Marie and Logan managed to leave Logan's place within the hour. They knew it wasn't an option to take a car that could be easily traced so they left her rental car in a ditch on the side of the road. To avoid the possibility of Marie's creepy front desk admirer spotting Logan's vehicle, he'd parked down the road and followed Marie as she broke into her room from the outside. She'd tried to convince him to wait for her, knowing that Victor would be able to smell his scent even if was days old, but the only compromise she could get was his agreement to stay outside in the treeline as she gathered her things.
After that, they'd taken to the road and made good time as they traveled. Two hours had passed with only brief stretches of conversation between the two of them. Both could sense each other's tension and Marie continued to sort through Logan's memories in the hope of unraveling Erik's motivations behind sending her on this assignment. It wasn't working.
"So…which one of your hidey holes will we be crashing, Howlett?"
The annoyance was evident in his voice as he spoke.
"Do you know how frustrating it is that you have all of my memories and I don't know the first goddamn thing about you? Except that you get paid to kill people and apparently like beef jerky."
She stopped chewing on the strip of leathery beef and glared at Logan.
"I didn't before I absorbed you, Howlett. Thanks to you now I have a previously unheard of love of cigars, dried meat and slightly warm beer."
Logan didn't hide his smirk. "Don't say I never gave you anything."
The silence descended upon them again. After a few minutes, Logan was the one to initiate the conversation.
"So since you know everything about me, how's about giving me a little rundown on you. Only fair, I think. Let's start with your name."
Marie sighed, knowing that offering up her life story was probably the least she could do for trying to kill the guy.
"My name is Marie. Last name D'Ancanto. I've been working for Erik since I was sixteen. Victor and Raven found me when I was depriving some rich guy of his extra cash."
"Ballsy."
"Yeah, well I had to grow some or I'd be cowering under a bridge somewhere. My mom and dad were sort of the anti-parents. Everything they should have done to raise a good kid took a back seat to drinking, drugs and pulling cons. When my mutation surfaced, I ended up putting my boyfriend into a coma. They freaked out and threw me out on my ass."
Marie could sense Logan's anger rising. It smelled different than the rage he'd exhibited earlier; it was tinged with sorrow. She stole a glance at his face and saw his jaw tense.
"So when I saw the chance to make some money and be with people that were like me, that cared about me, I took it."
"You think Lensherr cares about you? That guy is one of the most selfish sons of bitches I've ever come across. And that's sayin' something."
"Yeah, well, he always had my back. Always. I was his golden child. He gave me plum assignments, sent Victor and Raven with me as back up, and pretty much spoiled me rotten. Part of me knew he was doing it because I was valuable to The Company, but I so much wanted to believe that he actually cared for me that I didn't let myself see the truth until it was too fucking late."
She could feel the stinging in the corners of her eyes and the tension in her chest as her tears threatened to come. She wouldn't cry. Marie hadn't allowed herself the luxury of crying since she was a young girl and she wasn't going to start now. She shoved the emotion back down, encasing it as tightly as the memories and voices of the others she had absorbed.
Logan heard Marie's attempts to control her breathing and smelled her perspiration. Despite the fact that the woman had just attempted to murder him less than a day ago, he couldn't help but be drawn to her. There was a strength about Marie D'Ancanto that he'd seen when she walked into his bar. He could see that she knew how to use that strength to her advantage and take care of herself. But it was also obvious that just underneath her toughness was a vulnerability that he recognized in himself.
"It's okay to feel something, darlin'. You trusted the guy, he betrayed you."
"Emotions just get in the way. When you trust people, you open yourself up for getting screwed. And I'd prefer to get fucked on my own terms."
"Sweetheart, one of these days you're gonna find out that it's better to let people in rather than keeping them out."
She shook her head, too tired to try and radiate the tough girl aura any longer. She was exhausted; and it wasn't just from the stress of the last twenty four hours. Her entire life had been a fight for survival; a battle to keep herself both sane and safe. First she had to tiptoe through the landmines of her parents' insane life, and then she had to manipulate her way through The Company. While Erik saw her as a prize, the others viewed her as a threat. Marie constantly had to supplant other mutants who wanted to usurp her position as Erik's favorite. Sometimes it was a physical altercation, other times it was psychological. But her guard never went down.
And then there were Victor and Raven. Raven attempted as much as she could to be a confidant for Marie but Marie's instincts were too attuned. Marie knew that anything she might reveal to Raven would be reported directly back to Erik. Victor was no better. Although the man was as much of a pit bull for Erik as Raven was, Victor had taken to Marie as if she was his personal pet. When she was young, he watched her with an intensity that made her both shudder and bristle with excitement. After she turned eighteen, Victor began his dogged pursuit. He would stalk her in the hallways, find her when she was vulnerable – whether it was in the locker room just before a shower or upon returning from a mission. He was too smart to try and rape her; he knew Marie would kill him in a heartbeat. But he wore down her resistance and appealed to her physical needs. Victor was damn good at satisfying those.
But a good fuck did not a relationship make. They were using each other and she knew it. She couldn't really play the victim, Marie chose to close herself off to other people. Sure, it was difficult not having anyone to confide in; to share her troubles, her dreams or her joys, but after so many years, it would feel strange to trust anyone so intimately.
Marie glanced over again and looked at the man driving the sleek black pickup truck. He could have easily complied with her request to kill her. After all, she could compromise his friends and jeopardize everything he'd fought for. But he didn't. He'd chosen to trust Marie enough to help her.
"You can afford to let people in, Logan. They trust you and you're a friend. You fight for what you believe in. The only thing I'm good for is sucking the life out of people. I'm nothing more than a weapon."
Weapon.
The word hit Logan as hard as any punch. The government had turned him into a weapon for their own purposes. He'd killed for other people, for the mafia, for himself. At one time, he thought that was the only thing he was good for. It had taken the faith of his friends and the women in his life to help him understand that he was better than that. Marie was better than that.
"You're much more than a weapon, Marie. Fucking Lensherr just let you believe that's all you were meant to do because it helped serve his purposes. Don't buy into his bullshit."
"Yeah, got it."
"I mean it."
"It's kind of hard to look at what I do as a 'gift'. I destroy people, Logan. Take their souls, their memories, everything. I'm the Grim fucking Reaper."
"If you were, you'd enjoy doing it. And you don't."
She put her head back on the leather headrest and closed her eyes.
"I thought I did. I thought I finally found my niche. I'm good at what I do. But it doesn't mean watching someone die in front of me while listening to their last panicked thoughts helps me sleep well at night."
"You've got my memories, kid. You know the shit I've done. It eats me alive some nights knowing what a cruel bastard I've been in my life. But you can leave it behind and start over. I did."
"I don't think Erik will let me."
"Fuck him."
Marie's gentle laughter filled the small compartment.
"I'm not his type."
"I ain't kidding here. You don't have to be his puppet anymore. I won't let him use you as his personal killing machine."
She turned her head and saw him glance her way just long enough to catch her eyes. He meant it. It was evident on his face. Marie looked again out the front windshield of the truck and watched as the canopy of green sped past them. She was unprepared for the realization that rushed through her head. Marie sat up straight and grabbed the dashboard as if it would anchor her spinning thoughts.
"Oh fuck."
Logan was so surprised at the change in Marie's demeanor that he almost slammed on his brakes. He sensed her rapid heart rate and breathing. Marie was panicking.
"Marie, what is it?"
"Personal killing machine. He sent me to you because you knew where Jean and Carol were."
Logan didn't say a word. He was concentrating on her train of thought.
"I kill you, get their locations and then I've got your healing factor and senses. After that I go after Jean and absorb her telepathy to finish this project he's got, which is why you hid her in the first place."
"Okay. Then what the hell does Carol have to do with it? She was my teammate and helped Jean escape, but that's it."
"She's practically invulnerable and can manipulate energy…there's got to be something he wants with that."
Logan was seeing it now. "He sent you on other missions too…and they weren't just mutants were they?"
She nodded her head. "A few scientists and an engineer."
"Goddamnit, Marie. Erik wanted you to be his weapon. Whatever Jeannie was working on with him, he wants to finish. And you're the way he's going to get it done."
Marie didn't know whether she wanted to throw up or jump out of the truck. She'd killed people for Erik. Believed that it was the only thing she could do. She'd justified her life in every way possible and because she was too fucking naïve and stubborn, Erik had managed to play her like a Stradivarius.
The Logan inside of her wanted to rage; find Erik and tear him apart.
The Anna Marie inside of her wanted to curl up in a ball and cry.
Her hands fell back to her sides and she closed her eyes. Her voice was a whisper.
"You should have killed me."
"No. You don't deserve to die because Lensherr wants to use your powers for himself. I was given a second chance and you get one too."
Marie felt Logan's hand cover her own. It enveloped hers with a strength and gentleness that gave Marie a sense of security and peace that she'd truly never known. Her trust in him wasn't simply because she'd absorbed James Logan Howlett's deepest memories and emotions. From the instant she'd spoken with him in the bar, Marie had felt a connection with him. Despite her instinct to close herself off and withdraw her emotions, she dared to hope that Logan would be the one person in her life that would come through for her.
She turned her palm over and gripped his hand, feeling more vulnerable than she had on that night over ten years ago when she'd stood outside her home and watched as her life was flipped upside down. But now she had someone who had her back.
Marie prayed that would be enough.
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Author's Chapter Notes:
This is just a little Rogan interlude here. Not to fear, there will be plenty of action (smutty and otherwise) to come soon. Thank you for all of the reviews and support. xxoo
Chapter End Notes:
You know what to do, my lovelies.