Marie lay next to Logan, her arm and leg slumped over his body, watching him sleep. His face seemed so much more relaxed in sleep, so much younger. She wished there was a way for her to erase all his worries, so that he could look like that all the time.
He had been so tense last night, his muscles brick-hard with apprehension, his heart thumping frantically against her ear as he told her about his nightmare. She wondered again how she had known just how much to push him and when to back off until he finally opened up to her. She seemed to have an unexpected insight sometimes into how he was feeling and how he might react. She wondered if she was just so attuned to him after all this time alone together, or...
She tilted her head, considering it. The Logan in her head seemed willing to share at least some information with her. Or was it the Wolverine in her head? Whether it was because she had absorbed him right after the heat of battle with the mountain lion, or if it was before she had slowly brought the man to the forefront through her interactions with him, the Logan in her head was definitely more feral than the one in her bed. Was he watching, sending her information from time to time to help her navigate her relationship with the Logan out here? The idea was odd, but somehow it seemed to fit. She kind of liked the notion — almost like she and Logan had their own guardian angel, watching out for them.
There was something else either her instincts or Logan-in-her-head were telling her, and Logan-in-her-bed was not going to be happy about it. She smiled a secret smile. She’d have to see if she could put him in a more accommodating mood.
With that in mind she snuggled in a little closer. She felt him start to stir, his arm coming up to reflexively squeeze her in tighter. He made a low deep rumble, almost a purr, as he took in her scent, before finally opening his eyes.
“Mornin’, sugar,” she drawled.
“Mornin’,” he rumbled automatically. She saw the moment the haze cleared, and he lifted his head, taking in his surroundings. “Marie, you shouldn’ta let me fall asleep up here...”
“Yeah, about that.” She moved so she was straddling him, his hips clasped between her legs, her breasts heavy on his chest. Even through the sweatpants he had worn to sleep and her satin pajama bottoms, he felt delicious. Yes, her instincts were definitely right on this count.
“I’ve decided somethin’,” she continued, breathing the words into his ear before nipping little kisses down his neck.
“Hmmm?” She could tell he was only half-listening, as his hands started to run appreciatively up and down her spine, first over her tank top and then sliding underneath to explore the bare skin of her back.
“Yep.” She anchored her hands on his shoulders and pushed back until she was sitting up. She waited until his hooded eyes opened again, meeting hers. “You’re sleepin’ up here from now on.”
He grew still for a moment, and then sighed.
“Darlin’, I wish I could, but it’s not a good idea...”
“Why?” she interrupted. “‘Cause you’ll hurt me?” She reached down to where his hands had settled on her hips, taking them in hers and drawing them upwards. He watched in silence as she brought each hand to her lips, gently kissing the knuckles. “I don’t think so.” Her eyes flitted back to his mischievously as her tongue flicked out to lick between his knuckles, making him groan and buck up against her.
“Dammit, Marie. You’ve seen the nightmares...”
“Yeah, sugar, I have.” She leaned in close to him. “A...” She kissed him gently on the lips. “...I know when you’re havin’ them. I’m a light sleeper, sugar, an’ I guarantee you that I’ll be outta the bed before you can get those claws out.”
“Marie...” She ignored the warning growl.
“B...” She kissed him again, a little deeper this time. “It’s not like I’m in the path of your claws anyway. Whether I’m cuddled up behind you, or sleepin’ on your chest like today, your claws are on the other side of me.”
She saw him formulating his next protest and swooped in before he could speak. “C...” She added a little wiggle to the kiss this time, and his growl turned into a needier sound, his hands clenching on her hips and his lips chasing hers as she leaned back again. “Worst case scenario, if we have an accident you can heal me. The you in my head might even be able to do it for ya.”
This time his growl couldn’t be forestalled. “That’s not good enough, Marie. Like I could live with myself, hurtin’ you, even if you healed from it?”
She sighed. “Which brings me to D.” He was grumpier now, and so she took her time with this kiss, exploring his mouth gently, his tongue slick and hot against hers, tangling together until she felt his breath growing short, his body hardening fully against hers.
She pulled back again, her own breath coming fast. “I need this, Logan.” Her voice was quiet and serious. “I want to be with you. How many times have we fallen asleep together? On the couch, on the floor? You’ve never even come close to hurtin’ me. You sleep better with me, an’ I sleep better with you. I’ll be damned if I’m gonna sleep away from you for...” Oops, she had almost said ‘for the rest of my life.’ Way to scare a man out of your bed, Marie.
“...for goodness knows how long,” she self-corrected. “I need this, and you do too. Or he does, at least. The Wolverine. He knows how wrong it is not to share a bed with his...” Damn, almost slipped again, and said ‘his mate.’ Shoulda practiced this little speech.
“...his woman,” she improvised. The instinct in her head was telling her, loud and strong, that this was true. That this was important. “He wants this. To sleep up here, both of us, where you can see me an’ smell me an’ protect me. He has my scent, and he wouldn’t hurt me, even in sleep. I’m sure of it, Logan.”
He was considering her words, his thumbs skimming little circles at her waist as his brow furrowed in thought. He wanted this, she could tell, but his protective instincts were at war with each other. He couldn’t keep her safe with him and safe from him at the same time.
“The risk...” he finally said, but she heard the hesitation in his voice.
“...Is worth it to me,” she said firmly. She wound her hands into his hair, letting him see the open plea in her eyes. “Can we at least try it for a little while? I promise ya, Logan, if there’s even the slightest hint of a problem — even a near-miss — I won’t ask it of ya again.”
He searched her face, and she saw the moment he made his decision. “Okay, darlin’,” he agreed, his expression softening as his warm hand came up to brush back the white lock of her hair. “We’ll give it a try.”
She could feel the smile spreading across her face as she launched herself at him fully, giggling at his breathless huff as she landed hard on his chest, hugging him tight.
“You won’t be sorry, I promise,” she murmured into his skin.
“Hmmmmm....” The reverberations of his low hum made her giggle again as his hands crept under her tank top again, this time pulling it over her head.
She sat back up again, watching his eyes darken as they took in the sight of her, bare-breasted in the morning light. He pressed up into her, slowly, demandingly.
“Now that you’ve got me in your bed, darlin’,” he teased, the thick rasp of his voice making her shiver. “What are you gonna do with me?”
She ran her hands up his bare chest until they landed back at his shoulders. She leaned forward, until the curtain of her auburn and white hair surrounded them as she licked and nipped at his lips.
“Oh, sugar,” she promised. “I’ve got all sorts of ideas...”
___________________
Marie relaxed back on the couch, her feet on the coffee table and Logan’s head in her lap. He was reading but she was just staring into the fire, sipping on her mulled cider from time to time and enjoying this closeness with him. She feathered her hand through his hair, enjoying the feel of it, letting her mind drift drowsily.
He had packed away more food at their private Thanksgiving feast than she ever would have thought one man could eat, and Marie had kept mental notes on his likes and dislikes. She had indulged his carnivorous tendencies by making bacon-wrapped quail, and that had gone over well, as had the sausage and cornbread stuffing. He didn’t seem to like the green bean casserole or sweet potatoes, but he had put away almost half of the pecan pie on his own.
She ran her hand down the back of his neck, kneading the muscles there, and he rumbled appreciatively. God, she loved to touch him. She couldn’t imagine how she had lived without this for so long. And he loved to touch her, too. Tender little brushes and squeezes, stolen kisses every chance he got. Not to mention...
She could feel her cheeks growing warm just thinking about it. They had touched each other in just about every way imaginable except one. Logan had been remarkably patient — never pushing for more, always letting her indicate what she was ready for. Still, she knew that it must be hard for him, especially as a feral, not to have claimed her fully.
She had blushed to high heaven telling him, but he knew that birth control wasn’t an issue. After absorbing Jean and Jubilee, Marie’s cycle had gotten so messed up that Hank had put her on birth control pills to regulate things. She had taken them as if they were vitamins, never really thinking of the other advantages until Logan moved in, but Hank had sent her off to the cabin with a whole year’s supply.
She let her hand come up to brush his cheek, smiling at how he seemed to always have stubble no matter how recently he had shaved. He nuzzled absent-mindedly into her hand a little bit. No, the only thing holding her back was fear, and she suddenly decided that she wasn’t going to let it hold her back anymore. If Logan was willing to take the risk, then so was she.
She let her hand wander down his neck, rubbing his chest. “Sugar?” she asked.
“Hmmm?” he rumbled, still reading.
She took a deep breath, trying to calm her suddenly-thumping heart. “I was wonderin’ if we should try somethin’ new.”
“Darlin’, if I have another bite of anythin’ you’re gonna have to roll me up those stairs.”
She would have giggled if she wasn’t suddenly so nervous. “I didn’t mean that. I meant...” God, she could talk to him about anything, why was she suddenly stuck for words? “I meant...try somethin’ new...in bed,” she said awkwardly.
She suddenly had his full attention. He put his book down on the ground and sat up, pulling her in to snuggle closer. She breathed in his warmth and scent, waiting for him to speak.
“You’re sure?” he finally said. There was something unexpected in his voice, something oddly hesitant.
She nodded into his flannel shirt. “I mean, I’m still worried — if it hurts me, my skin is gonna turn on, and I’m pretty sure it’s gonna hurt bein’ the first time an’ all. I was hopin’ I could control it better but I think that this might be the best it’s gonna get. Are you okay with that? Takin’ that risk with my skin an’ all? An’ even stoppin’ if we hafta, if I can’t control it?”
He was quiet for a long time, and she started to get nervous. “I mean, if you think it’s too risky, we could try with clothes and condoms an’ all that first, I just...”
“That’s what you’ve been waitin’ for? Better control of your skin?” His surprised voice interrupted her ramblings.
She pulled back, puzzled. “Well...yeah.” She searched his face. He was avoiding her eyes. “Logan...what did you think it was about?” She was obviously missing something here.
“It’s not important, darlin’.” He tried to pull her back against him, but she braced her arms.
“I think...I think it is.” She waited until he met her eyes sheepishly. “Logan...what were you thinkin’ was holdin’ me back?”
“I just thought maybe...” His eyes shied away from hers again, and then he shrugged. “You got control of your skin now. You don’t...you don’t need someone with healin’.”
It took a minute for the meaning of his words to hit her, but when it did it felt like a punch to the gut. “You thought...that I was savin’ that for someone else? What, that I was just usin’ you for practice?! Logan, how could you think that?”
“You’re still trainin’.” His voice was gruff and defensive, and she felt herself at a loss again at the apparent non sequitur.
“What does that have to do with anythin’?”
His hands were clenching and unclenching at his sides, the seams of his flannel shirt near to bursting under the tension in his arms and shoulders.
“It means you’re goin’ back, right? And when you do...” He took a deep breath and his voice gentled. “Marie, someone like you, you’ll have your pick of guys. Guys who are smart, with money, and...stuff. Normal guys, without all that crap that I have. You don’t need to settle for someone like me.”
She didn’t know who she was angrier at, him for thinking that, or herself for not being clearer about her intentions. Here she was, trying not to scare him by talking about any sort of commitment — she should have known that he would think the worst.
“Logan, I don’t know whether to smack ya or kiss the daylights outta ya, sugar.” She wound her hands into his hair, forcing his eyes to hers, forcing him to see the truth of her words. “You think I don’t know what’s out there? I met a lotta guys, Logan, an’ there ain’t no competition. You think I could be this way with anyone else, healin’ or not? I can’t believe that you’d think so little of me — so little of us — as to think I’m just markin’ time with you until I find someone better. There ain’t no one better for me than you. No one.”
She could feel her voice thickening with tears, and she rushed to get out this next part before she had time to think twice about it. “I love you, Logan. Jus’ you. I’ve been tryin’ not to scare you by tellin’ you, tryin’ not to pressure you. But wherever I go next — I was hopin’ you would come with me.”
She pulled in a shuddering breath. “I was thinkin’ we could have a place of our own, a little ways out from the mansion. Xavier has lots of land, an’ I know he would be okay with that. An’ if that doesn’t work for you an’ you wanna stay here, we’ll find a way to do that too. But I wanted us to be like that. Together. That’s what I was thinkin’.”
She bit her lip, watching his face, feeling like she was in freefall. Her instincts were no help here — for all she knew he was going to run. His golden eyes were intent but unreadable as he searched her expression for long moments.
The next thing she knew she was pressed underneath him, his lips crushing hers as a deep, possessive growl rumbled through them both.
“Marie,” he growled into her mouth before taking her lips again — devouring, invading, stealing her very breath from her. He was wild, grinding into her, his hands everywhere, his mouth now licking and biting her neck.
She felt her body light up from the inside, relief and sudden arousal combining to make her lightheaded. Warmth shot through her, sizzling through her veins, setting her whole body to glowing.
She wrapped her arms around him, his wildness sparking her own. She pushed up against his seeking body, welcoming the onslaught, encouraging it.
Then he was lifting her, her arms wrapping around his neck, her legs tight around his waist. He managed a few steps before he pushed her up against the wall by the stairs, his mouth hot on hers again, his hands sliding up under her shirt to pull her even closer.
“Marie,” he breathed into her neck. “Stay with me, Marie.” He nipped her again, marking her, growling in pleasure as she bared her neck in greater submission.
“Yeah, sugar,” she panted, breathless but jubilant. “I’m stayin’ with you.” She roughly pulled his head up to hers, smiling against his lips before nipping him back. “Now take us to bed.”
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