Usually there was one group or another in here, utilizing the game tables or the television. But when she walked in, it was completely empty. She sighed to herself as she walked to the foosball able, gently running her bare fingers across the wooden side. She could remember playing here, when they were all happy. She and Bobby and John. God, did they think they had it all back then.
She couldn’t help but smile, thinking of the ghosts of memories. All three had discussed joining the team, becoming super heroes. John had always pretended that he wasn’t into it. That was, until they talked about the battles they would have. He would get this far away look in his eyes as he planned everything out. Including who would live and who would never come back. It was times like that when she wasn’t sure if he was really looking forward to being apart of the team like Bobby was, or just the fight. She wasn’t as shocked as some of the others when he turned tables on them.
Bobby, of course, wanted to be apart of the team. Wanted to belong to that elite family of do-gooders who would occasionally let a bad boy play for them, too. He couldn’t wait to get into that uniform and start training. He wanted to be the leader. Boy, was he pissed when Logan came back that first time and got to suit up.
And then there was herself. She didn’t dream of battles and teams, of fighting the good fight or sacrificing her life for the good of all. No, her dreams were of something she never thought she could have. Something, that for most girls wouldn’t have been a problem, but that she would never let herself dare to think of except late at night in her dreams. All she really wanted was a family. A husband and a white house with a garden. Six kids and a dog. Someone to hold her at night after a long day, who would love her for the rest of her life. It was more a fantasy than a wish. She never thought she could really have something like that. It was never with in her deadly grasp.
But now that she knew she could touch, knew she could give her all to someone and that they could finally return her love in the most basic, primal ways, the man she had thought she would be with was with someone else. Someone he ran to when she wasn’t enough. He had wanted to her she couldn’t touch, but now that he found someone he didn’t have to worry about… Well, who would want her now?
“Hey, kid, you want to help me get some of this stuff set up? It’s your party, not mine.” She smiled a little at that gruff voice. Turning, she watched as Logan walked into the room, juggling three bowls of chips and a bottle of soda. He flashed her a cocky smile when he realized she wasn’t going to move. “You going to help, or what?”
She nodded before walking to him and taking one of the bowls and a six pack from him. They worked together in silence, enjoying each others company, and savoring the quiet.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
“You alright, kid?” Logan asked as they finished setting up the snack bowls full of chips and dips and the cans of soda. There were still a few moments before the rest of the rug rats showed, and he had thought she would be a little more excited about the little part they were throwing for her. “You don’t seem all that thrilled about this.”
She smiled at him and he could have sworn he could feel his heart pounding heavier. He was only just beginning to accept the change of feelings he had for the woman in front of him.
“I’m good, Logan,” she said softly as she began to rearrange the throw pillows on the sofa. “Just thinking about some dreams we used to have.” Her smile faltered a little and he could see the sadness in her eyes.
He felt his heart clench, remembering the nightmares she use to have after touching both him and Magneto so close together. That had been a rough time for her. He hadn’t known about it until he had returned a year later. Was it happening again?
His worry must have shown on his face because she suddenly giggled. “Not those kind of dreams, sugar. The dreams and plans we used to have for the future.
“We?”
“Me, Bobby, John. We used to talk about everything we wanted to do. The people we wanted to be.” She sighed again, getting that far away look in her eyes once more.
“And who did you want to be?” He asked softly, taking a step toward her.
She paused, wandering if she should allow herself to believe if it was going to be possible to let this go if she spoke the dream out loud. To hell with it, she thought before speaking. “A mother. I wanted the white picket fence and the dog. The husband and enough kids for a basketball team. All of it. I don’t think that it will happen now. I’m probably more dangerous than I was when I had no control.”
He wanted to move closer and take her into his arms. He wanted to tell her that she could still have that, maybe not with the same type of man, but with someone different. Maybe even someone better. He wanted to do all of these things and so much more, but it was at that moment when the doors opened and her friends began to pour in. Taking a step back as she threw on a false smile and pretended to be really happy, he vowed he would soon, when no one else was there to ruin the moment.
~*~*~*~*~*~
She looked around at everyone, noticing how all of her friends seemed to not quite be able to fully relax. Even Syrin, who was usually so upbeat and laid back with a smile looked as if she was ready to run out of the room screaming if someone made a sudden move. She wasn’t sure if it was because Logan was chaperoning or the fact that she wasn’t covered from head to toe completely. Or, if it was because they were all fearful of the monster lurking in her head.
She did a quick mental scan around the room, realizing that it wasn’t any of those things, but Kitty’s presence that made most of these people uneasy. She felt the muscles in her shoulders relax with relief.
Kitty was the one person in the room, though, who was nerve wreaked over having to be there. Rogue felt her lips curl into a sinister smile as she made her way over to where Jubilee was standing, trying to tell Kitty that this was something that needed to be done.
~*~*~*~*~*~
“Hey, Kitty,” Rogue whispered as she walked to them. Kitty stopped what she was saying mid sentence, turning to look at her. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Jubilee back off to go talk to a few of the other kids there.
“Hey, Rogue. How are you doing?” The phony sweetness in her voice made Rogue’s stomach churn.
“Just fine. I think we need to talk, though. There are a few things I need to say. For your own benefit, it might be safer to talk in a room full of people.” Rogue shrugged before leaning against the wall. “Or we could always just go out into the hall. Either way’s fine by me.”
“No. Here’s fine.” Kitty looked around; wanting to make sure someone was paying attention to what they were doing. When she noticed Logan’s eyes on them, she let go of a breath she hadn’t been aware that she had been holding. “Listen, Rogue, I’m so…”
“No, Katherine. It’s my turn to talk.” Rogue shot her a look that made her jaw snap shut, cutting off her apology. “I know how you and Bobby feel about each other. I’ve known for a long time. I just need to know why. I thought we were friends. Teammates. I thought I could trust you. I should be able to.”
Kitty took a step back, her body becoming flush with the wall behind her. “Don’t hurt me.”
“I should, right? I should wrap my fingers around that little neck of yours and just squeeze.” Rogue’s eyebrows knitted together and she could almost feel herself doing it. “But I won’t. I’m better than that. I should beat your ass down where you stand, and spit on you, but, I won’t do that either. No, since you were once my friend, I’ll give you some much needed advice. Every time I needed him, Bobby was out with you. Don’t for a second think that he wouldn’t do the same thing to you.”
“He wouldn’t. He lov…”
“What? Love’s you? Yeah, I thought the same things once, too. We both know how that turned out. Bobby doesn’t love anyone but Bobby, Kitty. Don’t fool yourself for one second and think that he won’t turn his back on you when some fresh piece of ass comes along.” Rogue paused to take a breath, wanting to collect her emotions. Her expression became softer and a little more friendly.
“We didn’t pla…”
“You might not have, but he sure the hell did. You didn’t think it was a little strange that the night of the funeral, he came to your room instead of to mine? That maybe his place should have been with his girlfriend?” Rogue laughed. “Think about it. I know what you were doing out there on that pond. I was in his room, looking for him when I saw you two kiss. I left to take the cure for him, not for myself. It wasn’t until I was standing outside the doors of that facility did I realize that I was a fool. I thought it would be better for us both if I could touch, if I could give him what he couldn’t have. But I knew it wouldn’t make any difference and so I backed out.”
“But now you can touch. Emma said you have control.” Kitty wasn’t sure why she was telling her all of this and Rogue could see the confusion in her eyes. “I have to worry that you can take him back with the crook of your finger.”
“I don’t want him back, Kitty. If he had loved me, he would have been by my side when I needed him. He’s yours. And yes, I do have control of my mutation, but it was at the cost of my sanity. Even then, it’s still a better trade off then what I would have been left with if I had stayed on that first path.”
“What are you trying to get at?”
“Keep an eye one him, have your fun, but don’t give him everything. Because he will take it and keep it and relish in it as he goes off with his new girl, and you will be left with nothing but bitterness that will fester and eat away at you. You don’t have the strength to be hurt like that. Don’t let him have everything.”
“Why are you telling me this?”
Rogue sighed, not to sure of the reason herself. She hadn’t meant to say all these things to her, hadn’t meant to warn her, only scare her a little before forgiveness could come. “Because, even with all the things you have done, I have to forgive you before I can fully heal. Otherwise….”
“Otherwise?”
“Otherwise it might kill you and everyone else here.”
~*~*~*~*~*~
His eyes followed her as she left the girl in the corner to melt through the wall. He watched her as she moved from group to group, greeting everyone and laughing as they told her about the things that she missed. And his gaze lingered on her neck as she tilted back a can of some kind of drink, watching the muscles in her throat work.
He wondered about how he would go about talking to her, and if she was actually ready for something like this. Then again, was he? Was this something he was going to lose interest in after he got it?
He didn’t think so, but you never knew.
He was thinking of her as more than the kid she had been in his eyes a few weeks ago. And, that maybe, she could be what he was mission. Part of him was even starting to enjoy the idea. But, there was another part, something darker, that whispered to him when he was alone in the darkness of the night in his room, when he was most vulnerable. And the things this part said made the hair on the nape of his neck stand up on end, and the coldness of fear grab his heart. “It’s not Rogue you want, you know. It’s that part of Jean that’s lodged in her head. That piece of her that just will not die. It wasn’t Jean you wanted, either. You could feel that other thing inside of her, and that’s what you wanted. It’s Phoenix that you want, you know.”
He didn’t want to believe it, but how could he ignore it. He hadn’t looked at Rogue like this before. It wasn’t until she had this thing in her that he had ever thought about her in that light. If she got that thing out of her head, if she killed that thing, would he still want her? For him, that was the scariest part of this whole mess.
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Author's Chapter Notes:
Sorry it took so long. Been having problems with both home and work computers. Isn't it ridiculous how real life interferes with the important things?????
Chapter End Notes:
Wanted her to choke out Kitty, really did. But this is what came out.