What time is it?
Oh God…! I mean, fuck!
Somebody help me! Please!
Okay Rogue, okay, you can make it, breathe, it’s not that hard, just BREATHE!!!!!
NO I can’t, it hurts too much. Don’t tell me it’s time already, no! It's too early, damnit, it's not good!
And it’s the middle of the night… Oh, damn! Breathe, okay, breathe….
I try to rise on elbows and turn slowly around on all fours like Dr McCoy taught me. The dog, okay, yeah, the good old dog. Yeah, better.
NOOO!! That shit’s not working!
I cry all I can while panting and choking on my saliva. I turn my head slightly to the alarm clock on the night stand and see that it’s not even midnight. Oh, no...
“Hey kid! Having your little party without me?”
“Logan!!” GAWD! I didn’t dare to hope anymore. “When did you…? I’m so, so glad to see YOU!!” Didn't know babies had digging material...!
“Okay, you’re doing great, I’m here now. Okay, breathe deep, yeah, like that, once again, with me.”
Oh thank you LORD! Soothing circles are described by his hands and fingertips up and down my back. Oh, it’s much, much better now that he’s here.
The pain is driving me nuts and it won’t stop. It’s stronger by the moment and the space between each pang is growing shorter.
I stay like that forever and Logan keeps on talking to me, drawing his circles on my back.
“Logan, what time is it now? “
“00:45, it’s been a full hour now.”
Dr McCoy bursts inside the room, monitoring, taking notes and finally making his way to me giving me a knowing smile.
“Well my dear Rogue, it seems like labor has began. What about the waters?”
What the hell is he talking about? I’m about to have a baby and he talks me about… Wait a second, yeah…that.
“Not yet.” Logan’s voice is remarkably calm despite the tension I can feel in his whole body. Why is he so tensed, I'm the one agonizing here!
“Time between contractions? Yes, fifty five seconds…” the doctor’s still writing and writing, and looking at those damned screens all around, does he know what’s going the hell on here?
“What do you think?” Logan points to the blue man.
“I think there is not a second to waste, because as what I feared” blue hands are now massaging my waist and lower stomach in a very embarrassing way, God is it really happening to me with Logan as number one guest? “the baby won’t wait any longer…”
“What? You mean I’m not breaking water? You mean that we’ll have to go through…?” I try to sound clear between sobbing and panting and whining, my brain clearly numbed by the pain. The rubbed circles on my back don’t stop and I just have to *thank* Logan for that when this is over. He’s the best friend EVER.
“Yes my dear and I must confess that this will make things more difficult…”
“How difficult?” Logan’s voice now starts to sound a tiny bit panicked which means that it’s not good. At all.
******************
I knew that giving birth might be kind of special in all very weird kinds of ways in my case, and there might be risks for me and the baby but I’m not ready right now to face any shit that’s about to hit the fan. Let it be all alright, please God!
A low deep and dark groan escapes my mouth before I realize it. And suddenly images run through my mind; images of Logan…and me, and…Oh Sweet LORD, another pang!
Do you think one can die from it? This one was forty five on a range of ten.
Machines start beeping crazy all around me and sweat now mixes with the tears on my face.
My body feels limp and without any real knowledge of it I’m pulled to Logan’s chest on the bed. I pant erratically and my heart is now just a mess of beats.
Logan whispers all kinds of reassuring promises in my ear, rocking me back and forth and pressing kisses on my neck and shoulders. I’m in his arms and I feel the need, no, the urge to cling on to him with all I have, see his eyes and let his presence fill me. I need him, more than anything. I guess I'm more scared than I actually thought. Or completely mad...
*****************
“How long has it been now?”
The Professor’s voice now enters the room, I can’t see him, though, opening my eyes asks too much energy so I keep them close, lost in Logan’s embrace.
“Almost one hour and a half now.” Logan retorts with a voice so tight, so strangled that I can hardly recognize it.
“And she’s almost too exhausted to go on Charles, it’s now or never!”
“Alright. Rogue, dear, I want you to relax as much as possible. As Dr McCoy and I told you before, complications linked to the baby’s possible mutation and its effects on your body lead to serious considerations.”
“which means?” Logan’s now snarling at Xavier. His scent is thick and almost acid, he’s…afraid? How do I know it?
“we’ll have to intervene as quick as possible. There won’t be a natural birth, that’s what I mean! Now if you’ll allow us Logan, Rogue’s life is on the edge.”
“Charles, I’m getting her ready for a caesarian. Logan, I need you to keep talking to her, soothing her as best as you can…”
“Why? What are you going to…?”
“As the results of the preliminary tests showed, any drug on her wouldn’t work...”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean that we have no time to lose in endless arguments, Logan.”
“So you plan to cut her open without anything to avoid the pain, is that what you’re telling me doc’?”
“We tried to find something, anything, but her cells never accepted the process, they rejected any cure I tried to give her.”
“What about that treatment you gave her at first? The one to make the baby grow up normally, it worked, right?”
“Believe me Logan, if there was any other way, we would use it. So stay close to her now; we’ll go as fast as possible.”
“M…Rogue, you knew it?”
What’s that hesitation? Could he really know…? Yeah, my teacher…But you know, it’s strange… I can't remember telling my real name, to anyone.
“Yes. I knew, they told me everything, so that I am fully aware of the risks involved. I trust them, Logan, so try to trust them too; and trust me.”
His body is pressed against my back, the sensation seems so familiar. He’s trembling, though.
Trust me Logan.
***
We’re alone now. I’m still sweating and fighting for a breath, but I’m with him, in his arms. I feel so safe. I must confess that I was dead panicked when I thought about giving birth, and maybe dying trying, alone.
I don’t know why I wanted to give birth that bad. This child has been my life line during all those months I spent here at the mension, and maybe even before.
I don’t even remember who his father is…
But if it had to be someone I know now, I’d like it to be Logan. I know, it’s stupid, he’s my teacher and all, and that sounds almost impossible that he sees me that way, but I can’t help it. He’s the kind of person I could see being the father of my baby.
But just how dense can a girl be?
It’s not him… It can never be.
*************
Another pang breaks the moments of blessed silence between us and I yell at top of my lungs holding my stomach with both hands.
Dr McCoy comes running back with Jean in tow.
Logan rises to an upright position in the blink of an eye and jumps out of the bed.
My vision begins to blur and I’ll be damned if I’m not feeling my stomach twist and turn and bounce up and down. I slowly extend one hand to Logan. Thank God he holds it because next thing I’m aware of is that an extremely sharp pain hugs me every few seconds.
__________________________________________________________
I knew she’d come! If she ever tries to lay a hand on Marie, I won’t control myself! Damned red.
No, not now. It’s not about her or me, it’s all about Marie and our baby.
Marie’s body is trembling, her stomach taking all kinds of shapes under the kicks the baby is giving from inside.
She’s pale but she’s holding my hand with an incredible strength, eyes searching in every direction for anything to ease her pain. I can feel it deep down in my bones, and I wonder how she can actually deal with it, because I just can’t myself.
I help Hank lying her on her back and I hold her there with all I have. The blue doctor throws me a knowing look and then turns to Jean.
I have to do something!
“She won’t touch her.” I spit through greeted teeth, refraining from letting go of Marie and actually gut the bitch here and now.
“I can’t do this alone Logan…I need Jean’s help! What’s wrong with you?”
“I’ll help you if you need or anyone else, but red doesn’t touch her, am I making myself clear, doc’?”
The claws popped out before I can notice. Jean looks close to have a heart attack and high tails without asking permission. Very. Good.
So here I am with the fur ball doctor about to help Marie giving birth to my child. Okay, I can do it, can't I?
“Logan, what have you done?”
“It's none of your business. Now if you please, doc’, tell me what you need me to do.”
I breathe hard and my voice is just a low growl now. It’s not time for the Wolverine yet. Be patient my old boy.
“Alright, go to the adjoining room, make sure to wash your hands well and put on a mask and gloves.”
I make it back to the room in no time; I know the guy’s waiting for me to get started.
Marie’s lying on her back, eyes fluttering, gasping, and fighting for air.
Suddenly the sheets under her are drenched.
The doc’ looks up at me “Might have some changing in the program, maybe we’ll have it in a natural way after all.”
“Glad to hear that bub.”
Blue guy dives between Marie’s thighs to my greatest annoyance and then declares something like “Cervix aperture now optimum.”
I sigh silently, relieved not to get Marie through some live caesarian. But I don’t know if a natural birth is all so better; she looks really exhausted and greatly out of it.
“Rogue? My dear, we are facing a change in the program, I’m so sorry, but you will have to stay with us some more. Can you hear me?”
She nods her understanding, searching for my hand again. Her eye lids open tiredly reveling surprisingly smoldering dark golden eyes. Holy shit! What’s that?
I shoot up an alarmed look to the doctor who shrugs imperceptibly.
“Rogue we are going to start now, alright? When you feel the next contraction, you push!”
Marie looks like she’s on the verge of bursting into tears. Her mouth opens letting go of a silent cry, her eyes tightly shut.
I did this to her...
I can’t see her like that…What can I do?
Talk? Doesn’t sound bad, but I’d better be careful not getting too carried away, calling her by her real name for example like it almost happened moments ago.
“Rogue, okay, you’re doing great, believe me. Hold on just a tiny bit more, okay, it’s almost over.”
I know I’m rambling, but she actually responds eagerly to my silly promises.
Because I have no clue how things are going to get, all I can do is hope that everything goes right.
A sudden pang makes her shoot her eyes open wide; they are now pure gold. I’ll be damned.
“Now push Rogue! Again, and yes, stop, wonderful. Breathe deep, try to keep a rhythm.”
Another one. This time she almost crushes my hand; is it possible?
“Yes, go on and breathe. You’ve done the hardest part, just one more effort.”
Marie shouts and tears and sweat run down her pale face. Something is happening inside her. Her grip on my hand tightens so much that I’m afraid her to actually break *her* hand.
“Rogue…darl…” no endearment old creep, focus! “You’re doing some amazing job here, I’m proud of you, so proud. Hold on, okay?”
Golden eyes are sinking into mine before one last cry escapes from deep inside Marie’s body.
Seconds after, the blue doctor holds a rosy pinky crying strange kind of creature in his arms: my baby.
No, our baby.
“It’s a boy Rogue, congratulations!”
He cuts the cord hastily and brings the bundle to Marie.
She doesn’t smile or cry or laugh, though, she just stares at it with a kind of awe in her now browner eyes. She lifts a hand to touch it but hesitates and finally gives up.
“Hey, what’s wrong? You made it! He’s here now, look.” I try to sound comforting despite my own trouble.
“It’s just… I can’t Logan, I really can’t…”
“What? It’s your baby and he’s there now. You really did a great job!”
I take him in my arms and he stops crying almost automatically. I come closer to Marie for her to see, to acknowledge our baby. She looks up at me with an unreadable expression on her face.
“It should have been you, Logan. You and no one else. I mean...I'm sorry. You're right, and he's kind of cute...Never looks like...But I love him, really. Oh God, did *I* do that?”
What? What did she just say? ‘should have been’ *me*?
She finally takes the baby, but still no smile on her face. She's so careful, so calm now. She's different; completely different.
It’s almost too much to bear. She wished I was the father? But I *am* the father!
I can’t tell her now, can I.
She’s not ready, she’s upset. She won’t understand. But still I can’t leave her like that, I need to show her I understand, whatever it is that she’s trying to say, I need to show her she’s not alone and that I care for her and the baby.
But I can’t. I can’t do that to her.
Not now, not that way.
Marie, I’m so sorry.
Then she looks up at me, her eyes faraway: "Trust me Logan."
I'll be damned...
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Author's Chapter Notes:
Thank you guys for all the nice reviews.
Chapter 5 now charged!
Sorry, cuz' it first sounded quite good while in my head, but now that it's out of my system, I'm not so sure...
Well thanx for reading anyway!
[PS:words in bold letters are for screams... mental or not!]
Chapter 5 now charged!
Sorry, cuz' it first sounded quite good while in my head, but now that it's out of my system, I'm not so sure...
Well thanx for reading anyway!
[PS:words in bold letters are for screams... mental or not!]