~oOo~
It was the dead of night and, once again, Rogue was unable to sleep. Hank and Jean had come up with a nice little cocktail of drugs that usually knocked her out for a few hours at a time; if vivid nightmares and struggling with the myriad of personalities in her head could be called sleep. However, in the last few weeks, Rogue had found that the drugs were much less effective as they had been and she would find herself awake all night, haunted by voices and focused on controlling the powers attempting to surge forth from within.
She stood at the window, feeling the cool breeze caress her face. With no effort, she lifted herself up and out the open frame and descended to the grass below. She lay back and allowed her feral senses to wash over her. Rogue heard the rustling of the undergrowth as the nocturnal hunters made their way through the forest. She saw the detail of the leaves overhead, swaying in the nighttime air. She smelled…
"Logan."
A light chuckle floated its way to her hypersensitive ears. "You knew it was me?"
"Only one man smells like cigars, motor oil and sweat."
"You flatter me, kid."
He felt her bristle at the name. At once he regretted letting it slip.
"Sorry…Rogue."
She sat up, crossing her legs as she did so. "Dammit, why do you have to be so patronizing?"
"I'm not tryin' to tick you off, darlin'. It's been a long time. Guess I don't know you as well as I thought."
"Well, there's an Einstein level observation."
"Now who's bein' patronizing."
Logan sat down. Close enough to talk but far enough to give her space.
"I just want to talk, okay? I've barely seen you the last couple of days."
"Well, I do have a job here, you know."
"Rogue…"
She wanted to believe that it was the combination of drugs and sleep deprivation that made her resistance low. But, deep down, Rogue knew that there was a part of her…a pretty large part, actually…that responded to Logan on a primal level. It made her feel out of control and that, quite frankly, pissed her off.
"Fine. So you say hi to Jean yet?"
She was going right for the jugular. Logan realized this was not going to be an easy conversation.
"Yeah. She found me."
"Well, she and Scott aren't together right now, so you should be good to go, cowboy."
"I ain't barkin' up that tree anymore."
Rogue turned to him, a lopsided grin playing across her face.
"Don't bullshit me, Logan. She's always been the carrot at the end of your stick. So to speak."
"Seems you're not the only one who changed, then. 'Cause I ain't interested."
The thought flew through her mind in an instant…yeah, well, who are you interested in then? She shrugged and sat back, resting on her hands. "Logan not panting after a hot, single redhead. This might be a sign of the apocalypse."
"Let's change the damn subject already."
"Whatever floats your boat."
She could detect the change in his heartbeat and the shift in his scent as he began to speak.
"Look, darlin', I'm sorry for leavin'. I've always been a selfish asshole and that was probably my crownin' moment. The only explanation I got is that in one minute I saw a hundred years of memories. I just didn't know how to deal."
Rogue's voice was gentle but still had a firm edge around it. "We could have helped, you know."
"Yeah, I'm sure you could. But it wasn't just needin' help. I had to do my penance. Make amends where I could."
"I get that you had to get away for a while. But…five years. Five freaking years you've been gone and I've resented you pretty much every day since. Now you're here and, what? We're supposed to go back to you being my buddy again?"
He shook his head, his hands absently picking at the grass in front of him.
"Yes. No." His shoulders flexed up and down. "I don't know. I just expected you to be...well, shit, I don't know what the hell I expected."
"Probably not a psychopathic head case with a penchant for peeing in the woods."
"Why do you do that?"
"What?"
"Make with the smart ass comments?"
That genuinely made her laugh. "You deal with your shit in one way, I deal with it in another, okay? Look. I get that you have no idea what to make of me. Hell, neither do I. I'm just doing the best I can right now and, honestly, that's not getting me so far."
There was a pause; a comfortable silence in which they both rested for a few minutes.
"Can you hear them all the time?"
"Yeah. Most of the time it's Carol. The Professor thinks her mutation is the one able to give me skin control, for some reason. That maybe because absorbing her made me so much more powerful, it triggered something inside that caused all my other mutations to go out of whack." A beat passed before she spoke again. "Or maybe it's because I've never killed someone before."
He didn't know how to respond. There was really nothing he could say to make her feel any better. When you take someone's life, it changes you forever.
"The first person I ever killed was Thomas Logan. I was defendin' my mama and my claws came out for the first time. I ran him right through. I was terrified, angry, guilty... Those feelin's never go away."
"I need it to, Logan. I need her…them…to go away. The only one that keeps me sane is…"
She stopped and he could tell by the rise in her heartbeat that she was hiding something.
"What."
"Nevermind. Really. I'm just tired and I need to try and get some sleep." Rogue stood up and, immediately Logan was standing in front of her.
"You don't need to run away, darlin'."
Her soft chuckle was like the starting note of a beautiful song. "Seems like one of us is always running away, huh?"
His large hand was surprisingly soft as it swept across her cheek. Feeling his touch on her skin for the first time made her breath stall in her chest. His voice came out as a low rumble.
"Yeah, well, I ain't runnin' anymore, and if you go, I'm gonna follow."
She didn't think Logan's eyes could get any more piercing than they already were. She was wrong.
"Then I guess you'd better be ready for a workout." Rogue smiled and covered his hand with hers. The shift in his scent was obvious and she was sure he was alert to hers as well. She didn't want to be vulnerable or to allow her feelings for him to hurt her all over again. It was all too confusing. She began to rise up from the ground and felt Logan try to hold on to her hand more tightly.
"Night Logan."
"Rogue."
"Goodnight Logan."
Their hands drifted apart and he watched as she floated gracefully up to her open window, turned and disappeared inside.
"Night Marie."
Neither of them noticed Scott watching their interchange from the darkness of the kitchen.
~oOo~
"I still hate needles, Hank."
"Yes, I know, my dear and they hate you."
"Ow."
"Oh, stop complaining, Rogue. Your skin is practically impenetrable and you have a healing factor."
"I know, but I don't want you to feel like I enjoy this torture. Can I complain just a little?"
Hank moved to his tray and began placing electrodes on her head. It was a ritual she endured every week for almost a year. She wouldn't have minded as much if the tests changed at all but every result remained the same and every conference with the big blue doctor and his redheaded Madame Curie ended with the same conclusion; it was only a matter of time before the powers overtook her completely.
"Lie down, Rogue."
Jean was unusually sullen today. Over the last few years as her powers increased, Jean's personality had shifted. The thoughtful and sensitive woman Rogue knew when she first arrived at the mansion had slowly been overshadowed by a calculating and selfish person. It had only taken a short time after her return from Alkali Lake for Rogue and the others to recognize that she'd changed. It was subtle at first, but gradually, the Phoenix power, as the Professor called it, was gaining ground. Jean was still loyal to the team and attentive to the children as well as her medical duties, but Rogue knew it wouldn't be long before something inside her snapped and the Jean Grey they knew in the past would be gone forever.
"I'm going to retrieve a few supplies from the subbasement. Jean, if you would keep an eye on the monitors. I'll return shortly."
Hank disappeared through the rear door and within a minute Jean's voice broke through the silence.
"So, you must be happy to see Logan again."
"I don't think happy is quite the right word, Jean."
"Well, I know how much of a crush you had on him; how much he hurt your feelings were when he left."
Rogue's lips pursed together and her jaw clenched. She was not going to allow herself to be subjected to Jean's passive aggressive shit anymore.
"Probably no more hurt than you were, I guess."
"Me? My feelings weren't hurt in the slightest."
"Maybe hurt feelings isn't the right term, I suppose. But you must have been disappointed to have Logan leave before you could fuck around with him behind Scott's back."
Rogue could smell the anger rolling off Jean. The wolverine inside of her snickered and she was fairly sure she heard a few of her other 'inside friends' chuckle as well. Jean turned from the monitor and Rogue both saw and felt the change in Jean's personality.
"How dare you."
Rogue sat up, ignoring the fact that she was still attached to various and sundry probes and wires.
"Oh, I dare alright. You insult me and make me feel like a freak at every turn. You treat Scott like shit and then when Logan shows up, you sniff around him like a bitch in heat. Don't think I'm taking this crap from you anymore, Jean. I'm not that terrified seventeen year old runaway."
Jean moved closer to Rogue with all the predatory grace of a jungle cat. Rogue thought for a minute that she might actually pounce.
"No, you're not a terrified seventeen year old, Rogue. But you are terrified. You don't think I can hear your mind crying out almost every minute of every day? You're losing control and you know it. Soon, you're powers will destroy you and there's nothing you or I or the Professor can do about it."
Rogue was taken aback by the physical changes taking place in Jean. Her eyes began to turn black and her face began to pulse with dark, sickly colored veins.
"Jean, calm down."
"You will not tell me what to do, little one."
"Jean!" Hank McCoy's voice was overrun with fear and concern.
As if a veil had been dropped across her face, Jean smiled and turned to the doctor as if nothing had happened. He stepped forward and looked Rogue in the eye.
"I think we're done for today, Rogue. Thank you."
She couldn't get out of the med lab fast enough.
~oOo~
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