When the Blackbird landed after the fight at Alcatraz, Rogue waited patiently as the X-Men disembarked. Everyone was accounted for and she let out a sigh of relief. There was a teenager with them dressed all in white and not a single hair on his head. He seemed as reluctant to leave Kitty’s side as Bobby was.
Rogue tucked that observation away for later because it was Logan that held her attention. In his arms was Dr. Grey. By the way he was holding her, Rogue could tell that Dr. Grey was dead. Studying his face, she didn’t know what she expected, but a sense of peace wasn’t it.
When the others had passed by she fell in step with him, intent on helping him any way she could. He’d unconditionally supported her in her times of need it was only right that she do the same for him. In the med bay, he carefully laid Dr. Grey on one of the beds as if she were only asleep.
Logan seemed unwilling to leave and Rogue saw her chance to help. “I’ll stay with her,” she said, knowing he liked to shower after missions.
He gave her a grateful smile and glanced at Dr. Grey one last time before disappearing in the direction of the locker rooms. Rogue had to wonder at him arriving barefoot and in spare school-issued sweats kept on the jet. She knew he’d analyzed all the specs for the X-Men’s uniforms and had found them formidable, so what force had he run into that left him without a shred of said uniform left to wear?
Peering at Dr. Grey’s body, Rogue was grateful she wasn’t there to see the destruction firsthand. Dr. Grey would forever remain the caring teacher and mentor of her memories. She was glad too that for most of the students at the mansion that would still be the case.
Studying the dead woman for several minutes, she tried to see her as she’d been in those video clips already circulating the internet and failed. All Rogue could see was the doctor that showed her kindness when she first arrived. She’d been professional and gentle, soothing a runaway’s fears. No wonder Logan had fallen for her.
Rogue decided to do the one thing that she could for Dr. Grey, which was to make her more like the woman everyone had known. Pulling up one of the lab stools she found the wipes that were kept in the med bay for such purposes. Taking off her gloves, knowing she couldn’t hurt the doctor any longer, she began to wipe all traces of dirt and blood from the doctor’s hands and face.
Before long she found herself wiping down her clothing and shoes and wondering if Dr. Grey would be buried here by Mr. Summers’ memorial stone. She thought she might suggest as much; she’d have to ask when she saw Storm again. Hopefully, it would be something like she’d helped arrange for the Professor and Mr. Summers. It might help put the recent events into the past.
Soon enough Logan returned, and she waited quietly with him, both of them lost in thought. “It’s going to be a long night, why don’t you head upstairs,” he finally told her.
There was a moment that she wanted to protest but knew it wasn’t a good time for one of their arguments. Instead, she simply nodded and made her way to the locker rooms to change out of her uniform. Magneto hadn’t faked them out this time and ultimately her staying at the mansion as a sentry wasn’t needed.
Tugging on her regular clothes, she changed her mind. There was nothing more she could do physically, but she could be there for him emotionally. Grabbing her gloves, she walked back to the med bay and curled up in one of the chairs for visitors.
“Thanks,” he said after a few minutes. It was a comment full of gratitude and as heartfelt as the kiss he placed to the crown of her head.
~~~~~~
The memorial service was a quiet affair with everyone still in shock from the events of the past week. Once again Logan didn’t put in an appearance, not that Rogue expected him too. He would grieve in his own way and time.
Bobby insisted on sitting by her this time also, only she didn’t reach out to hold his hand. She let Kitty do that, let them console each other. What they’d seen and what they’d had to do was not something she’d been there to understand. She’d find her solace later sitting next to Logan while he drank his beer.
Storm met the challenge of headmistress with a sense of determination. At times she lacked some of the Professor’s eloquence, but never his passion. By sheer force of will, she held the school together and moved them all forward. She even had Logan dutifully playing his part.
It didn’t take long for Rogue to break up with Bobby. He was resigned, but she’d seen the way he looked at Kitty and she didn’t want to hold on to him. They all had first-hand knowledge of how this setup worked out and she wanted no part of making all three of them miserable.
Surprisingly, she wasn’t as upset about the breakup as she had thought she would be. With all the changes taking place, there was more than enough to keep her busy in her new staff support role. It also gave her time to think about what she wanted in life. Rogue knew for certain she never wanted to feel like she had at the cure clinic waiting room, panicked over doing something for the wrong reasons.
At the end of most days, she found herself in Logan’s company. It started as an easy way to wind down at the end of the day, no judgmental looks or whispers, just quiet companionship. Sometimes when he didn’t feel like explaining the finer points of hockey or she wasn’t up to teasing him they’d sit together lost in their own thoughts. Because of this, she was probably the only one to see the chinks in his armor.
The school, its scheduled life, the properness of it all wore on him. It wasn’t a life he’d wanted, but an obligation he needed to fulfill. Logan was determined to be there for those that needed him, to support Storm as she limped the school and X-Men along for the months after Alcatraz.
It became Rogue’s job to work magic with his schedule so he had downtime to find a smoky bar and put him on missions to help alleviate his pent up aggression. She didn’t mind being that buffer between everyone’s needs and wants. If she ran around doing that she didn’t have to dwell to the lack of control in her own life.
Logan’s room was the one place she didn’t layer up. The place she could kick off her shoes, curl up on the couch, and be herself. He had no expectations on her and most of the time forgot about her deadly skin.
The day had been long for both of them and she sat next to him sulking. Sometimes the pressure of carrying on, repeatedly answering the phone to condolence calls months later, grated on her. She knew she wasn’t alone, often he caught the looks thrown his way. Everyone knew what he’d done to save them all and the peace it brought him the first night hadn’t lasted.
Tonight he was brooding on the painful pattern of his life. At least that was Rogue’s guess. It wasn’t unusual after those times when people recognized him. The fear or occasional disgust crept upon them, not something a man with heightened senses missed in others.
The hockey game played quietly on the TV while he drank his beer. She didn’t really care for either beer or hockey, but tonight she had to wonder if a beer might help. Holding her hand out for the beer he promptly put a bottle of water from the end table into her hand. Sighing, she glanced at him.
She loved the fact that they knew each other well enough that they didn’t have to speak. That was her normal signal for water or whatever snack they were sharing. Obviously, this time she needed to verbalize what she wanted.
Holding out her hand again, she said, “Beer.”
Logan snorted at her. Turning to face him, she raised an eyebrow in imitation of his usual gesture. The attempt earned her a smile and a firm shake ‘no’ of his head.
“Why not?” she asked. At times he would let her get away with murder, this was such a small thing for him to balk at.
“State law,” he replied, draining the can. Setting the empty on the end table, he pulled another from the six-pack.
“So? Like you ever care what law you’re breaking,” she sassed. She reached over for the new can that he simply held away from her with a mocking smile on his lips.
“Don’t need ‘Ro on me for underage drinking.” That was true, though his tone indicated that he’d break that rule just to annoy Storm. But Storm wasn’t here and Rogue knew he was amusing himself with annoying her instead.
This was her kind of entertainment because she could pester him in return. She got on her knees almost in his lap and grabbed for the beer again. Problem was with his longer reach she was never going to get hold of the can and she knew it.
Precariously she balanced herself on him and the couch, teetering on the edge of falling. His arm was slung around her waist restraining her from her goal and keeping her from toppling from her perch. Suddenly she was aware of his warm breath below her ear.
Easing back slightly, she caught the raised eyebrow and a mischievous look in his eye. Nothing about this was safe. “Logan…” It was meant as a question but sounded needy.
“Your skin?” he asked before his lips met hers.
All of her kisses to this point had been disasters or at least problematic and she was tentative. Her first kiss with Bobby had scared him at the magnitude of her powers and he was always hesitant thereafter. Logan knew her power better than anyone and he didn’t pause.
She was so lost in the feeling that she forgot to watch for the warning signs of her mutation. When it finally dawned on her that the heightened passion might not be all hers, she drew back sharply. Quickly, she studied him for regret, but the only thing she found was a cocky grin.
He looked no worse for the wear and put the beer back down on the end table. Pulling her into his arms, he shifted her around so that she was seated in his lap. She placed a hand to his bearded cheek, a familiar look on his face from when he was enjoying a fight. Though she knew from the pull moments ago that he wasn’t seeing her as a challenge, but rather that he was taking delight in the feel of a beautiful woman in his arms.
Encouraged by that thought, Rogue tugged him down for another kiss. He closed the distance willingly, this time he slid his tongue across hers with purpose. One arm held her securely around her back, the other moved slowly from her hip to cup her breast.
She was holding back her mutation with all her might, wanting this to last as long as possible; however, lack of oxygen did her in first. She lay back in his arms breathing deep, proud of herself for holding her mutation at bay for the duration. Logan was doing his part of not taxing her control by leaving only light kisses along her jaw and down her neck.
His hand was back on her hip, holding her firmly, pressing her body into his. There was no mistaking the growing hardness of his cock on her soft curves. She bit her lip at the thrill of that knowledge traveled through her. This was Logan, he could find a woman anywhere and here he was, his body reacting to her in a very sexual manner.
He’d made his way to the v-neck of her shirt and his tongue darted out leaving a damp trail between her breasts. Gasping, she thought of his willingness to go further, a thought that made her wet. She heard him inhale her scent and his grip on her loosened.
“Marie?’ The tone he used carried so many questions. How far were they going? Were they prepared for the consequences of sex on their friendship?
Quickly she turned those over. She didn’t truly know the answers. The entire mansion had been busy struggling to move on and for her, that struggle helped keep the pain of not having control at the back of her mind.
Now Logan was offering her the chance at not just groping and kissing but actual sex and she was afraid. What frightened her most was her complete inclination to throw her one true friendship away for a few minutes of pleasure. Rogue felt the distance between them grow with each passing second.
He sat back against the couch and she could see the hesitation in him too. His own doubts about using her for release were setting in. She leaned in for another kiss, which he readily accepted, but she could tell from the tension in his shoulders that he was trying to control his impulses. There was one thing she could do that wasn’t quite trampling on their relationship.
A blowjob was one of those things his memories gave some time to and she understood it to be a tension reliever. She’d spent her fair share of time thinking about oral sex, something she didn’t think she’d ever get a chance to try out. His past memories let her know that he compartmentalized this differently, that he wouldn’t expect her to do this when they hung out. It was the perfect first step into experimenting with sex and the thought of doing it was making her hot.
Sliding from his lap, she settled on the floor between his knees. He watched her with a mixture of dark desire and doubt, she hurriedly lowered the band of his sweatpants before either of them changed their minds. Pausing she held his hot cock in her hands. Timing had to be right or this might end terribly.
Damn her for being so comfortable in his presence. It had become a habit to not only kick off her shoes in his room but to also take off her gloves and scarf. Tonight she couldn’t remember where she’d laid any of them.
It was best to start simple and test out this idea before worrying about the ending. Using the extra material of his sweatpants as a makeshift glove, she slowly licked the head of his member. Rogue glanced up to see if the move was met with approval or not. His eyes were half-closed and his jaw clenched, she took that as a good sign.
If she kept to short moments of contact this just might work. Logan didn’t seem to mind all of the experimental licking and scant seconds of sucking, but she was starting to become frustrated at how little she knew of her own limits. About to give up and apologize, she spied her scarf pushed down between the cushions from when she’d grabbed for the beer earlier.
She could make that work because it would be too embarrassing to ask him to jack himself off while she watched as she planned a second ago. Pulling the scarf free, she floated it over his hardened flesh. The silk material was one of the thinnest scarves she had and smiled at the thought of the gift giver knowing what she was about to do with it.
Rearranging his sweats so there would be nothing else between her and him but the silky material, she cautiously engulfed his cock with her mouth. It was strange at first, but as soon as the material was wet it clung to him like a second skin. She imagined it would be almost the same feel as with a condom.
Following the remnant of his memories, she did the best she could. He was overly quiet and if it weren’t for his hand in her hair, she would have thought she was doing it wrong. Logan was a tough, harsh man but the gentle way he smoothed her hair away from her face left her with a different understanding of him. She wasn’t sure what she’d expected, he obviously knew his way around the female body yet this tenderness with her was surprising.
His hips began to move with her and she stopped, unsure of how to respond. One look let her know he’d been on the edge. His other hand gripped the couch tightly, and he was panting heavily. He said nothing but followed her every move through heavily lidded eyes. It gave her a thrill at the unexpected power in what she was doing.
Keeping eye contact, she put her mouth on the tip of this cock and gently sucked. A low rumble went through his chest and she took him fully into her mouth. This time when his hips began moving she didn’t stop. Soon there was an added warmth and a new sharp taste. The material captured most of his semen and made it too awkward to continue.
Sitting back on her feet, she watched him somewhat disjointedly, clean himself up. After exchanging a smile, Rogue turned to sit on the floor between his legs. The smile stayed for a few moments as her mind wrapped itself around the possibility of sex in the future. Being close to another person didn’t feel like the stumbling block it once had. She heard him open the beer can from earlier and she rested her head on his knee, at peace with her choices for the first time in a long time.
He took a long drink before his hand went back to her hair. She didn’t think she’d find this kind of contentment after her mutation manifested and especially not with the turmoil of the past year. Yet here she was sitting at Logan’s feet, the taste of him still fresh in her mouth, satisfied. It might not be skin to skin contact but it was touch neither of them was afraid of.
The quiet was broken by the muffled sound of her phone. He dug it out of the couch cushions where her scarf had been, pulling her gloves with it. The phone rang a couple more times in her hand, going unanswered as she stared at the lock screen notification.
Logan only grunted and continued to stroke her hair, maybe he could sense the distress building in her. He’d never been one to push her for a confession, knowing she’d tell him if she felt she wanted to share. At the moment, she just wanted to hug his leg tight and steal some of his strength.
“It’s my parents… I called them after Alcatraz,” she paused, mind racing. “Didn’t think they’d call back.”
His hand stopped, letting her hair slip from his fingers and she knew he wanted to say something to reassure her. There wasn’t really anything to say. He knew her parents hadn’t made contact even after Xavier had tried to open a line of communication. She suspected Logan was trying to find words that weren’t the equivalent of ‘fuck’em’.
Slowly Rogue stood and reached for her gloves that lay on his leg. On instinct, she leaned further in and kissed him. He returned it even though she made it brief. Standing back up, she saw her own feelings reflected on his features. The contentment was gone.
At the door she pulled on her shoes, she needed to make this call in private. She hesitated to leave, a foreboding overtaking her. The comfort she’d found this evening was slipping away, and she feared it was going to be permanently lost to her.
“Night, Logan,” she murmured before opening the door.
His answering, “Marie,” rang hollow.
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Story Notes:
This story is inspired by the X3 novelization and OneRepublic's song "Let's Hurt Tonight". Thanks to Nebelwerfer42 and RogueLotus for the beta.