The first thing she noticed was the sensation of silky cotton below her where she had expected snow and ice. Next came the scents, a turbulent wave of them, each one startlingly vivid and eloquent. The slight smoky smell of a long-extinguished fire, the aroma of her own lemongrass shampoo, and the rich, woodsy scent of…
"Logan!" she tried to say, but her throat was too dry to form the word. She opened her eyes. It was just after dawn, a pink cast coloring the light washing over his form. He sat in a chair by the bed, and the sight of him made her heart turn over. He looked broken, defeated — his shoulders slumped, lines of worry etched into his face as he stared numbly at his boots.
She ran her tongue around her dry mouth. "Logan," she tried again, reaching for him.
His head jerked up and in a flash he was kneeling at her side. At the same time she felt the pull at her wrists and looked down, shocked to see them bound tightly with rope. She looked up into Logan's furious, desperate eyes as the edge of his claw pressed against her throat.
"Leave her," he said, the low guttural voice an odd mixture of command and plea. "Take me again. I won't even fight you this time." She could feel his hand shaking, driving the edge of his claw into her neck. "Just…let her live. I'll give you anything."
She felt her eyes flood with tears. How could she not have realized what he would think?
"It's okay, sugar,” she rushed to reassure him. "It's me."
A snarl tore from him as the claw dug deeper into her neck, drawing blood. “Enough of your bullshit,” he rasped. “Those aren’t her eyes.”
Her brow furrowed in confusion before she remembered what had happened — her inner Wolverine’s amber eyes deepening with brown as they intermingled. The same must have happened to her.
She breathed in through her nose, fighting to keep her voice calm and even. “Listen to me carefully, Logan. I was able to do it...to lock Proteus up in my head. He’s not gonna hurt you or me ever again, sugar. My eyes are different because...well, ‘cause I couldn’t do it on my own. I needed help from the you inside my head. And we did it. We were able to take that bastard down together.”
She saw hope flicker briefly through his eyes before it was swamped by suspicion. If she weren’t so wound up she would have smiled. That was her Logan, all right.
“I got your senses, now, sugar,” she said. “I smell everythin’. You could smell if I was lyin’, right?”
She saw him almost reluctantly take a deep inhale, and the suspicion in his eyes tipped more in the direction of uncertainty.
“Got your healin’ too, sugar. Do me a favor and move that claw a little ways away, for both our sakes, and you’ll see.”
He hesitated for a moment, and then moved the claw a millimeter. Then a little further as his thumb came up to wipe the blood away. It didn’t sting at all when he touched it, so she knew the cut must have healed already.
“There’s one more thing.” His eyes searched her face, and she tried to smile reassuringly. “Might wanna stand back a little for this one, sugar. I don’t wanna startle ya.”
She held up her bound hands and he instinctively shifted back a little. She concentrated, pulling on his memories, and then...
“Yeeouch!” she exclaimed, as three delicate bone claws sprang free from her right hand. “Goddamn, that hurts!”
They both stared at the claws in amazement for a moment. She held her breath as he traced one of his fingers down the graceful arc of ivory, making her shiver despite all her worry and distress.
Her eyes met his. “So that’s why you like that so much.” She could see in his face that he was still struggling, unwilling to let himself believe.
Reaction belatedly hit her and she started to shake, her voice growing raspy with tears. “You gotta be convinced soon, sugar. Please. ‘Cause if I’m not holdin’ you in the next five seconds I think I’m gonna fall apart.”
He closed his eyes, taking one more deep inhale. She saw the last of the doubt fall from his expression, raw emotion taking its place.
“Marie,” he said, and when he opened his eyes again they were wet.
“Yeah, sugar. It’s me,” she sobbed in relief.
With an impatient growl he was on her, cutting the rope at her wrists and ankles with a careless snick of his claw before pulling her into his arms. She clung to him, squeezing him tightly, desperate for the feel of him against her. His heart beat wildly against her ear, both of them pulling in deep breaths, shaking with emotion.
“I thought I’d lost you, darlin’,” he rasped.
“I know, sugar. Me too.”
Then his mouth was crushed against hers, desperately, almost violently claiming her. They stole each other’s breath, straining together, trying to get closer.
She only broke the kiss when she felt her claws snag on his shirt.
She pulled away from him for a moment, torn between laughter and tears. “How do I get these damn things in again?”
His hands were tender on her forearm as his deft fingers traced the tense line of a muscle knowingly.
“Here,” he said, his voice gentle. “Just relax, darlin’. And pull like this.” With his guidance she flicked her wrist, and the claws retracted smoothly.
“Wow,” she said.
His thumb smoothed away the trace of blood at her knuckles. When he looked up his expression was somber.
“You’re like me now,” he said, his eyes shadowed with concern. “I never wanted that for you, darlin’.”
“Shhhh,” she said, her hand cradling his jaw. “I hadn’t planned it, but I can’t say I’m sorry at the idea.” She took a deep breath. “I know for you the healin’ has been more of a curse than a blessin’. And I’m not sayin’ it’ll be easy. But we’ll face it together. For as long as you want to.”
His golden eyes blazed into hers. “Forever, then.”
She smiled even as more tears fell from her eyes. “Forever.”
_________________
Marie lay in Logan’s arms, squeezing him tight, afraid to let him go. They couldn’t seem to get close enough to each other. They had made love all day and half of the night — first with furious intensity, and then with slow tenderness. Even so, it hadn’t seemed to have fully calmed his fears, or hers. When he was moving within her, mindless bliss overcoming them both, the world seemed to make sense again, but soon afterwards the memories of what had happened crept back, haunting them.
She knew she should sleep — the new healing factor was probably the only thing keeping her from total exhaustion at this point — and yet she found herself unable to let go. Logan seemed to be in a similar state, his body sheened with sweat but still tense and vigilant against hers.
“I guess we’re gonna be freaked out for awhile still,” she finally said.
He grunted his agreement.
She nuzzled into his chest, soothing herself with the smell of him and her mixed together, as she knew he often did. She was still adjusting to her newly-heightened senses. Every scent was fraught with meaning, and the room still seemed bright even in what she knew was dim moonlight. She could hear the beat of both of their hearts, the rasp of their breaths. Interestingly, she seemed to have gotten less of his feral qualities than she had of his senses and healing. She wondered if the Wolverine in her head had maintained some control over what had been shared, holding back that part of him.
Logan’s hand traced tenderly through her hair, spreading the auburn and platinum strands out across his chest. She looked up into his warm golden gaze, and the sudden rush of both love and repentance overwhelmed her.
She squeezed her eyes shut against the tears, forcing the words past the lump in her throat. “I’m so sorry, Logan.”
His hand stilled. “What could you possibly have to be sorry for, darlin’?”
“I shoulda known.” She sat up, swiping the tears from her eyes, her body restless with emotional turmoil. “I shoulda known right away that it wasn’t you. I let him have you for days, I shoulda known right away you wouldn’t be like that, an’ instead I let myself doubt you...”
He sat up too, the muscles of his thick arms flexing with tension. “Jesus Christ, Marie, you have nothin’ to apologize for.” He sucked in a deep breath, his next words harsh and vehement, choked with self-loathing. “I’m the one who let you down.”
Surprise pulled her gaze up to his, but he was looking down at his hands, his mouth twisted into a bitter line.
“You didn’t, sugar...how could you think that?” she asked.
“When you...chose me. Told me I was the one you wanted. I couldn’t believe how lucky I was. That you’d want a dumb animal like me in your life. And I thought...at least there’s one thing I can give you.”
His voice was softer now, but still harsh with regret. “Maybe I got these broken memories, and the nightmares, and all that crap. And maybe I don’t have a lot of stuff, like some guys have, houses and cars and all that stuff. But there’s one thing I got goin’ for me.”
Almost meditatively he slid the claws out, his eyes still locked on his hands, his brow furrowed. “I’m a big, mean, badass, there’s no denying that. And I got this healin’, which has been a goddamned curse in the past, but maybe now it would be good for somethin’. And I thought, maybe you weren’t makin’ the best choice, but if you’d made it that was one thing I could give you in return.”
His eyes finally moved up to hers, and she sucked in her breath at the haunted expression in them. “I thought, at least I can keep you safe, in a way that none of those other guys probably could. I could put this body, this damned indestructible body of mine, between you and anyone who was tryin’ to hurt you. The one good thing I could offer you in exchange for all the amazin’ things you’ve given me.”
He pulled in another deep, shuddering breath. “And then it hadn’t even been a coupla months, the first bad guy who comes along, and I couldn’t do a damn thing to protect you.”
“Logan...”
“Even worse,” he interrupted explosively, as if he had to get the words out before his courage failed him. “The way he got my body...he coulda used it against you, Marie. Everythin’ I thought I could use to protect you, my strength and my healin’ and this damned indestructible metal, all of it coulda been a weapon against you. I know you got ways to kick my ass or even put me down for good, but you didn’t know it was him, and you don’t know how close it was. He coulda come up on you when you were sleepin’ and put the claws through you, or worse...”
He was restlessly snicking the claws in and out, his pupils blown wide with remembered fear as the words seemed to be tumble helplessly out of him.
“Logan...stop it, sugar.” He seemed lost in his own mind and she put her hand against his face, willing him to come back to her. “Logan — just stop it.”
He seemed to snap out of his daze, taking in another deep breath and then snicking in the claws for good. She crawled into his lap, holding his face gently between her hands, forcing him to see the truth of her words.
“Skippin’ over all that bullshit about how you got nothin’ else to offer me, which you can be damn sure I’ll take issue with later...Logan, you did protect me. There’s no way we woulda come out of this if you hadn’ta kept him in the dark about me. I still don’t know how you did it, and from what he told me neither did he, so it must have been a damned fine trick, sugar.”
She ran her hands through his hair, watching him intently, her voice low and serious. “He had taken hundreds of people, Logan. Hundreds. An’ not a one of them was able to do what you did. You protected me, Logan, even when he had you. And if you hadn’t...if he had known enough about me to fool me, convinced me to take him to Xavier...he woulda killed us all. Me, everyone I know, even you if he found somethin’ better someday.”
She felt some of the tension in his body ease a bit, the deep furrow between his brows relaxing a bit.
“An’ in the end, it was the you in my head who took him down, Logan. I know that’s weird to think about, that it might seem like it wasn’t really you, but it’s all part of you, an’ I couldn’ta done it without you. Without your strength, and your healin’, there’s no way I coulda walled him up like that. He woulda burned me up, just as you warned me. You saved us both, Logan.”
He was already shaking his head reflexively. “You did that, darlin’. Took him down, and saved us both. You coulda just run, you shoulda just run, and you risked yourself for me...” He buried his face in her neck, breathing in her scent. “You shouldn’ta done that, darlin’,” he growled into her skin.
She smiled. She’d take his irritation at her over his self-condemnation any day. “I had a feelin’ you’d have somethin’ to say to me about that,” she teased.
He growled again but she could sense the playfulness this time, and she felt of the tension in herself ease as well. I’m just glad you got the chance to say it, she thought to herself, as he traced a line of tender kisses up her neck, making her shiver.
He lay back, pulling her with him until she lay on his chest again. His hands traced through her hair just as before, but his body was more relaxed. She felt a lot better too, sleepiness creeping up on her as she listened to his deep, even breaths and the slow and steady thump of his heart.
Yes, they were likely to be freaked out for awhile, she thought muzzily. No getting over something like that immediately. But — against all odds — they had each other back, and they would deal with it together.
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Author's Chapter Notes:
Getting to the end here! Thought I'd actually end it after the defeat of Proteus, but I think there's a little more to be told. And maybe even a little more smut to be had. ;-) Probably winding up in the next few chapters, though. If you're still with me, please review! :-D
Chapter End Notes:
Please review! :-D