Logan stood in front of the battered old payphone almost hoping it wouldn’t work. Just because he knew he had to call the X-men, didn’t mean he really wanted to. He had had a chance to calm down some. He had gotten the laundry started, salivated over the menu at the diner, ordered more food than he really needed to, told them to have it ready in forty minutes, scoped out the pharmacy that didn’t open of another thirty minutes, and generally had time to just think.
Every bit of the laundry was washing, all except the black silk boxers. They lay burned and smoldering around the backside of the laundry mat where Logan had ritually set them on fire. Parts of him fought his instincts and still couldn’t quite accept that Jean, the woman he thought he knew and loved, could have intentionally teased and tortured him after rejecting him.
On the other hand, his instincts were screaming that yes, Jean really was a manipulative bitch. She would have had to have intentionally put those boxers covered with her most powerful scent in the bag that would go under his bed in his camper. She would have known how he would be able to smell her even after months away, how thoughts of her would continue to plague him even after she had clearly and definitively turned him down. The only reason for them to be there was if Jean had put the boxers covered with her essence in his camper with purpose and malice, knowing they would make him think of her, warping his mind with images of her and keeping him fantasizing about her. Logan’s instincts were the one part of his personality that had never failed him and had saved his ass more times than he could count. Logan was having a hard time finding reasons not to go with his instincts.
The rational part of Logan was fighting a losing battle. It was arguing for withholding judgment of Jean until he could see her with his own eyes, talk to her, smell her, and know for sure. Logan’s logical mind was overwhelmed by that something deep within him. Dark thoughts dipped in venom raged forward in his mind roaring that he had been used, that he needed to protect himself, to be on guard with Jean from now on. Buckling under the onslaught of his darker instincts, Logan concluded he had no choice but to believe Jean had done this on purpose. He had to believe in Jean’s ill will, if only for his own future sanity. At least now he could break her hold on his body and heart, get that smell of her off his clothes and out of his mind.
This new cautious perspective on ‘his love’ and their ‘relationship’ was a big part of why Logan was hesitating on calling the mansion - there was no way he could speak to Jean right now. If she answered the phone, he hoped the outraged Wolverine in him would growl and cuss. Secretly, Logan feared the desperately wounded man would whimper, whine and beg her to tell him it all wasn’t true, that she really loved him, and he should come home to be with her. No, for his own peace of mind he couldn’t talk to Jean right now.
His other concern was Marie. Logan wasn’t ready to share anything with Xavier or the X-men about Marie – or at least any more than the possible location of the lab she had been held in. This meant his avenues for communication were limited.
Powering up the cell phone he had been issued when he ‘officially’ joined the team, Logan pulled up the number for the Professor’s private line. Logan figured that number was safe; Chuck very rarely answered it during school hours, therefore allowing Logan to leave a message and get away without the litany of questions that would come from speaking directly with the Professor for the first time in months.
Logan never left the X-men phone on very long, knowing that anyone with access to the team’s computer system could locate any of the team phones when they were active. He hadn’t been ready to be found by his teammates for the last ten months, finding Marie and having this revelation about Jean certainly didn’t change that fact. Once he had the number, Logan turned off the cell phone, dug some of the quarters he gotten for doing laundry out of his pockets and started feeding them into the old payphone. The ancient and dilapidated phone clicked to life and Logan could hear it ringing on the other end.
“Good afternoon, Xavier’s School for the Gifted, how may I help you?”
“Ugh…” Logan had expected the voicemail for Chuck’s private line and was a little taken aback by the female voice instead of the recorded cultured tones of the Professor.
“Hello?” The voice clicked in Logan’s head.
“Jubilee?” What the hell was she doing answering Chuck’s private line?
“Oh my god, Wolvie, is that you?” Logan laughed at the excitement in the young woman’s voice. This, the few friends he would gladly risk his life for, leaving them was what he regretted most about fleeing the mansion. He had had no choice though; he couldn’t have stayed once Jean had rejected him and kept what small scraps of sanity he had.
“Yeah, it’s me, Ju Ju bean.” Logan hated nicknames – giving, getting, or using them. However he figured after their eleven day trek back from California traveling only by night in stolen cars and following the back roads until after crossing the Mississippi into Memphis, he, Jubilee, and Hank deserved the privilege of teasing each other as much as they wanted. “What are you doin’ answerin’ the Prof’s phone?”
“I work for him part-time now. He’s in Washington for a few days. I am monitoring his phone, email and snail mail while he is gone.” Logan could hear the pride in her voice. The Professor rarely had a student work directly for him in his office mostly due to the sensitivity of the information that crossed his desk. For Charles to charge Jubilee with taking care of his office while he was gone showed a tremendous amount of trust in her and her abilities.
“Good for you, kid.” Logan hoped she could hear how proud of her he was. “Hey, I need you to do somethin’ for me.”
“What’s in it for me?” Her tone wasn’t quite flirty but playful. Again Logan laughed. This was the tone of voice she had used on him when she cajoled him into helping her and the rest of the senior class devise a snowball ambush of the rest of the faculty two Christmases ago. At the time, Jubilee had only been at the mansion for a few months but she had rallied, organized and coerced the rest of her fellow classmates into an all out student/teacher snowball war. Logan had been the only adult given the privilege of knowing the student’s plan of attack. He had lorded the tile of ‘favorite teacher’ over the rest of the staff for the entire semester afterwards.
“My undyin’ gratitude and Chuck’s respect.” Logan could feel himself smiling. Damn he had missed the firecracker.
“Ugh, I don’t know. I was really hoping for cash.” She laughed and Logan did too. Out of the corner of his eye he saw the hotel and remembered this call had a purpose. He needed to get back to Marie with food and more clean clothes.
“Shit, listen Jubilee, its great talkin’ to you, but I don’t have much time.” Immediately her demeanor changed. Logan could almost hear her shift into mission mode.
“Are you okay? Are you in trouble? Do you need us to come get you? Where the hell are you anyway?”
“No, no, I’m fine, kid. Don’t get your panties in a twist. Listen though; I think I got a line on a new lab, just a general location though.”
“Fuckers! They don’t ever quit do they? Okay, hold on, let me get the details.” He could hear her moving around the grand office and settling in Chuck’s fine leather guest chair to write down his information. After giving her the names of the towns around where he found Marie along with the general information Marie had given him concerning how long she had run before coming across his trailer, Logan extracted a promise from Jubilee.
“Jubes, don’t tell Chuck or anyone else who the information came from okay?” He hadn’t told Jubilee anything about Marie and he wasn’t ready for Chuck to try to contact him. Logan knew that if Chuck thought Logan was in close proximity to a lab he would try to reach him, maybe even sending the team to get him out of the area as soon as possible. Only Chuck and Logan were fully aware of just how actively the network of black ops labs was searching for the Wolverine with the objective of recapturing him. Logan didn’t want to worry his long time friend unnecessarily. He and Marie would be gone from the area by tomorrow.
“Okay, but why?” Logan could hear the reluctance in her voice.
“He don’t need to know where I am just yet.” Logan heard her take in a deep breath. She must have figured out he was still fairly close to the locations he had given her. Jubilee may not know the labs were actively looking for Logan but she wasn’t stupid either.
“Logan, you get your hairy ass the hell out of there if there is a lab anywhere close. You let them catch you again and I’ll kick your ass, do you understand me?” Her fury brought a smile to his face. It had been too long since he had let Jubilee pick on him. Damn, Jean. Damn, his wounded heart.
“I won’t Ju Ju bean, don’t you worry. We didn’t get caught gettin’ out of LA, did we?”
“Nope.” Her voice reflected the hollow sadness it always did when she recalled the first few days of that particular trip.
“Then I won’t get caught now.” Logan knew she would worry about him now until he called again.
“When are you coming home, Logan?” It was the voice of the scared girl she had once been. Logan thought back on the last time anyone had asked him a question anything like that. Coincidently, it had been this same young woman who had asked then too.
Everything he wanted was packed, it was late enough that no one would see him go, he had dropped off a note for Chuck, what was he still doing here?
“Because you’re pissed at yourself for sneakin’ away you asshole.” Logan continued to mutter to himself as he headed towards his truck parked on the back side of the mansion. He knew he was running but damn he loved Jean and her words had driven a spike right into his heart - “not the kind of a man a woman marries”. What kind of shit was that? Didn’t she know he would change for her? Become whatever kind of man she needed him to be? Hadn’t he changed for her already? Hadn’t these last months proven it to her? Her words had ripped through him; he couldn’t stay here, not now, not when he would feel freshly eviscerated every time he saw her. Cutting through the garden, Logan heard voices just around the curve in the path and froze.
“…a good show.” Hank’s voice, he thought.
“Thank you for taking me. It was a wonderful evening, I had a great time. It was my first Broadway show.” The female voice was Jubilee. Logan remembered that Big Blue was taking her to dinner and a show in the city for her eighteenth birthday. Hank had given her the tickets a few weeks ago at the party for her thrown by the Professor.
Logan knew Hank had always had a huge soft spot for Jubilee. Hell, both he and Hank did, but Logan always suspected that once Jubilee was old enough the gentle blue giant would pursue the young girl and try to discover if they might fit together as a couple. It looked like Logan had inadvertently stumbled into their first steps at doing just that.
“You are quite welcome. I would be honored to experience more firsts with you.” Logan could hear Hank’s heart rate increase when he made the accidental innuendo. Hank cleared his throat and forged on. “Taking you anywhere you would wish to go would please me very much.”
“You’re sweet, Hankster, thank you.”
“You, Miss Jubilation, are the sweet one.”
Starting to feel a little too much like an eavesdropper, Logan stepped around the curve in the path. The move caused his shadow to pass over the couple. Jubilee and Hank stood in an almost embrace. She was still in her gown and Hank still in his tux. Logan felt bad for interrupting them during what had to be a private moment but he knew after having stumbled across them, he couldn’t leave without talking to them.
“Sorry I didn’t mean to interrupt, but I’m headin’ towards my truck. I gotta get outta here for a while.” Logan wasn’t prepared to elaborate and hoped his friends, especially Jubilee, wouldn’t push him for more information. Even if Jubilee didn’t know about Logan’s love for Jean – and she probably did, the girl knew every damn thing that happened in this place; Logan hoped she would accept his short non-explanation. Even if she didn’t know about Jean, Hank did. Logan was gambling that Hank would assist him in keeping the conversation short and cursory.
It was Hank, in fact, who had been the one to encourage Logan to admit his feelings of frustration to Jean. The kindly doctor had contended the game Logan and Jean were playing – the heavy flirting followed by the kiss and elicit grope – wasn’t doing either of them any good. In the end, the argument Hank had used to finally convince Logan to act was a very base one. “If she is yours why is she sleeping with Scott”, had been the direct question Hank put to Logan. Logan knew Hank would be able to read the outcome of his ultimatum to Jean by Logan’s dejected demeanor.
“I am sorry to hear of your required departure, my friend.” Hank stepped forward with his hand extended.
“When will you be home?” As the men clasped hands, Logan looked to Jubilee, at that moment the sadness in her eyes made her look more twelve than eighteen.
“In a while” was Logan’s only response. Hank wrapped an arm around the young woman as she turned into Hank’s chest.
“Understood. Take care not to make your sabbatical too long, Logan. You have informed the Professor, I assume?” A bevy of nonverbal communication crossed between the two men; Hank expressing guilt at having pushed Logan towards confronting Jean and Logan providing absolution. Logan gave an affirmative grunt to Hank’s spoken question and moved towards the back of the garden and his truck.
“Be careful.”
“I will, Big Blue. Keep Ju Ju bean there out of trouble.” A smile broke across Jubilee’s face.
“No one can do that Wolvie, you know that.” She laughed when he raised his eyebrow at the use of his nickname. “Call when you can, okay?”
“I’ll try.” He called over his shoulder.
Logan hadn’t called of course. His monthly one word one-way texts to the Professor hardly counted as contact. It hadn’t been his true intention to cut himself off from his friends while he struggled to forget a woman but he couldn’t bear the thought of dealing with the questions his friends and teammates would have asked. His friend’s questions had only been his easiest excuse. His true fear, Logan could admit it himself now, had been ending up on the phone with Jean, his then unrequited love, having to speak to her, breaking down, and begging her to change her mind. In hindsight, he wondered if maybe he would have been able to detect her actions with his boxer shorts sooner if he had spoken to her on the phone. He thought not.
“Logan! Logan! You still there?”
“Sorry…yeah, I’m here.”
“You scared me, dammit.”
“Listen, I gotta go. Tell Big Blue I said ‘hey’”
“You never answered my question, Logan.” Jubes was pressing him. Logan could see her in his mind’s eye; standing up, right hand on her hip, said hip cocked out, eyes squinted. It made him smile.
“Yeah, I know.”
“Wolvie!” He could hear her slap her hand on what was presumably Chuck’s antique mahogany side table.
“I will talk to you soon, Ju Ju bean.” Laughing at leaving Jubilee frustrated, Logan hung up feeling more focused and ready to consider what needed to be done before he and Marie could return to the mansion. His stomach grumbled reminding him of his more immediate need - breakfast and shampoo for Marie. Logan peered over towards the pharmacy. It didn’t look open yet but he could tell there was someone moving around inside so it would be soon. Logan headed towards the laundry mat, hoping to move things into the dryers.
Thirty minutes later, everything was in the dryers, Logan was out forty bucks and wandering the aisles of the small town pharmacy trying to determine what to bring back for Marie. The forty had been the incentive the old lady at the laundry mat needed to fold and bag all of his stuff for him, leaving Logan able to hit the pharmacy. It was Sunday and the grocery store in the little piss ant town Logan found himself in was closed so the pharmacy was going to have to do.
Unsure of what girl type things Marie used, Logan was trying to err on the side of caution and get it all. He had already picked out the easy stuff – hairbrush, comb, toothbrush, lotion, a pink fairly decent smelling soap, razor – he had chosen the most girly one they had and it happened to be the most expensive but he gotten it anyway.
Going through the ladies shaving cream had just about killed him. There were too many conflicting scents. It made his eyes water. Visions of him shaving Marie’s legs, running his hands over her as they sat chest to back in one of the mansion’s extra large bathtubs was the only thing that kept him motivated enough to determine which one wasn’t too bad on his nose. The idea of buying Marie any of the cheap alcohol based perfumes the pharmacy had for sale was completely out. Logan made a mental note to get her an oil based perfume later.
The choice of deodorant and body powder hadn’t been too hard; he had defaulted to the soft scented baby powder ones. Having picked those items out, left him with just the hard stuff – shampoo, conditioner, deep conditioner and a leave in conditioner. The concept Logan would have any knowledge of woman’s hair products was another thing anyone who thought they knew the Wolverine would probably laugh over.
Logan would have certainly never called himself an expert in woman’s hair products but he did know a few things. First and foremost, he knew whatever shampoo and conditioner he bought for Marie couldn’t irritate his nose. Often the various slicks, gels, and sprays women used in their hair were so artificial and overly manufactured the smell brought tears to his eyes if he got too close. Marie had what would soon be beautiful chestnut hair that Logan planned on running his fingers through whenever possible. Burying his nose into hair with a chemical smell he couldn’t tolerate wasn’t an option, which eliminated some of the more obnoxious products in front of him.
Most of what else Logan knew or remembered he knew about women’s hair products he had learned one day at the mall with Jean. They had been there to keep an eye on a group of kids from the mansion. Well Jean had volunteered to chaperone and Logan had volunteered hoping to get some time with Jean away from Cyclops. It hadn’t been too long after Scott and Jean had announced their engagement and Logan hadn’t been able to get a second alone with her since.
When Jean sent all of the kids off on their own to find ‘green products’ – Storm had the mansion on a ‘go green’ environmental kick, Logan thought he had stuck gold. Finally he would have some alone time with Jean so he could to talk her out of marrying pansy boy or so he had thought. Instead of talking or flirting with him, Jean had dragged him into this all natural store and asked him to help her pick out a new environmentally friendly shampoo.
After forty five minutes of smelling more variations and combinations of fruit, flowers, and herbs than he had thought possible Logan had had enough. He had been good, listening politely to the sales girl drone on about the required combination of shampoo, conditioner, deep conditioner, and leave in conditioner. During her spiel the salesgirl had repeatedly emphasized to Jean the all natural aspects of the products and how they could have adverse reactions with hair that had been treated or colored. He was about to go find the nearest outside exit so he could smoke while thinking chasing after mutant teenagers in a mall right be better than this hell when Jean finally sauntered up to him, pressed her pert tits into his chest and asked him to make sure he liked the smell of the mango pomegranate conditioner on her best.
Logan had wrapped his arms around her, his hands gravitating to her ass and growled out a reply that included making it explicitly clear the only scent he ever wanted on her was his but that the mango pomegranate would do if it had to. She had giggled at him, whispering she would think of him when she massaged it in all of her hair. The implication had been clear. She would think of Logan in her shower as she ran her hands on her body and through the curls covering her sex. Logan had been hard for the rest of the day. Jean had bought the entire line – a shampoo, three types of conditioner, a gel and a holding spray.
The following day found Logan in the garage with Jean sinking down on his hips as he slid out from under the VW bug the shop class worked on. He had been covered with sweat, engine oil, and grime but his nose was overwhelmed with her scent. Jean’s hair was like a fresh spring day, especially when she ground down on his hips and dangled her long straight lush hair in his face and giving him a great view of her braless breasts. Her question, “Does it smell good, Logan?” hadn’t solely been referencing the hair on her head.
Logan had jacked off to the smell of mango pomegranate wafting around the mansion for a week straight. About ten days after the big purchase Logan had come up behind Jean and Ororo in the hallway on the way to dinner. Silently, he got as close to the women as he dared with Ororo right there. He was hoping to catch that mango pomegranate smell in Jean’s hair. Instead of getting a whiff of sweet ripe mangos coming from Jean, he got a nose full of something that reminded him of burnt wheat. Logan was coming up with an excuse to pull Jean away into an empty room so he could ask where his fruity smelling girl had gone when he overheard Jean complaining to Ororo.
Jean was in full rant mode. “’Ro, really my hair is going to take months to be right again. As a doctor, I feel like I have an obligation to do something! It is just outrageous. How was I supposed to know that treated including tinting? I am even considering using my pull in Washington to increase the regulation on these so called all natural products.” Logan’s thought at the time had been what the hell does tinted mean but Cyclops had greeted them in the hall just then and Logan had never gotten a chance to ask.
Standing in the women’s hair care section of a dinky pharmacy in a tiny town in the middle of nowhere Canada, it dawned on Logan that tinted must be the same as colored. No wonder Jeannie had been so pissed. She prided herself on her red hair. The expensive all natural stuff had exposed the fact she wasn’t a natural red head! Breaking out into a deep belly laugh didn’t do anything to keep the pharmacy clerk from looking at Logan funny. Logan coughed in a pitiful attempt to cover his laugh. He didn’t want to call too much attention to himself today; he wanted to fight tonight and didn’t want any trouble with the locals.
Still chuckling to himself, Logan decided at a minimum Marie needed shampoo, conditioner and a leave in. She was his and he wasn’t going to have her do without something if he could help it. Quickly scanning the shelves for a brand with all three, Logan found there were two. The one that smelled the best also had a deep conditioner so Logan picked that one.
A few minutes later, with a couple of bottles of milk, juice, water and soda along with a few snacks, an extra pack of socks plus all of the girlie stuff for Marie, Logan headed to pay. He needed to swing by grab the laundry then run by the diner and pick up their food he had ordered earlier. Once he did all of that he was ready to head back to the room.
Pulling into the parking place right in front of his hotel room door, Logan checked to make sure the trailer was where he had left it at the back of the lot, looked at his watch and cursed. He had been gone over an hour an a half after having left in a rage without any explanation. Logan felt like a complete dumbass. Hopefully Marie had just finished her shower and was sitting in his clothes watching some stupid old movie waiting for him to come back with breakfast. But Logan’s life hadn’t ever gone the easy route so he didn’t hold out much hope his imagined sunny scene was what he would find on the other side of the hotel room for more than a few seconds.
Briefly the idea that Marie might have run away crossed his mind. He wasn’t sure what he would do if she had taken off. Chase her, yeah, bring her back – fuck yeah, make sure she didn’t do it again – fucking hell yeah. He had taken her only set of clothes when he left so he doubted she had run but he had left her some of his. SHIT! She could have taken off. He didn’t really think that she would have. She didn’t seem to be one to break a promise. However, if she was pissed enough at him, she might have, promise or not. She was probably royally pissed at him whether she was there or not. With a sigh, he gathered the food and headed towards the door hoping the worst of his problems was Marie impatiently waiting on the other side of the door ready to call him an asshole.
Logan opened the door to an empty hotel room. The clothes and toiletries he had brought in from the camper before he left were still sprawled on the bed where he threw them.
“FUCK!” Where the hell is she? “Marie?!” The shower was still running. “Marie, God damn it, answer me!” Practically throwing the three bags of food on the rickety table, Logan crossed the room in two strides and flung the bathroom door open. The sight that greeted him was something he would have never expected.
“Fuck, god damn it!” Marie was curled into a ball at the back of the shower shivering. Her expression was glazed over. She didn’t look like she was aware of her surroundings. The water rained down full blast even though it was obvious by the temperature of the small room that the hot water had run out some time ago. “Jesus, girl! What are you tryin’ to do? Get pneumonia?”
Getting no movement or reaction of any kind from Marie, Logan ducked under the water, wrenching her out of the tub while getting himself drenched in the process. He turned the shower off and hauled Marie into his arms all in one continuous motion. Holding her tight against him, Logan continued cursing in between asking her questions, wrapping her in towels and carrying her towards the bed still all in the same flurry of activity. He dropped her in the center of the bed and pulled the comforter around her. He covered her so well that when he paused the only exposed parts of her were her eyes and nose. Grabbing her head with both of his hands Logan tilted her face until her eyes caught his.
“Damn it, girl. What the Hell is goin’ on here?” She was shivering so badly Logan could feel the vibrations even through the king sized comforter wrapped around her small frame. “Marie, tell me what is wrong!” His questions and demands were met with whimpers and unresponsive dilated eyes. Logan recognized the look of complete terror and shock. He needed to get her warm and calmed down. Pulling off his boots and his now wet jackets and shirts, Logan climbed onto the bed behind her and cradled her to his chest.
He held her for a few minutes, running his hands along her body over the comforter as he pressed her body to his chest hoping to transfer some body heat to her. Slowly he started unwrapping her from the cocoon he had encased her in, believing skin on skin contact would warm her quicker and bring her around faster. She wasn’t going to get warm if he didn’t get her dry and getting her warm would help calm her. Her whimpers increased as he moved the comforter away from her. Logan tried to keep his voice soothing and his words simple, telling her he had to get her dry, that everything would be okay, that he had food for them both. He surprised himself when he intuitively told her he was sorry he had been gone so long.
After a few minutes of trying to dry her hair with the thread bare scratchy hotel towel, Logan gave up. He needed some of the towels in the camper. Maybe it was because of what he had gone through in the lab, maybe it was because of his skin healing so quickly, maybe it was because he wore animal fur while he roamed the woods after he first woke up but whatever the reason Logan had always been particular about the texture of the clothing and other items he put against his skin. He had freshly washed high-end all cotton towels in his truck and he wanted to use them to dry off the scared girl in his arms.
“Stay here Marie. I’m gonna get some stuff outta the truck.” Wrapping her back up in the comforter, he tried to make his voice more of a purr than a command but her whimpering increased when he mentioned going. With a soft voice, Logan spoke against her ear as he caressed her back. “Don’t worry, little one. The truck’s just right outside the door.” When she continued to whimper, he tried to placate her further.
“I’ll leave the door open, you will be able to see me the entire time, okay?” She gave him a small nod but her shaking body telegraphed her distress. Logan took her acknowledgment of his question as a good sign, gave her a small smile back and kissed her forehead, speaking softly against her skin. “I got a real warm blanket and some nice fluffy towels for you. We gotta get you dry, baby.” Her eyes were still panicked; he pulled her to his chest and wrapped his arms around her.
“Shh, it’s all right, baby. Let me bring the stuff in and take care of you. Get you warm and fed.” He caught a strand of her hair that was escaping out of towel around her head. “Let’s get that hair of your’s dry and then we’ll talk, okay?”
Logan cursed and muttered the five feet out the door to the back of the truck. Looking back towards the room, Logan could see Marie staring at him from inside the room. She had rebundled herself up in the comforter and was perched in the center of the bed staring at his every move with wide eyes. He almost yanked the camper door off its hinges. He never anticipated returning to find Marie in a near catatonic state. It was obvious he had upset her more deeply than he had initially thought. He should have taken into account how he had left, how long he had been gone and what she had been through. Leaving in a blind rage hadn’t helped either he was sure.
“Probably scared the Hell out of her too, you dumb ass.” Logan continued muttering to himself while searching through the bags the nice old woman at the laundry mat had so conveniently labeled for him. Finding the towels he wanted, along with the old soft blue blanket he had stolen in the first few days he could remember, in the bag the laundry lady had marked clothes and grabbing a six pack of beer out of the camper’s mini-frig, Logan headed back inside.
Slowly Logan settled himself in front of Marie on the bed, whispering to her in dulcet tones the entire time, as he once again unwrapped her from the comforter. He started with drying her feet, working up her body with tender strokes of the soft towels which were still emanating residual heat from the dryer. Logan had no desire to make this act sexual and as he progressed up her body Marie started to cry. Logan did his best to sooth her as he worked but knew he had caused this and she needed to get it out.
Moving around to the head of the bed and settling a naked Marie on to his bare chest, Logan crooned in her ear to just let it go, that it was okay now, she could cry all she wanted. She cried then, cried a lot. Logan just held her curled against his chest, wrapping them both in the soft warmth of the blue blanket. Caressing her skin underneath the blanket with the soft towel, Logan simply held on to the girl in his arms.
Not sure what more he could do to comfort her at the moment except to continue what he was already doing, Logan just sat and held her. After a time he attempted to run his fingers through her hair to get it to dry. Her hair was a mess, full of tangles and knots born of neglect during her time on the road and in the lab. Now it was one wet lump. Logan slid out from under her, substituting his warmth with that of the soft blue blanket, and told her he would be right back. Heading out to the truck, remembering to leave the door open so he could see him, Logan brought in the bags of stuff he had gotten at the pharmacy.
After pulling out the drinks and snacks along with the brush, comb, and leave in conditioner, Logan grabbed one of the boxes of diner food. He had gotten three breakfast specials, two for him and one for her. He had also gotten a salad, a deluxe hamburger with fries and a double order of pot roast including extra bread. Logan put the still warm plastic food box along with a set of silverware in front of Marie and slid back on the bed behind her.
“Eat, baby. It will make you feel better.” As Logan sprayed leave in conditioner in her hair and started working the tangles, Marie slowly unwrapped herself from the blanket, opened the box and started eating the now lukewarm eggs. Acting on instinct he ran the comb carefully through her hair pulling the knots through as best as he could. As she sniffled and hiccupped, Logan calmly and with the care of a lover, worked the snags through the ends of Marie’s long thick brown curls.
Logan wondered how he knew what to do to get the tangles out without hurting her. A vague flash of memory burst through his mind – an Asian woman with long black hair naked from the waist up handing him a brush and beckoning him to her. A melody filled his mind and Logan knew it had come from the memory. The woman would hum the tune as he ran the brush over her silken locks. He didn’t remember who the woman was, when or even how he had known her which frustrated the Hell out of him. He was thankful for the knowledge none the less, partially because it was one more memory and partially because it was helping him help Marie.
Logan worked quietly, spraying in more conditioner and doing his best to make sure not to pull her hair too hard to avoid hurting her. Even after all of the tangles were out of her hair, he continued to comb his fingers through it. Marie seemed to relax with the repetitive motion of his hands. She had eaten the bacon, the sausage, all of the eggs, part of the pancakes and half the hash browns. Logan had watched her surreptitiously over her shoulder while she ate. When she looked like she was about done, he stopped running his fingers through her hair.
“Want some milk, baby?” Marie stared down at the plastic food box but nodded. Logan went to the sink, unwrapped one of the hotel room’s disposable cups, filled it with milk and handed it to Marie. “Drink this, little one. You ate quite a lot, are you still hungry? There is more food if you would like.” Marie looked at him shaking her head no. He watched her drink all of the milk while she remained completely silent.
Knowing he was going to have to be gentle if he wanted to find out what had gone wrong; Logan knelt down on the floor in front of Marie. He set the takeout box out and the plastic cup aside taking her hands in his. She was still naked half wrapped in his blue blanket. Logan was in just his jeans but as much as she tempted him and the opportunity was there, Logan knew now wasn’t the time to try and take her again. He might be ten times the bastard but having sex with a partner who wasn't mentally there was too much like rape for even Logan to entertain. The longer she stayed in this semi-cationic state the less he believed her reaction was solely due to the manner in which he left her or how long he had been gone.
“Marie, what happened, baby?” Logan’s voice was soft. He brought his hands up to where her knees were still tightly wrapped in the blue blanket. “Why did you say in the shower so long? Even after it got cold?” He brought a finger to her chin and lifted it, making her eyes met his eyes. Her face was puffy and red from crying but Logan could see there were more tears threatening. “What were you thinking?” He saw her swallow and mentally braced himself to hear what she had to say, maybe now was when she would call him an asshole. With a soft shaky voice, Marie finally responded to him.
“I was thinking that I am yours.” Her response was certainly not what Logan had been expecting. He had thought she was going to explain why she was so scared. Maybe even talk about her experiences in the lab or tell him she was upset because she had thought he had abandoned her. “I did what you told me to.” Her voice going up an octave with treads of panic bleeding through it. "You can’t be mad at me.” She was starting to fidget. Logan could tell she was working herself into an agitated state.
“Shh, shh, now.” Logan moved up off the floor, onto the bed, pulling her into his arms and cradling her to him. “I am not mad at you. But why did you stay in the shower after it had gotten so cold? I don’t understand.” He touched her chin and tilted her head again. He wanted to see her eyes. Her eyes conveyed so much. “You were freezing when I pulled you out of there. Why did you stay in there?”
“I did what you told me to.” Logan could see the tears in her eyes. “You said stay right here and that’s what I did.” She gave up on holding the tears back any longer. Logan knew at that moment he was the world’s biggest dumb ass. He had indeed said stay right here.
“Christ kid, I meant stay in the room!” With his outburst, she started to sob. “Oh baby, I am sorry.” He pulled her closer, tightening his embrace. He had caused this. “I didn’t mean it that way. I wanted you to not leave the room. To stay here while I went out.” He was going to have to be more careful with her, with what he said to her. She was more vulnerable than he had previously considered when he rousted her up out of his trailer. Logan was going to have to always remember that. He wanted her to be his but that meant she had to trust him. Base cruelty like making her stay in the shower to freeze wouldn’t build the kind of trust he wanted between them.
His honor promptly jumped up and reminded him if he hadn’t taken advantage of her in the first place they wouldn’t be where they were now. The lonely man and the Wolverine in him quickly told his honor to go fuck itself. Having Marie as his very own was worth working through things like this.
“I didn’t mean for you to stay in the shower like that, baby.” He pulled her chin up so she was looking at him again. “I won’t be unnecessarily cruel to you, Marie. I wouldn’t do something like that to you.” Pulling her forward, he said the next words with his lips pressed against her forehead, one hand in her hair. “I am gonna feed, clothe, take care of you and keep you safe. If you disobey me, I will punish you, yes, but I would never torture you like that without a damn good reason. That isn’t who I am with you or who we are gonna be to each other. Okay?” He really wanted to see her face now but he didn’t want to force her to look at him. He had just laid out the foundation of what their relationship was going to be. Logan really wanted Marie to make the next move. She started to squirm but he just held her tighter.
“I don’t want to be punished. Please, please don’t.” Her voice was so timid Logan was surprised he had even heard it. Logan ran his hands over her, hoping to convince her to relax.
“Marie, follow the rules, do what I say. Stay when I say stay, run when I say run, and I will never have a reason to. Okay, little one? Be my good girl and everything will be just fine.” He wanted, needed, her to trust him. Logan realized his actions this morning had damaged what little trust they had built. “You are my responsibility now, Marie. It is my job to take care of you. I’ll give you what you need. I will be careful what and how I tell you do something so we don’t have any more misunderstandings like this one.”
Logan let out a heavy sigh. If only he had gone back in and let her know where he was going. If he had only done what his gut had first told him to do - go back to the bathroom and explain why he was irritated prior to going to the truck.
He imagined what would have happen if he had gone back in to explain. He would have said: “Marie,” She would have been standing in the shower with her head lowered and arms crossed over her breasts. He would have stepped forward and tilted her chin up. “Listen, I am sorry. I just want you to have what you need. I am gonna go out to the trunk and get you some shampoo.”
But he hadn’t done that and he had discovered what he had the camper, come back to even angrier, leaving her with nothing other than a few yelled words and this was where they were. He really was an asshole.
“Do you understand me, Marie?” Her eyes met his. This was the first time she had voluntarily sought his gaze since he had returned. Her face was a mess, eyes puffy still leaking tears, nose running, cheeks covered with tear tracks. He realized how emotionally fragile she was and handed her a napkin to clean up with. She wiped her cheeks and blew her nose while she studied his face. Marie cleared her throat, nodded and said something Logan would have never anticipated.
“It was the doors.” Her voice was scratchy and small. Logan wasn’t sure what she meant. He could tell she was still scared. When she didn’t continue, he spoke in hopes of prompting more of a response from her.
“Baby?” Her eyes were watering up, her lip had started to tremble and she broke their gaze burying her face against his chest. He could feel and smell the tears as they started again.
“The slamming of the doors.” She shuddered against him and snuggling her face deeper into his chest. She continued in a whisper. “Bad things happen when doors slam.” Slamming doors had heralded in some of the worst things in Marie’s life and she remembered them all.
The slamming open of her bedroom door as her mother barreled in hell bent for leather only to find Marie screaming while wedging herself under the bed as Cody convulsed on the floor overcome by the affects of her life draining touch.
The slamming closed of the ambulance doors as the EMTs informed Cody’s parents their son was still unresponsive and needed to be rushed to the hospital. The entire neighborhood watching as the police questioned her about what happened. The word ‘mutant’ skittering across the crowd like smoke on the wind.
The slamming open of the front door of her house as her father threw all of her possessions on the lawn while screaming at the top of his lungs for her to get out of his house, never return, and disavowing she could have ever been his daughter.
The slamming closed of the Greyhound bus’s door at the bus station when her money and ticket had run out in the seedy section of downtown Winnipeg. Walking to the nearest interstate still hoping somehow to get to Alaska but she was soon cold from the rain and covered in highway dirt.
The slamming closed of the passenger door on the first eighteen wheeler she’d hitched a ride from driven by the grizzled looking female trucker who lectured her all of the way through the Rookies on the evils of prostitution, drugs, and reminding her to stay away from the demon spawn known as mutants. The voices of the preachers screaming Hallelujah through the radio the entire ride.
The slamming closed of the door on the hidden cage tucked in the back of the truck cab where she woke up after drinking the spiked sweet tea that grandfatherly looking trucker had given her.
The slamming closed of the cell door after she was sold to the lab by the trucker. She cried all through her initial set of tests in the lab, but somehow she knew the drugs they were pumping through her system weren’t really letting her cry because she couldn’t even move.
The slamming closed of the hallway door after lights out in the lab. With the hallway door secure, the guards had been free to open any cell door they chose. The slamming open of your cell door meant you were about to become that evening’s entertainment. She had been spared - why work so hard for it when the girl in the cell next door had skin that didn’t require risking your life while you gang raped her? Spared until the collar designed to circumvent for her skin had been finished. The lead guard’s words echoed her mind – “Let’s give it another 24hrs to make sure it works then we’ll see what sweet southern cherry tastes like.”
Hearing the bathroom and hotel doors slammed shut after the one person she had given herself to and tried to trust had left her like she was trash, Marie slid down the side of the shower, curling up into a ball. Letting the sound of slamming doors and images of the horrible things they brought wash over her, Marie stopped thinking and started shivering uncontrollably.
Logan watched as Marie mentally drifted away from him. She was obviously remembering. He held her tight as she began to shiver. Again Logan was running his hands up and down her arms and back in a vain attempt to sooth her and keep her calm. When her eyes slammed shut and her fists clenched, Logan started shaking her to bring her out of it.
“Marie, MARIE!” She looked at him with terror in her eyes. “It is alright you are safe. I promise no more doors slamming.” Logan tucked her back against his chest and rocked her. “You are safe with me and nothing like that will ever happen again. You’re mine and I am gonna take care of you. I got you, you are okay.” She continued to whimper softly. She hadn’t told him anything but her reactions to the memories told Logan her full recovery of whatever she had suffered wasn’t going to be easy or quick.
They sat like that for some time. Marie naked and wrapped in a soft blue blanket nestled in his lap. Logan bare except for his jeans, legs and arms curled tightly around the bundle of distressed young girl. Finally Logan thought she had relaxed enough that he could get her to sleep. He leaned them both back on the bed, snuggled Marie in close to his side, and pulled the hotel comforter over them both.
“Sleep now, baby.” She was still wrapped in his blanket. “Let me know if you get hot, Marie.” A slight head nod was all the response Logan got. It was enough for now. “I will be right here to take care of you if you need me.” He gave her a ghost of a kiss and stayed deathly still waiting to feel her large muscles groups relax and hear her breathing change as she drifted off to sleep. After a long thirty minutes, she finally did.
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Author's Chapter Notes:
Hello everyone! First, I am not dead. Real life has been busy and tangled these last 6 months, leaving me little room to actually write. Second, let me apologize for not updating sooner but I don't write in order sometimes. I tend to write various plot points as the muse allows. I got stuck on a scene slated for several chapters from now that is based on some of the timeline in chapter 3 so I had to do a little clean up there to make everything fit together. (Chapter 3 as got several good overhauls for spelling, grammar and the dyslexic word flipping that sometimes happens if I am not careful.) Thirdly and quite frankly this chapter just kicked my ass. I still think it has too much exposition and not enough movement but there are things here that are foundational for what comes later. Trust me and hang in there.
Chapter 5 is written but not typed so three weeks, maybe? Cross your fingers and the creek don’t rise you will see an update from me by the end of the month.
Enjoy!
(As always both positive and negative feedback is appreciated.)
Chapter 5 is written but not typed so three weeks, maybe? Cross your fingers and the creek don’t rise you will see an update from me by the end of the month.
Enjoy!
(As always both positive and negative feedback is appreciated.)