When I woke up it was pitch black and I had no idea where I was. I was about to get up and investigate when I heard his gruff voice, surprisingly close. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you.” I could smell the beer on his breath. It had never been this intense, he was worried about something.
He had crawled in beside me. “It’s okay.” I assured him, realizing I had probably fallen asleep in front of the fire and he had carried me here. “What time is it?”
“’Bout two in the morning.” He paused. “I needed a cigar.” He acted as though he had to justify himself to me. I was about to tell him I wasn’t his mother and he didn’t need to tell me that when I realized where he had picked up that habit. I was guessing that ‘Jeanie’ was rather up tight.
“And a beer.” I cut in. “Or two.”
I heard him chuckle. “Try nine.”
I let the silence fill the air a moment before wanting an answer. “Why?”
“I needed more time to think.” Was all he said.
We were quiet a good while after that, both of us consumed with our own thoughts. Finally, I took a deep breath.
“Logan?”
“Mm?”
“I didn’t sleep with Bobby.”
He paused. “Why not?” I could tell he was relieved, but still curious.
“I’m not a tramp.” I muttered. “But it’s none of your business. You shouldn’t care. I keep trying to figure out why you did in the first place.”
“I have no idea.” His voice was frustrated, but detached. And I could imagine the look on his face when he used that tone. Hard and impenetrable. It has always been hard to get my Logan to tell me his real feelings, what he was going through or anything of that sort.
Not... My Logan.
He sat up and flicked on the light, beside the bed. I rolled onto my side to look at him, resting my head in my palm as I watched him leaning over his knees with his face in his hands. He wasn’t wearing a shirt, and the tanned skin stretched over his tight muscles for the first time... made him look... sexy to me. He took a deep breath and glanced back at me, his hair spiked in all different directions. It’s what happens when he runs his hands through his hair a lot. “Ignore it.” He quoted me sourly.
I got the impression that wasn’t working out for him. But it made sense. How could it work for someone who relies solely on instinct? Trusting his deep animal senses to guide him to do what’s right. My voice was caught in my throat. I couldn’t speak or breathe. But my heart was beating a million miles an hour with his gaze on me all the while.
I finally made myself speak up, but my voice sounded wavering, worried, but excited. “Tell me what you’re thinking about Logan” I murmured quietly. I sat up and inched a little close to set my hand on his back, but he withdrew from me, turning away. Like my touch was a sin. That’s what mother had told me.
“I’ll tell you when I figure it out myself.” He muttered, his tone confused and frustrated. I hated seeing him like this. And I don’t hate a lot of things. I wanted to find any way to comfort him... but when he’s like this, trying to get close just makes it worse.
I tried again. “Then tell me what you’re feeling.” I whispered.
He took a deep breath, collecting his thoughts before saying them aloud. He was worried he’d say the wrong thing. It was strange for me, seeing this Logan. The one that wasn’t over confident and oozing with ‘I don’t give a damn.’ Now he was just him. The one that was unsure of himself, and worried of the outcome of his words. He was worried about what I thought.
“I can’t explain it.” He admitted slowly. I realized, he was probably trying to explain the same thing I’d been thinking about since the bar. When our first ‘movie moment’ occurred. He glanced towards the window and I knew he was having internal conflict with the entire situation. “The thing is Marie... I do love Jean. I know I do. But this is something different. Different than anything I’ve ever felt.”
***
I’m not this kind of girl. I’m not the type that’ll pine after someone who she can never have, someone who is already involved and dedicated. Jean is a great woman. She’s smart, and beautiful and she, like Logan has her share of demons. Scott had moved away when he caught Jean cheating on him. I don’t blame him or her for their actions.
Scott couldn’t take being around the two of them. I can understand that. And yeah... Jean cheated. But it’s Logan. All the women in this mansion swoon for him. I’m willing to admit that he’s good looking but I’m one of few girls in the school that didn’t fall for him.
Well, I was.
It was the next morning, and Logan was still asleep, so I started making breakfast. I had made some scrambled eggs, sausages, hash browns and toast. The smell would wake him up pretty soon. The kitchen and the bedroom were separated by one wall, so the entire space was practically one big room other than the bathroom.
I’m a heavy sleeper just as much as Logan, but I couldn’t sleep with him there next to me. So I had gone, taken a shower and started making breakfast. In his cabinets there were... two plates... two of everything. I supposed if he came out here alone, there wouldn’t be need for more than that.
I had just loaded up the plates, and turned to carry them back when I realized he was right behind me. It took everything I had not to shriek like a little girl and drop the plates. I settled on a gasp before screaming “Fuck Logan, you scared the shit out of me.”
He grinned, his hair messy from bed head but still just as adorable. He had hastily thrown on a plaid shirt, but I could see his bare chest beneath the buttons that hadn’t been done up. I handed him a plate. “I sort of burned the toast a bit... but you don’t have a toaster so I had to use the oven.” He rolled his eyes at me.
“I’m just surprised you were cooking.” His voice was plain and serious. “I wasn’t aware you knew how—What was that for?”
He hadn’t finished before I smacked his arm annoyed. “Of course I know how to cook. I just choose not to.”
“Because you like take out too much.” I glared at him. “But this looks good.” He amended. “Looks... Tasty.”
He was right though. He was usually the cook. I’d just... supervise.
We finished eating and he got dressed, laughing wildly as I left the room when he took his shirt off. I waited outside wearing my favourite jean short shorts, which I think are a bit too short to wear in the city. I suppose a couple years of covering up can lead to that.
My T-Shirt was a black V neck but not showing much cleavage at all. I was proud of myself for not dressing provocatively. Meanwhile Logan wore his jeans and a white wife beater. Exposing his biceps for what they were: large.
He had said he had somewhere he wanted to show me. And as we hiked a small distance from the cabin, I had heard water rushing. I realized as we got closer that it must be a waterfall. I started to walk down around the hill, but his hand grasped my wrist and started to pull me up instead. “Come on.”
The first thing I saw was the mist from between the trees that were in my way, and slowly, light began to leak through. As we got closer I could feel the water clinging to my cloths and skin, and then we approached what I realized was a ledge.
I looked up. The top of the waterfall was still at least ten meters above our heads, and as I looked down I saw that the mist in the air was caused by the water splashing down there. I knew my expression showed nothing but awe as I glanced back at Logan who just smiled at me.
“Jump.” He murmured.
“Trying to get me to kill myself Logan?” I teased, backing up from the ledge.
“No, it’s safe.” He assured me. “Take a chance.”
He started to push me forward and I clung to him immediately, terrified. “No... I think I’ll just walk down...”
“You’ll get lost.” He laughed. His hands wrapped around my wrists, forcing me to let go of him. And before I knew it he was right there at the edge. “Come on.”
And then he jumped, disappearing into the mist below with a hysterical grin on his face. He loves taunting me far too much. “Logan!” I yelled. No response. I knew he could hear me down there over the water. “Not funny!” I called down to him. I paced back and forth, terrified of jumping. Its more the height thing for me. I took a deep breath. I walked to the edge. And I counted to ten. No need to rush. I thought to myself as I started. Come on. You can do it.
I’m afraid of getting hurt.
I felt a stab of pain as I realized this was why I didn’t do a lot of things. I don’t risk. I don’t chance. I go with the safe choice. That was why I had dated Bobby.
Sometimes you have to take a chance. I closed my eyes, and fell.
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