean ‘why’, Marie?”
Marie? Monique thought, I knew Rogue couldn’t be the little freak’s real name!
“Ah mean why is it a ‘we’, Logan?”
“Marie!” The name was a growled warning. “Dammit, we’ve been a ‘we’ for five years, since the first day we met. You know I’ll never let anything happen to you, so why are you bringin’ this up now?”
Five years? Shit, the guy’s at least in his mid-thirties now. Little miss Lolita has a dirty little secret, doesn’t she? And that works out perfectly for me…come Monday, everybody on campus is going to know that the little whore’s been seducing older men for years.
“Was there a ‘we’ when Jean was still alive?” Rogue asked in a hesitant voice.
What, now there’s a dead chick thrown in the mix? This is better than Jerry Springer! Monique knew enough about men to know that you didn’t bring up their exes, and given that the woman was dead, she was hoping Logan’s reaction would be violent. She listened intently for the sound of a heavy hand slapping Rogue’s cheek.
“Darlin’,” Logan drew a shaky breath in around the word, “at the end, when it was just Jean and me, the only reason I was able to do it was because of you.”
Rogue gasped. “What?”
“I knew that it had to be done. I knew that. But I still hesitated. I was willing to let everybody die so I wouldn’t have to be the one to….so I wouldn’t have to be the one. And then I thought of you. You’re the only one I couldn’t let die, Marie. I had to choose between the two of you that day, and I chose you, darlin’. So yeah, even when Jeanie was still alive, there was always you and me.” Logan’s voice was little more than a rasping whisper by the time he finished.
Monique heard sniffling. Holy shit…the guy’s not crying, is he? She couldn’t see the same nasty, gruff bully from the phone or the kitchen crying.
“Aw, shit, darlin’, don’t cry.” Logan’s voice was pleading.
“If you were willin’ to – to do what ya did to keep me safe, then Ah shouldn’t be willin’ to put you in danger with the interview, Logan. We’ll tell ‘em that they’ll just have to find a couple o’ other mutants to talk to.”
Monique’s heart lurched to a stop and her breath thickened in her lungs. Mutants?
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Author's Chapter Notes:
All your wonderful comments motivated me to get this out as soon as I could! :)
So thanks, and enjoy!
So thanks, and enjoy!
Chapter End Notes:
Find out in the next chapter what Monique's going to do and how Rogue and Logan react to it.