I could barely hear the voices around me, or distinguish if they were voices at all. It was a faint buzzing noise that I couldn’t make out or even understand. As my mind slipped slowly into consciousness I felt the pain ringing along my chest, pulsing thick through the veins in my arm. Even with the pain, my eyes remained closed as I attempted to listen.
“You should get some sleep.” Ororo’s voice was tired, as though it was a last attempt at something she had been trying to do for a while. But the impatience was clear. “Someone else can stay a while, you should go unpack anyways.”
“I’m not staying long.” His voice made my heart jump, but the words stung worse than my wounds. “Just till she wakes up.”
“To say what?” Ororo murmured impatiently, suddenly moodier than before. “You’ve done enough Logan.”
“’Ro…” Emma tried to interrupt quietly.
“No. He should know.” She stormed angrily, and I heard Emma sigh as she let her continue. “You didn’t see what you did to her, and you weren’t around to pick up the pieces. Remy was.” I could feel the way Logan winced against her words, but he remained silent. “You don’t deserve to be here, because she doesn’t need you. She needs a friend. Something you’ve deprived her of. It’d be best for both of you if you weren’t here when she woke up.”
“Ororo stop.” Emma hissed darkly. “He knows. Leave.” All I heard was the click of her heels out the door. There was silence for a moment. “Logan… Where do you plan on going?”
I heard him let out a deep breath. “I don’t know. Alaska maybe.”
“Are you going to come back?” She continued.
There was a very long pause. “No.”
“I think you should reconsider.” Emma said slowly, I heard her stand up. “I’ll leave you two alone.” Of course. She knew I could hear them the entire time. No point in trying to pretend I was still sleeping.
I opened my eyes.
He was sitting in a chair to the left of my bed, hunched over slightly staring down at his hands. He was still wearing his suit, despite the blood and dirt stains all over it. His tie was loosened and disheveled, while his hair appeared to be spiked in every direction the way it goes when he’s run his hands through it too many times in one day. His expression was perplexed, calm, but closed off. The only word that came to mind was lifeless.
I exhaled obnoxiously loud and he looked up in the same second. I tried to stretch. “I had a dream you killed Jean.”
He smirked, but it wasn’t his usual smug smile. It was just slightly amused without touching his eyes. “I didn’t kill her.” He said calmly. “Just knocked her out. The professor is handling her.”
“She’s not dead?” I asked, but he shook his head with a small smile. “Damn.” I muttered. He chuckled a moment before glancing at the door to the hospital wing.
“I just wanted to make sure you were alright.” He said slowly, but I could tell the words were bitter in his mouth.
I nodded a small nod, trying to sit up but only then realized there was a purple cast from my wrist to my elbow. I winced slightly, and Logan immediately stood to help me sit up, fluffing my pillow and then finally settling back into his chair. I looked down at the light blue smock I was wearing, the unsightly needle I had in on the top of my left hand and the cast I was wearing. I was suddenly very aware of the bandages I had along my ribs.
Logan’s hands clenched together, knowing I was inspecting the damage. I took a deep breath and tried to change the subject. “Alaska, huh?” He didn’t say or do anything so I just continued. “When do you leave?”
“Tomorrow.”
“Soon.”
He sighed. “Yeah.”
There was silence again. So strange when thinking about how things used to be, it was hard to believe that was us. It was us that was so happy just being friends, just being normal without so many complications. Made me want to go back to that, but I knew things couldn’t be the same. Not with the way I felt.
“Marie.” He started. “Please.”
I knew what he was hinting towards. “I’d rather heal slowly.”
“You don’t have to.” He paused. “I can’t take it. I can’t take seeing you like this. I can’t leave you in stitches.”
My jaw clenched as I thought about what Ororo had said. “You have before.”
He winced, and his breathing staggered as he stood shakily. He couldn’t make eye contact as he picked up his suit jacket off the back of his chair, and started to walk towards the door. “I’m glad you’re okay.” He murmured, and then so quietly I almost didn’t hear him. “I love ya darlin.”
For the first time I was able to control myself, and my eyes remained dry as I tried to convince myself he didn’t mean it. He was just full of shit as always. But I glanced towards the table beside me, and felt myself turn into a marshmallow.
A coke and a bag of M&Ms was there, and right in front of them, a note in messy scrawl.
Get well quick kid.
***
It took a long time for me to convince Hank that I could sleep in my own room that night. I promised to leave my door unlocked so that he could check on me, but most importantly he made sure that I would answer my phone no matter what time in the night. As I entered my bedroom I was aware of the lack of Remy’s items. He had been here before me and cleared out everything he used to leave in here during our small while of comforting sleepovers. Hanging in my closet was my green dress, torn as it was. Remy must’ve put it in here. I sighed and gently sat down on my bed, knowing I wouldn’t be able to sleep I picked up the remote and went channel surfing, not paying attention to what was on TV whatsoever. I rubbed my face miserably.
Even as I made myself get up and wander around my room looking for things to do I knew I wasn’t there. I tidied my bedroom. Folded some strewn about clothing. Unpacked my bag. Straightened my bed. Cleaned my bathroom. Put all my books on the shelf. Dusted. Went back and organized my books alphabetically. Hung a poster of some dogs playing poker. Took it down.
Every movement I made was an awkward stumble as I winced slightly with a stretch or step. My restlessness enhanced the boredom and lack of desire to sit in bed. I glanced at the TV and away a moment before recognizing what was playing without my notice. And it was a hard realization to see the same movie Logan and I had watched one night, leading to a brief discussion of super heroes.
I grabbed a few M&M’s and threw them in my mouth angrily.
I’m so weak.
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Nearing the end... Strange.
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