Once they were seated in Rogue’s motel room Logan demanded answers.
“Get to talking, Kid.” He was seated in the only chair in the room, across from the bed where Rogue was sitting.
“Did anyone tell you what happened about a year before the explosion?” Rogue asked not thinking so, but wanting to make sure.
“No, what happened?!” He growled out already unhappy that apparently something major had happened, and no one had thought to tell him.
“You know how I had been working with the Professor to learn control of my skin, right?”
“Yeah, so?”
“So, I made some progress. I was able to touch someone up to an hour until I grew tired from concentrating. I wasn’t great at it, I would still slip up, and lose concentration, but I was getting better. I thought that if I could get away from the mansion, and be by myself I could really focus on nothing but my mediations and concentration, that I would have a better chance of gaining control of my skin a whole lot faster. The Professor was reluctant to let me go, but I talked him into it. I was to call in every month to let the Professor know I was okay, and to see how my progress was coming. I was doing really well, and the people in the town I would go to get supplies were friendly, but respectful of my wish to be left alone. Anyway about three months into my self-seclusion, the cabin I was staying at was ambushed. I managed to kill three of the guards before they drugged me knocking me unconscious. Apparently they didn’t expect me to be much of a fighter. They had only come with five men.” Rogue smirked, before becoming serious again.
“When I woke up I was greeted by a sight I had only seen in your nightmares. I was in some lab somewhere, and strapped down to a table with doctors standing all around me, poking, pinching, and cutting at my skin.” Rogue stopped to take a breath, to calm herself, and to let Logan calm down. He had jumped from the chair he was sitting in to start pacing back and forth at the foot of the bed. He claws snapping in and out as he growled menacing.
“Long story short, I stayed there for about four months before the team found me. The problem was that I was under the doctors control, and tried to kill the team. Hank was able to knock me out with some drug, and they took me back to the mansion. Thing was that was what the government had wanted all along. When I woke up I attacked the Professor, almost killing him.” Rogue frowned upset as she remembered the horrible things she had done. “I did kill St. John, and ended up nearly killing the entire team. I touched a lot of people before they were able to put me down. Hank, and the Professor discovered that I had been chipped and drugged. Hank did surgery to remove the chip, and I spent three weeks in confinement waiting for the drug to leave my system completely. Let’s just say that no one trusted me after that. Only Hank, the Professor, Scott, and Ro even came near me.” Rogue voice wavered as she explained. It might have happened years ago, but she still felt the tremendous pain of knowing she had hurt the people she cared about.
“Why didn’t someone ever tell me? They should have contacted me as soon as they found out you were missing!” Logan snarled his claws snapping in and out more rapidly. He couldn’t believe all this had been going on, while he and Jeannie had been gone. ‘Chuck had a lot to answer for.’ Logan growled to himself.
“I don’t know about before, but afterwards I heard the Professor talking to Hank about calling you, and I told them not to. I didn’t want you there.” Rogue admitted seriously.
Stopping in his tracks, Logan jerked around to face Marie. His normally unreadable expression was openly upset and hurt. “JUST WHY THE HELL NOT?! You know I would have come for you if you needed me!” Logan demanded more hurt by her admission that he could describe. Pushing the pain down, he let his anger cover the hurt, that knowing she hadn’t wanted him there with her caused.
“I know that Logan, and that’s why I didn’t want you there. I didn’t want to disturb your life. You had finally settled down with Jean. You had finally gotten what you wanted. Jean, a home in the Canada wilderness, and peace. I wasn’t going to be the one to interfere with that.” Rogue explained with determination. Her expression and eyes letting him know she meant it.
“Once I had come back to myself, I was ashamed, and upset at what I had done to the people I considered my family. All though Scott, and Ro still talked to me, they didn’t trust me, and I don’t blame them. I had nearly wiped out the entire team seemingly without a care. I hurt a lot of people Logan.” She explained trying to get Logan to understand the seriousness of what she was telling him.
“I worked really hard to regain control of my mind, and skin. Plus I tried to start regaining the trust of my friends. I talked Scott, and the Professor into letting me join the team. I needed something to focus on. I spent all my time training, or working on controlling my mind, and skin. I didn’t do anything outside those three things. I couldn’t teach anymore, because my students were scared of me, and the others didn’t trust me to be around the kids. Once I had proven myself, Scott agreed to let me on the team. However I was always teamed with him or Hank. I think it was because they were the only two that had a chance at putting me down if I ever turned on them again.” Rogue said knowing Scott and Hank had been leery of her at first. She knew of the vial that Hank kept with him all the time, that was just for her. She didn’t hold it against them, she was just thankful that they were still allowing her anywhere near them.
“Sometime later a new guy came to the mansion. His name was Matt Wilson, codename Element. He was an element mutant. Obvious right?” Rogue said sarcastically. “He knew that I was dangerous. Everyone had told him what I had done, and why I didn’t hang out with them anymore. But he didn’t seem perturbed by what they told him about me. He still made a point of wanting to know me. After a while he and I grew close. He joined the team, and after some time he became my new partner. Not long later, we started dating, and I was starting to put the past behind me, and live again a little. He convinced me that I could trust him. The day of the mission to the compound, Matt and I were to entered through the back, and take out the guards in the guard house so the others could get in. But it was a set up, Matt had been working with the same people who had me before. They wanted me back so they could finish what they had started.”
Logan started pacing again, unable to stop the snarls and growls knowing some punk had gotten close to his Marie to only hurt her again, after she had finally started to heal.
Rogue hurried on with her story, wanting to get it over with. “Matt used his mutation to cause an earthquake, and set fire to the propane tanks. Thankfully the others were far enough away that no one suffered any major injuries when the place blew. By the time the building exploded, I was back in the governments hands. I spent three and a half years under their control. I wasn’t able to trust myself when I first got out. I had to many people in my head running around, trying to take control. So I stayed away from everyone. By the time I was strong enough in the head again, I came back to see that they had thought I had died. My headstone on the mansion lawn. I don’t know, after that I just figured it was best for everyone if I stayed dead. I hadn’t done anything but cause trouble for everyone I have ever met. You included, so I just disappeared. I knew that everyone’s life would be much easier without me around.” Rogue stated resolved and final. “So there you have it.” Rogue stated shrugging her shoulders with a sigh and a frown.
“You should have called me, Marie. You shouldn’t have keep this from me.” Logan growled upset as he came to stop in front of her. Staring intently at her.
“Logan you were living your own life. There wasn’t anything you could have done. I was already a stain on your, and Jean’s relationship. I didn’t want to be anymore trouble for you. You deserved to have some happiness and peace in life. I wanted that for you.” Rogue said with a sincere expression.
Logan sighed upset, as he sat on the bed beside Marie. He hated knowing that Marie hadn’t called him, when she needed him, because she didn’t want to be a burden to him, when she could never be anything but a treasure to him.
“You were never a stain on anything Marie, and you have never caused me trouble. You’ve always been important to me Marie.” Logan turned to face her, telling her how he felt in a gruff voice. He wasn’t good with emotions, but he couldn’t let Marie think she had been anything but good in his life.
“That’s very sweet of you to say, Logan, but be honest. I have nearly gotten you killed at least twice. I made you uncomfortable with my feelings for you. Jean didn’t like that you still spent time with me even knowing how I felt. I knew it caused stress on your relationship. That was one reason why Jean wanted to get you away from the mansion. She knew you wanted to go to Canada, but was staying because of her and me. And you know what, I am glad she did it. I was being selfish, not thinking how it was for you. You loved Jean, and I’m glad she loved you back enough to want to make you happy. I’m so sorry she’s gone. I’m sorry I let my jealous put a wedge between us. She was a good woman, and you deserved that.” Rogue said with tears in her eyes. She hated knowing Logan was hurting, and there was nothing she could do to ease his pain.
“She was a good woman, but you didn’t put a wedge between us Marie. I did.” Logan said with a upset sigh that Marie was blaming herself for something that wasn’t her fault.
“No Logan, you didn’t.” Rogue assured him, but frowned confused to why he would think that.
“Yeah, I did.” Logan sighed upset. “I wanted Jean so much I didn’t think how it would affect anyone else. Especially you, and Scott. I didn’t care about Scott, but you were a kid, someone I was suppose to look out for, and take care of. I knew you had a crush on me, and I was uncomfortable, but I knew you would out grow it. I had just saved your life, it was normal. When Jeannie split with Scooter, I was to involved in my own life to think about how it would affect you, and for that I’m sorry Marie.” Logan said deeply sorry.
“You shouldn’t be sorry Logan, that was how it should have been. You should have focused on making yourself happy. You should have focused on your own life. Once I got over my petty jealousy, I was happy for you Logan. I have only really wanted you to be happy. To have something good in your life.” Rogue told him, not wanting him to regret finally having some happiness in his life.
“I had something good in my life Marie, I had you.” Logan said seriously.
“Thanks, but you know what I mean. Jean was the love of your life, you deserved someone to love you like you deserved to be loved.” Rogue said knowing that she could never compete with Jean, but Rogue loved Logan too. She wanted him to finally start to put what the government had done behind him, and to let someone love him like he deserved.
“Thanks Darlin,” Logan said grateful for Marie’s desire for his own happiness. “But it turned out that Jeannie, and I weren’t really good for each other. Yeah, we got married, and for the first couple of years it was good, but it was more passion and lust, than love. The next couple of years we pretty much just settle into life. Her involved with her work, and me involved in mine. We didn’t really spent that much time together. It was around then that I started missing spending time with you. I missed hearing you laugh, missed us crashing on the sofa, and taking over the TV to watch hockey. Missed just talking about everything and nothing.” Logan said giving her a small smirk, before become serious again.
“I missed feeling that I was important to someone, because of who I was, instead of what I could do for them. It wasn’t long after that, that we got the news about the explosion.” Logan’s expression turned haunted just remembering that day.
“Jean and I returned to the mansion to help. When I learned you had been killed, I went ballistic. No one could even get near me with out me threatening them with the claws. Not even Jeannie. After we went back to Canada, I pretty much stayed to myself. When I wasn’t working, I was at the bars drinking and fighting. Jean had buried herself in her work. I don’t know why she didn’t leave me, but she didn’t. We both knew that our marriage wasn’t working. We were both in love with other people, but Scott was married to Ro and they had a kid together, and you were dead. It took me sometime to realize that I was being unfair to Jeannie. I had married her, and taken her away from her friends and family. I couldn’t go back in time to change things so I asked her to forgive me, and we tried to at least be happy together. We loved each other, but we weren’t in love with each other.” Logan was staring at the dirty hotel carpet as he finished telling Marie about his and Jeannie failed marriage.
“How did Jean die?” Rogue asked in a sad whisper. Tears threatening again to fall. She was sad for Logan, that his life with Jean, hadn’t been what he really wanted.
“There was some accident at the lab she was working at. Some type explosion of some chemicals. There was a tear in her suit, to small for anyone to notice.” Logan stated, now used to explaining what had happened. He had been asked by the team, on separate occasions.
“I’m so sorry, Logan.” Rogue whispered watery, but held her tears at bay.
“For what?” Logan asked confused as he looked back up at her.
“For everything, but mostly that you weren’t as happy as you should have been. If you hadn’t ever meet me, you and Jean would be happy together.” Rogue frowned distressed.
“If it wasn’t for you Marie, I would have never met Jeannie.”
“Maybe I should be sorry for bring you two together then.” Rogue said unsure which was worse. “All I know is that your life would have been much better if you had never met me. I haven’t done anything but bring misery of some form and fashion into your life.”
“Don’t say that, Marie. My life was much better with you in it. You taught me how to feel again, which lead me to actually giving a care about someone other than myself again. My life was nothing but fight bars, and endless searches for my past before I met you. If anything, I’m thankful to you for bring some light back into my life.”
“Some light.” Rogue huffed, then sighed. “What are you going to do now?”
“I don’t know yet. Where have you been staying all this time?”
“Actually I’ve been in Alaska. I finally made it.” Rogue gave him a small sad smile. “I work at a salmon fishery. Someplace I don’t have to worry about being touched.”
“Why, I thought you said you had control?” Logan asked frowning confused, glancing down to her gloves. He had thought that the gloves and just been apart of her outfit.
“I had, but after the lab I lost it. I’ve been trying to regain it, but so far nothing. I’ve been working at it for a year now, but no luck. I might not every get it back. Maybe that’s not such a bad thing.” Rogue answered with a frustrated sigh.
“Why would you say that?” Logan demanded upset and confused.
“Because my skin keeps me isolated, which keeps others safe. If it keeps me away from people, then I don’t have to worry about every hurting anyone again, and ruining anyone’s life again.”
“You need to get that stupid thought out of your head Marie! You don’t ruin people’s lives.” Logan snapped out upset that she thought that about herself.
“You should tell that to St. John, oh wait you can’t he’s dead, because I killed him.” Rogue said sarcastically.
“It wasn’t your fault Marie, you can’t blame yourself for what those monsters made you do.”
“That sounds nice Logan, but that doesn’t change the fact that I’m the one who killed him. Or the fact that Kitty is scarred, that Bobby is missing two fingers. Jubilee has nightmares of me draining her to death. I tore both of Pete’s arms out of socket. Remy has a permanent limp because of me. I put the Professor in a coma for two weeks. Hank’s arm was broken in three places, I dislocated his left knee, and I gave him a concussion. Scott had to blast me to keep me from attacking Ro, and their daughter. I wished he had killed me that day. Every day I wished that I could have died. You have no idea how thankful I was that you and Jean weren’t there Logan. If I had killed you, I couldn’t live with myself. I barely do now, but if I had hurt you, I don’t know if I could have taken it.” Rogue said wrapping her arms around her feeling the icy chill of dread running through her entire body.
Seeing and smelling Marie’s pain, Logan wrapped his arms around her, pulling her tight against him. He felt her tense at his touch, but after a few moments her body relaxed, sagging against him, then soon followed by shudder as sobs over took her.
“Shh Darlin, it’s okay. You’re okay now, Marie. I’ve got you Darlin. It’s going to be alright. I’ve got you, I’ve got you.” Logan spoke softly into her hair. She just cried harder at his words of comfort. He rubbed her head, wishing he could take her pain. “Just cry it out Darlin, I’m right here. I’m going to take care of you. Just let it all out.” He said tears coming to his own eyes as she continued to cry against his chest.
After what seemed like forever, Marie’s sobs calmed to silent tears. She pulled back some, wiping at her wet face. She frowned, and touched Logan’s soaked shirt.
“I’m sorry, I got you all wet.” She whispered sadly.
Logan gave her a tender smile, using his covered arm to wipe at more of her tears. “It’s okay Darlin, it’s only a shirt, it’ll dry.” He assured her.
“Why don’t you go get changed for bed. It’s late, and your exhausted.” He said smelling her fatigue after her crying jag.
“Are you heading back to the mansion?” Rogue asked trying to not let him know how much she wanted him to stay. She knew that he was hurting too. He had still loved Jean in some way, and she had just being buried today. She needed to think of him, instead of herself.
“I’m not going anywhere, now go get changed.” Logan assured her. He had smelt her nervousness and anxiousness. He wasn’t about to leave her again, now that he had her back in his life.
Nodding her head, Rogue grabbed her night clothes from her suitcase, then headed into the bathroom. Logan watched the bathroom door close before pulling out his cell phone.
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Author's Chapter Notes:
Disclaimer: I own nothing. All rights belong to Marvel, and whomever else owns the X-men.
Chapter End Notes:
Sorry for the screw up with chapter 4 everyone. Some how chapter 4 got deleted on my newly edited copy of Rogue's Return for this website. This is the suppose to be chapter 4. I haven't had a chance to go through it and edit it yet, but I wanted to get it up in so the story would flow. Thanks so much to WolvieDoesItBest for pointing out the mix up. I'll hit up later about those other spelling errors. Sorry again everyone for the mix up.