It wasn’t until the next morning that Jean called again. It was Monday, and we were to start driving back tomorrow morning. Every part of me ached for Tuesday never to come. But it would. I knew it would. And I knew Jean was worried about me being alone with Logan. That was why she had insisted on him telling me they were getting married, and that was why she was calling now. To remind him that she was waiting.
I immediately pulled the sheets up and around me when he answered the phone. Somehow it felt like that was crossing the line... his being in bed with me, while he was on the phone with her. He rolled his eyes at me while I got up and struggled to pull on a T-Shirt. I glared at him and he continued to speak into the phone. “Yeah, I will.” I gave up and grabbed his red plaid shirt and slipped it on, knowing full well that it was far too big for me. He chuckled at the sight. Busted. His expression got nervous. “Oh nothing. Rogue just fell down, nothing new.”
I grimaced. That asshole.
“No.” He muttered, his tone was surprisingly angry. “Okay yes, I’ve been smoking.” He rubbed his forehead. “So? I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I can’t get cancer.” He didn’t look at me now as I walked over and pulled on my jean shorts and did up a few buttons of his shirt. “I’m over five hundred miles away. I think you’re safe.” He sighed. “Rogue doesn’t care... What, do you want to ask her?” I glanced up at that, my eyes widening. I shook my head viciously and waved my hands in protest. “Fine.” He muttered. “We’ll talk tomorrow. Love you too. Bye.”
He flipped his phone closed made an angry indescribable noise. “She can’t expect me to quit smoking after two hundred years.” He muttered, before flashing me a grin. Then he saw my expression, and the way I had my arms folded across my chest.
“Rogue just fell. Nothing new.” I quoted sourly. “I’m not clumsy you idiot.”
He chuckled. “Oh yeah you’re about as graceful as Bambi on ice.”
The mental image of Bambi struggling to stay vertical on the slippery ice nearly made me smile. But it was absolutely nothing like me. I glared at him before shaking my head and closing my eyes. I walked over and crawled back into bed with him.
“Well, last night here.” I murmured quietly, and the pain coursed through me without my permission. “What do you want to do?”
He laughed a broken laugh that made me wish I could read minds again. “I’d like a cigar.” He admitted.
I shook my head, automatically annoyed. “I can’t believe she wants you to quit.”
He shrugged. “It’s reasonable. That’s not something someone should be doing if they want to be a...” His words had slowed towards the end of his sentence. “Father.”
I nodded. Ignoring the stab of agony in my chest. “You need to be a good role model for a kid.”
His eyes grew colder, and the corner of his mouth curled barely into a smile. “You’re really not a kid anymore, huh?” I felt myself crumple, and I knew I must look sad, because his expression softened. “Hey,” he murmured quietly, his finger lifting my chin to make me look at him. “I promised I’d take care of you.”
I sighed and rested my head against his shoulder, before he lifted his arm around me and held me close. “I don’t think you’ll be able to protect me from your fiancé.” I muttered under my breath. I felt him laugh solemnly.
He held me closer and I closed my eyes as he spoke. “Come on. I love you. We’ll get through this.”
I pulled back so that I could look into his eyes as I spoke, only now hearing the rain as it began to hit the roof of his cabin.
“You love her too.” I whispered. And I had a feeling he’d always love her more. His eyes searched mine for something, and I had no idea what expression was on my face. I couldn’t think about it all. I didn’t want to. He nodded slowly.
He closed his eyes, as though by opening them he’d have to see the world for what it was. Unfair, and not worth imagining that things will turn out alright. “Why can’t you just accept something that’s supposed to be good for once?”
My eyes narrowed, as I pulled out of his arms. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
He sighed and lifted his hand to pinch the bridge of his nose as he lowered his head. “I mean,” I grunted as he looked up. “You can’t just let yourself hear something without suspecting something else.”
I knew I was glaring now, and it took all of my will not to clench my teeth. “Do you have a point?”
He stood up now shaking his head at me, clearly trying as hard as I was to keep his temper in check. “I mean that you’re the most pessimistic girl I know.”
I laughed, but there wasn’t a trace of humour in my voice. I got up too, now the bed separated us. “Oh I’m sorry.” I said sarcastically. “I’m guessing you would rather I was more like your little Jeanie huh?” I shook my head angrily, and now my volume rose. “You want me to have dreams and actually believe in this Hollywood crap like happily ever after actually happens!”
“You can be such a girl!” He muttered, not meeting my gaze now as he shook his head. “I’ll never understand why you feel the need to hide every tiny emotion that you have.”
“I’m aware that I’m fucked up Logan.” I hissed “But I’ve never met someone that’s so hypocritical in my life.” I grabbed my jacket off the chair and walked towards the door, but he continued to speak.
“Fine.” He snarled darkly, I was smart enough to identify the danger in his tone. “Walk out that door Marie. See if I give a shit.” Logan walked closer to me in three quick strides, standing before me with a angered challenging look on his face. “I know fairy tales don’t exist.” I had never seen him this angry, and a sudden unexpected fear shot through my chest. “If you want to leave, leave. I’m not going to sit here and try to convince you of all the ways you’re better than she is.”
It was the first time I had ever been afraid of him, I hadn’t thought he was capable of spiking such a fear in me. But somehow when he raised his voice like that, something in me broke. It hurt. It hurt to think that after he promised to take care of me, the one thing he couldn’t protect me from was himself.
I knew he could never hurt me, he’d never do that on purpose. The problem was the fact that he wouldn’t have a choice when it came to choosing her over me. And I’d never make me choose between myself and his happiness.
“Believe me.” I growled. “I know I don’t compete.” I glared at him. I felt my hands ball into fists at my sides. “But you know what?” My voice was surprisingly vicious. “People may say that we look like a cute couple, but deep down we both know that we’re too fucked up to ever make it together.” I opened the door and was let the cold air was across my face. “There’s a huge difference between being a couple, and looking like one. All this has shown me is that you would be one fucking bad boyfriend.”
“You know what the worst boyfriends do?” I demanded, and I knew I was yelling now, deliberately walking closer to him and staring at him darkly. “Cheat!” I yelled, hitting him on the chest. He didn’t budge, just watched me as I vented. “You used me! You used me for your own sick and selfish wants!” I continued to pound him in the chest with my fists, and I had a feeling it was hurting me more than it was him. “And I keep trying to figure out why you did. Was it because you were afraid, Logan?” My tone was slipping deep into what I was afraid of. My sadness. And tears began to poor down my face as I screamed at him. “Afraid of the fact you were getting married and had to commit to someone?” I laughed brokenly. “The great Wolverine can’t be caged. So I was the closest girl when you finally broke out.” I screamed at him now, my face soaked with tears. “I can’t believe I fell for all your stupid lines!”
This time as I reached to hit him again, he caught my wrist in his wide grasp, and then caught my other. I mechanically struggled to pull away from him, but all that did was anger him more. He was far stronger, and when I finally stopped resisting he said nothing, just let go of me and walked over to start packing his bags.
I realized sadly, as we packed up the truck and started the drive back out, that he wasn’t going to try denying any of it. Because he knew it was true.
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Author's Chapter Notes:
Does it seem like forever since I've been on here? It does to me. I had a LOT of difficulty with writing this chapter (you'll see why) so let me know when you finish if you have any critisism. Thanks sugah.
P.S Never write a story based on fact... this has totally jinxed everything for me.
P.P.S Yeah... You read correctly. Based on fact. That's the truth.
P.S Never write a story based on fact... this has totally jinxed everything for me.
P.P.S Yeah... You read correctly. Based on fact. That's the truth.
Chapter End Notes:
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