The sound of fists abusing the bedroom door was becoming a habit that Marie assumed she should get used to. That and people just barging in without waiting, which is exactly what woke her up the next day.
It was Logan and by the looks of things, he wasn’t exactly happy with whatever task he was given. The man was dressed in a variation from yesterday’s clothes, what Marie liked to think of as the Homicidal Lumberjack collection, with hair that would rival her own bed head. She flicked her eyes down to check her own clothes, and while they were hand-me-down pajamas, at least if this guy came to kill her today she wouldn’t be wearing what Jubilee had originally given her.
“Get up.”
She couldn’t read anything beyond the gruffness in his voice or body language, except for the possibility that he could easily end her. She was torn between hopping right out of bed and heeding his commands or moving slowly, deliberately, so as not to startle.
“You were supposed ta eat and meet the professor. So c’mon, let’s go.” He seemed to relax a little, or maybe she had just imagined it. His arms folded across his chest, making them look bigger - probably intentional – one eyebrow cocked, but the scowl wasn’t set as deep as before. Wasting precious seconds with an unstable mutant known for his hair trigger temper, Marie checked the clock on the nightstand. Two o’clock on the dot. She hadn’t been able to fall asleep until the sun began poking through the thick drapes and even then, it was fitful.
Obviously, the Wolverine wasn’t a man used to being kept waiting and he broke into her thoughts with a sharp, “Kid.”
“I’m not a kid.” It would have sounded more convincing had it been stated instead of mumbled petulantly, while wearing duck-printed pajamas. And since when does she sass feral mutants who have metal claws?
Apparently it’s not a killing offense. It just earns her a grunt. “You got five minutes.” And he leaves with just as much force as he came in.
Marie taps into what little sense of self-preservation she has left and quickly makes use of the prepackaged toiletries that were left for her the night before and throws together an outfit that would disappoint Jubilee. When she rushes out of her room she nearly runs into the wall of a man the people around the mansion call Logan. She sees a large gloved hand reach out to steady her before she makes contact with all that flannel and denim, but she flinches back out of instinct, hard. Hard enough to knock herself on her ass and from her new angle the Wolverine Wall looks more like Wolverine Mountain. A mental block crumbles and Marie gets a hint of Carol’s memories, just enough to show how often she made base camp at Belt Buckle Summit.
Oh wow, now would be a fine time to get knocked out by a seizure, but Marie is nowhere near that lucky.
He gives her an odd look, like for the first time he’s considering that Marie could actually be off her rocker – which would be true – and for a split second he starts towards her, but pulls back before he does something stupid like extending his hand. Then the scowl is back. “C’mon.” She’s left on the floor, desperately holding Carol back from making her check out the backside of Wolverine Mountain.
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
She’s dropped off without so much as a backwards glance from her feral tour guide. It’s a good thing he doesn’t work on commission because his attitude wouldn’t help him earn his tip.
A clear “Come in” passes through Marie’s mind when she raises a fist to knock. Not Carol’s voice, not her own, not anyone else’s she’s absorbed.
Telepath, she reminds herself.
With a deep sigh she enters what must be Xavier’s study. It’s predictable in its stuffy ornate way, but no less impressive. Walls covered in more books than she can imagine, chairs that are probably as uncomfortable as they look, a giant desk that’s as intimidating as it’s supposed to be. He looks up from behind that particular piece of furniture when she lingers by the door and gives her that odd patient smile that she still doesn’t know what to do with.
“Please, have a seat.” In one of those awkward chairs, of course.
Gingerly, she sits…and finds that it’s deceptively welcoming, like the man across from her. Unable to meet his gaze, Marie’s eyes shift and she finds an honest to God tea service on the desk. No, she will not get another case of the elevator giggles. There is nothing funny about drinking tea in a mansion with a mutant in a three-piece suit. Nothing. At. All.
“Would you care for some tea?”
She snorts. Coughs. Chokes a little bit.
“Uh…no…no, thanks. Uh…sir.” When Marie can finally bring herself to look at Xavier she takes in the quirk of his mouth, the amusement in his eyes. Telepath. Of course. She wants to flop back and groan.
“You’ll have to forgive me, but you can be quite the projector, Rogue. That is, when you are in control of yourself.”
“Huh?” She is just on a roll with that type of response these days.
“You are aware that I am a telepath, yes?” At her nod he continued. “Well I don’t necessarily need to go into one’s mind to read their thoughts. There are times when a person transmits what they’re thinking, casts it out in a way. It’s the difference between listening in for a whisper versus hearing a shout.”
She supposed that made sense, but…”You said, when I’m in control of myself. What do you mean by that?”
“Yes, well despite my abilities I’ve found that you are quite difficult to read. I believe that it has something to do with your mutation, the other…the others that you have in your mind.” Great so now she needs an exorcist instead of a shrink. “What you’ve absorbed acts as barriers in your mind, which someone usually has to practice to achieve. I’ve only come across that kind of natural resistance once before. Even with access it is still quite difficult to isolate the parts that are truly you and not someone else.” The professor’s intense stare softens as he leans back in his chair like he just now remembers she’s a person, not a petri dish. After some consideration he offers her a placating look, “Frankly, I was not entirely certain that I could get past Carol.”
“So you fixed me?” Please, please say that. Marie has been seizure-free for almost twenty-four hours now with nothing but the slightest random twitch.
“No, I’m afraid it doesn’t quite work that way, Rogue.” Of course it didn’t. “I constructed some very basic mental blocks while you were unconscious. However, they are temporary. You will have to work in order to maintain them…”
“But you said you got past her, you were able to put her away.”
“No, I was able to release her control over your body…for the time being. However, Carol’s memories were already stored away.”
“But I can see things from her sometimes. I get pieces of her life and I don’t have any control over what I see or when I see it.”
The professor nodded silently, seeming to measure his next words.
“Rogue, in the brief period that I was in your mind, I gathered that Carol’s presence is somewhat of an anomaly compared to the other personalities that you have accumulated.”
Which Marie knew was big brain speak for “this situation is real messed up.” But it rang true nonetheless. Usually, Marie drowned in a person’s memories and lost herself to their personalities after an absorption. Carol though…Carol didn’t seem to want to control her body in the same way the others had. They wanted their own bodies back and overrode Marie’s system to make that happen to the point where she would lose time, snapping out of it only to find herself engaged in daily routines that were not a part of her regimen. Carol’s control was far different, instead of desperately trying to be corporeal again, she abused Marie’s body, made it work against her will as a means of punishment. It was strange. It was also really damn tiring.
“So…Carol’s memories are like, locked away in my head or something? I just gotta work on her control and locking away everyone else?”
“No, I’m afraid not.” She flopped back in the chair at his words. “Rogue, doesn’t it concern you that Carol is withholding part of her presence?”
“No!” And really, it didn’t. Mostly. Well, at least until the professor brought it up. “It’s one less person to lock away right? Let her have her privacy for all I care.”
“There must be a reason why some of Carol’s thoughts are hidden from you and I fear that not addressing it will only harm you in the future.”
Marie groaned. “If it ain’t broke, then don’t fix it.”
“Yes, well while it may not seem broken, looks can be deceiving. This is only the tip of the iceberg.”
She wanted to bang her head against that shiny expensive desk of his. “So on top of all the other people in my head trying to take over, I’ve got to figure out what’s going on with Carol while trying to build these mental blocks?” Marie would almost call Xavier’s expression compassionate if she was more familiar with the term.
And if this entire situation didn’t revolve around her killing one of his own…
She eyed him, trying to gain something beyond the Professor’s measured expression. He shouldn’t be so at ease discussing this. Even if he was supposed to be the more passive of the two primary mutant leaders in this country, the treatment he was giving her just didn’t match up to the crime she had committed against him.
“So what do you care? Wouldn’t you want her to get control? Destroy me? Get a little revenge and have a body of her own again after what I did?” She tries, she really does, not to let her voice choke up too much at the end of that.
“Rogue-“ Ah, lecture voice, complete with a deep breath and steepled fingers. “Despite the difficulties, I was able to gather some impression of what happened that day. I may not have all of the pieces, but I know that you were not a willing participant.”
Once again Marie can’t meet the Professor’s eyes. She wasn’t sure she could even hold it together for much longer. She was a little relieved, still guilty, mostly confused. He understood, but…she didn’t deserve his understanding. It felt too easy. She didn’t deserve to be let off the hook, by someone from the other side no less.
“B-but…I…I’m the enemy.” She managed, voice suddenly thick with tears.
“Again, I do not believe that is the case.”
She huffed. “But what about…what about all the things they told you guys? All the stuff the Brotherhood has been tellin’ ya’ll about me? I know…I know from Carol that they talked about me. Told ya’ll that I was some kind of…this…this..”
“Force to be reckoned with?” She finally met his eyes and reluctantly nodded. “And what did they tell you?”
“About ya’ll?”
“No, I think I can guess what the Brotherhood would say about us.” He gave a wry, humorless smile at that. “I’m curious as to what they told you about you.”
About her? “Oh, well they would talk to me a lot. Well, they would talk at me a lot.” She quietly amended. The Professor nodded, which she took to mean she should continue. “They just went on about my mutation, all the things I could do, my potential. It always came back to how powerful I could be, how I’d help their cause.”
“And is that what you see for yourself?”
Feeling like the shy child she never was, Marie looked down to the gloved hands twining around each other in her lap. “I…I dunno. I just…I guess…” She huffed out a breath and slumped down, looking out of the giant windows at the bright day that was in complete contrast to her mood. She desperately wanted to just unload all of her troubles to this man, to anyone at this point. This was Xavier and she was considered Brotherhood, she shouldn’t be so open about this, but she wanted to. It bothered the hell out of her. Not being able to find the guilt that came with wanting to bothered her even more. “I just want to be left alone. I don’t want to be somebody’s weapon.”
The Professor didn’t immediately answer her. Her head still facing the streaming sunlight from the windows, she peeked at him from the corner of her eyes. His own were considering the polished top of his desk, steepled fingers pressed to his mouth, which was set into a frown. For what reason, she couldn’t even begin to fathom.
“What?” He catches himself and looks up at her, just as surprised as she is by her question.
“I was just thinking that you have every right to feel that way, but I was hesitant to tell you.”
“Why?” That didn’t make any sense. Wasn’t this guy in the business of reassuring mutants? Offering them a safe haven and a grandfatherly shoulder to cry on or something?
He let out a long sigh. “Rogue, how often did Erik and Mystique tell you that the world wasn’t a fair place for mutants? That you have every right to be upset about being cast out? That the Brotherhood was exactly where you needed to be and that they would look out for you?”
Her gut twisted. That was practically word-for-word. Xavier must have seen that he hit the nail on the head.
“I will save you that similar speech. While I can go on about assurances of safety and a sense of purpose…” He hesitated as he let out another deep sigh. “…I imagine it would sound remarkably like the promises you have heard before. Instead I will do what I can to help you with Carol and those mental barriers, if that’s what you wish, and let you reserve judgment about us.”
Fully facing him this time, Marie eyeballed him closely as she measured his words. “So I stay here, in your mansion, with your X-Men and you help me. What’s in it for you?”
“Nothing that would exploit you, but I’ll let you make that determination on your own.” Exploit, not hurt.
She considered that for a while, the melody all too familiar even if the lyrics weren’t the same. He’d help her get control of her mind again, maybe her body –
“What about my skin?”
His expression closed down briefly and she recognized the disappointment written all over his face. The matching feeling filled her as soon as she saw it.
“I’m sorry, Rogue, but that I cannot promise. I honestly don’t know what causes your mutation. Perhaps Jean or Dr. McCoy could run tests or we may find it while working on your mental blocks, but I can’t be certain.” He offered up his empty palms as if she needed a visual aid to his crushing news. His tone was pure regret. “I don’t want to give you false hope.”
Even though it was expected, it was still a blow. She muttered her consent and it must have been enough to dilute his guilt a little. They agreed to meet a few days later to begin, giving her more time to recuperate from the punishment Carol put her through. Still, something was slowly gnawing away at Marie’s brain when she got up to leave. It wasn’t something that she really wanted to bring up, but she couldn’t let it go without doing so.
“Uhm..Xa – uh, Professor? Aren’t you...mad?” She regretted it the instant she said it. It was as if his age settled back on his face and body, the burden of who he was and what he did weighed down his shoulders. His expression was more resigned than anything. In that moment he looked like the Xavier the Brotherhood talked about.
“No Rogue. I’m…sad, but I’m not angry.”
She nodded, her guilt still pressing against her chest. She reached the door when she heard his voice again.
“Oh and Rogue? Please do try and eat something.”
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Author's Chapter Notes:
Hi again! I hope everyone had a delightful New Year and proper hangovers to show for it. I'm super duper excited to say that this has been beta'd by the splendiferous Moviemom44 :D For some reason she decided to tackle my terrible grasp on the English language while appeasing her Rogan muse. *bows down to her, sets up an altar*. There's quite a bit of dialogue in this chapter, we start getting down to brass tacks. Enjoy.
Chapter End Notes:
You made it! Thanks for sticking with this. Just what is going on with Carol? And who else wants to camp out on Wolverine Mountain? Planning a MANimals retreat so I'm going to need a headcount! Let me know what you guys think of this chapter.