Wolverine had been avoiding her the last two days, only laying down with her when she'd fallen asleep and not being alone with her but for short periods of time. Rogue was perplexed, maybe she'd done something to make him mad. But he gave no indication otherwise that there was a problem.
Looking at him on the other side of the campfire, nothing was amiss. He glanced at her and she could see the desire in his eyes. It was the same every time he was near, she'd hear him inhale her scent (she was doing nothing to hide her need), yet he hadn't touched her in all that time, not for sex.
She wanted him so badly it made her head hurt. The wait was making all those buried feelings swirl around and get jumbled until she didn't know what to feel. It had been easier when she had sought him out for just sex, back when she was only seeking an escape from the pain and discomfort of her life. Now that she slept next to him, ate her meals with him, let him into her life, Rogue felt she needed to be more than what she'd become in the lab...and she didn't think she was capable of that.
Logan watched her walk away from the fire. He knew she was frustrated; he was too. Marie smelled so delicious all the time now, and he knew it was because she no longer concealed her body's response to him being close. It was driving him crazy. However, there was a need to be careful, something they should talk about, a talk he never thought he'd be having.
When he joined her later, she didn't scoot over to share the comforter, instead, her dark eyes followed his every move. He tried to gather her up and hold her close, but she didn't want to lay idly next to him. She was none too subtly working her hands up under his shirt. It might be best to slacken some of her need, to let her know things between them were still fine. And there he was rationalizing again as his body was already responding to her scent and touch.
Rogue was hopeful when he didn't stop her from touching him, but those other feelings were swirling below the surface. She knew she wasn't being gentle like she'd planned, her movements were hard and full of need. He tried to kiss her, but she turned her head letting him trail his mouth down her neck. The tenderness had a purpose, and she liked it yet right now she needed the connection with Logan that only sex provided. Her hand skimmed lower over his groin to find him already hard.
He realized his mistake when his fingers found the waistband of her pants. They were right back to their original encounters with how quickly she shucked her pants and was working at his. Any planning he did with her would have to be done with more forethought than he'd given this.
All that went out the window as he entered her. Marie was hot and so, so slick, and he thrust up to meet her as she descended. Her eyes widened slightly in surprise but she was close to the edge and it didn't phase her. There was no slowing her tonight, not that he wanted to. She was still studying him, eyes on his searching for something when she began to tremble. He tightened his grip on her hips knowing his timing needed to be precise.
Her eyes slid shut, and she rode him through the convulsions, making only the smallest of sounds. That was all it took, and he had the presence of mind to lift her, freeing himself before he came. He thought he'd heard her huff, but the blood was pounding in his ears.
Rogue sat back on his thighs examining him. She was missing something; he seemed to enjoy the sex as much as ever yet he was changing it. It should be inconsequential but it set her feelings churning again.
He reached for his pack and she got off his legs. She kept her back to him as she dressed, feeling the need for privacy to sort out the reasons for this change. She heard him finish buckling his belt and didn't resist when he reached for her but she wouldn't face him.
Logan settled for spooning into her, holding her securely as if she would leave. This was only going to escalate if they didn't talk. How did he do this without sounding like a self-serving jerk that was making decisions for her? He let the moment pass as Marie drifted off to sleep.
The camp had settled into a routine when the other group they were waiting for arrived. First, a woman with white hair landed at the edge of camp and talked with Wolverine before flying away. A half-hour later people filtered in to join the camp. Some of them looked familiar and Rogue knew she needed to start paying attention to names if she was going to live with them.
She watched with interest from where she tended the fire. They were the usual batch of ragtag survivors, not in as good a shape as Logan's group but nowhere near as bad as the kids that showed up the other day. There was one that grabbed her attention, not the way a blue furry scientist would but she couldn't decide if it was because he was gold or the way he was checking out the people.
Hearing her name being called she looked up from the cook fire, forgetting about the gold guy. A petite woman Rogue's age was walking toward her waving. Rogue took a few steps toward her, trying to bring up a name to go with the woman. They'd been in school together, but the rest was unclear. For a moment she thought the woman was going to hug her, but the bundle slung across her front prevented that and the woman took Rogue's hands instead, squeezing them lightly.
No one touched Rogue but Wolverine and she almost panicked until the woman's bundle moved. Rogue's attention was drawn to the bundle, and she forgot her nervousness.
"Want to see?" the woman asked.
Rogue nodded eyes glued to the opening in the fabric, not knowing what to expect. To her surprise, it was a baby, curled up and sleeping. Rogue blinked and several things clicked in her brain at once. The first thought she set aside for later, the second thought needed to be dealt with right away.
A response was expected, and she said the first word she could remember that made her feel good. "Beautiful."
The woman beamed. "I think so too. Piotr says she's the smallest human he's ever seen."
Rogue looked to where the woman pointed. A big man stood talking to Wolverine. He was taller and broader in the shoulder than Wolverine and would tower over both Rogue and the woman she was with.
As the two women walked toward the men, Rogue turned the thought from earlier over in her mind while the other woman chatted happily. Rogue had learned she herself was a better listener than a talker and most people didn't mind as long as she nodded along. It gave her more time to observe them and their interactions.
Everyone was settled in and it was decided that they would remain in the current camp for a few days, letting the new arrivals rest before heading on north. When they did move out it was hoped, if all went well, they would reach Xavier's within a week.
Rogue lay awake waiting for Logan to finish his evening duties. They needed to talk, something she didn't do much of. She suspected he'd tried, but she'd always had only one thing on her mind. She needed to quit living in this daze that shut everyone out. It left her little better than a robot and she would need these people if she were to survive long term.
Eventually, Logan made his way to where she'd bedded down. She snuggled up to him, laying her head on his shoulder and a hand on his chest after covering them with the comforter. She didn't know how to start this conversation or any conversation but the fact remained, he'd given their relationship more consideration than she had. Until now she didn't know if she'd even thought of it as anything more than a connection with him that she exploited to feel good.
That scientist woman might have been right, this was inappropriate. Rogue wasn't ready for this and because of that, she'd laid an extra responsibility at his feet. One that a normal couple would discuss and come to a decision about together. But until that moment she hadn't even thought of them as a couple.
"Logan?"
Pulling her closer, he placed his hand on hers. It was the first time she'd used his name, anyone's name, and he needed to give her time to say what was on her mind. He grunted in reply, letting the silence stretch out.
Babies, she knew how they were made, even recalled a long-forgotten class on that subject. They'd certainly done enough of the required activity to create one. But only the last few times had Logan changed his behavior to prevent that from happening. It was something that hadn't even dawned on her until today.
"Scientist was right."
Logan looked at her, puzzled. Jeannie? She was an educated woman to be sure, but he didn't see how anything she'd told him, none of which he relayed to Marie, had any relevance to their relationship. "How so?"
"Using you."
Logan couldn't help himself and began chuckling at the thought of her taking advantage of him. If she was using him for sex, he was entirely complicit in the fact. He felt her stiffen beside him and brought his laughter under control. Kissing the top of her head, he soothed her. "Darlin', I'm pretty sure she meant it the other way around."
Picking her head up, she looked at him, her brow scrunched up in confusion. "Using me?" Slowly she shook her head. "No."
Frustration and anger were bubbling up at not finding the words to explain. He was dismissing it, which was generous seeing as how their relationship was heavily one-sided. "Depend on you...then mad at you..." She tried tamping down the anger to clear her mind.
He lifted his head and kissed her. "It's okay." But he could see that answer hadn't satisfied her. She looked perturbed with herself and at him for taking this lightly.
Rogue sat up, to watch him better and get a sense of his reactions. There was a saying she remembered hearing when she was young. "Unequally yoked."
"We're not exactly a team of oxen." He smiled up at her but understood, she thought he was at a disadvantage being with her. "Don't mind you relying on me."
She had watched the woman with the bundle and knew she herself wasn't ready for a baby; sometimes it felt like she couldn't make it on her own. Having a little person that depended on her, wanted to hear her voice or see her smile…no, Logan had made a good decision for them both. She just wished he didn't have to make it on his own.
Something else came to her, she'd heard people around camp throw the words around as if they understood what it meant. "Love me?"
He paused a moment; it wasn't something he'd spent a long time thinking about. "Yeah, I do."
"How do you know?" She could feel the anger drain from her and it made the words come easier, flow better.
"Didn't know at first." How could someone pinpoint the moment they knew they loved another? When did his caring for her turn to love? Thinking back, it was there when she was taken, and there had been other feelings further back.
The war had been long, and he'd known others that had been put in camps or labs. Marie was the only one he would have gone to the lengths he did to find. The only one he'd gathered the intel on by himself, the only one whose rescue he didn't leave to a team effort.
"What if I don't love you?" Rogue had to ask, those people said it to one another all the time. Surely he'd want to hear her say it and he'd know if she lied.
He turned that over in his mind for a moment; his time in the lab was almost two decades ago. Coming out of the lab he'd been closer to feral than any time he could remember. Things hadn't exactly been black and white. "Do you care for me?"
"Don't hate you." She shrugged. "All mixed up." Frustration never seemed to be far from the surface; pain, anger, self-loathing, regret, were all readily available so that she couldn't tell happiness or contentment from the others. Except when Logan was near; his presence allowed her the strength to separate them out, to keep the negative ones at bay. "The others-"
He put a finger to her lips. "We're not them. Need to find our own way." Pulling her back down he tried to rub soothing circles on her back. Every day he saw the frustration in her at not being able to process her feelings. So much so she wasn't even aware of the little things she did for him that showed she cared. "You just let me know when you hate me."
She nodded, resting a little easier. There should be more feelings, sometimes they tried to surface when she was with him, but she couldn't grab hold of them. She didn't think there would ever come a time when she would hate him. Remain indifferent, that was too harsh; there was a fondness buried somewhere that constantly drew her to him. She would never hate Logan.
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