I had one day to prepare myself for the torture Logan had in store for me. I tried to guess what he was going to do. Bring Jean? It’s easy to hide any emotional response about that when I have Remy. He might try to ‘talk’ to me. I’ll simply always be talking to someone else. It’s easy. I can do this. I’m going for Hank. And all that Hank wants, is us to give off a good impression for the mutant community.
Ororo was going because well, I might be the only one who knows about her on and off relationship with Hank. Remy was going because he could talk about how he had turned his life around from being a thief, though I doubted he had changed much. I was going because I had taken the cure. And I didn’t give a shit why in the hell Hank wanted Logan to go.
One way or another. It’ll be fine. I’m always fine. I always get by.
Because that’s who I am.
I smiled, as I held the dress I was going to wear up against myself in front of my mirror. This will make Logan wish he’d never been born. Not that I care… I really don’t care. I don’t care what he does. He could marry a cow for all I care. Oh wait… he is.
Remy came up behind me, winding his arms around my waist and kissing my neck gently. “We don’t have to go you know.” He suggested quietly.
I mashed my lips together at the thought of surrendering. “I don’t know why we wouldn’t.” I said casually as though I had no idea what he was talking about. It tends to become a little game. One way or another, usually one of us is avoiding the ‘Logan’ topic.
All I knew for sure though, was the Remy hated him.
But this time around, he surprised me, attacking the subject head on.
“He might bring her.” I was pleased that my fists didn’t tighten, and I barely reacted to the thought whatsoever. I shrugged as naturally as I could possibly manage. But I was aware that I was a little bit stiff in the process. I was getting better. By tomorrow, nothing he could ever say or do would affect me whatsoever.
“So?”
He sighed as I pulled away from him to hang up my dress again. “You’ll have to talk to him one day.”
I kept my movements smooth as I put my dress into the carrying case so that it wouldn’t wrinkle during the flight. I was almost done my other packing as well. I had a list made inside my mind, and I started going through it as I let myself answer, it calmed me a lot more. “No I don’t.” My tone illustrated the same amount of interest as someone saying ‘clean up on aisle four.’
I saw him run one hand through his hair. He was wearing an old pair of dark jeans and a loose black T-shit with a beige jacket. Walking back he sat down on my bed, watching me as he leaned back on the pillows. “You can’t ignore him forever.”
This conversation had easily become him stating facts and me denying them with nothing more than a swift nod of my head. I grit my teeth as I leaned over and folded more things into my duffle bag. “Clearly not forever.” I murmured. “One day I’ll die of old age and he can live on to torment other girls like me.”
His eyes narrowed. “Is that what you think?”
Folding my arms across my chest I stood up straight. “It’s what I know.”
***
“Tell me again why you are going on this trip?” Jean said in a threatening tone. It bothered her a lot, me leaving again. I shrugged as I threw my old green duffle bag against the wall, packed and ready to go. I had started getting ready the second I got home. It’s not like I’m eager though.
“Blue invited me.” I grunted walking away from her into the kitchen to grab a beer. I had bought a six pack, hadn’t had one in a long time because of her. I was done with her doctor bullshit. I can’t get drunk. My liver won’t fail. Beer is fine.
“Since when do you care what Hank does?”
“Since now.”
“Is Rogue going?”
Silence broke the conversation.
I took a moment to answer, before I let one claw slide out to open my bottle. It let out a satisfying sound and I took a long swig and wiped my mouth.
“Yes.”
Her eyes narrowed and her tone darkened. “Thought so.”
She had completely quit cutting Marie any slack nowadays. After I said we had to postpone the wedding, she had lost any interest in being nice. Not that what she did before could ever count as nice. When she asked why we had to, I couldn’t give her a real answer. All I said was I hated winter weddings.
But Jean and I knew what was going on here.
She was just in denial about it ending.
And the fact I had started to pack a few bags and keep them in my truck, it didn’t count as a signal to her. The problem with the entire thing is, there was only one reason that I was ever sticking around in this damn city. Staying in one place isn’t me.
I hadn’t realized that Marie was my anchor until I let her slip through my fingers.
I avoided Jean’s gaze, glancing down to the information Chuck had given me. I skimmed over the words, not really paying attention. UN Summit of World Leaders for The Mutant Millennium Goals United in Challenge.
At the bottom of the typed and formal letter, he had written in blue pen. “Yes Logan. You’ll need a suit.”
“Fuck.”
Behind me I heard Jean opening a closet. “Here.” She murmured quietly as she reached in and pulled out a black garment bag I couldn’t see through. She handed it to me, and I unzipped it, only to realize it was the one we had picked out for the wedding, I thought we hadn’t bought it.
“It was supposed to be a surprise.” She told me, her voice filled with venom. I felt the sting of letting her down. And I knew I had. But I’ll do what I always do. I’ll go on the damn trip, and after everyone returns home to the mansion, I’ll pack up my truck like the old days, and I won’t come back.
It’s not like anyone will give a shit when I disappear again.
But I deserve this. I deserve to be alone.
Because I hurt anyone who gets close to me.
And I'll never understand that fact about me. The way I happen to sabotage everything good I have with anyone. The Wolverine. The best fighter there is Xavier had said. But I couldn't stop fighting long enough to let anyone close to me.
So I had thought.
But, sometimes, without realizing it. Someone will find a way over the walls we so carefully put up to hide from vulnerability. Some people can't help getting through. And I couldn't stop her from becoming more to me than anyone else had ever been. I didn't realize it till it was too late.
I finished my beer out on the deck, staring out at the lawn and ignoring the neighbor who looked at me, as though he expected me to suddenly whip out a gun and rob him. I don’t blame him for thinking that. If he knew my past, he’d probably think a lot worse.
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