She spent the next week or so working with Pitor, learning about his mutation and how much strength it really took to concentrate and to turn into metal. Before, when she had used his gift, it had always been automatic. She would turn metal without even thinking about it, but, now that she knew that she didn’t have to touch him to do it, it was almost exhausting. Because of this, she began to work out harder, to tone herself so that she could still have a cache of energy stored for when she became metal.
She and Pitor also grew closer. They would have dinner together in her room, talking about things from before, the lives they once had, and where they saw themselves in the future. She found it intriguing that he wasn’t planning on being a permanent part of the team for the next fifteen years or so, but that he was thinking about becoming a professional artist. It was his passion, and when he spoke about it, be became more excited than she could ever remember seeing him. It was as if his entire demeanor changed. He was suddenly a kid again, instead of the man he had become, dreaming of the days when he could sit outside of his home without any problems, painting a sunset or a tree. Really anything that caught his eye.
He showed her his sketches and some of the pieces he had done that he hadn’t sent back to his family. Unlike many of the other’s here, his family supported him immensely, and were proud to tell their friends and neighbors about how his mutant son was excelling in the states. They were happy that he was a mutant and that he excepted himself. They were happy that he was becoming a man.
She told him of what had happened to her when her powers manifested, something she had never told anyone since that night on the train all those years ago. How she had left home to protect her family and how she had ended up here. He told her of how he had manifested just when he needed to most, when his sister was in danger, and how his mutation had saved her life. And she told him how she had nearly killed the first boy she had ever really loved.
They had cried together then, him holding her and her feeling secure as she finally let all the pain from that day out. There was nothing romantic between them, nothing that would put a damper on their friendship as something as silly as lust would have. They loved each other, yes, but it was more of a sibling love than anything, and anyone who witnessed them together knew that. She had found a friend in the man who was once her teammate. And it helped her to control all of the insecurities she was beginning to face.
~*~*~*~*~*~
“You’re not doing it right!” He bellowed at her as she stood up from her crouch. She didn’t understand why he was putting her through all of these exercises, why it was so important for her to learn how to spring. “Try it again. Remember to keep your damn knees tucked in this time, won’t you?”
She let out a low growl, her face reddening when he chuckled at her. He wasn’t supposed to have heard that, but, then again, he did have that damn super hearing, didn’t he?
She didn’t wait for him to give the signal this time. She leapt before he fully turned around, and found herself impaled through both shoulders on his bone claws.
“You weren’t ready,” he said as he pulled his claws back in, letting her drop to the floor unceremoniously. “Now, remember what I told you. Concentrate on the pain. Don’t let it consume you.”
She did as he said, putting all over her attention on the fire that burned in both shoulders. She could feel the pain lessening slowly, the wounds closing. The dampness from the blood was still there, as it should be. She had lost enough of it. But her body was rapidly producing more. “Fuck. Are you trying to kill me? Did you really have to use both sets?”
“Yup. This gets you ready for anything.” Logan replied gruffly as he helped her to her feet. Rogue looked up at him, noting the fire in his eyes, realizing that he was enjoying this.
“You hate me, don’t you? Deep down inside?” She asked as she backed away from him, careful not to turn her back. “You like to see me in pain, right?”
“You should know better than that already, Darlin. I’m just trying to get you ready for this.”
“For what, Logan? For the claws? We’ve been working together for two weeks now, and you still haven’t let me pop them out. I need to have your abilities completely under control before prom, remember? Not just your senses. ALL OF THEM. You promised that you would take me. You asked me. Is this your way of backing out?” She knew she hit a sore spot when she saw him flinch. Knew that he always kept his word, no matter what, and that he didn’t back out from anything. That was why he only gave it so rarely.
“We would move on if you would listen to what I say and keep your knees tucked in under you. Now, try it again.”
She didn’t wait for him to turn around again. She attacked without notice, turning into metal form and unleashing her claws at the same time. She felt the pain, all of it, but, at the same time, she didn’t. She wouldn’t let herself concentrate on the physical aspect of the pain as he had instructed her in the beginning. She concentrated on the pain she wanted to inflict, the dominance that she wanted to instill. The blood she wanted to spill.
She felt her claws meet their target, stunning her into realization. She wanted to tell lie to him and herself as she drew her claws back, watching him heal before her eyes. She hadn’t punctured anything major, which was why he was still standing, watching her watch him. The wounds in his arms closed fast, and he was able to cross his arms. She wanted to tell herself and him that it was the Phoenix, trying to grab for control that made her go off like that, but, looking into his eyes, she knew that they both knew the truth.
“That’s what I was trying to prepare you for, kid. Phoenix ain’t the only animal that you have locked inside that pretty little head of yours. You got another one in their, too.” He knelt down in front of her, watching her carefully. “This animal isn’t one that you can cage up like you did Phoenix, either. This is one you have to live with, tolerate, respect. This one doesn’t know anything about right or wrong. This one doesn’t think normally. All it knows is anger. And if you let that anger get to you, you better hope that it’s Phoenix that takes over before this one does. At least you might have a slim chance of reasoning with her. This one, well, their ain’t no rhyme or reason in this one’s world. Only the kill.”
“This is the same one that you got in your head, isn’t it?” She asked softly as she pulled her claws back in and drew back her metal form.
“Naw. This one is yours. She’s like mine, though. A whole lot.” He smiled as he stood straight again. They sat on the mat, just like they did after every session to meditate. “She comes from what ever happened to you to make you who you are. What ever it was that kept you from being ever to turn off your skin, well, that’s what made this thing, too.”
“My father,” she said softly. She had promised to tell him about it when she was ready. She hadn’t realized that being ‘ready’ would be so damn painful. “My father made this. He used to rape me when I was really young. He was sick, and it’s hard for me to understand why anyone could do that to a little girl. A child barely out of diapers. It had happened for years, I guess. My mother disappeared when I was just a baby. I think he did something to her. My foster parents tried to erase those memories, but they only suppressed them really well.”
He had known that she had been through something bad when she was a child, but he hadn’t even thought that it had come from her own father’s hand. How sick can a man really be to want to do that to any child, much less his own? “You want to go track him down? We can do that, you know. Hell, we’ll make it into a lesson on how to harness your anger long enough to make someone suffer.”
“Naw. I think he’s already dead and buried. I think my foster father took care of that.“ She sighed, folding her knees up in front of her and wrapping her arms around them, wanting to hold onto something. She wasn‘t crying, and, oddly enough, didn‘t feel like it. Maybe she was finally getting a handle on her emotions. “I guess when I got those memories back, the memories of what he did to me, and I could turn off my skin, my own little deadly animal awoke, ready to protect me.”
“I think so, too. I could smell it on you that day in the med bay. I didn’t say nothing, but I should have. I think that’s why the psychics never found her. She was hibernating.”
“So now what? How long is it going to take me to get this thing under control?”
“Never. You been listening? You will never be able to control her, Marie.” He used her name this time, her real name. The only time he ever seemed to use it was when they were alone and he wanted to get his point across. “She’s not something to be controlled. You try to control her and she will take over. Trust me on this. This just means that you and I will be working closer, now. A whole lot closer. I’ll teach you what you need to know to survive with her. I’ll teach you how to let go of your anger and how to keep a harness on it. You keep it bottled up and she’s going to explode.”
At the rate this was going, pretty soon she would start to wonder if she was going to be able to allow herself to feel any emotions.