I could feel it happening.
I hate it when I start to hope.
Dreaming. Wishing... Hoping. It’s all for the people that are begging to get hurt. The second you let your guard down, you’ve lost yourself in a whirlwind of “what if?” The thing is... sometimes there isn’t a big difference between ‘scared’ and ‘scarred.’ This can’t happen to me. I won’t let it. So as the wind rushed past my face, and my heart was lost somewhere above the waterfall, I had realized three things.
1. I was denying something that felt natural to me.
2. What I want is something I’d die to not have happen.
And
3. I’m totally fucked.
When I was dragged to the surface by Logan I was entirely unaware of how long I’d been underwater. That is, till I gasped for air. “Christ Marie.” He scolded as he made sure I was still conscious. We were a small distance from the waterfall, but out of the way of its splash. “Do you have a death wish?”
“Not just yet.” Maybe later. I tried to get a hold of myself and stay above water at the same time.
We relocated to the rocky ledge shielded from being splashed. He caught me watching him and chuckled nervously. “What?”
I knew I looked speculating. “I thought metal sank.” I admitted.
A grin spread across his face. “It does. Wanna see?”
I shook my head. “No thanks.”
Safety, I thought, is not always as satisfying as the initial hazard of uncertainty. My distress towards the possibility of Logan hurting me is not misplaced... It’s likely. But maybe that’s where “worth a try” came from. As though what can be acquired is of more value than the lingering possibility of getting hurt.
Somehow his eyes seemed brighter, the outdoor air must have a positive effect on him. He certainly isn’t a city animal. He glanced over to the beach, and I followed his gaze to see a patch of perfect sunlight on the shore.
“Race you there.” He challenged.
“Loser does dishes.”
“Done.”
***
I personally believed the reason I lost was because I had laughed while I swam, causing me to choke on the water and thus much be slowed down. Logan however was busy basking in the glory of my loss and continuing to taunt me about it.
“Shut up.” I hissed finally after he finished a victory dance.
“I’m done.” He laughed, stumbling over onto the beach beside me where I was laying down, eyes closed ignoring him. I felt his arm brush mine as he sat next to me. “You like this place?”
Still somewhat annoyed I kept my answer brief. “Yeah.”
“We should come here more often.”
At that I opened my eyes and sat up to look at him. He was facing me, his hips next to mine and his legs stretched in the opposite direction leaving him rather close. But his expression was completely normal. He was actually serious. My teeth clenched before I spoke. “I don’t think ‘Jeanie’ would approve. After all. First comes love, then comes marriage... then comes a baby in a baby—”
He set his hand over my mouth to make me shut up. “Never sing that stupid song again.” He muttered, a small smile curling his lips. I felt suddenly warmer at his touch, and my face flushed. I desperately hoped I wasn’t blushing.
But he gave me a look. His gentle gaze holding a million thoughts and emotions, and slowly he lowered his hand. His eyes burned into mine, and suddenly everything was silent and I was completely unaware of any sound around us.
Another movie moment? Really?
I wasn’t sure how it happened, but in a split second his lips found mine, surprisingly gentle. I felt his tender frustration and raw hunger for what he couldn’t have. His warm wide hand slid along the nape of my neck, still wet from swimming, unleashing a tingling sensation across every inch of my skin.
And just as quickly as it started, he pulled away, leaving us both breathing heavily, more from surprise than actual depravation of air. “I’m sorry...” He muttered finally.
Amusement flooded through me as a smile appeared on my face. “God Logan you can be so stupid.” I laughed, before kissing him again. We fell back onto the beach, and I kneeled over top of him, straddling his torso as I felt his hands slip down my waist, and then one onto the bare skin of my back. Every fibre of my being ached for the desire to make it stop. But I didn’t want it to stop, so technically I’m an awful person.
His mouth traced over the line of my jaw, my fingers in his wet hair, trying to pull him closer. This was against all reason. Logic had come and gone a long time ago. This was so very different from anything that can ever be explained. Finally his lips were on mine again, moving perfectly simple, together.
Logan had been right. He may not have been a man of many words, but he knew something indescribable when he saw it. This was like nothing I had ever felt before. So I didn’t care what anyone wanted to call it. Love. Lust. Passion. To me, it was just a secret, that no one at the mansion could ever know about.
When I opened my eyes he was staring at me, as elated as I was. There were no words. My mind was clouded with nothing but the faint buzzing of nothingness. I was content with that. I was content with not thinking. Because as soon as I started thinking I knew I’d die from the thoughts that would take me. “Well” He finally said. I rolled my eyes at his nonchalant attitude about the entire situation.
“That’s all you’ve got to say huh?” I murmured, rolling off of him and laying down contently. He turned and watched me rub my face as I moaned. “I can’t believe that just happened.” I heard him chuckle before I continued. “What about Jean?!”
His smile faded, and I knew that he was hurting. I regretted mentioning it. He sat up and ran his hands through his hair again. “Rogue,” He said slowly. “I don’t know what’s going to happen. But... I know I couldn’t ignore it much longer.”
I shook my head closing my eyes. “Me neither.” I smiled. “But you can’t cheat on a psychic Logan.”
He gave me a look, acknowledging the challenging tone in my voice. “Watch me.”
***
I gazed down at the table in the cabin, not really seeing it. Thoughts continued to consume me, and there wasn’t much I could do about it. Thoughts of the future, past and present continued to gnaw at my stomach, leaving me hollow.
So he was with Jean. He was planning on marrying Jean. And he was with me on the side. The thought almost amused me, bringing a blush to my cheeks. I had never been the other woman before. But hey. I’m risking it all. Why not go all the way?
But who is the idiot here?
Me, or the girl in the white dress.
I felt Logan’s hands sneak down my shoulders, he was standing behind me, casually slipping his hands underneath my tank top. I smiled, letting myself exhale.
That’s right. I just slept with little miss "Jeanie’s" fiancé.
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