The usual argument is well underway over the selection for movie night with Rogue and Wolverine calling for horror and gore, Jean and Scott want a romantic comedy, and Bobby and Jubilee kicking up a fuss for the new Bond movie on Pay-Per-View. Kitty phases through the door, takes in the melee and shouts, “I have the solution!”
Everyone turns and she holds up a blue and black DVD case with a huge grin on her face. “They made a movie about us! An X-man movie!” That decides it and she throws it into the player and flops down on the floor next to her boyfriend.
Rogue snarls at the first scene. “Who is that supposed to be?” The overly syrupy sweet drawl is really annoying. When the girl kisses the boy and knocks him out, she yells, “That’s supposed to be me? What am I, twelve?! I don’t even have tits or streaks! And Ah dawnt tawk lahk thayut!” Logan laughs at the way her accent goes into overdrive when she's angry.
As mad as she is at the horrifyingly young portrayal of herself by teen actress Annie Packer, the depiction of her fear at her first manifestation is pretty accurate, even if it wasn't in her bedroom and she did touch her mother in fear and knocked her out, in addition to Cody.
Jean comes on the screen to the appreciative whistle of Wolverine. “Like ya in red, Red. Nice glasses, like a naughty librarian.” Rogue elbows him in the ribs and he just grins down at her and snakes an arm around his lover’s waist. Scott, in turn, sits his wife firmly in his lap.
Fingers are flipped at Sen. Kelley rants on tv.
“Hey that’s me! I walk through walls!” Kitty squeeks excitedly. “Robbing a bank hmmmmm.”
“Damn, Magneto is oooooooooold!” Jubilee shrieks.
The Professor looks down, rather embarrassed by his bright yellow hover chair which stands in stark contrast to the sleek titanium chair the British actor on the screen uses. The accent and characterization is dead on, he’s pleased to note.
“Who the hell is Erik ? I thought his name was Magnus.” Xavier shrugs at Rogue’s question.
All the women sigh dreamily over the actor playing Wolverine in the cage. Rogue waggles an eyebrow at Logan, “He doesn’t have your muscles but DAMN!” She fans herself.
““Huge Jackoff, what kind of a name is that?” Scott says he thinks it’s perfect for Logan. “And what the fuck is up with his hair, is that gel?” He is shushed by all the woman who appear to be drooling slightly, even Storm.
Logan knows the guy is too skinny to play him, but he would like to be taller; the guy has almost a foot on him in height. “I’d never let a guy sneak up on me like that in the cage. Or get those kicks in,” he points out to the room, to many eye rolls. Logan grins at the head butt and dirty kick at the man down.
“I like that green cloak, I should get one,” Rogue muses, even as she frowns at her characterization onscreen.
“Awwww Rogue is soooo cuuuuuute!” teases Jubilee. “Look at her drooling over Wolvie.”
Logan snaps, “Grr, that girl looks like jailbait. I like my woman with some curves.” He squeezes Rogue to him.
When Jackoff flashes the claws, the special effects are pretty good. Overall Logan likes that scene real nice, the guy’s definitely got a pretty good pissed off look and even his growl isn’t half bad…for a Jackoff.
“You call that a knife. These are knives,” and Logan bares 54 inches of adamantium, making the whole room laugh.
“Why the hell am I hitchhiking? Can’t I fly? And I would punch your ass out for leaving me on the side of the road.” She hits Logan in the arm and he genuinely winces at her super strength.
“Is that piece of shit supposed to be where I live?” he growls. “Even I never came down that damn low in the world.”
“Where am I supposed to go?”
“I don’t know.”
“You don’t know or you don’t care?”
“Pick one.”
Wolverine makes a note to try and work that into a conversation at some point. Jackoff’s hair is really starting to bug him.
“Well that’s a pussy way to explain my skin! I mean if I was hitchhiking and got picked up by a random guy I’d be like, ‘Try anything and I’ll rip your soul out with my scaaaaary mutation muwhahahaha!’” Rogue cackles evilly.
“Oh please chica, if the guy looked like THAT,” she gestured at the screen, “I’d be telling him my mutation is super fucking!” Giggles all around.
Do the claws hurt scene.
“Aww, that’s kinda sweet,” Rogue says.
Logan growls, “I would never admit to that.”
“So they do hurt?”
“Darlin’, I got fucking knives coming out of my hands. Think it feels like kitten licks?!”
Rogue shrieks, “My name is not Marie, god what the fuck, that’s a horrible name!”
“So what is it?” Scott asks.
“I ain’t telling, it’s even worse.”
Rogue lectures Logan on wearing his seatbelt right before he goes head first through the windshield.
“See, I always tell you to wear it for THAT EXACT reason!”
Wolverine is not impressed with his counterpart’s healing on the screen. He’d be up immediately, cracked open head or not and not stumbling around on jelly legs.
They all agree Sabertooth is no where near ugly enough and would never get the jump on Logan like that; although Scott seems to enjoy Jackoff’s ass kicking a lot…and his character, played by John Mars, saving Logan’s ass from the wussily exploding camper.
Storm frowns at the tv, smoothing her fingers over her Mohawk. “Is that supposed to be me?”
“Is that supposed to be Toad? And why does he have an English accent? Who the hell writes this shit,” Logan growls.
“Oh, Magneto is coming to get you Logan,” Jean teases. The girls sing-song “You’re in trooooouuuuuble.”
“Shhhh, Jackoff with shirt off!” Rogue flaps her hands for quiet, then all the women jump and squeal when the actor leaps off the table and almost strangles Fanny Janson, the real Jean blushing furiously.
“Oooooh, I’d give anything to be Fanny right now,” Kitty moans. More giggles and squeals as the Jackoff runs around bare chested some more, then sighs of disappointment when he puts on a sweatshirt.
Xavier makes a note to remember to play mental ventriloquist and screw with the X-men sometime like that. It looked fun.
“I would not run around like that in a panic from a bunch of frigging kids!” Wolverine growls.
“But you do have a habit of bursting into classes unannounced,” Scott reminds him primly.
“That’s me,” Kitty squeals as a scrawny teen phases through a door. “I mean the girl has serious fashion issues and her hair is totally yuck, but I bet they make her look better when she puts on the uniform.”
Scott is pleased with his appearance in the film, but Jean isn’t as she clearly appears to be at least 10 years older than Scott.
Logan laughs his ass off when his doppelganger on screen makes fun of everyone’s name. “Wheels!” he roars, “Oh Christ, that’s priceless.”
A frown from Xaiver makes it clear none of the X-men should use that nickname EVER.
“Hey, I never got the grand tour, I didn’t know we had stables,” Logan jokes, ribbing Xavier.
“Pyro is an X-man? What the hell?!” yells Bobby.
A round of “Bobby and Roguey sitting in a tree” results in several icicles thrown at the singers and the evil eye from Logan.
“I do not give long unnecessary expositions like that," Xavier huffs. A variety of raised eyebrows and incredulous expressions are quickly following by a chorus of “Noooooooo!”
“Why is Mystique covered in scales and naked?” Jeans asks and is shushed by Logan and Scott simultaneously. Even Xavier has to admit has to admit the supermodel portraying the shape-shifter, Rebecca Arugla-Stanko, has a certain allure clad in nothing but latex and paint. And her fighting style is disturbingly familiar.
“So, couldn’t wait to get my shirt off again, huh?”
Wolverine chuckles as Jean blushes again and Scott gives him a nasty glare. “Hey, he said it, not me,” he says pointing to Jackoff.
They all agreed the scans of Wolverine’s bones were completely wrong and made him look like Frankenstein on the inside.
Storm, in her requisite Mohawk and leather, gripes, “That woman doesn’t sound anything like me. She’s not even FROM Africa, more Long Island I think. And what is up with her hair? I haven’t worn it like that since the 80s!”
“Why am I wearing red on red, and they don’t even match? God, one-trick pony anyone?” Jean snarks. Fanny clearly didn’t know much about fashion if she allowed them to dress her like that.
Xavier is rather disturbed by the scene revealing the mutation machine. He will have Dr. McCoy do some research to see if such a thing is even possible, lest Magneto get any ideas. The actor, Liam McCracker, playing Magneto may not resemble his old friend physically but the chilling way he delivers lines of evil with such cool relish is horribly familiar.
“Bad teeth! Bad teeth!” trills Kitty as Magneto grimaces horribly in the machine, mutating Sen. Kelly. “Definitely British.”
Jean tries to read Logan’s mind.
“Nowhere near that powerful?” Jean bristles. “I’m one of only 2 class 5 mutants on the whole planet. Not that powerful, hmmpf.”
Xavier lay a comforting hand on her shoulder. “It’s just a movie Jean.” She remains grumpy through the rest of the scene as Jackoff flirts with Fanny.
“C’mon? You afraid you might like it?”
Logan chuckles at the line. “Ok, this Jackoff is good, I’ll give him that.” Scott snorts inelegantly and Jean blushes along with her character.
John Mars, the Cyclops actor, does a damn good impression of Scott’s smug yet uptight attitude, especially towards Jackoff.
“Oh and Logan, stay away from my girl.”
Logan snorts, “No worries there One-Eye. No offense Jeanie, but I like my girls a little less uptight,” and he pulls Rogue to his side again, this time cupping her boob and giving it a playful squeeze.
Jubilee scolds, “What a bad girl Rogue! Sneaking into a dirty old man’s room like that when you haven’t even had your period!”
Rogue shoots her a middle finger and mutters, “If this was accurate I would be IN your bed, not down the hall with the grade schoolers.” Logan chuckles.
The nightmare, impaling, mutation stealing scene unfolds in silence.
“That is…a disturbingly…accurate portrayal of Rogue’s power and Logan’s dreams,” Xavier says solemnly. She and Logan both cringe and decide they hate this movie.
A chorus of disgusted noises at the sight of Sen. Kelly’s mutation. “What a crappy power. What is he, jello man?” Bobby asks. This is followed by laughter when Sabertooth gets locked in the empty cage.
“Naked old man, naked old man on the beach, oh my virgin eyes!” screams Jubilee slapping her hands over her face.
Bobby looks over at Rogue, “You know I’d never run you off like that, don’t you.”
“Dumbass, it’s a movie, I know that!” she snaps, although she is reminded horribly of how people shied away from her when she first arrived at the mansion with her scary and unknown mutation. Logan gives her a comforting hug, aware she’s thinking back to the time before she was truly accepted.
“What are you looking for Erik? It’s strange; there are more powerful mutants out there. Why should this one be so important to him?”
“Maybe it’s his way with people.”
“You don’t like him.”
“How could you tell?”
“Well, I am psychic you know.”
Everyone chuckles, including Logan and the professor, who deadpans, “Duh.”
“This certainly is a big, round room.”
Logan laughs hard again, “I’ve got the best lines in this movie.” Scott frowns over Jean’s head at Logan, unhappy to agree with him and wondering when he’ll get to bust out with one of his awesome Fearless Leader inspirational speeches to rally the team to victory. It better come soon.
“That’s a completely inaccurate explanation of how Cerebro works!” Jean protests.
Xavier soothes her, “I should hope so, otherwise everyone would build one, my dear.”
Jean huffs, “I use Cerebro all the time, this is such bullshit!” Everyone laughs at her unusual cursing.
Everyone hoots with laughter when Wolverine steals Scott’s bike.
“Y’know, One-Eye, that booster would be pretty handy…and cool.” Scott nods thoughtfully and starts picturing possible schematics for the system. Tomorrow he and Logan will be in the garage building the upgrade. And he’ll install a security system on his bike, preferably one that electrocutes anyone who tries to ride it, except him.
“I heard the Professors was mad at me.”
“Who told you that?”
“A boy at school.”
“Oh my god!” Rogue bursts out, “What am I, a baby?! ‘A boy at school’,” she mimics in a whiny voice. “I hate her!” and she gestures at the childish imitation of herself.
Mystique accesses Cerebro.
Xavier assures them all she could never do so, as it not only takes a retinalscan to get in but telepathic abilities to unlock the Cerebro system.
“I can still feel him inside my head. And it’s the same with you.”
Rogue cringes at the pure pain in Annie’s voice, it hits too close to home; it’s something she feels every time she absorbs someone before she can shut them off in her mind.
“You promise?”
“Yeh, I promise”
A new chorus of “Logan and Roguey sitting in a tree” is cut off by a snarl from Logan.
“Scream for me.”
Storm shudders, “I don’t like this.” But she’s pleased when Holly Berry fries the overgrown feline with a bolt, even if the CGI isn’t very good.
Scott is even less impressed with the effects as Mars blasts a hole through the train station roof when Toad steals his visor.
“I would’ve shut my eyes before that happened,” he complains and is hushed by Xavier. Scott reminds himself to buys some frogs for his visor so it can’t be pulled off his face in a fight.
Another flurry of insults ensues as to just how wrong they got Toad, but is silenced by a snarl from Logan as Magneto attacks the train, ties him in a knot, and kidnaps Rogue. Everyone watches the screen tensely, Kitty, Jubilee, and Bobby on the edge of their seats.
“You? My dear boy, whoever said I wanted you?”
Logan winces as Jackoff slams into the back of the train. He knows how much that shit hurts, having been thrown through several just recently.
“What's he going to do with you?” Kitty whispers, her eyes sliding fearfully over to Rogue, who shrugs and stares back at the scream with a worried look on her face. Logan rubs soothing circles in her back and whispers in her ear he’d never let Bucket-head hurt her.
Magneto, Toad, and Sabertooth escape with Rogue after a frighteningly realistic display of Magneto’s powers. Everyone flinches when he rips the guns from the police’s hands and cocks them in their faces.
“You homo sapiens and your guns.”
Even Logan gets a little shiver at the menace in Magento’s voice and snarls.
“Let them pass that law and they’ll have you in chains with a number burned into your forehead.”
“It won’t be that way.”
“Then kill me and find out.”
Boiled down to a few simple lines, the broiling hostilities between mutants and humans, and Xavier and Magneto, chills them all.
The real Rogue screams and covers her eyes when the shot rings out, only peeking when Wolverine says, “It’s PG-13, think that means no cop killing.”
“Still unwilling to make sacrifices. That’s what makes you weak.”
Xavier steeples his fingers under his chin and narrows his eyes at the screen.
“I’m gonna find her.”
“How?”
“The traditional way. Look!”
“Damn straight bub,” Logan growls at Jackoff approvingly, his hand stroking Rogue’s hair as she burrows against his side, one gloved hand twisting in his shirt, her eyes locked on the screen.
“Help us. Fight with us!”
“Fight with you, join the team, be an X-man? Who the hell do you think you are? You’re a mutant. The whole world out there is full of people who hate and fear you, and you’re wasting your time trying to protect them? I got better things to do. You know Magneto’s right, there’s a war coming. You sure you’re on the right side?”
“At least I’ve chosen a side.”
Everyone glances at Logan. It’s no secret that when he’d first come to the mansion he’d echoed many of these same sentiments, scornful of the X-men’s mission and what he’d initially thought was blind optimism. It didn’t take him long to reassess his opinion, even if he sometimes feels he is living soft among the X-men and their wealth and resources. He locks eyes with each teammate who looks at him and receives nods in return; they know which side he’s chosen.
Rogue’s hand stroked his cheek. “I know honey, I know,” she murmurs.
Boos all around when Sen. Kelly shows up. “What the hell does he want?” Bobby sneers. “Of course, he only wants our help when it’s convenient to him. Typical.” Jubilee and Kitty nod sharply.
“We help anyone who asks for it,” Xavier reminds them, and they turn back to the movie, duly chastised.
Xavier reads Kelly’s mind and the sinister plot is revealed.
When Cyclops puts the pieces together and they realize Magneto’s going to kill Rogue to power the machine, there’s a collective gasp around the room and Rogue buries her face in Logan’s chest.
“Shh, shh, I’ll save you.” She nods and looks up at him and smiles weakly.
“Do you hate normal people?”
“Sometimes.”
“Why?”
“I supposed I’m afraid of them.”
“I still don’t think she sounds like me at all,” grumps Storm, although she likes the leather pants Holly Berry is wearing as she tears out of the room.
Scott and Logan grin at each other as their characters engage in the age old debate they’ve had many times over the years when Scott argues against Logan’s brutal tactics on missions.
Xavier tries to use Cerebro and is gravely injured by Mystique’s sabotage.
“Professor!” Jean cries out and reaches over to clasp his hand.
He pats it warmly, “It could never happen my dear, don’t worry.” Even so he plans to add additional security to the lower levels and around Cerebro itself.
“Wow you have a really hairy chest, Professor,” Jubilee blurts out at the site of Pat Stewer’s body in the med bay, breaking the tension that had built over the last half hour and making everyone laugh.
“Excessive testosterone contributes to premature baldness, in addition to more chest hair,” Xavier says sleekly, making Kitty’s eyes pop wide, then she collapses in giggles onto Bobby’s shoulder.
Jeans rolls her eyes and complains again at the depiction of her powers as weak when Fanny uses Cerebro and overacts in an attempt to appear injured. Scott soothes his wife’s sour mood with some kisses along her neck.
“I totally called it! Liberty Island!” Bobby crowed. “It was so obvious from the news reports.”
Snickers when Toad bounces onto a couple of guards with enjoyably crunchy sounds. Rogue smiles grimly at the spirit her adolescent self shows when Magneto tells her she will die.
“Your sacrifice will ensure our survival. I’ll understand if that comes as small consolation. Put her in the machine.”
“She’s just a baby,” Rogue whimpers as Sabertooth grabs at her young self, twisting her fist again in Logan’s shirt.
“I’ll save ya, good guys always win in the movies darlin’.” He smoothes her hair again and plants a kiss on top, glowering at the screen and the image of Sabertooth grabbing Rogue.
“That’s a pretty cool table display Professor. Can we get one?” Kitty asks.
“You actually go outside in these?”
“What would you prefer? Yellow spandex?”
“Hey!” Jubilee rages, “What’s wrong with yellow spandex?!” Inwardly Wolverine agrees, he HATES his blue and yellow uniform and those stupid ears. The black leather, although inconvenient in that it was hot and limited movement, definitely looked a lot cooler.
“You call that a landing?”
Logan and Scott both chuckle. It’s pretty hilarious, and unnerving, how accurate some of this shit is. Scott is a terrible pilot, although he’d argue that to his dying breath.
A shot of Logan’s from the back looking up at the Statue of Liberty.
Wolf whistles from the girls and Rogue says, “Your ass looks good in leather sugar.” He grins down at her, relieved she’s unwinding a bit.
Everyone cracks up when Jackoff sets off the metal detector and in true Wolverine fashion slices it to bits.
Jackoff shoots Mars the middle claw.
“Can you do that? Just one claw?” Scott queries asks, and in response gets a middle claw and a shit-eating grin from Logan.
“Dun dun dunnnn!” Kitty shrills when Mystique’s eyes blaze from the Statue model in the museum. “She’s coming to get you! Look out!”
“There’s someone here.”
“Where?”
“I don’t know, keep your eye open.”
Logan leans over and punches Scott in the arm. “I am so using that,” he guffaws. Scott makes a face at him, then grins back.
Watching Mystique-Wolverine slice through a cable to slam a door shut, Jubilee asks, “Could she do that if she took your form?”
“Nah,” Logan shook his head. “The claws would just be an extension of her body, she’d break a nail trying to do that. She’s not cool like me.” And he snikts the blades out again to Jubes’ delight.
Everyone again royally blasts the Toad and how unrealistic he is, even if they all think inwardly he’s a lot cooler than the original.
“EEEEEWWWWWWW!” Jean screams when she takes a mutant loogie to the face. Even Scott gags.
“Knocked down an elevator shaft,” Storm snorts. “How original. This movie sucks!”
“Getitoffgetitoffgetitoff!” Jean squeals in disgust as Mars stands over Fanny trying to remove Toad’s goober from her face. Rogue is crying with laughter into Logan’s shirt.
Scott’s voice cracks with surpressed mirth, “She’s totally kicking your ass, Logan.”
Logan growls at him, then stops when Mystique shifts back to her gorgeous blue naked form. Scott’s eyes widen behind the visor and you can practically hear Bobby’s panting when she licks her lips with a squish. Xavier thinks he should invite the lovely Rebecca Arugala-Stanko to visit the mansion sometime.
“Oh no she did not just kick me in the balls!” Logan groans, wincing in sympathy. Scott leans over and punches him in the arm, laughing.
Storm grins happily as Holly finally gets around to flying out of the elevator shaft and throwing a tornado at Toad.
“Do you know what happens to a Toad when it’s struck by lightning? The same thing that happens to everything else.”
“What on earth does that mean?” Storm looks around the room puzzled. “Seriously, is that a joke I’ve missed?” Nothing but shrugs. “The woman wins an Oscar and this is the best she can do?” Storm glowers darkly at the screen as the sky outside rumbles with thunder.
Wolverine and Storm both start when Jackoff impales Berry on his claws, then relax when Mystique dies. “Blue bitch,” Logan snarls in satisfaction. Only down side is no more cavorting naked supermodel.
“Hey hey, it’s me!”
“Prove it.”
“You’re a dick.”
“Ok.”
Even Xavier almost busts a gut at that one. Scott and Logan throw friendly punches over the shoulders of Rogue and Jean until Scott gets in a hard one and Logan rises from his seat to pummel him.
“Hello, still trapped in the machine!” Rogue yells, “Focus on saving me you assholes!” She drags Logan back down and plants her legs over his lap to keep him still. He smiles apologetically at her as she grumbles, “Just gonna let me up and die while you two measure your dicks.”
“Storm, fry him!”
“Oh yes, a bolt of lightning into a huge copper conductor. I thought you lived at a school.”
“Great tactics there One-Eye,” Logan snorts, reaching around Jean to nail Scott in the arm again. Scott manages not to flinch.
“Blah blah blah!” Kitty mimes blabbing with her hand while Magneto launches into another speech about how he’s saving mutant kind.
“You’re so full of shit. If were really so righteous it’s be you in that thing.”
“You tell him Wolverine!” Bobby high fives a smirking Logan.
“Can you say shit in a PG-13 movie?” Jean wonders.
Rogue burrows closer to Logan as she screams on the tv, then flinches as Jackoff roars and impales himself to get free of the metal binds.
“You’d do that for me sugar?” She looks up at him, her eyes wet.
“Damn straight,” Logan grunts and plants a kiss on her temple where her hair protects him.
Everyone starts cheering and screaming advice at the tv as Wolverine battles Sabertooth on top of the Statue of Liberty.
Xavier tries to remind them the characters can’t hear them, but that doesn’t stop Scott from shouting directions at Jackoff to use the terrain more effectively. He swivels his head to look at Logan across from him on the sofa, “That asshole listens even less than you!”
Logan shrugs, “What can I say, they did a good character study.” Rogue giggles into his chest, her eyes wide at the action onscreen.
“Give ‘em the claws, bub,” Logan growls at his counterpart, then smiles in satisfaction when he gets what he wished for. While this Jackoff guy is slower and clumsier than him Logan gives him credit for making it look like he really enjoys the fight and channels a little of the beast within when he slices and dices the big smelly looking cat. He roars loudly in pleasure, scaring the shit out of everyone in the room, when Jackoff takes his tags back.
Kitty reaches over and grabs Rogue’s hand as Megneto pours his mutation into her onscreen. “It’ll be okay, the X-men will save you,” she whispers.
Rogue nods, wincing at the remembered pain of absorbing Magneto in real life and how his mind invaded her with all his sanctimonious arrogance and hate.
“You owe me a scream.”
“Uuuuggghhh,” Storm groans as Sabertooth strokes her face with his nasty fingernail, then sighs in relief when Jackoff appears.
“YES!” Scott punches the air as Mars pounds Sabertooth through the Statue with a well aimed eye-blast with Jean’s help. She hugs him on the sofa and compliments her husband.
“Don’t pat yourself on the back yet, bub,” Logan snorts. “He ain’t dead. He can survive a fall twice as high and still play cat’s cradle with your guts.”
“Shut up! You're ruining my moment!”
“Again, hello! Trapped in the death machine people! Priorities, jeez!” Rogue yells.
“Cyclops, can you hit it?”
“The rings are moving too fast.”
“Just shoot it!”
“I’ll kill her!”
“Storm, can you get me up there?”
“I can’t control it like that.” “Yes, I can!” Storm barks at her wussy version. “You could fly right over the torch.”
“Then let me go. If I don’t make it, at least you can still blast the damn thing.”
“Who would’ve thought you could strategize?” Rogue teases.
Logan looks down at her. “For you darlin’, anything.”
“Why couldn’t I just levitate him to the top?” Jean asks moodily.
“Because it’s my turn to show off!” Storm snaps.
“GO LOGAN GO! GO LOGAN GO! GO LOGAN GO!” Kitty, Jubes, and Bobby chant as Jackoff flies high and snags the machine, standing regally on top before jumping down to save Rogue.
“Finally!” Rogue cheers as white streaks appears on the head of the crying child in the machine. “Hurry up and save me dumbass!” she growls as she grips Logan’s shirt so tightly she rips out a few of his chest hairs and makes him yelp.
Just as Logan shouts in the rec room Cyclops shoots Buckethead with a optic blast and Jackoff slices the machine to pieces, the mutation field collapsing before it hits the UN conference.
Everyone jumps up and cheers, Jubes and Kitty dancing around screaming, “We did it! We did it!”
“We?” Logan laughs, “It was me…with a little help from Scooter.” The two men slap each other on the back.
“No!” Storm gasps and all eyes turn to her; she’s pointing at the screen as Wolverine slices Rogue’s bonds away and tears her palms away from the machine with a sickening rip that makes them all wince. She's pale and still, head lolled back, boneless.
Rogue flumps down on the sofa, her hands over her mouth as Jackoff implores her to wake up, then bravely places a bare hand over her cheek, with no response. Logan, still standing, arm still raised in an uncompleted high five with Kitty, stiffens as he loses hope and rests his face on her lifeless forehead, his breath catching.
“No, no, no, no,” moans Jubilee, crawling close to the tv. “YES YES YES YES!” she screams as dark lines streak across Wolverine’s face as Rogue’s mutation finally kicks in. Logan whooshes out a sigh of relief and falls back onto the sofa and drags Rogue to him roughly.
“See, I saved you.”
“But look what you did to yourself,” she says tearfully as Jackoff falls down, wounds opening on his face and blood pouring from his chest and back.
Xavier speaks up, “Rogue, you know his mutation doesn’t work like that. He’d already healed from those wounds. Giving you his healing wouldn’t reopen them.”
She nods, sniffing, and throws her arms around Logan. “Thank you sugar,” she whispers.
“Like I said darlin’, anything for you,” he mutters low into her ear, then pulls her onto his lap to watch the rest of the movie.
“I like the longer hair,” she says thoughtfully. “Maybe I’ll grow it out.”
“Ha, you didn’t kill her Logan!” Bobby taunts as it is revealed Mystique disguised herself as an injured guard and escapes.
“It’s about time I woke up,” Xavier observes wryly. “It’s my team and I’ve been unconscious for almost half the movie. I always miss the fun.”
“I am NOT ticklish,” Wolverine grunts when he catches Jean's curious look as Fanny runs her fingers over Jackoff's body in the med lab. Kitty sighs at the sight of his bare chest again, earning a reproving look from Bobby.
“She took on a few of your more charming personality traits for a while. But we lived through it.” Rogue laughs, “True that!”
“I think she’s a little taken with you.”
“Well, you can tell her my heart belongs to someone else.”
Rogue shrieks, Jean stammers, and Scott looks scandalized.
“For fuck’s sake, it’s a movie!” Wolverine shouts over the tumult. Embarassed, everyone calms the hell down, although Rogue digs a hard elbow into Logan’s ribs and shoots Jean a look of pure venom when Wolverine kisses Jean’s hand.
“Oh god, not this again,” Scott moans as Wolverine makes motions to leave the mansion and go off on what they all know is a fruitless search for his past.
“I hate foosball,” Rogue points out.
“Because I always beat you,” Bobby reminds her. She sticks her tongue out at him.
Wolverine gives Rogue his tags and says he’ll be back for them.
“AAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWW!” Storm, Jean, Kitty, and Jubes moan. Rogue smirks at Logan as he looks down her top at his tags nesting snug between her breasts.
Scott punches Logan again in the arm when he steals his bike again.
“Doesn’t it ever wake you in the middle of the night? The feeling that somebody will pass that foolish law or one just like it and come for you…and your children.”
“It does indeed,” Xavier echoed Stewer’s line and everyone looked at him. “You know it does,” he said seriously as he gazed at each of his team, his life’s work, his…family.
“What do you do when you wake up to that?”
“I feel a great swell of pity for the poor soul who comes to that school looking for trouble.”
“Fuck yeh!” Jubilee crows. Xavier can’t help but smile at her enthusiasm and hope she never has to fight for her life in her own home.
“You know this plastic prison of theirs won’t hold me forever. The war is still coming, Charles, and I intend to fight it. By any means necessary.”
“And I will always be there, old friend.”
“That sounded almost like a threat, Chuck.” Logan looked over the back of the sofa at his mentor.
Xavier quirked an eyebrow in a mean imitation of Wolverine’s own, “Did it now?”
“I smell a sequel,” Storm said.
“Turns out there are TWO sequels! I can rent them if you want!” Kitty jumps up, excited at the idea.
Everyone groans. “I can’t take another one,” Jean whines. “That was too much for me.” Agreement all around, everyone is too emotionally wiped out to deal with the prospect of more angst and danger during what is supposed to be their down time.
“That was practically the Wolverine movie, not an X-men movie,” Bobby complains. “I didn’t even get to suit up! I'm still in frigging high school!”
“Hey, at least you had some dialogue. I’m not even in this movie at all.” Rogue reminds her the Asian girl with short hair and yellow earrings is her. “Yeh, an EXTRA of all things! Thanks a lot Ryan Springer!”
Logan stands up and stretches contentedly, “Yeh, that movie was pretty centered around how badass I am and what I would do to save my woman.” He grabs Rogue and flings her over his shoulder as he makes his way to their room to dump some of that pent up movie angst into some much needed hot sex. “If they made one just about me I bet it would make major bank,” he calls over Rogue’s giggles.
“Do you want to tell him his Origins movie was savaged by the critics and lost 50% of its audience in week 2 of its release?” Kitty asks Bobby.
“Not me!” He flings his hands up and backs off.
“Professor, we really need leather uniforms,” Storm says sagely and everyone agrees loudly the spandex has got to go.
The Wolverine & Rogue Fanfiction Archive
Barely Legal Since 2000
Author's Chapter Notes:
I was watching X1 tonight and just had to write this b/c I say pretty much the same things whenever I watch the movies and nerd out comparing them to the comics.
Chapter End Notes:
whew. it took me 4 hours to watch the movie tonight and pause it every time i wanted to write something.
yeesh, i don't know if i'm up for doing the other movies, but i think X3 does needs some serious X-man critique.
yeesh, i don't know if i'm up for doing the other movies, but i think X3 does needs some serious X-man critique.